Kung Fury in Equestria

by Bad Dragon

Chapter 2: You Are Dead!

Discord took a sip from a pink tea cup. “So, my new best friend, do you know what the difference is between ‘the one’ and ‘dead one’?” Discord asked.

Kung Fury clenched his buttocks but said nothing.

“Exactly!” Discord proclaimed. “Nothing! There is no difference because you’re dead!” He leaned back in his chair and laughed at the echo of his last words.

Kung Fury narrowed his eyelids.

“Oh, come on! That was a basic one. Even a pony as dense as Twilight would have gotten it.” He looked at his guest in anticipation with the last shred of hope of finding a smidgen of sense of humor reflecting of off him. The serious expression of Kung Fury’s face was as off-putting to Discord as the previous sentence would be to a reader.

Upon receiving no response from the silent co-speaker, Discord put all his effort in the final attempt to deliver the joke. “The one is a dead one!” he squeaked, holding back a burst of laughter.

The face of Kung Fury stayed fix as if it was frozen in time.

“Our relationship doesn’t seem to be working out too well, but It’s not me, it’s you!” Discord expressed strongly. “There was nothing wrong with my joke. I know because it literally cracked me up. And I do mean literally, see.” He grabbed his shoulders and shifted his torso around. There was indeed a crack on his back. “It leads right to my crack!” He burst in a crazed hysterics.

“Sir,” said Kung Fury.

“Fine…” sighed Discord. “Let’s get down to business then. I need you to do me a favor. In return, I’ll teleport you to your weird Earth. I promise that you’ll be mostly unharmed. Unlike your friend Cockroach who I left for dead to express how serious I am.”

“I don’t have any cockroach friends.”

“Such ruthlessness. I can use that…”

“I’m not a mercenary,” Kung Fury said. “I’m a cop!”

“You do something for me, I do something for you. It’s a really simple concept to grasp.”

“Until I see Hitler in handcuffs, I have no time for second rate criminals!"

Discord pressed his paw between his eyes and leaned on it. “I haven’t even told you what the target is.”

“I’m not a hitman,” said Kung Fury.

“You’re a cop?” Discord sighed.

“Exactly!”

Discord raised his eyebrows. “Sir, cop, you’re the most unreasonable person, I’ve ever come across…”

“By the power that is invested in me, you’re under arrest, for obstruction of justice!”

“Ugh! You’re no fun…” Discord face-pawed. “Tell you what. If you want to get at me, you can find me at the Changeling Hive where I’ll be hanging out with my dear friend Chrysalis. I hope she’s not still busy planning world domination with the Kung Führer fella. Either way, you’ll have to get through her to get to me or your beloved brother. Ta-ta.” Discord vanished just in time to avoid Kung Furie’s round kick.

“Adolf Hitler is not my brother!” Kung shouted in the air. “He just stole my title before I got it!”

“Wait, why am I leaving? This is my house!” Discord’s voice boomed. “You leave!”

Bright light enveloped Kung Fury, zapping him out of the chaos dimension.

Author's Note:

Authors of chapter 2:
neorenamon
Bad Dragon

Upon reading this chapter, readers are welcome to play the Comment section minigame.

GDoc

Comments

[Bad Dragon]

Comment section minigame for Chapter 2 of Kung Fury In Equestria.
GAME 1: Music alignment
Does Chapter 2 remind you of a song that you know? If yes, post it in the comments in the following format:
- A link or embedded Youtube video of it.
- Percentage of correlation (0% being an unrelated song, 100% being a song written exactly for this story [you get extra points if it's from the '80s]).
- Reason why this song reminded you of this story or the excerpt of the lyrics that resonates with this fic in some way.

Music recommendations for reading this story:
Edguy - The Spirit — Correlation: 40% (Lyrics)
The spirit that guides you follow it through — To the spirit inside you always be true