There are little bits where it could use a little more editing, but other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It hit all the right buttons for me

Potions. They never work right.

Great now I want to see that alternative threesome. See how Angel feels after having a young stallion inside her for the first time.*Gasp* See if Angel grows to enjoy anal... Kinda weird that Mrs Cake would want a bi-sexual mare if she initially thought the potion would only last a night though. Any chance of a sequel to this?

6950550

I second this notion.

6950550
6950587
I suppose if enough people clamor for it. I'm not against it, it's just this was really only meant for a little romp.

6950172

I went ahead and changed it. Thankfully I got an idea for it. What do you think?

(For anyone else, keep pointing these things out. I can't learn if you don't!)

6950192
Yeah, looks like I need an editor. Sadly I don't have one.

6951388 Well for now I'll just say it was a great choice to go with this instead of the original plan. If they both had drank the wrong vial it would've been a shared predicament, and they'd have weathered it together, but making it so that Cup Cake liked mares and it furthermore caught Carrot off guard added a sort of tension to the whole plot that spiced it up all the more. Instead of both being in a silly predicament, one is totally caught by surprise and this leads him to have mixed feelings and questions about the other. A sense of betrayal to be reconciled before they proceed, one partner clearly more distressed than the other. Not to mention I can't really get into Mrs Cake as a stallion, no thank you.

6951392
I'm liking the edit. Made Carrot's plumbing change just a Little more interesting don't ya think? His reaction is pretty spot on, as while the other changes have analogous parts, his little teats have no comparative organ.

A sequel Please?

You've got to do a sequel to this! Mr. Cake coming to terms with his (now uncertain?) sexuality, a threesome with a certain black and white friend of theirs, it's got so much potential! I hope you decide to do it!

6953159 I'm all for the sequel, but I'd rather it be another regular stallion. There's so much potential mental conflicts. What if the stallion finds out Mr Cake doesn't actually have a sister? How would Carrot Cake react to seeing them around ponyville once he's a male again? So much potential drama.

I wonder if Zecora has realised she could get enough bits to buy the country if she sold this potion? Hot cakes would barely sell anymore compared to this!

Sequel?

6953159 I was actually thinking Zecora would offer to join the two for a moment

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6953159
You really don't want me to do a sequel, because I'm sorry, it was hard enough to get Zecora's dialogue in this as it was.

I refuse to do a sex scene with her. It's not happening. >_<

6974290 That's fine by me, just a a thought Anyhay, great story, very funny and sweet

Hmm and what would happen if 'Angel' Cake got pregnant in that week?

7118621
I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a sequel idea based around that...

7118711 it would certainly be a fun and interesting read that I'd gladly read

7118711 whoa there. Youre taking this from fun clop to serious dilemma. Carrot doesnt deserve THAT much turmoil in his life. Lol.

7119295
Eh, well the story doesn't really NEED a sequel.

7141177 Well I don't wanna come off like I'm telling you what to do. It's your world to control after all. I'm just saying personally, I think after falling into this genderswap pit with no warning and then finding out he's stuck like that for a week, that getting the poor guy knocked up would be overkill. That's just my opinion, I'd rather Angel Cake and her wife have a nice, filthy romp with those two stallions and then never speak of it again, without any surprises. But if your muse urges you to do so, I have no place to gainsay.

Now this next segment is just me rambling because I'm here. Feel free to ignore this... really.

Could Angel Cake even get pregnant? Let's say from the moment she drank the vial she became a mare at day zero. Now, for her to get pregnant a stallion would have to fertilize one of her eggs, which she needs to ovulate. Now, if she's at day zero then none of the follicles in her ovaries would have undergone the hormonal cycle of a female yet and would need time to develop. A mare, when in the appropriate time of year, ovulates in a 21 day cycle meaning Angel... simply wouldn't have the time to be put in that sort of risk.

And let's say for some reason he potion made her into a mare far enough along in the cycle that she would ovulate during that one week period. Would the cakes really risk that? I'm sure the first thing coming to Angel's mind (should she agree to bedtime with some stallions) would be that she doesn't want her wife getting pregnant from some other guy, so by extension I think they'd try to take precautions on both their ends before they had some fun~.

And let's say that Angel Cake does get pregnant. Would it really matter? The effects of a drug last depending on it's half-life and the rate at which the body removes it from it's systems. Even if Angel Cake did get an egg fertilized during a careless rut with a stallion, for what reason would a fertilized egg extend the duration of the potion's effects? Her body is still going to clear it by week's end. Most likely, she'd still turn back to normal and a fertilized egg, even if she got impregnated on day 1, wouldn't be that big... at all. No obstruction to really worry about. Once his reproductive system becomes male again it'll either wind up in some obscure cavity of his pelvis or in his sperm ducts, where it can't get the nutrients it requires because the male biology doesn't have the same accommodations as the uterine wall. It would either waste away or his immune system would see it as some sort of infection and take care of it.

..... But, hell whoever really cares about this stuff. Write whatever you want. I'm sure a lot of people would actually love to see that scenario unfold despite my qualms. Don't let me rain on their parade

7141419
Heh, getting pregnant ALWAYS makes it permanent. Don't you read genderswap stories?

Though I agree it doesn't make sense if you really think about it. I could sprout theories, but I don't feel like having such a discussion in the comments to one of my stories. If I did it though, I'd explain how it happened, and why it works.

Simple thing is, I'm not really 'itching' to write a story where they have a fun threesome romp and that's it. Unless I can think of something else to add, I doubt I'll bother for a long while.

And while I will admit that I kinda have a 'thing' for pregnancy. I don't want to do it if it'll just turn everyone off of the story.

7141455

And while I will admit that I kinda have a 'thing' for pregnancy. I don't want to do it if it'll just turn everyone off of the story.

You should write what you want to, to be honest. It doesn't matter what anyone else's opinion on it is. Besides, I'm sure you'd have more fans of that stuff than you'd think.

7392129
I didn't draw it, I didn't commission it. It was just a picture I had and decided to add it to the story as it was what I decided to base Young Miss Cake's look off of in the story.

Talking to me about it won't do much good. ^^;

A lovely little story.

Corrections offered without malice.

ponyville

Ponyville

I’m not kidding Caramel it’s weird!

I’m not kidding, Caramel, it’s weird!

Evening Storm she realized

Evening Storm, she realized

who is blue” Zecora replied

blue,”

run it’s course

its

8379446
i.imgur.com/0s2oODO.gif

Pregnant or not, I wanna see that threesome. Make it happen.

This is totally one of my all time favorites on the site! I keep coming back again and again! It's super fantastic! It's got fun characters, that totally awesome teaser end, plus super-sexy-fun times! Ooooh, I so want a sequel to this! :3

I have to ask if the cover image was based on Pear Butter intentionally or if it's a coincidence? because if so wow.

8735282
Pear Butter hadn't even had any concept art when I wrote the original Cake Mix, so it's all coincidental.

8735491
Does it make you wonder if you have a fan on DHX or Hasbro's staff?

8735588
Nah. I can't even make the feature box, no way I'd influence a show pony design. It's just a coincidence.

Just a guess but is this and its sequel both clop-fics?

8737081
Yeah. I tend to do more 'plot with clop' but it is in there.

8737348
I see, just thought id ask just to be safe. Clop just isnt my thing hehe

Oh the wild ride just started ,I can't wait to see the sequel.

10619293

That being said though, and no offense, but you come off VERY strongly. You speak to me as if I should know better. I don't. Dude this is a fanfic on a pony site. I'm trying, but as I said. I'm no super writer. I can't even get into the damn feature box.

I'm not a super writer either, bro. I've been doing this since 2014 and I still require an editor's services to keep me from making a fool out of myself. That said, I do think you should always try to improve your game no matter how silly you might think this all is. I mean you got a 300/8 ratio for godsake! Doesn't that bring you some measure of pride? Don't you want it to look as fresh as humanly possible? Maybe it's the gamer in me but I feel my work reflects on me personally, even if I'm a pseudonymous nobody on the internet.

As for me coming off too strong, maybe my personality type is just a put off to you. And that's totally fine. I make no apologies and expect none in return. I have a saying: "No sane individual writes erotic fanfiction based on a little girl's show. But should he ever, he is obligated to do it well".

As an aside, the feature box is largely an indicator of what people find entertaining, not what is actually good. Don't let it dictate your happiness. Hell, you got a story with over 600 upvotes. You're doing better than I ever will. Stop feeling so down and start working to improve yourself, damn it! You've accomplished a lot.

I'm just a high school education boy.

So am I. I also work a low-paying job at a grocery store. I'm a literally who both on this site and in real life. This isn't a hindrance to self-improvement.

What you see here is trial and error of many many years. You should see some of my earlier stuff. YIKES)

My first story, and most popular story, is, and was, horrorbad cringe that happened to have a pretty good payoff sex scene at the end. We all gotta take some L's before we get good, my dude.

See this one I'm not sure I completely agree with you on. People don't tend to talk grammatically correct 100% of the time. Not even Zecora.

Fair enough. We have a disagreement there.

So this is the big thing of why I say I'm no great author. Because I don't really understand what you are trying to tell me here. If I'm guessing correctly, you mean for me to write it as if Carrot is seeing her do that? Instead of "Cup Cake quickly shook her head" More like: "He watched as his wife quickly shook her head" ?

Now hang on. Don't put me in the camp of great authors! With that out of the way, what I mean to say is describe each speaker's actions as if the camera is on them for the most part. If the narrator is limited to what the main character can directly know, which is how you wrote this, describe the speaker's actions and not the off-camera narrator. It just disconnects me from the story when you're constantly describing off-camera action.

I really hope that made some sense.

If I write it, it wouldn't be Cup Cake. It'd be a guy turned into a copy of Pinkie, and made to act like her. Though maybe with a bit more bimbo to her. What? What makes you think I have a future story idea that incorporates that?

It's not my place to judge a man for his fetishes. You write that concept!

Oh I'm perfectly aware of that. Don't know why I didn't catch any of those. I have no excuse I guess.

You take me too personally. I'm just a humble traveler offering criticism.

rives me up the bleeping wall, ends up a really confusing read for me, and takes me out of the story every time. I'm really sorry. I'm not here to argue gender identity or anything like that, but I can not bring myself to do that. I just want to keep it simple and refer to the female body as her/she, and the male body as he/him.

That's fine. But a simple blurb in the narration to clue the reader on to your line of thinking is a small fix that goes a long way in helping smoothbrains like myself figure out what I'm reading. And stop apologizing! I'm not your mother. Now clean up your room!

Anyway, thanks for the edits. I've gone over and put in what I saw. I'm sure the story still needs lots of work, but I can only do what I can. Hopefully someday I'll have this all down.

Glad to be of service. Best of luck and try to improve every day at whatever it is you do. Take pride in your achievements, however small.

I'm not a super writer either, bro. I've been doing this since 2014 and I still require an editor's services to keep me from making a fool out of myself. That said, I do think you should always try to improve your game no matter how silly you might think this all is. I mean you got a 300/8 ratio for godsake! Doesn't that bring you some measure of pride? Don't you want it to look as fresh as humanly possible? Maybe it's the gamer in me but I feel my work reflects on me personally, even if I'm a pseudonymous nobody on the internet.

Oh I want to improve and get better. Very much so. I wish I did have an editor who isn't me. Sadly I don't.

As for me coming off too strong, maybe my personality type is just a put off to you. And that's totally fine. I make no apologies and expect none in return. I have a saying: "No sane individual writes erotic fanfiction based on a little girl's show. But should he ever, he is obligated to do it well".

Hmm, not sure if I can describe this better, and I'm sure a lot of it is simply from how text can be perceived by each individual. The vibe I got from you was more: "How could you let it GET this bad? What's wrong with you?" Sorta deal, though I gave the benefit of the doubt you weren't going for that. Hence why I'm like: "...this is pony Fanfiction. Not a published story. Of course it has mistakes. I'm doing this as a hobby." I want it to be as good as I can get it, and that's why I actually am thankful for the little edits I got. Hopefully one day I can get an editor who knows their stuff.

As an aside, the feature box is largely an indicator of what people find entertaining, not what is actually good. Don't let it dictate your happiness. Hell, you got a story with over 600 upvotes. You're doing better than I ever will. Stop feeling so down and start working to improve yourself, damn it! You've accomplished a lot.

I know I shouldn't, but when you put so much effort into a story, and the feature box's top story is barely a thousand words and about Sweetie Belle saying the word 'FUCK' To Rarity (Or something like that) You die a little inside.

Fair enough. We have a disagreement there.

I still might go fix it, but right now, and please understand I mean no offense, you are the only one who had any issue with it. So I'm not too concerned about that right now. Especially since I have no ideas on how to "fix" it as of right now.

Now hang on. Don't put me in the camp of great authors! With that out of the way, what I mean to say is describe each speaker's actions as if the camera is on them for the most part. If the narrator is limited to what the main character can directly know, which is how you wrote this, describe the speaker's actions and not the off-camera narrator. It just disconnects me from the story when you're constantly describing off-camera action.

I really hope that made some sense.

Sadly it's still not clicking for me. I understand what you are saying, but I'm not seeing how it's supposed to be different from what I actually wrote.

“Isn’t that the point of this?” He replied with a laugh. “Or do you plan on turning me into a little colt?” Cup Cake quickly shook her head.

Other than maybe turning the 'Cup Cake' to She. I'm not sure what I can do here.

I don't suppose you have an example you could show me? A sentence showing what I'm doing, and one where you'd feel it's correct would probably help me make it click. Otherwise I'm just sitting here confused.

And stop apologizing! I'm not your mother. Now clean up your room!

You can't tell me what to do! *Skateboards into a minefield.*

10619649
I'll tell ya what. Next story you write, let me give it a pass in googledocs. I'm not the best editor out there but I'm not bad and I think you'll be happy with my work. Sound good?

I know I shouldn't, but when you put so much effort into a story, and the feature box's top story is barely a thousand words and about Sweetie Belle saying the word 'FUCK' To Rarity (Or something like that) You die a little inside.

I know it's considered impolite to name names and especially when you haven't actually read their work. Maybe the guy is the coolest, chillest brony in the game and someone who gives generously to charity. That isn't for me to know. What I can say is there's this guy who showed up out of bumfuck nowhere calling himself Burt who slams the top box with every single story he submits. The story concepts are all lame as balls, the cover art is low-effort Reddit-tier meme shit that makes me vomit a little in my mouth, and every time I see this fucking guy posting his dross, I just know with absolute certainty that a good chunk of the site is just cumming buckets for a chance to enjoy it ironically because they're too cool for school... or something. I don't fucking know, man.

What I'm trying to tell you is... I get it. The feature box is like a giant kick to the balls every time you look at it. I feel your pain, my dude.

Other than maybe turning the 'Cup Cake' to She. I'm not sure what I can do here.

Let me see what I can do.

“O-ohhhhhhhhh,” she cried in an involuntary moan as her teats seemingly popped into existence. She continued to shake in both fear and panic as the burning sensation inside her finally died down, no doubt leaving her with a fully functional womb. The thought nearly made her sick.

For the sake of transition (pun not intended) consider using an identifier other than she. What my mentor would do here would probably be to change the first use of 'she' in the above paragraph with "the stallion turned mare". This way you're spoonfeeding the reader and keeping them locked in with what's going on. If you don't. there's immediate confusion as who 'she' is because there's already a female in the scene. Always seek out and destroy any opportunity for confusion to arise.

So what about every paragraph after that? Personally, I'd use Carrot's name at least once in the paragraph so the 'she' problem is effectively solved. It's really not a huge effort in the grand scheme of things. Very easy fix.

Let me know if you want me to edit your next story. A private message to AJ Aficionado with a googledoc link and permission to edit is all I need. You have to manually grant permission so don't forget! Take care now.

10620257
Oh sorry for an 'example' I meant for what you are saying here:

Now hang on. Don't put me in the camp of great authors! With that out of the way, what I mean to say is describe each speaker's actions as if the camera is on them for the most part. If the narrator is limited to what the main character can directly know, which is how you wrote this, describe the speaker's actions and not the off-camera narrator. It just disconnects me from the story when you're constantly describing off-camera action.

I really hope that made some sense.

This is the thing I'm still not quite understanding.

10620385

I'm looking again and I'm not seeing what a saw before. Maybe it was just one giant mistake on my part. The perspective reads perfectly normal to me now.

10620795
Weird. Oh well, stuff happens sometimes.

10620863
So I take it you won't need me to edit your next story then.

10621084
I'd love that, but I have no idea when my 'next story' might happen... I mean if you don't mind possibly waiting most of the year I'll take it, but I don't want to basically just have you sit there waiting forever. Right now I'm thinking I should focus on finishing a few of my stories already here.

10621164
Fair enough.