• Published 23rd Jun 2016
  • 1,175 Views, 30 Comments

Kung Fury in Equestria - Bad Dragon



Kung Fury gets zapped to Equestria, and one thing is for certain: This magical land of ponies is in need of some justice!

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Chapter 3: Who are you?

“Hey, get off of me, you!” A voice came from the ground.

“Huh?” Kung Fury looked down at a winged, blue creature under his shoes. He quickly jumped off of the animal and glared at it.

The pony stood on all four and snorted back at the cop. “What in Equestria are you?”

“A curious—talking critter, aren’t you?” Receiving nothing but raised eyebrows as a response, the man continued. “I’m Kung Fury.” A choir boomed from the background. “A cop from another universe. I’m on a mission: Make Adolf Hitler answer for his crimes. As a side quest, I need to arrest Discord for obstruction of justice!”

A purple aura formed around his body emphasizing his epic statement. “Now answer my question, blue, are you Discord in disguise?”

“I’m no Discord. I’m Rainbow Dash!” A chain of text flew between them so fast that her name couldn’t even be narrated. “What in Equestria was that?”

“I’ll take that as a no.” Kung Fury’s aura subsided as he brought down his fists. “What is our current location, citizen?”

Rainbow Dash flew up from the ground and dusted herself off before she answered the question. “We’re just outside of Ponyville.”

“Ponyville?” Kung Fury looked around, but he saw not one hive in sight. So it figures. This critter before me doesn’t own any of the features I remember Discord having. If she’s not lying, then I have some travel ahead of me. “Alright, Rainbow Dash horse, where do I go to find the Hive.”

“The Hive? What are you talking about? And just so you know, I’m a pony!”

“I understand. A midget—flying horse.” Kung Fury’s eyes narrowed. I can’t tell if this pony is tricking me or what. Maybe I’ll just have to ask another pony; one who knows where I need to go. The paperwork after this job will be a bitch to fill out. He turned to walk away from the ignorant civilian.

“Hey!” Dash—dashed in front of him. “I can’t just let you wreak havoc on Equestria.”

“Trust me, you cannot not let me. Best you step aside, citizen. Obstruction of justice is a serious offense.”

“No need to get so defensive, hothead.” She hovered before the cop as he walked toward Ponyville. “If there’s injustice going on, I want to be there when it gets bucked.”

“Endangering civilians is not in my job description. In fact, I’m supposed to cut back on doing it.”

“I’m no civilian!” She did a somersault in the air. “I’m the fastest Wonderbolt there ever was. And what’s even 20% cooler, I’m the Element of Harmony. The one and only—Rainbow Dash. Once, I went against an entire changelings army, and lost… But we won in the end!”

“Changelings!” Kung Fury grabbed Rainbow by the neck. “Where are they?”

“Khk!” Dash said, chokingly.

Kung fury spread his mighty hand and released her from the deadly embrace. “Talk!”

“They attacked Canterlot.” She coughed. “They’re far gone now, though. We beat them in the end.” Her eyes pierced him. “And if you lay your tentacled hoof on me again, I’m gonna beat you, too!”

“They attacked, you say?” He stopped walking and took a big inhale. “Injustice is in the air. Hm… It smells—like old books.”

“Nah!” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “That’s just Twilight on her morning reading flight. Best if you ignore the ‘aroma’. She’s sensitive about having her dump smell of dull being questioned. She rubs the books all over her body to start the day. Perfume of smartness, she calls it.”

Kung Fury looked up and saw another pony with wings, wearing a crown.

“Twilight, over here!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

“Rainbow!” A book fell from her hooves, but she caught it with her magic. “Are you sure your new pet will go along with Tank?”

“Intriguing,” Kung Fury said, observing the magical aura around the book. “Who are you, purple sorcerer?”

“I’m Princess Twilight.” Her name was slapped onto the screen. Twilight gasped at the sight of her three-dimensional name floating in front of her. “Is that my name?”

“Do you not recognize it, princess,” Kung Fury took up a pair of black sunglasses from his back pocket.

“Well, I do, but how is that even possible?” She dropped her book on the grass. “It makes no logical sense.”

“Try not to think too hard Princess, everyone gets it. Observe!” He took a wide stance and put on his sunglasses. “My name is Kung Fury.” His name appeared before him and burned away a few moments after. “Let’s not get carried away, though. Lollygagging may not be strictly illegal, but it is not encouraged, either. I still have a mission to complete and that’s to arrest Discord for obstructing the law.”

“Wait, how did Discord obstruct the law exactly? Again…”

Kung Fury looked away into the clear blue skies. A short breeze passed by which made the tails of his head strap sway in the wind. All followed by a moment of silence as both Twilight and Rainbow waited for his story.

“My trip started when a train card fell on my head, and I was somehow transported to this universe where I first met the punk who called himself Discord. I ordered him to get me back to Earth, so I could conclude my primary mission and arrest Adolf Hitler, also known as Kung Führer. A leader of a massive army.

“He laughed and told me that he couldn’t do that because I was dead. I got super angry and was going to end him with my finishing kick™. Then, suddenly, I ended up here.

“I wasn’t able to arrest Kung Führer in my world, but I hear he’s taken residence in this one. I thought I’d pay him a visit.” Kung Fury turned around and looked at Twilight. “And that’s why I need you to direct me to the hive, citizen princess.”

“That might not be as straightforward as you make it sound,” Twilight said.

“I don’t have much time to spend? I’d rather see the paperwork already in the past than in my future.”

“Best if we take this to Friendship Rainbow Kingdom Castle before Pinkie Pie notices you out in the open,” Twilight suggested. “You’re in for a party if she does.”

“I can handle a pink pie,” exclaimed Kung Fury. “As long as it’s pie flavored.”

“I’ll race ya!” Rainbow Dash poked Kung Fury and bounced away in the air from the immobile stature incarnated. “I want to see if you’re just all talk and no action!”

A gush of wind spun Rainbow Dash in the air. She looked around then glanced at Twilight, “Where’d he go?”

“I think you lost the race, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight smirked.

“Whaa?” She looked to the castle. “No way am I losing to two legs!”

Another gush of wind ruffled Twilight’s mane. She smiled as she picked up the book from the ground. She dusted it with a hoof and talked to it, “Let’s win this race, The Intrinsic Aspects of Inner Flow Magic!” Her horn shone brightly. The moment she blinked, she won the race.

“Heya, Twilight.” Spike walked by her with a broom without even throwing her a glance. “How was your high reading?”

“Spike! I’m glad you’re here.”

“Hm?” He looked up to her.

“I need you to send a letter to each of the elements, except for Rainbow Dash. They need to get here as soon as possible.”

“Why not also call upon the blue, flying disaster?” Spike asked. “With her on your team, you won’t even have to look for trouble. You’ll be drenched in it.”

“No invitation needed. She’ll be bursting in here any moment now, anyway.”

“Why doesn’t the magical table call the rest, instead?” Spike asked.

“It’s not a friendship problem; it’s a justice problem.”

Kung Fury burst through the castle’s door. He decelerated by spreading his hands on both sides of the hallway. Sparks flew from his palms as they grazed the walls.

“Rainbow Dash? There’s something different about you.” Spike leaned his head to the side. “Did you get a mane cut or something?”


All the friends sat down around a large crystal table. Twilight stood up to present the issue that Kung Fury called to her attention. “Alright, so to begin, we have here with us-”

“Don’t fret, princess. I’ve got this.” He stood up. “My name is Kung Fury.” He put on his sunglasses as the name came up in front of him, but this time instead of glowing with fire, it shone with pure plasma. Twilight and her friends covered their eyes.

“Sweet Celestia, that light is too bright,” Spike said as he fell back onto the ground.

Rarity didn’t cover her eyes but instead left them open to gaze at the beauty that shined from his very name. “It’s marvelous!” she cried out as she brought both forehooves together with much delight.

“Everypony, please ignore the illogical effect that can’t possibly be explained,” Twilight said.

“I’ll get some ice for Rarity’s eyes.” Spike ran out of the room.

“You do that!” The princess nodded. “Now, I need you all to focus on the more pressing matter.”

“I can’t see…” Rarity whimpered.

Twilight didn’t let herself be interrupted. “Kung Fury claims the changelings are back”

Gasping sounds echoed through the hall.

"Supposedly”—she threw Kung Fury a questioning look—“Discord joined with Queen Chrysalis and her minions in her hive. It could be that he’ll aid them as they suck love out of everypony in all Equestria. We’ve seen him do it before, just with magic that time…”

“He promised not to do it again!” Fluttershy cried out and quickly put both forehooves on her muzzle as her face turned red.

Kung Fury folded his hands and said, “I will get him, not just for obstructing the law, but for straight out breaking it by becoming an accomplice of a criminal. I’ll put an end to their evil, messed up, not-gonna-work plan.”

“Remember, Kung,” Twilight put a hoof on his fist that was frozen in spatial dimension. “This is our fight, too. We’re in this together. As friends!”

“I had friends once…” Kung Fury’s voice trailed off.

Pinkie Pie put her forelegs on the table. “Don’t you dare say it was horrible!”

“No, it was great, actually. They saved my life and the whole world with it.”

Author's Note:

Dismal The Zoner
Bad Dragon

Upon reading this chapter, readers are welcome to play the Comment section minigames.

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Comments ( 23 )

Comment section minigame for Chapter 3 of Kung Fury In Equestria.
GAME 1: Music alignment
Does Chapter 3 remind you of a song that you know? If yes, post it in the comments in the following format:
- A link or embedded Youtube video of it.
- Percentage of correlation (0% being an unrelated song, 100% being a song written exactly for this story [you get extra points if it's from the '80s]).
- Reason why this song reminded you of this story or the excerpt of the lyrics that resonates with this fic in some way.

Music recommendations for reading this story:
The Payolas - Eyes Of A Stranger — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
In your lips I sense a danger — You've got the eyes of a stranger

Not bad.

Loved this shit.

Lookin' forward to more.

Have a moustache on me.

:moustache:

It's cool that the special effects are also added for the intros.

Pinkie literally just tried to stop him from becoming Grumpy Cat.

I'm not gonna read this yet, but just so you know it will be on the back burner and seeing this made me smile.

Seeing this reminds me that I toyed with the idea of making a Kung Fury / TCB parody...christ, fucking ages ago. Still haven't gotten around to actually doing that.

BUT.

While I'm a little miffed I didn't publish that first, I salute you sir.

7335541 You're also welcome to join this collaboration If you ever get the urge to write Kung Fury.

One thing I must ask... How is something like this E rated? I mean, Kung Fury is a heavy R rating, so how is a fanfic of said movie rated E for everyone?

7359683 There's no blood, no gore. No one got hurt in any way.

I could claim that MLP is more violent than this fic.
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/6/65/Rainbow_Dash_Atomic_Rainboom_Explosion_S2E3.png/revision/latest?cb=20111020055811

Uki

haha i remember watching kung fury a while back, made me laugh. i will proberlly read this when i have more time. hope it makes me laugh as much as watching kung fury.

wassup man i love kung fury

Where do you come up with this shit? And why can't I stop reading it?

8239388 That's the beauty of Collaboration. The more people work on something, the more unique ideas you'll end up with.

Another thing is the editing. When multiple people edit the same story, they add what's missing and remove what's clogging the text. That makes the reading fun and engaging.

However, the hard thing about collaborations is commitment. It's easy for people to start stuff, but hard to finish them. For every chapter added, it's harder for a newcomer to join the collaboration because there's more material to adhere to. The incomplete status of this story reflects that.

i havent read it yet but i will say this you had me at kung fury

7359683
You may want to get that ratting up. It's Kung Fury, it's going to get more violent.

8700011 I'll do that if the collaborative readers decide to go that route. Thus far, nopony got hurt, so I think the lower rating is still appropriate.

I have reviewed your story; you may find it here.

9570175
I mean put music "Into story"

9570250 Like lyrics? Or links to Youtube music? What exactly are you suggesting?

9570259
Ya know what? newer mind... your story = your rules.

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