- Member Since 24th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 7th, 2020
ponylover
Hey im a fan of MLP FIM and im trying to get a story down so yeah.
ponylover
Joined 24th Mar, 2012 ·
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OK well this is to prevent first so yeah. Ok well if anything is spelt wrong could you please say it in a nice manner? I've had people over react to words that are spelt like nad instead of and so yeah. Please comment and spread the word if you liked it.
~Sierra, TWE Admin.
Don't forget about the use of Capitals. Other than that, loved it!
It's okay, there are way too many spelling errors to count though, and incorrect uses of homonyms everywhere. Put it through spell-check before you post it and it will be able to catch those small errors; although some words are spelled horribly incorrectly. There are also some grammar mistakes here and there, and the story is moving too fast. Why is the character so accepting of the fact that a cartoon talking pony has just stumbled into his world? He doesn't seem to react at all, he just treats her like a normal person and while he is treating her wounds, he keeps forgetting what he is supposed to be doing! I'd think that if he did accept that she was real, he'd be more urgent to help his favorite pony who nearly got stoned to death; especially if she's whimpering and crying out from pain.
Your chapters need to be longer and more descriptive in the future. You should show us what is happening and describe it in detail, not just have a quick succession of you telling us about it quickly and then moving on. This chapter could have been much long and more satisfying if you had been more descriptive. Those are my two bits, so I will be off now, good luck with your story. I think that this could be good if you patch it up a bit.
1279128 ok thx and srry for all the errors i'm still in school AND i'm not that good at this kind of stuff sorry
and i'll try to do better next time
Could use a proof reader and spelling/grammar check but other than that not bad.
1279150 I could use one...wanna help?
1279149
Not a problem man, as long as you're willing to try and fix it and take critisism, you can only get better.
this is good man aldo it reminds me of MLD I can't wait to see the next part
I like it but Even a Princess has feelings is better.
1279159
I wish I could but I suck at phrasing, I'm a good reader but a bad writer
But there's a group on fim that has proof-readers that can help here's their link
Proofreaders and People willing to proof read
1. At first, I thought the title said "Helping Beat Up A Showmare." I saw the description, and was proven wrong.
2. Despite some errors in the story, I found the overall development quite interesting. Keep up the good work, and try to improve on those errors.
1279253 ok thx and could u be a proofreader if u are interested? plus you could tell me wht to improve on
Alrighty, I'm Sierra and I'm going to be your reviewer for today!
Well, if you want, that is. Still, 1279128 is pretty good (but not as good as me! 
) So... let's get started. As always, if you don't like the criticism I give, feel free to delete it or ignore it. If not, there's not need to acknowledge or credit me. I do this to help all authors, not just you!
So, I'll be using my colour system for showing you the different flaws in your work. It's pretty basic but I'll describe it below.
Red shows a typo.
Blue shows something I'd add.
Green shows a grammatical error.
Purple shows something not described above.
Alrighty, let's get to work!
Well, now that the grammatical side is out of the way, about the story...
1) Pre-reader: As you said, you need to find a pre-reader. I'm sure you know the importance of this, so I won't go into it.
2) Capitalise your title: Replace the current one with Helping A Beat Up Showmare, it'll look better.
3) Practise: Practise makes perfect, so keep on writing and you'll improve considerably!
Good luck with the story! Mail me or comment on my wall if you have any questions
~Sierra, TWE Admin.
1279282
As much as I'd love having the honor of doing so, I must confess that I have too many errands and family issues as of late, and I haven't even been able to update on my own fic. Believe me, I really am honored to have been asked to be a proofreader, but perhaps if it were during another time, seeing as the both of us are probably busy with school. Also, You just need to work on spelling, as some of the people commented before, and try to make your chapters a bit longer and with more clarity and detail. Readers like a deep story with good details, expression, a bit of humor, but most of all: plot development. I like the development of the story so far, seeing as it's still just the first chapter. Just keep your mind open for your imagination to help with good ideas to add to the storyline.
1279317 Ok thanks abunch for that I was waiting for osmeone to do this. Now i think you might say no but can't blame me for trying. Would you be my proof-reader? Or pre-reader however u wanna word it. Just until my main one gets back from....some problems he has?
1279338 I would, but I'm busy trying to keep some semblance of an update schedule for my stories, managing TWE and writing these reviews
If you need help or advice though, I'd be glad to help!
1279338
I could help you proofread or pre-read if you want. Just don't expect me to immediately fix everything up within 30 minutes like some other people do XD
1279205 give it time my friend
1279092 your avatar is tht a mare and yor OC just asking cuz if thts a mare i might use her in a fic.....hmmmmmmm
1282284 Ummm . . . Okay? This isn't my actual OC though. Feel free to use the picture though.
1282638 Oh ok srry if tht freaked u out
i guess i just assumed and i have problems with tht....srry again
That was great
1284701 No, it's fine. I found her on the intetnets. (Not to be rude or anything, but is that how you normally type?)
1287210 no not really i was typeing on my smartphone so thats why sorry about that
Sup ponylover I feel this will turn out great if you work at it and plan it out I can see HUGE improvements from your avp fic I'm liking it so far KEEP IT UP
three weeks later
this just in a group of kids have bein found hanging in an ally skinned alive
(moral: DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. TRIXIE!)
1304235 they will suffer
teke teke teke teke teke teke teke
yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (try and make chapters longer and again I stress don't rush)
So she hung some kids upside down for beating the shit out of her... Big deal.
I love it
good work as always
I love how someone made a story like this because I believe trixie is just misunderstood
I don't know if I'm turning into a grammar nazi, but the typos here bugged me so very much. I like the story so far though, should try to take it slower though. (don't listen to me, I know nothing!)
Two words my good sir.
Guess them
1332468ummmm idk
I am intrigued by these turn of events. also might I suggest a fic idea I want to see you write a dead island crossover I feel like it would be very good. Also you spelled tail 'tale'
1332504 FUCK YES!!!
Lol. Good too see this story doesn't have any PLOT holes. Well, maybe one...
1332468 Eff you?
I don't care about the errors in this fic, IT'S VUNDUVA!!!
1350973 eff you? What do you mean?
1279568 Ok i'm stuck on what I have right now and I was wondering if you were willing to help with any ideas? Just wondering and if it's to much than that's just fine with me.
Great chapter! I don't think I'll ever be as good as you when comes to fics
sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-feel-the-love-2.png
dat ending
1425051
thx for the comment and
for trixie but dont worry happy and maby daw moments ahead. Plus is there anything i need to work on?
Actually, you're writing has gotten better from the beginning. With any fic there tends to be a little bit of a rough start with grammar, phrasing and the like, but you've been improving with each chapter. Honestly the only problem I can think of at the moment is that the chapters are pretty short, other than that
a.scpr.org/i/fb400c14fc725bfedb7401a9c3728b69/46251-six.jpg
Agree^ You've gotten better with your writing. Still some spelling mistakes, but overall, pretty decent plot so far.
1425350 hur hur hur you said plot