Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Twilight Sparkle was feeling the oddest sense of déjà vu. The knocking at her door had awakened her before, she was sure of it. Her encounter with Rainbow on the street, and her confrontation with Lord Anderocus were similarly familiar. She shivered as the Aquila climbed, as she heard Deumos’s story of the Emperor, and as she beheld the Lux Foedis for the first time… except it wasn’t the first time. It was like she was acting out a story she’d heard in a dream; nothing felt quite real. Even the fight with the adept at the doorway didn’t shock her, for she’d expected it.
She finally shook the creeping sense of unreality when they were ambushed in the main gallery. The squad sent ahead darted into the side passage, and Twilight wanted to scream at them to be careful, but they quickly peeked their heads back out, signaling that the passage was clear.
“Right!” Seria barked, “They’re not defending the route through the generatorium! Everyone, move it, through there!”
As Twilight ducked into the doorway, she saw heavy servitors lumbering out of a side passage further down the gallery, and knew with sudden, iron certainty that that group had been diverted, somehow. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew.
A team of guards set up in the doorway with heavy weapons, preventing the heavy servitors from following, while the rest of the group forged on ahead.
This corridor was far narrower than the gallery, though not quite as much so as the flame-blackened passageways they’d traversed before. The humans could walk nearly four abreast if they so chose, and Rainbow wasn’t quite as tense here, where she could spread her wings without her pinions hitting the wall.
They threaded through hallways for quite a while, following Seria’s directions, before the guard commander stopped the whole group.
“The generatorium is just ahead,” Seria explained. “I’m sending a pair of troopers to recon, just to make sure we aren’t walking into an ambush.”
They waited in tense silence while the two troopers moved ahead. The scouts were gone for only a short time before returning, their hands shaking where they gripped their weapons.
“Commander… there’s something unholy in there.” The lead trooper reported, unsteadily.
“Unholy? What do you mean ‘unholy,’ soldier?” Seria asked sharply.
“I mean warp-touched, Commander. Evil.” The trooper shuddered.
Twilight and Rainbow shared a worried glance. “Warp-touched?” Twilight asked, “Do you mean daemons?”
The guard nodded, spastically, whispering, “Unholy,” again under his breath.
“Lord-Captain, Commander, it might be best for us to lead this time.” Twilight said, mentally preparing herself for the horrors she was likely to face.
“What? If there is something warp-touched in there, you’ll need every bit of firepower available to deal with it!” Anderocus exclaimed.
Twilight shook her head. “Your weapons and armor and machines are something we aren’t equipped to deal with, Lord-Captain but daemons we can handle.” Twilight glanced at Rainbow for support, and received a firm nod. “We, Rainbow and I and my friends, have a special power within us. If a daemon, a thing of Chaos, is in there, we will destroy it. We have to destroy it.”
A wave of muttering ran through the guards, and Twilight caught the words, “Gray Knights!” repeated more than once in awestruck tones, whatever it meant. The unicorn ignored it, focusing instead on Anderocus’s face, trying to mentally compel him to agree.
Finally, he gave a reluctant nod. “Very well, Lady Twilight. Go on ahead, and we will follow, and support you should you need it.”
Twilight smiled at the dark-maned human. “Thank you, Lord Anderocus. We won’t let you down.”
Twilight and Rainbow led the way into the huge, vaulted space of the generatorium, humming with the constant noise of the huge plasma reactors. Twilight felt a wave of wrongness as she entered the door, and a glance at her friend showed the pegasus had noticed it, too. There were vile symbols painted on many of the reactors in what looked like blood, but Twilight somehow instinctively knew that the sigils were a secondary threat. If they could find and destroy the sigils’ maker before they could be triggered, they would fall inert.
They hunted through the massive, thrumming space, Rainbow staying on the ground to keep near her friend. Near the center of the room, they finally found their prey.
The short, slender figure stood before one of the largest generators, chanting low, blasphemous words. It was surrounded by a dozen tech-priests, their bodies twisted into horrifically abstract sculptures of flesh and metal. Rainbow hopped up in the air, dropping to the ground hard with all four hooves, producing a sharp clang as she hit the deck.
The figure turned, revealing the face of the seneschal, Tangro. “What?” Tangro barked, his voice oddly distorted. “You aren’t here. You can’t be here! I looked, and you didn’t arrive!”
Twilight snarled at the light-maned human, suddenly realizing just why she and her friends had been so uneasy around him. “We are here, monster. And whatever you’re doing, we’re not going to let you finish.”
Tangro goggled at the two ponies. “You are here. How is this possible?” The seneschal suddenly cackled wildly, flinging his head back and stretching his arms upward. “Oh, my lord, my lord, what a transcendent betrayal you have visited upon me! Thank you! Thank you for this delicious gift!” He lowered his head, glaring at the two ponies. “You don’t even know what I am, do you?”
“I do.” Rainbow Dash stepped forward, her voice unusually somber, sounding almost like somepony else’s. “I know what you are. You are betrayal personified, a lie given shape.” She bared her teeth, flaring her wings. “I wish that Applejack was here too, to see you fall. You are the opposite of everything we stand for.”
Tangro cackled again, his body beginning to shift, like Hammer’s had, only far more smoothly. “Am I now? We’ll see. We’ll see how loyalty and friendship endure, when faced with a choice between their duty and their friends. Only two of you are here, against me who once faced all six. Two of them fell that day, the two that stand here now, and you are destined to fall again! So speaks Azgad-Denoroth, Lord of Change!” Tangro’s body suddenly and explosively mutated, growing to enormous height and sprouting shimmering, multi-colored feathers in a grotesque parody of Rainbow Dash’s coloration. Its head elongated into a huge beak, and a staff appeared out of nowhere that it clutched in one hand. Standing before them was a vast, blue-scaled hybrid between a human and a vulture, cackling at them in triumph.
“Oh, that is it,” Rainbow exclaimed, her voice returning to normal. “You so don’t get to use my colors like that, punk!” She took off, streaking toward the compartment’s ceiling. The daemon screeched, hurling a volley of multicolored flame at her that she nimbly dodged.
Twilight’s horn glowed as she prepared her own offensive. She flung darting thrusts of telekinetic force at the towering figure. It tossed out a web of glimmering, ever-changing magic, absorbing her attack with little spits of argent fire that was quickly cut off from the rest of the spell net.
“How amateurish, Element of Friendship.” The monster sneered. “Try mine.” It spun its web toward her, the fire growing hideous leering faces as it flew. Twilight slammed together a spherical shield, holding it tight while the vile prismatic flame writhed around it, silver sparks spitting everywhere. Twilight winced, feeling the uncomfortable proximity of the daemon’s tainted magic, but her shield held.
The daemon cackled again. Twilight was getting heartily sick of that sound. “Not bad! But now, your choice! To strike the foe, or ward those that aided you! Make that choice, Bearer!” It flung a taloned hand out, making a beckoning motion, and dozens of swirling, ever-mutating horrors rose out of the floor and turned to where Anderocus, Seria, and their guards crouched, watching the battle.
Twilight saw Rainbow diving toward the towering daemon, but she changed her course as the legion of smaller ones emerged. She traced a curving path, striking those that were closest to the humans and evaporating them with spine-shivering screeches and spitting showers of silver sparks.
Why do I occasionally think in alliteration? Twilight wondered, but shook the thought aside. The faint rainbow-striped wake the pegasus left behind had just given her an idea. She shoved a heavy wave of force at the daemon lord, forcing it to concentrate on defending itself for a moment, and shouted, “Rainbow Dash! Rainbow!”
“What?! Kinda busy here, Twilight!” The pegasus obliterated another group of capering daemons, but despite her efforts, their numbers were growing.
“I’ll defend the humans! Climb up to the very top of the chamber!”
“What? Why?” Rainbow darted closer.
“Once you’re up there, dive at Tangro, and do a Sonic Rainboom right over his head!”
Rainbow stared at her, wide-eyed. “Twilight, are you crazy? Do a Sonic Rainboom inside? I’ll wreck everything in here!”
“Just do it, Rainbow! We need something he hasn’t seen before, and if he’s seen a Bearer of an Element do a Sonic Rainboom right over his head, I’ll eat my horn!”
Rainbow gave her a dubious look, but shot off into the upper reaches of the chamber anyway. Twilight focused her magic, hoping that the master daemon was still off-balance from her earlier attack, and concentrated on flinging small spheres of force at the daemons nearest the human position, disintegrating them just as Rainbow had been doing.
She was quickly overwhelmed. There were so many, and more appeared more quickly than she could destroy them. Worse, she could feel energy gathering, and realized that the daemon master had recovered and was preparing to strike her down.
It cackled. “And thus your choice is made, Element, as I knew from the beginning that it would be. Fare…”
There was no warning, only a flicker of light at the edge of Twilight’s vision. Rainbow Dash came hurtling down from the vaulted ceiling, trailing an increasingly-brilliant wake of rainbow-striped light. She hit her target speed directly over the hideous bird-thing’s head, a massive prismatic shockwave blasting out like a halo above it.
The huge reactors groaned as the shockwave struck them, but they fared far better than the daemons that flooded the room. The army of lesser beasts vanished in an instant, ripped away by silver light, and the huge birdlike figure let out a final, horrific shriek as the rainbow ring pushed every part of it in a different direction, tearing it apart in a massive silver blast that shimmered in the center of the Sonic Rainboom.
The shockwave even picked Twilight up, tossing her across the room. She had a brief instant of panic, fearing that she was going to strike one of the reactors or one of the frighteningly-spiky gargoyles that adorned seemingly everything in this ship, but her fears vanished when she struck something yielding, something that grabbed at her and held her as she skidded to a stop.
She found herself lifted and gently set on her feet by the two guards who’d caught her, cushioning her flight with their own bodies. They glanced at each other, and she heard the murmur of “Gray Knight!” again.
Rainbow Dash swooped down and landed next to her, panting heavily. “Man, it was hard to dodge all those reactor things at that speed. Wish the Wonderbolts coulda seen me! Did I get him?”
Twilight nodded, “You got him, Rainbow. Good work!”
Anderocus stepped up to the two ponies. “I… I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anyone defeating a daemon like that before. I’m in your debt… everyone on this ship is in your debt.” His face firmed. “Let’s go get your friend.”
Elsewhere…
Smugness. “I told You, Sister. A tiny change, just a nudge, and it all turned out for the better. For everyone.”
Surprise. “So it did. I confess, Sister, that I am shocked that You managed it so adroitly.”
Mild self-satisfaction. “I might be rusty, but I can still get the job done. Who’s the best little sister, eh?”
Amusement. “If there is a better sister than Mine, I have yet to see it. I am so glad to have You back again, Sister. I doubt I would have managed half so well on My own.”
Placation. “You would have done fine, I’m sure. Back to work for Us, though. We’ll need to leave a door for Our guests to leave by.”
Love. “Indeed, Sister. Indeed.”
Epilogue
Confessor Deumos stood at the edge of the small xenos town, waiting impatiently. The aftermath of the small civil war aboard the Lux Foedis had left him feeling oddly incomplete; he'd steeled his soul and his body in preparation for a battle against the treacherous Magos, only to find that both he and the servants of the Machine had been deceived, foully deceived by the vilest of foes.
It had been worse, in a way, that he had felt so conflicted about the battle in the first place. Yes, striking against one who had disobeyed his superior's command was a righteous cause... but the catalyst had been a single alien. Deumos had led soldiers into battle, slain servants of the Machine and seen his own followers fall... all for the sake of a single xenos life. The waste of it was sickening. Almost a hundred and fifty brave Guardsmen fallen, a score of tech-priests dead, and it had all been for nothing. They had all been played like game pieces by a servant of the Ruinous Powers that Deumos hadn't even suspected. It was fortunate that Anderocus had been able to convince Tersiaard's senior subordinates that they'd been manipulated, or more loyal servants of the Emperor might have fallen.
Deumos ground his teeth, remembering. The fighting had halted abruptly, Magos Tersiaard's orders calling for his acolytes to stand down coming over the suddenly-restored vox net only moments before Lord Anderocus's command for his own followers to do the same. Confused, Deumos had complied, even executing two men who had been so impious as to refuse him. That they'd fallen to recover a single winged xeno, when even now, standing next to the Aquila near the xenos town known as Ponyville, the Confessor could see over a dozen, had been irrelevant. A command had been issued and disobeyed, and examples had to be made. Obedience was the underpinning of the Imperium.
Deumos had been sick with rage when Lord Anderocus had told him about Tangro's corruption in the aftermath, just before the Rogue Trader escorted the two aliens and their recovered compatriot back down to the surface. The Confessor's self-confidence had been badly shaken by the news; a daemon had possessed a man he'd known for years, and Deumos hadn't even noticed? He'd assigned himself harsh penance, and even now, over a month later, his self-inflicted scars still pained him.
Even more galling than his own failures had been the fact that the daemon had been purged by two of the aliens, without any kind of help from the Emperor's faithful. Indeed, according to the soldiers who'd come to him for confession, the xenos had gone out of their way to safeguard the lives and souls of the guardsmen who'd accompanied them, one of them even leaving herself open for what might have been a devastating attack from the corrupted Tangro. And the one with the rainbow-striped hair had been so damnably proud of it! It was unseemly in a creature that many of the soldiers in Deumos's flock had come to regard as being akin to a Grey Knight, one of the semi-legendary daemon-hunting paladins of the Inquisition.
Still, Deumos had been grudgingly impressed by the creature's bravery. As a man who'd seen battle repeatedly, both with the Arbites and with the Guard, the Confessor admitted that the distraction she had provided when the massive serpent attacked had taken tremendous fortitude, and had pushed him to seeing her as a fellow warrior, rather than just another xeno. That she and her leader had faced down a mighty daemon lord, with no hesitation and no fear that the soldiers had seen had reinforced Deumos's opinion in that regard, even if their behavior was often... frivolous.
And, oh, it was so often frivolous, and Deumos was a man who despised frivolity. The aliens' cheerful, chirpy behavior and penchant for celebrations and parties grated on his nerves, and he considered it utterly inappropriate in beings who faced down daemons. Such an entity should be grim and focused, its purpose and resolve obvious to all who beheld it, not... not cheerfully grinning and boasting about winning athletic competitions, for the Emperor's sake!
The aliens clearly cared little for Deumos's opinions, however, so he was left to steam while they conducted their business with Anderocus and Tersiaard, save for the times when the purple one felt like asking him more questions about the Emperor. He had answered, of course, as a stalwart foe of Chaos was deserving of his respect no matter its behavior, (in all honesty, he'd considered the behavior of the only Inquisitor he'd ever met to be considerably more reprehensible than these creatures had been) but she'd left him be after a few days, and he was glad for it.
He'd continued to attend, though he had little to do besides observe. The xenos had finally agreed to provide the materials the Lux Foedis needed, in exchange for the mining machines the Lux had been carrying for Emperor only knew how long, the training to operate said machines, and one of the Lux's shuttles, though Deumos had no idea what they intended to do with the vehicle. (The offer of servitors to help run the mining machines had been turned down with almost indecent haste.) There'd been additional trades on the side, of course, there always were. The Lux would be leaving with several cargo holds full of rare gems that would fetch a fortune back in Imperial space, and all it had cost them had been a few near-useless trinkets. Multi-fuel generators, old cogitators, data-slates, vox units, that kind of thing. Nothing actually valuable. Anderocus had been privately cackling with glee over the profits they'd be making.
Oh, well, he didn't have to put up with it any more. The rest of the Lux Foedis's senior officers were in town, attending the "farewell party" the xenos had insisted on holding. Another party. At least it would be the last one he'd have to worry about. Deumos himself had ducked out as soon as he possibly could, and made his way to the landing field so he wouldn't have to endure any more frivolity. Now he just had to wait for the rest of his people to pry themselves free. However long that might take.
Deumos sighed, breaking his stolid façade for a moment to rub his forehead in irritation. Based on past experience, he could be standing here for hours.
"Feeling all right?" A soft voice spoke behind him, causing the confessor to start slightly. He hadn't even had a hint that anyone else was around, and cursed himself for his lack of vigilance.
Deumos managed to keep himself from spinning about in shock through an iron effort of will. Instead, he turned slowly, maintaining his dignity. Standing behind him was one of the aliens, but it was unlike any of the others he'd seen. For starters, it was huge, nearly tall enough to look him in the eye. Its dark-colored hair and tail seemed to ripple in an ethereal breeze that the priest couldn't feel, and it sported both a horn and a pair of wings, while the other xenos he'd seen possessed one or the other. (Or neither) This individual, with the odd hair and the dark blue coat, was the first he'd seen with both, and it made him cautious.
"Merely impatient to be on my way," the priest replied, curtly.
The large alien smiled gently. "I can understand that. You have been stranded here for almost three months, and I imagine you are eager to return to your home."
Deumos shrugged. "This is far from the longest time I've spent outside the Imperium's borders. Nonetheless, it will be good to return to the realms of Mankind once more."
"I imagine." The creature fell silent.
Deumos fidgeted uneasily, made uncomfortable by the close presence of this alien. "If you seek to speak to my master, I believe you will find him in the center of the... party in the town square." The priest hoped this creature wasn't planning on pestering him as much as the rainbow-haired one had done to Commander Seria. The commander must be possessed of astounding patience to deal with the creature daily, though she'd confessed to Deumos that she actually found it likeable. The confessor had been baffled by the revelation. He may have come to respect the xenos, but liking them was a good bit further than he was prepared to go.
The xeno shook her head. "No, Confessor, I am not here to speak to your master." She regarded him steadily. "I am here to speak to you. To thank you, actually."
Deumos wrinkled his brow. "To thank me? Whatever for?" Deumos thought back over the last three months, but he couldn't think of a single thing that he'd done for the xenos that one or more of the rest of the Lux's crew hadn't.
"For giving me answers." The creature stared off into the distance for a moment, teal eyes pensive. It had an expression of deep sadness writ upon its features. "They were not answers I particularly enjoyed receiving, but they were answers, and I owe you my sincere thanks for providing them."
Confessor Deumos was by now thoroughly baffled. He'd never spoken to this creature before, he was certain of that. Its size and distinctive features would definitely have registered. "Your pardon, but I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Have we met?"
The xeno shook herself, reorienting to the present. She smiled at Deumos again. "Of course, forgive me. We have not spoken directly, but a mutual acquaintance asked you questions on my behalf. My name is Luna, and you have my gratitude for bringing news of the fate of my old friend."
"A pleasure," Deumos said reflexively, still utterly lost as to the creature's meaning. "Though I must confess my confusion. What friend are you speaking of?"
"The one whose story you related to my sister's protégé, Twilight Sparkle."
Deumos blinked. That was the name of the purple xeno, one of the two who'd accompanied him back to the Lux. But the only story he could remember telling her was... "You couldn't possibly be referring to the Emperor, could you?"
Luna laughed softly. "That was not his true name, of course. He had many, through the years, but I believe he felt that it would be better for his people to simply refer to him by title. But yes, he is the one to whom I refer. He was my friend, long ago, and I feared for him after I stopped hearing from him." The alien looked down, the sadness in her face intensifying. "It seems I was right to fear."
Deumos was outraged for a moment. This creature was claiming familiarity with the Holy God-Emperor of Man? He almost denounced her zealously, but he suddenly recalled Setaron's collapse, at dawn of the first day they were on this world. "You..." his mouth was suddenly dry. "Are you the being that Malachai sensed, that first dawn?"
The xeno shook her head. "No, I know what time you refer to, and it was not I that your telepath sensed, but my sister, Celestia." Luna paused, clearly remembering something. "I am glad you mentioned that, actually. Celestia wished me to convey her apologies to the poor man; she had no intent to harm him."
Deumos felt a hollow pit forming in his stomach. This... this was blasphemy. For an alien to claim a relationship with the Emperor... it was absurd. Yet, at the same time, these aliens had demonstrated even to his satisfaction that they weren't enemies, and Malachai had indicated that a being of power comparable to the Emperor could be found here. And there were two of them?
"You... you claim to have known the Emperor?" Deumos finally said, his voice strangled.
Luna nodded calmly, her mane swirling about her head. "I did. We never met face-to-face, but we communicated mind-to-mind for millennia. He was older than Celestia or I, and often offered advice. Good advice, generally. Celestia never really trusted him, but I came to regard him as a dear friend. To hear what happened to him... it strikes me to the heart, Confessor. I cannot even begin to express my sorrow. I truly, truly wish he had told us about his son's rebellion; I would have come to his aid in a heartbeat. I would have found a way to help. To be there for him." A tear slid down the alien's dark-furred face.
Deumos had no idea what to say. The teachings of the Imperial faith held that aliens were not to be trusted, that they intended no good for Humanity. Yet this being was claiming to have considered the Master of Mankind a friend, lamenting His fall, and wishing she could have aided Him in His darkest hour. He wanted to dismiss this as a lie, but what possible purpose could such a lie serve? These beings were demonstrated foes of Chaos, so they couldn't be trying to corrupt him. This creature, Luna, had made no attempt to undermine his faith in the Emperor or the Imperium; she simply seemed to be sharing a moment of honest sorrow.
Finally, just to see how she would respond, Deumos answered. "I wish you had been able to aid Him, too. Perhaps things would have turned out differently."
The winged, horned alien smiled kindly at the Confessor, tears still brimming in her eyes. "Perhaps. I like to think I could have made a difference. You are most kind to say so. In any case, I am glad my people could aid yours, even if I was unable to aid my old friend." She looked toward the town, as the sounds of the party changed subtly. "But it seems the party is entering its final stages, and it will soon be time for your people to depart. Thank you again for the news you have brought. Rest assured, Celestia and I will see you safely from this system."
Surprising himself, Deumos bowed to the tall creature. "Perhaps, if fate is kind, we will meet again, then."
Luna gave an enigmatic smile. "Perhaps we shall, Confessor. Perhaps we shall."
END
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Best MLP/40k crossover i ever read
. I ma floored
Has this been submited to Equestria Daily yet ?. Because it has to be. And will there be moar?
38751
No, I haven't submitted it to Edaily. A quick glance at the submissions page says, "no gore" and "avoid Warhammer 40k," and since there's a fair degree of violence here, and 40k is definitely involved, I suspect it would simply be rejected out of hand.
Glad you enjoyed it, though!
Give it a shot none the less. This is too good
38777
Eh, what the heck, I'll give it a shot. My ego can handle a 'no.'
I appreciate the encouragement!
spent the afternoon reading this and i agree, this is the best 40k crossover i've ever read. are you going to continue this? or make a sequel? If not it's alright it ended great!
Verrah nahce!
Thanks, folks, I'm pleased that people are enjoying it!
FYI, it's been pointed out to me that the ending is rather abrupt. Currently working on fixing that problem, but it may take me a couple of days.
Despite my relative unfamiliarity with the Warhammer 40k universe (basically all I know is from the Warhammer wiki), I really like this crossover. It's got a great story, your characterization of the mane cast is spot on, and I especially like your Celestia/Luna interaction. In hindsight, it actually makes a lot of sense that the elements are general purpose anti-chaos weapons (MLP canon never really explains why they exist in the first place).
I think there's room for a short epilogue, though! Keep up the superb writing!
It does seem to end with several things unanswered. I for one was looking forward to a possible meeting between the humans and the Princesses. What is Luna's reaction to finding out what happened to the emperor? That and the humans haven't actually gotten their materials. What did the ponies get in return? Do the bearers go to earth? (probably not) Are you planning on writing a sequel because I never really got to see a lot of the stuff you started wrapped up.
An epilogue has now been added. It's just a brief scene between Luna and Deumos, but hopefully it'll provide a bit of falling action that was missing in the original ending! Hope you folks enjoy it, and my sincere thanks for your kind remarks!
43243 I don't even know that much and I loved this. All I know of the series is what my friends tell me, all of which amounts to "the Imperium has awesome tanks."
48547
Wonderful epilogue. I almost didn't see it since it's still put into Chapter 11, though (maybe make it a separate chapter?). I was wondering how Luna would react to the news about the God-Emperor's fate. Will we ever find out more about how the emperor and the princesses reacted, and why Celestia distrusted him?
Absolutely loved the epilogue. It really did take care of all my complaints.
(experimenting with multiquote)
49851
Heh, well, that, combined with the fact that I'm using a group of traders that are extremely liberal by IoM standards, and used to dealing with xenos in a non-exterminatus manner. (Though that revelation was enough to take the brute force approach completely off the table) The tone was honestly the most difficult part of this story, since the two universes are absolute polar opposites. I'm glad you approve, though!
50529
Thank you! I didn't want to add another chapter, since the epilogue's only ~2k words, and I was embarrassed enough about the eleventh chapter being that short already, so I just edited it in rather than adding another dinky little chapter. As for why Celestia distrusted the GEoM? Well, he was more interventionist than she was really comfortable with, and she disagreed with some of his advice. (Remember, the comment about him giving good advice came from Luna, who liked and trusted him. Celestia would disagree, to an extent)
50768
Awesome, great to hear! Thanks!
66933
Thank you! I'm certainly glad you're enjoying it!
Be warned, however, that the "dark" tag is there for a reason, and half of that reason is chapter 2. It's not as bad as it could be, though!
(Also, WTF? Spambots? Removed a comment that seemed to be an ad.)
Just finished the final chapter and my first impression remains unchanged. If anything, you managed to improve on it.
I have to say, this story deserves not a 10th of a star less than the perfect 5 it has so far.
This would normally be the part where I would post any lingering constructive critiques that jumped out at me throughout the story, but I've found myself at a loss for words. Not that I'm claiming any form of expertise... I'm sure a professional editor would have a suggestion or two. Maybe...
I really liked the story, is what I'm saying. Please, please, please continue writing.
I cried.
I honest-to-Omnissiah cried gratuitous tears of great sadness. No other piece of written work, save a few published books by my most highly regarded authors, has ever managed to tug my heart quite such as this. Your other story, The Dread Chitin, also had a similar effect on me; it was not as tragic, but powerful nonetheless. I dearly cherish this story as one of the best fanfictions I have ever read.
This was just awesome. Everyone was in character and the culture shock was one of the best parts for me.
This is one of the best stories I've ever read on this site, and is, hands-down, the best WH40k crossover here. Fantastic work.
This. Is. AWESOME!
The opening had me worried, the idea of a demon infestation in Ponyville is never pleasant. But it was so perfectly done, and you captured the WH40K unverse perfectly.
Five star.
Sweet filly Luna, you were the mastermind behind dread chitin too? You sir are an excellent author, I hold your fics with the highest regard and look forward to any fic that you may write in the future, regardless of genre!!
By Russ and The Allfather, whom you would call the Emperor. THIS. WAS. EPIC.
I Salute You! *Fist to Grey-armoured torso*
I will admit to being a shade worried when I started, and around chapter two. But you took the epitome of 'GrimDark' and wove it perfectly into what I consider to be the incarnation of 'Sweetness and Light'. Very Well Done.
One month later, Ponyville wakes up to Ciaphas Cain (HERO OF THE IMPERIUM) dueling a(nother) Khorne Berzerker on the plaza.
One thing I didn't like about Celestia's ''Nugde'' Was that tech-priests are almost completely immune to chaos corruption... It would require some serious force and even then it would only be part control.
I honestly can't express how pleased I am that people enjoy this little piece; thanks, all of you, for taking the time to let me know!
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Heh, all she did (it was Luna, not Celestia, actually) was nudge a servitor so it turned this way instead of that to get where it was going; no tech-priests or control involved. That group of battle-servitors still got to the same place at about the same time, they just took a slightly different route to get there.
Thanks for a truly fantastic story. The writing is very solid throughout, and the plot is excellent. Most of all, I'm impressed that you were able to simultaneously stay so true to the character and feel of both WH40k and FiM. Both sides feel very "original flavor," and you've somehow managed to match the Grimdark of WH40k to the much lighter world of FiM in a way that feels both natural and compelling. Bravo. I'll be reading anything else you write.
Oh, I finally notice this on this site. This was the first FiMfic I ever read, and it's really good.
I'm a little surprised I didn't come across this story sooner. I thought I'd read all the good 40k/MLP crossovers, at least until I found this one.
Pretty phenomenal. Your prose is very easy to read, and is very evocative. The characters were well done as well; established ones were well-grounded in canon, and developed organically, while you OCs were nicely rounded. They might have been a little quick to make friends with Xenos (especially the priest), but otherwise this type of story gets to be impossible. I also felt like your action scenes were almost Black Library quality: I could easily visualize what was happening, and it had a visceral feel to it. You are clearly a writer with many strengths.
Some critiques:
Some of the dialogue was a bit too expository. It was most glaring when Seria started explaining Imperial world classifications to Twilight. Not terribly important to the plot, and whatever it revealed to/about the characters probably could have been done easier, better and more quickly another way.
The plot took too long to really coalesce. It was obvious reasonably early that something was up with Tangro (I thought he was a Blank at first, given the frequently mentioned creepyness), and that Tersiaard was going to try to dissect a pegasus at some point; but before chapter ten, there really wasn't an apparent conflict that needed resolving. Just "hey look, Imperials are hanging out with ponies!" I didn't feel like it was going anywhere, like everyone was standing around, talking and dancing until something interesting happened.
Also, you kept referring to Twilight as "the academic." I know that's an accurate label, and it might just be me, but I found it annoying for some reason. Maybe you used it too often for my tastes.
Still, this may be the best 40k crossover I've read. I haven't decided yet. Certainly in the top 3, and it beats the pants off of mine. My thanks and praise to you for writing it.
Thought for the Day: As light is unto darkness, so is Harmony unto Chaos. When it shines in our hearts, none can oppose us.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis
Sooo... Karazor.
Your fic was translated into Russian, posted on Darkpony.ru and gained quite a bit views - 1\3 or so - from russian bronies. Just thought you need to know :D
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Heh, you probably have read all the good crossovers! :-P Thanks, though, it's nice to know that another 40k crossover writer enjoyed my work! The Imperials in this story probably were a bit quick to get friendly, but, well, they're Rogue Traders. They've dealt with aliens before, in a non-hostile manner to boot, and they're all hilarious flaming liberals by IoM standards.
Thanks for the critique, too. Pacing is my biggest problem as a writer, (well, apart from endings which I suck terribly at) I'm extremely ponderous and I know it, though I'm trying to improve in that area. No sign of improvement yet, though! Part of the problem is that I am my own editor and proofreader, so I depend on myself to tell me when a scene's going on too long, and I'm not the most reliable in that area so I constantly let me down. :-P I do hope that the action scenes were at least good enough to make up for the time it took me to reach them!
I actually thought I might be telegraphing a bit much with Tangro; I'm pleased that his villain-hood wasn't quite as obvious as I was thinking I'd made it. Every one of the Imperial main characters had at least one secret, and poor Tangro's was that he was a psyker, and had managed to keep that fact hidden. He was dead before his first appearance in chapter three, which is why he was so careful not to touch any of the Element bearers or the astropath.
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I did know about that, actually; I'd glanced at the stats page a few weeks ago and made that discovery. I lack the vocabulary to properly express how flattered I feel that someone took the time to actually translate my little story. Not only that, he took the extra effort to add cover art for every chapter, and clip art in a couple of places to clarify the things I was talking about, and even a music clip during the dancing scene! Heck, he put more effort into it than I did! I'm sincerely, truly, deeply flattered, and I'm pleased that people enjoyed it that much! It makes me wish I could read Russian, so I could thank... I think the translator's name is YoshkinCat?
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No, he's proofreader. Translator is Многорукий Удав (Constrictor). I think he'll be pleased that you praised him so much. He did put a lot of effort to properly and fully translate and decorate each chapter. But, of course, without you all of it won't happen :D
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Ah, okay. Thanks!
This was fucking awesome.
Read this finally in anticipation of reading TDC sequel.
).
Wouldn't change a thing. (Well Twi could be a bit more of a nerd.)
You brought all the grimdark that was expected, kept intact only what was needed (demon to make the ponies understand chaos and the behir to battle bond them with the humans) and completely subverted the rest (You used dark humor to subvert a pony vivisection. A pony vivisection. You made THAT OK. That is not just good writing, that is a f***ing masterstroke of tightrope walking scene crafting.) while never truly deviating from the satirically dark morality that makes 40K what it is (Well except from that dance scene. That was just diabetes inducing. But death by sweetness just makes it more ironic.
This comment is really long overdue, but I suppose better late than never.
"A Foul Light Shines" was the very first MLP fanfiction I've ever read. What's funnier, it also was pretty much the first FiM-related thing I've touched.
Before reading this story, I... read a Wiki article on ponies? Caught a glimpse of the pilot episode, maybe? Or did I? I honestly don't remember now. What I know for a fact is that I was a lot better versed in the W40k lore than in the MLP universe at the moment.
You can imagine that reading your story, back then, was a rather interesting experience.
The thoughts passing through my mind were, perhaps, quite similar to what the crew of Lux Foedus experienced. Rainbow's obsession with any kind of soldiers on guard duty, Fluttershy's timidness, just two words - Pinkie Pie, and other pony antics were about as bizarre to me as they would've been to them. Things a better prepared reader could've anticipated came to me as completely unexpected.
Of course, that also meant a ton of jokes and references just went over my head. But, you know what? That didn't spoil the impression in the slightest. I got instantly hooked by the story, I loved the characters, I wanted to know more about them and about the world the events took place in, and... Well, here I am now. I can't really think of a better compliment to you as an author.
So...
Curse you, carrier of the pony virus!Thank you, Karazor, for getting me into MLP: FiM. That is something I will not forget.One of the few 40K/MLP crossovers I really like. Both sides are in character, it is for the most part well written, and it has a happy ending. Most of the imperial characters were well done (though some stayed too deep in the background to really build a connection to them) and the plot twist was great, not only was the villain's plan good but the foreshadowing signs only reveal their significance after the reveal. I really liked the priest, the astropath and the magus.
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Why, thank you. I'm always pleased to hear that someone's enjoyed my work.
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And thank you as well!
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Glad you enjoyed it too! (Yeah, Twilight was a little less of a nerd than usual, mostly because she was under enormous pressure to not screw up, knowing that Celestia was depending on her) I'm also pleased that I managed not to go too far with certain scenes, which easily could have gone too far. Fun fact: that dancing scene wasn't in my original story plan, it just sort of happened. I liked it because it pulled the mood a little lighter; a sort of counterpoint to the daemon in chapter 2 and Rainbow's near-breakdown in chapter 3. It was hard to keep the mood balanced!
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Goodness, really? I'm flattered! I'm actually doubly flattered that a fan of 40k who wasn't already a fan of FiM could enjoy this story; I'd figured most 40kers would hate it, especially since the overall tone is slanted more toward the positive.
I've always felt that the characters are the strongest part of FiM, and I try to do them justice when I write. (There's some I have problems with, namely Pinkie and Fluttershy, but I try) I'm pleased that you enjoyed my presentation of them enough to give the real version a try!
And thanks, for letting me know your thoughts. I write primarily for my own enjoyment, but it does make me happy to hear that someone else has enjoyed the results.
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40k/MLP crossovers are difficult to do, and I'm glad you liked this one. (Most of them use Space Marines, which are pretty much impossible to use in a setting like this without setting up a slaughter)
If I may ask, which characters were too background? Eudaros? Anderocus?
Yes, those two. Euardos worked well in the mentor and advisor role in which he was written, but he has too few personal details. We do not even know his taste in food. What makes the others shine more are their personal interests and their emotional reactions. The guardsman Dash danced with, though it was only a single scene, left more of an emotional impact, because it showed more of the person. Due to the traders mainly conversing with Rarity, or completely offscreen, Anderocus also only has shown personality very late. I really like the way you developed him in the finale, but before that pretty much the only thing he did was providing exposition.It was a vital part of establishing the setting, but it revealed nothing about him personally. A small scene with him practicing fencing, or playing a game of regicide with Euardos would have done well to establish him or both as a characters early on, and it would have also made the early chapters on the ship, before they go planetside, less dry. The action and the sheer darkness and vastness of the 40K universe were written well, also back then, but the characters were a bit rigid at the beginning. Once the interactions took up speed, they became very lively, from then they were well written. Rarity also had an important function in the story that fit her well, but she also had little spotlight.
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Well, I'm not that much of a fan - I mean, not the one who reads all the W40K novels and can list all Primarchs and Space Marine Chapters in his sleep... Sometimes I have a suspicion that all those people who write for the Games Workshop can't quite come to an accord - whether W40K, you know, with its rivers of blood, chainswords, bricks of uranium hand-tossed into a reactor coil, etc. is supposed to be an over-the-top parody of the Darker and Edgier trope, or if the reader should take all that seriously. I'm kinda more inclined towards the first option; the guy who takes things more at a face value can be still disappointed by insufficient amounts of gore))
But yes, there was an acquaintance of mine who was really into tabletop games - Warhammer Fantasy Battle, mostly - and through him I got a little fascination with a thing called "Battlefleet Gothic".
Heh, we had next to nothing - no miniatures, no actual printed rulebook - just a ruler, dices, several PDF files and some cardboard cut-outs. Oh, and I kept losing all the time. But god, that was fun! 
Since then I'd educated myself a little about the Warhammer 40000 universe. And then, one day on a certain site (lurkmore.ru, if you're wondering) I was scrolling through an article on W40K and saw a link to your story. With a short note that, apparently, Warhammer and My Little Pony can be mixed. I reread that a few times, just to make sure, and then clicked the link. And that's how Equestria was made)
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All good ideas; I'll keep this kind of thing in mind. Foul Light suffered from a bit of character overload; I went from having three major characters in Dread Chitin to having, what, eight or nine?
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Heh, indeed, 40k's tone can be a bit schizophrenic. I personally consider it almost a self-parody (I've been known to describe 40k as "a fantasy setting wearing the flayed skin of a science-fiction setting as a disguise") and don't take it too seriously, even though as you can probably tell I love the setting, with all its madness and self-contradiction. Most science fiction presents a world that the reader wants to live in, while 40k goes out of its way to create a place that the reader is devoutly glad they don't exist in. For some reason, I find it curiously appealing.
BFG is an excellent choice as an intro to 40k; I personally think it's far and away the best of the tabletop systems. And I have a deep, abiding love for the way Imperial ships look; ornate and Gothic, (and I do so love Gothic architecture) and the artists actually put effort into making them look as big as they're supposed to be. That eagle statue on the Retribution-class battleship? Something like twenty times the size of Mount Everest. I love that kind of over-the-topness. Oh, and you found the link on a Russian-language site? I hope you took a look at the Russian translation; Multiarmed Constrictor did a ton of work and found some gorgeously appropriate art to go along with it.
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Oh yeah. It had a few defects in the rules early on, such as the possibility to accumulate a swarm of ordnance till you roll doubles and 'run out of it', or that idea with 'guessing the range' for the Nova Cannon, but most of them were corrected later, and... Well, the game doesn't get a lot of attention now, but hopefully that will change someday in the future.
Aside from the Imperial vessels, Chaos ships look pretty nice too. A lot of them (Desolator class battleships or Hades cruisers, for instance) have those, you know, reptilian-like features which are a proven way to make a warship look intimidating. As an example from a different universe, the Qwaar-Jet immediately comes to mind)
Yes, I've seen the translation, but at the time I was reading AFLS, it hadn't been completed yet. Besides, even if it was, I'd probably still read the original. Don't get me wrong - the translation is top-notch, the problem is of a different sort. See, there's still no adequate Russian dub of MLP*, so when I try to imagine the Mane 6 speaking - or anyone of the show's cast, for that matter - they kinda lack an established, canon voice)) Therefore, It's far easier to me to process dialogue when it's all in English.
* - in fact, there is a dub, but it oscillates between 'so bad it's good' and 'so bad it's... just bad', at best. We don't like to speak about it
It's too bad this was written before season 2. I would have loved to see how they would react to the ponies having a Chaos Lord on display in the garden. Anyway, this was a great story, well up to the high standard that you seem to consistently put out.
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Yeah, it was kinda broken, but still...
I liked the guess-range Nova Cannon.
I can see how the lack of decent voices could be a problem, though.
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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This is still the best 40k crossover, IMO.
Are you planning on doing anything else with it?
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I don't really plan on doing more with this one; I think it stands fairly well on its own.
This was amazing!
)
Also, fun fact: you are technically my most profitable watched author. Because I love, 100% of your stories.
(Authors with one story don't count
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All they did was send out letters to the various town councils that said, "If anything weird shows up, send 'em to Ponyville!" :-P
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Why, thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my work.
That was pretty great. Totally a memorable story, no doubt.
There was a pretty satisfying balance between the two casts, and I loved the cinematic feel of the story (the way the ending worked was pretty sweet - I did not see that coming). It always offered something fresh and unexpected.
And I love your particular mastery of the sci-fi flavor. Very nice.
Beautiful. Chapter one set the stage and got it's hooks in me, then I ended up consuming the rest in one shot. I had other plans for the evening, but they just kinda fell to the side. I mean, ponies + 40k + good writing... fuck yes please! As someone with enough of a passing knowledge of 40K to understand most stories involving it, this was utterly fascinating. I've been in the mood for a good serious sci-fi story and I am so glad I stumbled across this. Having not read your other two stories, yet (though I certainly plan to
), I can already tell I love your style. You kept ponies in character very well, and the Imperials were just the right shade of liberal to make the story actually work as something short of a xenos bloodbath.
I don't really have any complaints that I didn't see mentioned in the comments outside a few scant typos I don't feel like tracking down.
Got to say, my favorite bits were how you seamlessly merged the two universes. Everything just made sense. I think my only regret is not getting to see more of the bearers purging some daemons. The whole time I was just waiting for AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie to show off their stuff. Though, in the end, I leave this story feeling quite satisfied knowing the best way to fell a daemon prince is to sonic rainboom his face.