Comments ( 37 )

I like this because it isn't a hardcore clopfic! :D good job

I also really like these mind/soul wipe stories for some reasons

Could use some formatting to make it easier to read but otherwise I injoyed it

This was really good. The setting for it was pretty good too. Would like to see more eventually.

night light a dick

I loved it and would like to read a sequel. What did Discord do at the end there?

5632422
Oh I'm guessing you mean the final snap that sends a shiver through the new 'pony'

Nothing special, it's basically a spell to prevent them from just flat out saying they aren't a pony and instead has to go along with being Fluttershy's new foal. Of course, true to his word, if it turned out they didn't like it after a week or so he'd change and send them back.

5632481
I thought Discord might have removed the guys ability to speak.

5633265
Eh, it can if you want it to be. It's left vague on purpose to serve whichever idea the reader wants. I didn't even give a gender or pony type. It's all up to what you want.

More of these please. More mind swapping of males into pregnant pony bodies :P

5632422 Pretty sure he turned the Human into Fluttershy's foal.

Very well done. Quite enjoyable!

5629978
Don't make me send you to your room!

5640955 I don't have a room. I have an evil lair, MUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. okay.xD

I really liked this story, but there's some things you may want to edit. The first being that I recommend adding commas in certain places like these.

“Velvet, stop!”

“Shhh, it’s okay. Whatever it is we’ll get through it, okay? I just need you to calm down and trust me.”

“You’ll hurt yourself laying on the floor like that, I’m going to move you to the bed alright? If you feel uncomfortable at any time tell me, okay? Can you do that?”

“Why would you? Wait, is this about our finances again? Or are you still worried I won’t have enough time to take care of you?”

“Honey, I told you before we’ll be fine. We’ve been putting some bits away just to help get us through this. I shouldn’t have to take anymore guard duty than usual, and you’ll be back to writing in no time, okay? And don’t you go lecturing me for spoiling you today. That’s what the day is for.”

He chuckled at the memory, causing me to blush.

Much as I loved being pregnant with Twilight, I couldn’t wait for her to be born.

And lastly,

But he smiled as always did.

You'll want to add "he" between "as" and "always".

5687845

Talked to my editor and we put commas in the places we felt you were correct about. Thank you for pointing them out. I've also fixed the missing word.

our lead truly did become her in body and soul

So the poor guy doesn't even get an afterlife, he just got erased from existence? Abducted, transformed, raped, and then wiped from existence. His loved ones will never see him again, not in this life and not in the next. Nothing more remains of him, and nobody but the psychotic Discord and the helpless narrator will ever know what happened to him. That's dark. That's darker than dark.
quickmeme.com/img/b4/b474c318c8f83d1276fda808621cdfdb9bc0663d82a71a5791a7c8953179b818.jpg

How do you manage to write something like this without vomiting or curling up in the fetal position? I ask because I had difficulty not doing either of these and I'm just the reader. It is an incredibly effective horror story, made even more horrifying by the fact that this is apparently a clopfic. Snuff porn, I think they call it, though since the poor bastard didn't even get an afterlife I suppose this is some level beyond even that.

Any chance that the use of the Elements of Harmony against Discord managed to restore him? There seems to be some time travel involved, so if he's lucky the use of the Elements to restore everything in Return of Harmony managed to save him.

5774369

Well one, he's not real. He's just text on the computer screen. Second "In body and soul" doesn't mean to ME what you think it does.

Now if a reader wants it to be that dark, fine. That's their business. I'm not here to judge, but here's how I the author see it:

In this world the 'role' of Twilight Velvet didn't exist. She basically was never born. Discord made a 'role' for her a life. He took this guy and transformed him into a mare, who was born to a set of loving parents that raised her, and eventually that mare fell in love and married Night Light, even having a child together.

Did he forget who he was? Yes. Is he just gone? Well in my mind nope. Down the line she'll remember bits and pieces of who she was. The simple thing though, and the reason she eventually forgot who she was as a human is because between the two lives, she wanted the pony one more. If she was really against it, there's no way this could have happened.

For me it's a story of the offer of a better life. For some it can be a horrible dark tragedy I left it vague on purpose to fit whatever the reader desires.

However, now you know my personal take on it.

Too drunk to read, but based on your story picture, win.

it is a good story but i am quite interested in the actual main characters predicament. the non pregnant one that is.

6274565
I'm assuming you mean the one that just became Fluttershy's foal.

Sorry, but that character was specifically written to be the perspective of the reader. I myself do not intend to ever expand upon that story.

However, if anyone ELSE wants to take the idea and run with it, by all means.

Wow, Discord is evil in this. Very, very evil. And he most likely doesn't even know it.

I love it ;-; its a great story and I wish for morez

6759674
Sorry, not doing anymore. Glad you enjoyed it though.

What a twist! :pinkiegasp: i never saw that ending coming!
This story was... interesting? I'm not entirely sure how to react here. Was it good? Was it bad? was it too much of both for me to decide? i just don't know! But, well, it had a little comedy, a little drama, a little of the sexy-times and a satisfyingly surprising ending, so i suppose, with that in mind, i give it a respectable 7/10 on the :yay:itude meter! I'm going to be sharing this one, for sure!

That was an interesting twist at the end, didn't expect that. The idea of a fic where someone becomes Velvet is indeed a good one, for future use.

Anyway, have a like. You earned it.

Very interesting read.
I enjoyed the presentation, the slow mental transition (and all of its dark implication), and the overt clues that Discord was reading the same story as the reader/reading the reader's mind.
All in all, I enjoyed it!:twilightsmile:

6759956
so a seqeaul is out of the question?

8585938
Maybe not entirely. I still don't want to write anything about the 'pony' that becomes Fluttershy's child, as I feel that defeats the purpose of why it was included in this story.

Though Discord just doing something similar might work. I don't have any plans or ideas though.

8585950
two things

1 your icon is hilaries 10/10

2 I get it but if you ever need help I would be happy to lend a hoof in fact I'm writing a story about applejack having a half human child (partially inspired by it takes a village)

8585954
Well what kind of sequel were you imagining? Something with the guy turned pony and Fluttershy's son? That seems to be what most people want.

A person or few people becoming kids of the mane 6 or other ponies could be interesting to do.

I'd basically have to come up with an idea I'd feel is worth putting the effort into writing down, and I just don't have any right now.

8586013
I was feeling like maybe the kid or kids could be a anthro that are possibly the results of discord's interference or maybe some kind of magical evolution

8586032
Yeah, I'm not into anthro.

8586046
fair enough no harm in tossing idea's out there maybe you can do a slice of life where it goes from him being a foal to getting his cutie mark and him starting his own family

8586066
Probably not. After all my other two 'long stories' My life is a Runway and Royal Duties Inheritance are both sitting with at least three years of no updates. A slice of life is NOT in the cards for me right now.

Best I could do with this is little one off stories like this one is here.

Maybe a story of a guy ending up in Equestria with Discord giving them the ability to 'gain a trait' of any pony they touch, leading him to trying to avoid touching anypony, only to keep failing. Like at first he touches a pony and gets a tail. Then a muzzle, then hooves, but later say he touches Rarity and gains her flare for looking pretty. Touches Sweetie and gets her musical feminine voice. Touches Fluttershy and becomes timid. ECT.

8586122
that would be intresting if he touched pinkie pie maybe it might just work

8586122
another option would be to have velvet remember her humanity and tell twilight about it

I couldn’t let that happen! I could forget who I was! I’d, I’d forget what?

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