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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not bad. Not bad at all. This gets a fav and upvote.
Wow. So. That .... yeah.
Uhm...Luna was completely right still though.
"OUR wrath" could have easily been seen as the THREE alicorn's that were there, not just herself.
The fact he DIDN'T see it that way was odd in itself
How did a MORTAL unicorn survive when only placed into a state of "Unconsciousness" For a millennia?
Cliche check
Red and black villain? Check
Deus Ex Machina OC? Check
OC Villain is more powerful than one of the show's? Check
OC Villain has horribly cliche name? TRIPLE check.
OC villain weapon being a sword? Double points if it's a katana. DOUBLE check
OC Villain easily bests a princess? DOUBLE check
OC villain being a Gary Stu? Hooooly check.
LETTING THE OC VILLAIN KILL THE FUCKING PRINCESS WITH EASE? GOD DAMN A MILLION TIMES CHECK.
HOLY SHIT. This story. This friggin story. I'm sorry but this is a train wreck to me. Your writing isn't bad at a technical level but this story was just. BAD. The story itself was cliche, the villian was OVER cliche and the whole scene where he friggin murders Luna, Celestia and Twilight? Friggin seriously?
I'm not going to say stop writing. Don't. But this story itself? maybe at least rethink it. Especially Lucifer. He's far too powerful and far too cliche. I mean seriously. You could have easily had him turn the princess' to stone or something but noooo. You need a super gruesome scene where he murders them all.
that's it. I'm done. I have legitimized the downvote I have given you by reading this.
Not the best but keep on trying
6841771
Very constructive criticism. For one, I'm not actually that good at being creative, so I can let your comment slide. I know I'm not that good, and besides, the story's just starting. Maybe it'll get better in later chapters, maybe it won't. Your opinion, but I can see the reasons why it seems bad for you.
Also...a cliche check list?
I know that the villain is cliched, but wow...I'm not good with imaginative stuff, so cut me a little slack.
And btw, he used weapons out of his magic, so technically, it is magical swords...For hilarity, I'll add another check for that list for you.
6843806 Yeah. I might have seemed pretty harsh but I'm sick right now so subtlety isn't working right now.
As I said, I will NOT tell you to stop writing as that would be rude even for sickly me and I can see that on a technical standpoint this isn't badly wrote. I would advise you to read more stories and maybe build a few ideas from those as well as to see what is overly done and what isn't well liked. Maybe write a one shot to get an idea or two out and test the waters with your ideas. Sometimes they can go better than you expect.
I honestly did the exact same thing when I joined this site. I made a tiredly cliche story that I planned on making long. But then I stepped back from it and said "Wow. This is shit" to my own story and straight out deleted it after three chapters ( I don't take my OWN criticism well XD) then I started working on something new and a couple single chapter one shots. Those one shots honestly really helped because they didn't need chapters of backstory or anything. They were just nice, small self contained stories that I could let out some creativity on as well as get a few ideas out of my head with.
Dunno where I was gonna go with this but yeah. Not going to give this story a second chance without like a full overhaul but I think you can definitely get better with time.
Have a good day and a great life.
-YBG
Have you been playing Pony Island too much?
Also, Lucifer isn't a pony name.
6843875
I actually laughed at the cliche list though
And one shots are actually a bit tricky for me. I'm not good with having one small idea to make a short story. As soon as I think with my non-creative and unoriginal brain, I want to continue making the story go on and on until eventually, I find the end. Again, I am not original with creating anything, pony, creature, or locale. Besides, it's just a fic I had going through my head one day, I decided to type it out in the crappiest way possible, and say "DONE!" once it's finished. If I posted the first draft, then you have permission to berate me and say I suck.
Thanks for the advice, and I will take it to heart, if only I do have some idea for a one shot...That's gonna be tough though.
Wait until the rest of the chapters are released, and you can hate it if it sucks.
Even I hate my own work sometimes, and I write for fun.
6844420
I know, crappy name, but it's what I had going when I first wrote this a couple years ago out of boredom. I did get some feedback from someone before making an account and posting this story when I finished it, and that person wasn't a fan of MLP. She said she liked it.
I have also never played, or heard of, Pony Island.
Also, have you seen other fics with pony names they make up? Some of them are outrageous, and I'm not as creative with names as others might be. I have a hard time trying to make an account name for other sites since they're always taken by someone else.
As long as you like the story so far, then
. If not, oh well. Can't win them all 
I'm still liking this. Screw clichés, this is still pretty good.
6845484
Thank you, Thunder Quill. Glad you're enjoying it so far.
I loved it. I don't know why the story is being disliked.
6864899
Maybe it might be because of the dark tag, or the fact that this story seems unoriginal. Not exactly the creative type, and as mentioned before, I first made this story out of boredom years ago, revising it so that it doesn't suck more than how it originally was.
Everyone's a critic though.
Glad to know some people enjoy it. As long as there is at least one person who likes it, then everyone else's opinions don't matter, at least for me. 
One of the best stories I ever read.
6866138 you should not give up on it, also when is the next chapter coming out?
6866509
Patience is a virtue, good sir/madame.
And who said I was giving up? If haters gonna hate, then oh well for them. HATE ALL YOU WANT, PEOPLE OR PONIES WHO ARE JUDGMENTAL AT THE BEGINNING OF A STORY!
6844769 For some reason I didn't get notified for this message. Also:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/405640/
6866915 Maybe people would stop "hating" if you actually accepted BronyGod's criticism and improved instead of excusing your faults as you being "just not creative."
You know, downvotes don't come from the irrational twitch-clicking of foam-mouthed "haters." They come from opinions based in thought and fact. Disregarding them isn't very wise. Sure you shouldn't let them get you down all the way, but you should realize that it means you've got room to improve that you should be working into.
6870487
Well, everyone does have their own opinions, and I can take criticism pretty well. I just thought of putting up a story I made out of my own time and finally decided to put it up, seeing if others like it or not. As long as there are some people who like it, that's good enough for me. If they don't, then oh well. I tried.
Maybe later on in the story it would be better, but that's up to everyone who reads through it.
My God. Is this supposed to be parody? There's no way someone wrote this without a parody in mind.
6871354 It's probably just a troll, look at the date the writer's account was made
6871354
No, this wasn't intended to be a parody. If it was, idk what you think I was trying to parody. I made up this story a couple years ago, before the season four finale actually happened, and revised it from my original draft, which looks really terrible and would be disliked a lot more if I published what I saved on my laptop.
6874351
I am not a troll. If you didn't read my author's note in the prologue, I made this story two to three years ago, decided to make an account and see if anyone was interested in what I had made. If you don't like it, then ok, I didn't win your interest. I would like feedback from those who read the story so far, and see what they like or don't like. So, call me whatever, but a troll is not one of them
I've been a brony since season three, and I love watching MLP. I'm not a hater. I'm not a jerk, or a bully. Whatever you say won't affect me. This story will go on, even if others say it's a bad fanfic. All I ask is give it a chance from beginning to end, not at a certain point where I'm in the process of making the next chapter. So, if you want to comment, give me a reason why you don't like it, and I will accept your opinion. No need for name calling or assumptions.
6876557
This is the only thing I'm going to comment on since I don't care about the rest. I never said you weren't a brony, the fact that you're here implies you are, there is a difference between being a troll (someone who tries to provoke a reaction out of others, usually by doing something intentionally bad) and those irrelevant words you used. I can promise you a lot (if not most) of the accounts on this site are troll accounts for the express purpose of publishing troll stories that they don't want associated with their main account. Finally, you probably would have been better off if you'd pretended it was a parody or a troll
I feel like you're losing people at Twilight having a child somewhere during season 4.
You know, among other things.
6900937
Oops...But it's how the story is and sticking to it. If the story's ok for you, great. If not, oh well.
Well, this is an alternate universe, and some things could have taken place that I didn't describe in the prologue and is left to imagination as to what had happened.
And maybe everyone might be mad at this story because I killed the princesses...
Honestly was just
around when I found this story, I have to say, you have devotion, I can respect that. Keep going, I'd hate to see someone give up on a project because it isn't liked by people.
6947887
Thanks, Shaded Changeling. Glad you're enjoying the story.
Man, how I enjoy this. Keep it on, Codex!!
6949370
Thanks! Glad to know you're enjoying it so far.
Ok...Where to start.
First; for a name like Lucifer It wouldn't be a surprise that he want to take over.
Ok now for what I think.
Good start but cliche non of less. If your going to kill a princess I suggest finding there weakness, and exploit it to no end.
OR
Get another species/race to do it. And if you do get another species/race do and the reader call you out for it. Here is the responds.
But since it a pony. The question is how?
6990559
Yeah, not good with making up names. And I know the prologue is cliched, as mentioned by YourBronyGod.
As for the princesses and their downfall, it's explained in a later chapter in one character's POV. I'll assume you made your post after going through the prologue, and I don't know if you read anymore after that, but if you don't like it, then ok. First MLP story I actually made up a couple years ago, remade from the crappy rough draft of it that was garbage and confusing with character dialogue, but I won't judge you for disliking it. At least I got some insight on your opinion.
6991508 If you know it's cliched, then why not try to fix it? I'm sure that if you ask around, you'd find people willing to help you.
7005576
Cliches are everywhere, man. No one can escape the cliche hurricanes!
But in all seriousness, when one views a story, there are always cliches that have been overdone, and knowing them makes it seem a little difficult to make something original. At least in my opinion, anyways. Without cliches, there wouldn't be any stories anyway. I usually go with the flow in a story I'm interested in, look past those same old songs and dances already done, and sometimes get hooked and can't wait for the next part.
Maybe the prologue wouldn't have looked so crappy if my laptop's tracpad didn't randomly think I meant to click while I'm typing, erasing all the work I had written, and make me go insane. And I hate having to switch it on and off, because then the shortcut button on my keyboard would somehow break and I might not be able to use it until I reset my laptop. I think I mentioned that in one of the early chapters' author's notes, because it happened to me again, forcing me to be careful while typing so I don't screw up what I made.
But, oh well. Some like the story, while others don't, and I can understand their reasons. I would actually like to know how everyone thinks of the story, just so I can know what their opinion is. Hopefully you like it so far, and forgive my rambling. I get nervous adrenaline when I see someone commented, whether good or bad.
She chose her friends as sacrifices... and didn't tell them.
7015872
Would you tell your friends if they were going to die from a premonition you keep seeing every day and let them suffer the same fate as you would?
Plus, without Twilight alive, acting as the bearer of the Element of Magic, the other Elements would be useless unless they managed to find another unicorn with the same magical talent as her, while also understanding the Magic of Friendship. Solaris may be Twilight's son, but he's no expert in casting spells, and he's a hidden Element the mystical gems all stand for, being harmony, or light. And since the Tree of Harmony still needs the Elements of Harmony to survive, sometimes drastic measures need to be taken, including sacrifices.
Really nice story! Would be better with more words though... But still, a good one is good one.
7280067 Thanks. I was thinking of making a sequel, but since there were a lot of dislikes...I'm not sure if I should. It wouldn't be as gory and more slice of life-ish, which I think was what set off those people, along with the bad cliches, writing, anything else they pointed out. I'll think about it and keep it ready to publish just in case, but that may have to wait.
By the throne.... That's definitely one way to open a story! You have my full attention, and no nay sayer is gonna bloody stop me from liking this story!
DAMN YOU LUCIFER!
7606100 Thanks. Hope you enjoy the rest and get up to the sequel.
Wait, WHAT?! Well that's a twist...
Okay, this guy is asking for an Exterminatus to get dropped on him....
Lucifer... what have you done....
Oh shit....
Wha,wha, wha, WHAAAAAAAAAAA?!
By the throne..... you're really stacking up on the feels!
One by one, the Elements fall.... how much more can Solaris take?!
The Element Bearers shall not be forgotten.... and Lucifer... there is gonna be hell to pay...
Holy throne, that was quite the fight!
Damn, just... damn, you have made a masterpiece! I don't know why the hell people are downvoting this story, but I enjoyed the heck out of it! Faving this right now!
7607221 Thanks for liking it. I think they didn't like it because of the prologue, or how generic the start of the story seemed with the cliches I made, which wasn't my intention. Just as long as a few people like it, it doesn't matter if it's disliked a lot. It's just a bit odd to me seeing my crossover fics, if you remember my revoked Pony Fantasy X story, and the current one I'm on right now are a lot better than this original story I had revised from a rough draft I saved on my computer.