• Member Since 23rd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Harms Way

Brony, Gamer, Titanic Enthusiast, Bowler, and Admirer of Sunset Shimmer and Adagio Dazzle


Comments ( 124 )

Brilliant! :pinkiehappy: Can't wait for the next one!!!

So who's left? Twilight right?

I always loved Pinkie's kink for whipped cream:pinkiehappy:

OK,mine sex scene with Pinkie was extremely hot and kinky and I liked how she broke the fourth wall by referencing the last two girls that need to get their boyfriends in the EG Erotica Series and using you (Harms Way) as a justification to explain how she reached the EC room so quickly.

Called it, I knew whipped cream would've been involved.

Nice work mate! liking the series you've made!

If only we could actually force our penises to retract in real life. :\


Enjoying, breaking the fourth wall yet? :raritywink:

I had a feeling that whipped cream would be involved and a bit of continuity was present too, instant fave as always. :pinkiehappy:

So Applejack and Twilight are left, I call Applejack to be next. :ajsmug:

Fuck yes I've been waiting for thi . Cheers mates

6709648 Funny, because I was hoping that Twilight will get the next one.

Harms Way, awesome job on the story! Loved it!

How the hell do these shitty second person fanfics keep hitting the featured box?

It's nothing short of cheep method of getting in the featured box by fulfilling some poor lonely soul's fantasy.

It's the one genre I refuse to use as a writer due to this. Fanfiction is about telling a story, not fulfilling some 16 year old's fap fantasy they can input themselves into.

And no, I'm not bashing you as an author, I'm sure this "fic" is well written.

I'm bashing you for stooping to this kind of low in order to get featured.

And before you claim me "jealous, pissy that my fic didn't get in when yours did, or any other lame reasoning"

Know that I am currently on a writing hiatus and have not written or updated a fic in roughly a month.


I've always believed that a writer can and should use any perspective when they're writing. Third person might be what most people prefer but writing in first and second can change perspective for both the writer and reader, giving the writer a different way to write their story and giving the reader a new way to read something. I personally believe that anyone that wants to write or has a passion for writing should try second person, if for its novelty if nothing else.

That being said Deathsia, I think it's real shitty that you're dumping in a story just because it's not written in a way that you don't like. And you ARE jealous and prissy for doing it. You could have left constructive criticism, hell you could have just downvoted this story, but instead you went ahead and complained that this second person story got featured. You didn't comment on whether it was a good or shitty clop fic, or that the characters were poorly written or the best that you've ever seen, you didn't comment on whether there was spelling errors or not; all you did was bitch about it being in second person.

I don't usually comment on stories or comment on what people are saying about them, but when someone tells an author not to do something they don't like--and when that person is a fucking writer themselves-- I have to open my big mouth and tell that person to shut the hell up. So, Deathsia, shut the hell up and let people write their horse stories like they want to.

Unless you're a professional, it's hard to write well what you don't like. If the author made this it's probably he genuinely enjoys these stories, and even stories like these have to have proper grammar and a good imagination to get to the front page usually.

I personally feel comedy is cheaper and easier to sell when it comes to grabbing attention, and my all stories generally have the comedy tag. Sometimes the thing you love also happens to be what's popular. It's not bad, it might make you more well known or well received than other authors, but you still have to have a general interest in it to try and write it. Unless you're that good.

Honestly, I feel if he really wanted popularity only, he would probably write nothing but Pony ver. TwilightxRainbow fics.

Well... that was interesting.


And you ARE jealous and prissy for doing it.

Jealous of a featured box-gimmic sellout?
The only thing I'm jealous of here is the blissful ignorance you have, that I lost a long time ago.

I've been writing for 10+ years pal, sure I may not be the best writer out there but I don't need to be a J.K. Rowling to know a cheep viewgrab genre when I see it.
Update: Against my better judgement i decided to see if this was any different than 99% of the second person fics out there. Because after all, you could be-

... Are you serious?

You call the reader...the person who is supposed to be putting themselves into this story...ANON?!:facehoof:

I don't know whether to close this chapter now at the obvious 4chan-style term usage or continue to press on...

Fuck it...I'll press on. I'm sure there's something to take from this, like an engaging story, great character development or-


Or you could turn the reader into some sex crazed pervert...:ajbemused:

Moving on...


Obligatory Pinkie breaking the fourth wall...check!

And less than a paragraph later...the sex begins...

So standardized sex scene following a short and pointless human mane six cameo...

Would it be crass of me to say I expected nothing less or more for that matter of a fic of this genre?

As a final thought on this story, judging by what you've written here, you have the talent to write a full fledged story but you choose to squnder it on this gimmic.

As some serious advise:

Don't take the easy way out, go the extra mile, make a engaging story, brilliant characters, and hell even make it second person if that's what your comfort zone is! As long as it ain't the "You bang this person" gimmic featured box sellout grab, I'd honest to god give it a read.

Also..for the love of god...don't call the reader anon...that term may appeal to chan users but there are many other ways to referring to a reader in second person.

Comment posted by mikemeiers deleted Dec 8th, 2015

Okay, so according to Pinkie Pie, and most of all you. There're six other Anons, all in the same universe, and two more have yet to be introduced. Is that right?

6710319 That's right. Applejack is still left, and since the Friendship Games came out, human Twilight is all that is left, since pony Twilight still like Flash.

And I was surprised to see this:

"Don't know." She replies. "Why don't you ask the guy who wrote this story."

Does that count as breaking the 4th wall?

I think I speak for Harm's Way, and many others, that your complaints have been heard. And we're putting them in the box where they will be read and taken under advisement. Oh by the way, there's just one teensy little problem, concerning how we will listen to said complaints. Take it away Jon.

Very good. I await Applejack. Please take her off the farm.

That scene with the cream... You couldn't have made it any better, mate. A+! I love it just as much as the one before this! Keep it up!

6710293 Ironic that in your comment deriding this story as "shit", you not only misspelled "made", but used some bad grammar yourself. What you're looking for is "it's", as in "it is", not the possessive "its" that you used there, bucko. Maybe next time you break your "no comment doctrine", you should make sure your comment is edited, since you're apparently so good at that that you only comment on the stories you've edited.

Anyways, great story, Harms! Can't wait for the next two installments!


If he ignores every comment that comes a crossed as rude or mean, he'll never growl as a writer. Starting out I was flamed to hell and back for my beyond shitty writing but that pushed me to improve. Sure I got people saying they loved it but the ones who took the time to comment on it- Oh who the hell am i kidding, you've already stopped reading.

Just do fucking better than this gimmic featured box grab shit.

6710862 Okay, but see there's a few problems with your approach at this "issue".
1. People are FAR less likely to take anything you say seriously, if every single comment you post has at least one F-bomb in it. It makes you sound like a rebellious teen, not a whole lot better than the "16-year old fapper" who would enjoy it.
2. Calling him a "gimmick box" sellout doesn't really say a whole lot. Some people don't really understand what you mean, as I doubt he himself has direct control over what's featured and I don't see him doing anything like what others do as far as selling out. Yeah he posted ONE blog about it, big deal. That was more of to alert his readers that he posted the next entry. I would hardly call that self-promotion, let alone being a sellout.
3. If your hating this story so much as to come back here and respond to every single comment that one posts about you hating it for the sake of hate, MAYBE you should find another story to read. Yes, it's true everyone's entitled to their own opinion. But when you shove that opinion in everyone's face, your not really helping yourself in that respect. You made your point, you hate the story. Good job. Now you can move on to stories that you actually like. Because it would be truly sad and pathetic to continue a tirade, hating for the sake of hate. That would be simply a waste of time. And why waste your time on something you don't like?

6710862 Rude comments do not help at all, all they do is make newer authors feel like shit. I find it funny that you're sitting here criticizing this story though, when you can hardly spell correctly (your comment didn't come "a crossed" as rude, it came "across" as rude, but don't worry, I'm sure your comment will help him "growl" as a writer) and keep saying "fucking" as if it makes you sound cooler or something.

Spoiler alert: It doesn't. You sound like an edge-lord teenager, and your comments are in no way helpful to the author.

How does "stop with the feature box whoring" help him, in any way? You have offered absolutely no actual criticism of the writing itself, yet claim that there's something to gain from your comment? I find that hard to believe. You know why he wrote this story? Because he enjoyed writing it. If it's well-written, he enjoyed writing it, and other people enjoy reading it, then tell me why the hell we should care what you think?

That ending were the rest of the stories were connected was very good. With Applejack (my favorite) next I suspect the last chapter will be during the welcoming party were Anon will hook up with Twilight, though not before having to contend with the Waifu Stealer himself.

I swear this series will end with a Seven-some xD (If you include Sunset)


I suppose I'm just a bit sad that my squeaky clean CheesePie fic, which has the same title and was published well over a year ago, might be mistaken for this. All I can hope for is that my readers know that I 1) don't write this kind of thing and 2) have much better grammar.

And if you're wondering why I stopped by, I've written a fair amount of EG fic centered on Pinkie Pie. If it were you, wouldn't you think "hey, how did my fic wind up in a Mature folder?"

"IT'S SHIT!" is not valid criticism. And if you do have valid criticism, wrapping it in a layer of "IT'S SHIT!" is the absolute worst way of delivering it. People tend to not want to listen to those who come across as gigantic belligerent arseholes, no matter how correct they are.

6710293 Not every fic has to be a multichapter epic. I prefer such fics myself, but I can appreciate one-shots like this.

Well well well, cannot wait for the Twilight and Applejack ones.

Another good story to the collection, hopefully the wait wont be as long for the next one :trollestia:

First thought before clop scene: what's with Pinkie and whipped cream? XD
anyway, a good story as always. Happy face.

6711237 He got super butthurt and deleted his douchey comment, so don't expect a reply any time soon.


You just haaaaaaad to mock out my biggest struggle as a writer over and over...didn't you?

I was also awake for nearly 24hrs when I made that post but its not like you'd care.


Don't take the easy way out, go the extra mile, make a engaging story, brilliant characters, and hell even make it second person if that's what your comfort zone is! As long as it ain't the "You bang this person" gimmic featured box sellout grab, I'd honest to god give it a read.

Also..for the love of god...don't call the reader anon...that term may appeal to chan users but there are many other ways to referring to a reader in second person.

That wasn't helpful to him in any way?

Valid point but i grow tired of seeing these kind of fics hit the featured box when they don't deserve it.

Okay then...please by all means...

Point out a shred of character development.

What's that? you can't? How could this be?

Well then, point out and explain a plot point and how it contributed to the story.

The best you could find was anon helping with an event that was never explained you say?

Doesn't seem like a strong plot point if there's nothing to connect it to.

Well I'm sure you can explain to me how this story was so much more than a plotless 15min fap fic.

You can't?

The comment section is starting to become longer than the story and it's delicious.

Great Fic as always! The only thing that makes me sad is waiting. Too bad Pinkie can't lend some of her logic and speed to help along with the next one. :pinkiehappy:

Another good one. Congrats on the Feature! :pinkiehappy:

Thank you, my friend. :twilightsmile:

Finally! Thank You Harms :pinkiehappy:

Great job as usual! Looking forward to the next one :pinkiesmile:

MY REVIEW: Pacing was awful. Grammar was shit at times. Formulaic approach. Stilted dialogue. There's a character named fucking ANON. 3/10.

Comment posted by That Forerunner deleted Dec 9th, 2015

YES!! Another story of this series has been released!! I love these stories Harm's Way, keep up the good work.

6712430 Wow, you really are sad and pathetic! I can't believe it, you actually did it. You proved my point without a shred of doubt how stupid you are. You continue to come here, you continue to shit on a fic you hate and for what?? No, YOU explain to ME why the FUCK you care so damned much about this. What in the holy, sweet buttery Jesus FUCK do you give one shit about this? You clearly hate and loathe this story to the tenth degree so please for the dear love of God give. It. Up. No one gives a single shit about your ranting and raving here. Your opinion means NOTHING at this point. Not to me, not to Harms Way, NO ONE. Do yourself a favor

6712389 Well at least some people learn when to call it a day. I wish CERTAIN OTHER COMMENTERS would do the same.

Login or register to comment