You end this story so soon?!

This was a wonderful chapter. loved every word of it! thank you very much for the epic love!

AWWWW you better not make it sad I don't want to cry... but something tells me its the fact that you ran out of idea's or make it to a HiE and have a sequel. God I hope its the second choise. Also there are some spelling errors throughout the story you might want to check up on that.

Your ending it already? Maybe there could be a way for the human to go with them back to ponyville, maybe twilight knows a spell that can take him with them. Just throwing out idea's for you

You're ending it already?! You could've done a million chapters to build it all up for the next scene...there would be a closer connection with the characters that way, too...

Oh well. Great story, but there are a lot of typos. Try to go over your work before you submit it. Here are a few errors I found...

appetiser

Should be 'appetizer.' (In the chapter title.)

I simply nodded since Fluttershy was now hugging me to tightly for me to be able to speak.

Should be 'too.' (As in 'too much.' That 'to,' is simply for going somewhere. 'I'm going to the store.')

She threw her fore hooves around my head for a tight hug.

I'd use that as one word, or even switch it to 'forelegs.'

The left side of my head was against her chest and I was able to feel her tear tears falling on my skull and mixing itself with my hair.

Tear tears? Shouldn't both be there. Honestly, I would go through and change that entire sentence to be like this: From my position, I was able to feel Twilight's tears falling.

and we don’t want leave you!” she exclaimed

Two things. 'and' should be capitalized, and there should be a period after 'exclaimed.'

Her eyes shot open and looked at me not knowing what to say; she is the shyest pony in ponyville and there she is masturbating in front of me.

'Ponyville' should be capitalized, as it is a proper noun. I would consider revising this sentence, as it is confusing and a little weird flowing.

When Fluttershy finished drinking the last of my cum she crawled up on me and hugged me.

Sounds a bit redundant, doesn't it? I would put instead: When Fluttershy finished drinking the last of my cum, she crawled up so she could hug me.
I got some of it, but there's quite a bit left. You could use a proofreader to work with the flow of your writing. Some of it seems a little choppy, or doesn't sound right. Also, you shouldn't put a space between a period and the quotation mark. (Example: "Why, hello there. ") That space is unnecessary, and doesn't look professional. If a sentence has many ideas in it, try to separate it into different ones. Sometimes run-on sentences can really confuse readers. Good luck, and I hope my pointers help you!

As for an actual comment on the story...
You should definitely have a sequel where he goes to Equestria, or perhaps they end up staying? I dunno, but it would surely be a good idea. Anyway, great job! I can't wait to see the next update. I just hope you write the emotions out properly.

Tracking. I hope you make this story, and not break it. The plot is great, just try to work a little on your grammar or get someone else to look at it.

1616654 thank you very much for helping me with my errors I know that I make them but I don't see them It sucks that English is not my first language but French!!! (which honestly is harder then English) Anyway, I will take care of the errors that you have yet spotted and feel free to help me more! OH almost forgot! all the information of why I am stopping this story so soon and if it will have a sequel will be at the end of the last chapter (which will come out sooner then I expected)

can't wait to see how it ends this is a good storie.

I wasn’t the biggest human of the world but I have a healthy 10 inch long dick.

And that's when I closed the story.
Up and until then it was a mildly good, if abit clunky story.

2011035
If he changed the 10 inches to 10 centimeters then it would be well within normal human genital dimensions. This may just be a metric conversion error as 10 cm is a respectable 3.9 inches. For a person who still lives with their parents this is far from an unreasonable length.

Of course I cant completely discount bad writing as it is entirely possible that the author lacks a real reference point for the normal, average size of that part of the male anatomy.

To the Author:

I know you are new at this so I won't rant at you. You have potential so please remember that creative criticism is a friend. That said you might want to brush up on your story pacing and definitely read a few GOOD stories with sex scenes in them. Out of all the ones on this site I would recommend you read the scenes in Xenophilia. The scenes in that story are both beautiful and romantic while still being raunchy at times.

Also remember A-kun's rules for writing a sex scene.

Rule 1: KNOW BASIC ANATOMY. (The average length of the male organ is 4 inches at best.)
Rule 2: Know how sex works. (If you don't know this by now stop what you are doing and go watch to porn, you will be better off for it and your readers will too.)
Rule 3: Don't force yourself when you write a sex scene. (If you force it the scene will be worthless and unarouseing.)

You get the idea. Don't fall into basic sex scene errors that make good stories with bad sex scenes into bad fics.

2385232 I thought the average was 6 inches or so, but then again, it's all relative. 10 inches is not common: the bigger, the rarer, actually. Besides, once it gets to a certain size, it become cumbersome () and doesn't really improve sex. Why does everyone assume in fics that everyone wants the guy to have a giant schlong?

Not bad, mind you, but if it's gonna be big, or at least above average, explain why and how it works. Look it up if you need to: sex isn't just sticking it in someone and pounding away like it's a steak you're trying to tenderize. For a better reference, read romance novels by female writers (excluding Stephanie Meyer): they know what they are talking about.

next one is the last chapter?i hope there will be a sequel

i really like this story and if there going to be a second hope there going to be HiE

So this is pretty much dead?

Just got done reading all of the chapters and I got to say, best story I've read.
But why next chapter be last chapter? The story was getting so good.

Destiny rules over fate

I love it all it was a beautful read ,I hope they find a way for him to stay with them.By them makeing a portol so they can go to hem whenever they ant and he can visit them to.