• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jan 12th, 2016

Karazor


T

Driven by an intense Warp storm, a Rogue Trader vessel finds itself crippled and stranded above a world no human has ever visited. The natives are friendly; can the visitors say the same? A Warhammer 40k/Friendship is Magic crossover. Yes, really
(12/02 added epilogue to last chapter)

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 182 )

im enjoying the story so far

Best MLP/40k crossover i ever read :rainbowkiss:. I ma floored:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile:

Has this been submited to Equestria Daily yet ?. Because it has to be. And will there be moar?

38751
No, I haven't submitted it to Edaily. A quick glance at the submissions page says, "no gore" and "avoid Warhammer 40k," and since there's a fair degree of violence here, and 40k is definitely involved, I suspect it would simply be rejected out of hand.

Glad you enjoyed it, though!

Give it a shot none the less. This is too good

38777
Eh, what the heck, I'll give it a shot. My ego can handle a 'no.'

I appreciate the encouragement!

spent the afternoon reading this and i agree, this is the best 40k crossover i've ever read. are you going to continue this? or make a sequel? If not it's alright it ended great!

:derpyderp2: So that's how 40K invented grimdark...

Twilight is going to have to play diplomat with these people?:pinkiegasp:

All things considered, this seems to be going fairly well.

Verrah nahce!

Thanks, folks, I'm pleased that people are enjoying it!

FYI, it's been pointed out to me that the ending is rather abrupt. Currently working on fixing that problem, but it may take me a couple of days.

Despite my relative unfamiliarity with the Warhammer 40k universe (basically all I know is from the Warhammer wiki), I really like this crossover. It's got a great story, your characterization of the mane cast is spot on, and I especially like your Celestia/Luna interaction. In hindsight, it actually makes a lot of sense that the elements are general purpose anti-chaos weapons (MLP canon never really explains why they exist in the first place).

I think there's room for a short epilogue, though! Keep up the superb writing!

It does seem to end with several things unanswered. I for one was looking forward to a possible meeting between the humans and the Princesses. What is Luna's reaction to finding out what happened to the emperor? That and the humans haven't actually gotten their materials. What did the ponies get in return? Do the bearers go to earth? (probably not) Are you planning on writing a sequel because I never really got to see a lot of the stuff you started wrapped up.

An epilogue has now been added. It's just a brief scene between Luna and Deumos, but hopefully it'll provide a bit of falling action that was missing in the original ending! Hope you folks enjoy it, and my sincere thanks for your kind remarks!

#16 · Dec 3rd, 2011 · · 2 · Chapter 5 ·

This is what made this story the only Warhammer MLP crossover that was valid in my eyes. In making Celestia's mere presence equal to that of the Emperor, you stopped the inevitable slaughterfest that most Warhammer crossovers degrade into, and remained true to both series in tone.

39974
:facehoof:You just HAD to say it, didn't you. Care to ask what could go wrong in the meantime? I sincerely hope you knocked on wood after posting that.

43243 I don't even know that much and I loved this. All I know of the series is what my friends tell me, all of which amounts to "the Imperium has awesome tanks."

48547
Wonderful epilogue. I almost didn't see it since it's still put into Chapter 11, though (maybe make it a separate chapter?). I was wondering how Luna would react to the news about the God-Emperor's fate. Will we ever find out more about how the emperor and the princesses reacted, and why Celestia distrusted him?

Absolutely loved the epilogue. It really did take care of all my complaints. :twilightsmile:

(experimenting with multiquote)
49851
Heh, well, that, combined with the fact that I'm using a group of traders that are extremely liberal by IoM standards, and used to dealing with xenos in a non-exterminatus manner. (Though that revelation was enough to take the brute force approach completely off the table) The tone was honestly the most difficult part of this story, since the two universes are absolute polar opposites. I'm glad you approve, though!

50529
Thank you! I didn't want to add another chapter, since the epilogue's only ~2k words, and I was embarrassed enough about the eleventh chapter being that short already, so I just edited it in rather than adding another dinky little chapter. As for why Celestia distrusted the GEoM? Well, he was more interventionist than she was really comfortable with, and she disagreed with some of his advice. (Remember, the comment about him giving good advice came from Luna, who liked and trusted him. Celestia would disagree, to an extent)

50768
Awesome, great to hear! Thanks!

Genius.

I rarely ever comment in the first chapter of a story, but I had to this time. This is the very definition of a diamond in the rust. You are either a very talented writer, or put a lot of time and effort into this story. I suspect both.

In either case, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate this story already... I'm not even a particularly big fan of the 40k, universe... Though, I do know enough to understand what's happening.

66933
Thank you! I'm certainly glad you're enjoying it!

Be warned, however, that the "dark" tag is there for a reason, and half of that reason is chapter 2. It's not as bad as it could be, though!

(Also, WTF? Spambots? Removed a comment that seemed to be an ad.)

Just finished the final chapter and my first impression remains unchanged. If anything, you managed to improve on it.

I have to say, this story deserves not a 10th of a star less than the perfect 5 it has so far.

This would normally be the part where I would post any lingering constructive critiques that jumped out at me throughout the story, but I've found myself at a loss for words. Not that I'm claiming any form of expertise... I'm sure a professional editor would have a suggestion or two. Maybe...

I really liked the story, is what I'm saying. Please, please, please continue writing.

I cried.
I honest-to-Omnissiah cried gratuitous tears of great sadness. No other piece of written work, save a few published books by my most highly regarded authors, has ever managed to tug my heart quite such as this. Your other story, The Dread Chitin, also had a similar effect on me; it was not as tragic, but powerful nonetheless. I dearly cherish this story as one of the best fanfictions I have ever read.

Leaving Pinkie, Rainbow and Fluttershy with the aliens is not going to give any problems at all.
No problems at all.

Ah, the wonders of the warp.
Welcome to hell, Equestria.

#28 · Jan 25th, 2012 · · 1 · Chapter 3 ·

Wait...
The Emperor is a brony?!
YES!

This was just awesome. Everyone was in character and the culture shock was one of the best parts for me.

This is one of the best stories I've ever read on this site, and is, hands-down, the best WH40k crossover here. Fantastic work.

This. Is. AWESOME!

The opening had me worried, the idea of a demon infestation in Ponyville is never pleasant. But it was so perfectly done, and you captured the WH40K unverse perfectly.

Five star.

Sweet filly Luna, you were the mastermind behind dread chitin too? You sir are an excellent author, I hold your fics with the highest regard and look forward to any fic that you may write in the future, regardless of genre!!

By Russ and The Allfather, whom you would call the Emperor. THIS. WAS. EPIC.

I Salute You! *Fist to Grey-armoured torso*

I will admit to being a shade worried when I started, and around chapter two. But you took the epitome of 'GrimDark' and wove it perfectly into what I consider to be the incarnation of 'Sweetness and Light'. Very Well Done.

One month later, Ponyville wakes up to Ciaphas Cain (HERO OF THE IMPERIUM) dueling a(nother) Khorne Berzerker on the plaza.

THESE FOOLISH MORTAL PONIES DON'T STAND A CHANCE... TZEENTCH WILL COME SOON AND WHEN HE DOES... THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!

TZEENTCH IS NOT GOD OF ANY OF THOSE THINGS FOOLISH MORTALS.. HE IS THE GOD OF ALL IDEAS, PLANS, THOUGHTS. HE IS GREATER THAN ALL, AND IF HE WISHES TO BREAHS THIS PATHETIC VEIL THEN HIS WISH SHALL COME TRUE!!!

BotB - Chaos Sorcerer - Devoted to Tzeentch

I would still think that the humans would have... You know, raised an eyebrow when Twilight lifted the balfir or whatever its called xD

Dude.. This is one of the best stories I've ever read. You should be proud of it!

One thing I didn't like about Celestia's ''Nugde'' Was that tech-priests are almost completely immune to chaos corruption... It would require some serious force and even then it would only be part control.

I honestly can't express how pleased I am that people enjoy this little piece; thanks, all of you, for taking the time to let me know!

435168
Heh, all she did (it was Luna, not Celestia, actually) was nudge a servitor so it turned this way instead of that to get where it was going; no tech-priests or control involved. That group of battle-servitors still got to the same place at about the same time, they just took a slightly different route to get there.

Confused out of my bleeding mind? Hells yes.

Reading it anyway because that's how I felt the first time reading The Dread Chitin, and that one made it into my top 5. Also, dat RD tag makes me think she plays a significant role here, which is usually a prerequisite of my enjoying a story. ONWARD!

434729
THESE FOOLISH INVADERS DUN GOOF'D WHEN THEY RIPPED THE VEIL, AND THE PRINCESSES ARE GONNA SIC THE SPACE POLICE ON THEIR ASSES... THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!

Thanks for a truly fantastic story. The writing is very solid throughout, and the plot is excellent. Most of all, I'm impressed that you were able to simultaneously stay so true to the character and feel of both WH40k and FiM. Both sides feel very "original flavor," and you've somehow managed to match the Grimdark of WH40k to the much lighter world of FiM in a way that feels both natural and compelling. Bravo. I'll be reading anything else you write.

Oh, I finally notice this on this site. This was the first FiMfic I ever read, and it's really good.

I'm a little surprised I didn't come across this story sooner. I thought I'd read all the good 40k/MLP crossovers, at least until I found this one.

Pretty phenomenal. Your prose is very easy to read, and is very evocative. The characters were well done as well; established ones were well-grounded in canon, and developed organically, while you OCs were nicely rounded. They might have been a little quick to make friends with Xenos (especially the priest), but otherwise this type of story gets to be impossible. I also felt like your action scenes were almost Black Library quality: I could easily visualize what was happening, and it had a visceral feel to it. You are clearly a writer with many strengths.

Some critiques:
Some of the dialogue was a bit too expository. It was most glaring when Seria started explaining Imperial world classifications to Twilight. Not terribly important to the plot, and whatever it revealed to/about the characters probably could have been done easier, better and more quickly another way.
The plot took too long to really coalesce. It was obvious reasonably early that something was up with Tangro (I thought he was a Blank at first, given the frequently mentioned creepyness), and that Tersiaard was going to try to dissect a pegasus at some point; but before chapter ten, there really wasn't an apparent conflict that needed resolving. Just "hey look, Imperials are hanging out with ponies!" I didn't feel like it was going anywhere, like everyone was standing around, talking and dancing until something interesting happened.
Also, you kept referring to Twilight as "the academic." I know that's an accurate label, and it might just be me, but I found it annoying for some reason. Maybe you used it too often for my tastes.

Still, this may be the best 40k crossover I've read. I haven't decided yet. Certainly in the top 3, and it beats the pants off of mine. My thanks and praise to you for writing it.

Thought for the Day: As light is unto darkness, so is Harmony unto Chaos. When it shines in our hearts, none can oppose us.
:trollestia:Ave Imperatrix Celestialis:trollestia:

Sooo... Karazor.

Your fic was translated into Russian, posted on Darkpony.ru and gained quite a bit views - 1\3 or so - from russian bronies. Just thought you need to know :D

875415
Heh, you probably have read all the good crossovers! :-P Thanks, though, it's nice to know that another 40k crossover writer enjoyed my work! The Imperials in this story probably were a bit quick to get friendly, but, well, they're Rogue Traders. They've dealt with aliens before, in a non-hostile manner to boot, and they're all hilarious flaming liberals by IoM standards.

Thanks for the critique, too. Pacing is my biggest problem as a writer, (well, apart from endings which I suck terribly at) I'm extremely ponderous and I know it, though I'm trying to improve in that area. No sign of improvement yet, though! Part of the problem is that I am my own editor and proofreader, so I depend on myself to tell me when a scene's going on too long, and I'm not the most reliable in that area so I constantly let me down. :-P I do hope that the action scenes were at least good enough to make up for the time it took me to reach them!

I actually thought I might be telegraphing a bit much with Tangro; I'm pleased that his villain-hood wasn't quite as obvious as I was thinking I'd made it. Every one of the Imperial main characters had at least one secret, and poor Tangro's was that he was a psyker, and had managed to keep that fact hidden. He was dead before his first appearance in chapter three, which is why he was so careful not to touch any of the Element bearers or the astropath.

883634
I did know about that, actually; I'd glanced at the stats page a few weeks ago and made that discovery. I lack the vocabulary to properly express how flattered I feel that someone took the time to actually translate my little story. Not only that, he took the extra effort to add cover art for every chapter, and clip art in a couple of places to clarify the things I was talking about, and even a music clip during the dancing scene! Heck, he put more effort into it than I did! I'm sincerely, truly, deeply flattered, and I'm pleased that people enjoyed it that much! It makes me wish I could read Russian, so I could thank... I think the translator's name is YoshkinCat?

900585

No, he's proofreader. Translator is Многорукий Удав (Constrictor). I think he'll be pleased that you praised him so much. He did put a lot of effort to properly and fully translate and decorate each chapter. But, of course, without you all of it won't happen :D

900596
Ah, okay. Thanks!

This was fucking awesome.

this is a very very good story i like how it shows the virtues of the imperium guard and how luna seens to be going towards creating a imperium of pony in the end of this chapter

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