• Member Since 4th Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Time Reaper


Greetings from Venezuela, I don't expect to do much here, I just got a few stories in my head and wanted write them here, I hope you like them. I take Commissions and can get Ko-Fi donations.

T

Raziel is in the Soul Reaver, knowing that this will bring a chance for the Restoration of Nosgoth Raziel accepted his fate as part of the Soul Reaver to not only purify and save Kain, but also to defeat the Elder God and save Nosgoth, but the Elder God before being defeated decided to escape to another realm to, not only, recover but also to apply the same machinations that he implemented in Nosgoth.

Raziel now is given a chance to not only redeem himself, but to save this new land form the impending doom that has recently entered and friendship will be tested to levels never seen before.

My Second Story.

It will start in the First Season and will end in the Fourth and while it may start the same, by the end of it, the story will be drastically different from what you know, I promise.

There aren't enough stories with Legacy of Kain, let's change that.

Update: Arc 1 completed. 3 Arcs left to complete.

Chapters (23)
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Comments ( 121 )

I agree that there should be some more LoK stories. But the one I have is the least popular and no one is telling me what is wrong so I can improve it. :fluttercry:

7028434

Then my first objective has been completed. :ajsmug:

Ok. I've started to read this story. (Still got a chapter to go.)

Your story concept is good so far. But your grammar could use some work. You seem to have a tendency to create Run-on Sentences in addition to not capitalizing some parts. Your paragraphs should be between 5-6 sentences. I would also suggest separating your dialogue from the paragraphs so that the audience can read it better.

On to the next chapter (whee!)

so... if i'm to understand correctly... this is a crossover of Legacy of Kain, MLP and, if the tag on the Feed was accurate, Dante's Inferno.

7052514

:rainbowhuh:
Honestly, IDK why this was featured in Dante's Inferno, it wasn't me and I got really surprised of seeing it there, but apparently somebody thinks this goes into Dante's Inferno :applejackconfused:

Sorry for not getting back to you.
I will check out your story tomorrow.

7101763

Oh, thank you, and don't worry, I'm very patient and I understand that sometimes our personal lives can become an obstacle for our hobbies, don't worry.

It's a good chapter. I love how you handled Trixie at the end.

As for grammatical errors, there's too many to go through. Let's just say some words are either repeated or the wrong ones and there are commas where there should be periods or exclamation marks.

7102251

Thanks, I was kinda afraid that I did the wrong thing with her, would you believe me that it came to my mind at the last second? I was going to skip this episode when it suddenly came to me what I could do with it, now I'm really glad of doing it, and maybe she might become important later (MUCH later, don't expect to see her again very soon).

Now, about the grammatical errors, I really don't know what to do, I recently read a book that was written in a similar way, but I think that I still need to learn how to write it appropriately.

Add that English is my second language (sometimes I may mix a phrase that works in spanish and miss translate it in english) and you'll find the main problem with me.

THankfully I'm a very perfectionist person (I read this twice before publishing it to fix many mistakes I saw after writing it) so I will read this again and fix it over time, and hopefully I may get an editor soon.

Thanks for reading and have a good day :)

Glad to see this story continue; I really like it.

7446809

You welcome and tell me, what did you like about this chapter?

7446817 I like the fact that Raziel is written in character. That and I like that although Raziel is doing good, you show that it's not in a way the ponies would be used to. I look forward to reading more.

7447089

Thank you, I'll see if I can make the next chapter (the part I had to cut out) very soon.

Not bad. I like how you used an extensive vocabulary for Raziel's dialogue and narrations.

However, there are a couple of things that I feel I should point out.

1: Careful with your sentences. I've noticed several that could be multiple sentences instead of run-on sentences.

2: You keep mixing up words like "Dead" and "Death." When you said "the dragon was death," it made me think of the Grim Reaper (though Raziel is technically one in his case.)

3: Applejack's accent. Using words like 'dat' or 'dis' are used mainly in accents like Jamaican. However, it is not country-talk. Applejack can say things like "that" and "this,".

Other than those nitpicks, it was a good chapter.

7447412

Ok, fixed (I hope) the part of dead/death and that little detail in Applejack's speech pattern (is hard to write it down when I can barely notice it myself in the show, I kinda take things slow when it comes to detect speech patterns).

As for the sentences, I use the period to finish them but if they're related among themselves (and the paragraph is too short) I'll have them together. I'll use the period and apart when the subject changes (or the paragraph gets too large).

Edit: The trick for the extension of the language is that you start to implement it to your life, that way it becomes easier to write it down.

7447603 And you need to eat a thesaurus. :pinkiehappy:

You're quote on how Fluttershy could be Nosgoth's Nature Guardian was really interesting. I've never thought about the Mane Six as six of the Pillar Guardians. I've actually started on some art for their outfits if they were guardians. I got three done. Three more to go.

Fluttershy: Nature Guardian
Applejack: Time Guardian (She was the hardest to place. Figured the Time Piller would want someone honest since Mobius was a snake)
Rainbow Dash: Conflict Guardian (obvious)
Pinkie Pie: Dimension Guardian (very obvious with her 4th wall-breaking powers)
Rarity: Mind Guardian (manipulation of people and the uses of Psychic powers in fashion)
Twilight Sparkle: Energy Guardian (had trouble between Energy, States, and Balance Guardians)

This leaves Death, States, and Balance open.

7447824

Well, there you have something that you can use if you want. I wrote as a little reflection but now I realize that it could have been used for the story (should have been needed, now it cannot fit). You can use it if you want.

But considering that Twilight is magic (the unification of the other 5 elements of Harmony) I would also put her as the Balance guardian so it can fit her role

I would also add Luna and Celestia as the Death and Energy guardians respectively.

7447941
But then who will be the States Guardian?

7448087

Could be if you think she fits the role.

7448104 I've just figured something out for the States Guardian

Trixie can be the States Guardian! She's an illusionist. Sometimes, magicians use chemicals to create things like smoke bombs to improve the act.

7448124

Excellent choice, now you have your guardians. Use them wisely.

7448434 Sweet. I'll work on their outfits tomorrow (I've already finished the Mane Six's). Once I'm finished, I'll post them on Deviantart and send you the links.

7448434 Took me a while, but I got them all done.

Here's the folder for Equestria's Circle of Nine

7451012
It looks very well done. That and you work really fast.

7451256 Well, I had some time to kill. But I put in as much work as I could with only Microsoft Paint and poor drawing skills.

Because i miss this series, i shall give you my attention.

I can't wait till Raziel fully reveals himself (not a break appearance like he did a while back), so I can laugh my arse off at their reactions:applejackconfused::fluttershbad::pinkiesick::rainbowderp::raritydespair::twilightoops:

7487262

Thank you very much, very appreciated.

7487595

Oh yes, their reactions. Some are easy to write, some are hard to predict. Although Twilight already know him (actually thinking he's dead) so her reaction would be more of surprise once she realizes he's still alive.

For now, I'm making a presence. I want to create a hype based on what Raziel is doing and how they're reacting to all of that (you can start to have a guess with Rarity already fantasizing with him). By the time he presents himself completely, they'll react in ways that [shouldn't] be too normal compared to other crossovers where they directly meet with no previous connections.

Here, they're meeting him both directly and indirectly.

Nice chapter I like that raziel had to confess to what he did to the dragon and it was a bit funny that Fluttershy raged out at him but in all honesty I hope that raziel reunites with twilight and to that I bid you farewell and keep up the awesome work :twilightsmile:

7488351

Yeah, I was wondering if anyone was going to notice that Fluttershy used The Stare on him and Raziel didn't even flinched. Glad to know it was noticed.

Don't worry, Twilight will meet with Raziel and it will be in the Everfree, but you'll have to guess when.

After a complet read, i noticed that you make some references to future events, you could actually use that further and make it so it seems someone is telling a story, narrator style, that way you have more freedom to write.

7495035

Glad to see someone noticing it, I'm actually trying that, but it's one of the things I struggle with since this is just my second story. I barely manage to write a decent chapter but whenever I write I try to make it so it's more than a common fanfiction, I try to write them as if I were writing a book.

I really hope I manage to do that by the end of this.

7495292 its a hard thing to try, especially if you have dificulty making the chapter itself, best advice i can give is trying to think this little references as remarks made by a narrator, as in a completely separate being from other characters.

For instance, how Fluttershy felt about Raziel opinion, how she aould understand later, you should make it so that little bit looks like is being thought, or said, by the narrator.

like that meme with the Morgan Freeman "it was in that moment he realized....he fucked up".

7496299

Thank you, I'll give it a try when I start to write the next chapter.

NIce dude, I like it, as you said, you need to make some corrections, but still, nice

While you have some grammar issues and you have spots where the dialogue is in paragraphs instead of separate lines like other stories, this is a good chapter. Though I wonder if anything else from Nosgoth will come to Equestria...

8030988

I'm aware of the problems with the grammar but the dialogue on the paragraphs are to evoke more the feeling of a book (where dialogue is in paragraphs instead of being separate lines) which is why I try as hard as I can to make clear who is the one speaking on each line. I hope that part has been well done.

There's one more thing that will come to Equestria from Nosgoth, but that'll be on Season 3.

It lives, or is it re-live

you have the word death in place of dead in several locations

8178554 Not to mention using "on" instead of 'in' at certain places. Like "on the Everfree Forest" should be "in the Everfree Forest."

8178621 ah I didn't notice those cause the death ones stuck out more for me

It's great to see you're still working on this. I always enjoy reading a new chapter.

8178554
8178621

Thank you, I'll fix it as soon as I can.

8178680

You welcome, I also enjoy writing this whenever I get the time to do so.

Raziel was in a very good place, this castle remembered him of Nosgoth, if only because the conditions of the castle (ruins and in the middle of a forest, a mixture of Vorador's mansion and the ancient Vampire's Citadel but with a touch of his own citadel) and because of the Library that it held. With said Library, Raziel had something to do in his free time like investigating the past of this land, discovering locations that could hide the Elder God or just have a better idea of what creatures lived in this land and how to deal with them.

"Reminded him of Nosgoth."

Death Ursa Minor scene

"Dead Ursa Minor Location."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! TRIXIE CONFESS! TRIXIE DIDN'T VANQUISH THE URSA MINOR! SHE JUST FOUND IT DEATH AND TOOK THE TOOTH, TRIXIE IS SORRY FOR BOASTING BUT PLEASE TAKE TRIXIE OUT OF HERE, TRIXIE DOESN'T WANT TO DIE PLEASE!!!!"

"Found it 'dead,' not death."

A few grammer points.

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