• Member Since 23rd Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Harms Way


Admirer of Sunset Shimmer and Adagio Dazzle

Sequels1

Comments ( 66 )

Well, that's one person who gets to be in a shed with Fluttershy. :yay:

Great job once again, instant fave.

Wow, Shy really shows more affection than you'd expect from her given that she has no previous history with Anon. Nice job, as always.

6388617
What'd I tell ya'll about comin' in my shed?! :rainbowlaugh:

Awesome job once more, though I'd advise trying not to use multiple exclamation marks during the screaming scenes. It accidently makes your writing come across as unprofessional. Other than that, great work!

6388778
Good point. I'll keep that in mind for the next story.

Too bad these Erotica Girls fics are too damn...erotic to read at work. Oh well guess I'll just have to find some down time for this one :ajsmug:

That was a fun read! Admittedly I enjoyed the beginning, non clop part more, her sudden transition from timid to bold was a bit abrupt, but I get it.

I always try to think of a name for Anon stories I read.... This one...... "Fletcher".

Can you do Spitfire or are you strictly doing the main characters?

That with awesome! Can you do Chrysalis? ^^

I'm starting to see way too many fics coming up where Fluttershy's shift from timid to bold is rather sudden and abrupt. We all know she's working on being assertive with out overdoing it, but these rapid personality jumps make it seem like she's faking modesty and social awkwardness.

This was a nice story, though. Just too quick a character transition.

In my opinion, while it was a nice story, the sex seems a little...I dunno, plain.

That is one issue I have with this series of stories. The sex always seem short and it seems to always be the same all across.

Otherwise, it's not bad.

Is this the Anon that's sexed those other girls cos if so, then he is the biggest player ever. :fluttershysad:

6391505
No, each story has a separate guy.

6391525 That makes sense, i guess they all meet up at the 'Anon' convention to tell their stories thou, right?

The study session is the only one where one of The girls were in charecter, but With sunset and fllutershy, too plain and repetitive.

Yet another great entry in your Erotica Girls series.

6388635 shouldn't that be "What'd I tell ya'll about cumin' in my shed?!"

6392163
Thank you and thanks for the fave. :twilightsmile:

That's a pony that does what she loves and loves what she does. :raritywink:

Most excellent entry.

6389473
We'll see. Right now, I'm focused on getting the Main 7 their stories before I consider making ones for others.

*Gasp* Damn Flutters, I didn't know you would be in the mood for the "D".

Bro, this was an awesome story, and it was hot too. :raritywink:

So going into my favs.

I believe when Anon gets all of them, there's gonna be a big gang bang.

6393684 I don't believe it's always the same anon.

6393684
They aren't the same Anon. It's a different guy for each story.

A

That is what i was talking about!

You have the reputation of being one of Canterlot High's top archers. So when the time to qualify for the Friendship Games Archery Competition is less than a week away, you're seen spending the majority of time after school down at the range.

Strange... I, sure I haven't seen this story until today. Sir, have we met before? I ask because I had planned on a similar plot for a Spinoff of an OC. But, I have added this to my Read Later pile, and plan on reading this series In Order.

You know, I realized something about this. Fluttershy wasn't a virgin in this story, was she? Maybe it was an oversight, but with how eager she was, how skilled she was, and the fact that no mention of her virginity being lost, I'm under the assumption that she's actually had sex before.

It's always the shy ones...

Give me your love!

Ah now her change in bahavior makes sense, Chrysalis found her way through the portal!

Same lead character in every one of your MLP EG stories? Anon is a cheat :rainbowlaugh:

When Fluttershy was completely naked, before she kissed the reader, were her hands behind her back?

"A girl can in fact get pregnant if she has sex while she's on her period. The sperm released during sex lives in the vagina for several days. When her period is done and she ovulates then the sperm can fertilize the egg resulting in pregnancy."

I don't think the solution is always as simple as this story depicts it. :twilightsheepish:

When I saw the Friendship games and I was at the part where Fluttershy was doing Archery and she hid the target I bet she was thinking: Thank you for the trainnig Anon! :yay:

The training session was unrealistic. She went from hitting the target to the first time to getting a bullseye, just from getting advice? People don't spontaneously become Michelangelo when someone advises them on how to do art-things; they don't get perfect accuracy, either.

Fluttershy--the shyest girl in the group, tied for shyest girl in the show (Marble Pie is as bad, maybe worse), ups and confidently seduces Anon? Who, mind you, is pretty unimpressive, considering that he just realized that Fluttershy was attractive that very same day but was completely up for sex? Fluttershy and Anon don't seem familiar with each other, but Fluttershy was still up for sex after less than a single day with him, most of which consisted of him training her? It seems drastically out of character

hah, the training was a feint! all she wanted was bulls-eye in her.

I honestly could not see Fluttershy doing this, but now? Wow.:rainbowhuh:

7021049

You are trying to make sense out of a pornographic novel. Maybe you should reconsider your life choices.

It doesn't matter if it's erotica, historical fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, romance, horror, thriller, fanwork, mystery, or any of the billion other genres. Prose should be well-written.

Erotic literature isn't pornographic visual art. We don't emotionally react the same way to the written word as we do to images. You need character. It requires more effort for the same quality.


tl;dr -- pornographic novels are serious business

7022338
I wasn't so much wanting detail as I did characters that make sense. It's just easier to get into their heads and enjoy things along with them when they're "real".

7021049 Being the over-obsessed-with-correct-spelling/grammar/wording person that I am, I must point out that this is not a novel.

With stories, there are multiple types based off of word count. There are a number of disagreements, but here's a general thing: Short stories are a few thousand words, novels are far longer, and there's a slew of other story types out there. Here, I'll link you a few. They are just the first four things that came up on a google search of the subject. Don't be put off by Wikipedia being one,, it has a 95% accuracy rate.

http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/length.shtml
https://indianareview.org/2013/02/when-is-a-short-story-too-long/
http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/questions-and-quandaries/marketing/novel-and-short-story-word-counts
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Word_count

Therefore, this is a short story.

7302659 Yeah... One shouldn'the site there and try to make sense out of a pornographic story. However, if it really bends a character out of shape and makes them break reason into 15 tiny shards which are then thrown into a fire of not caring, the quality is generally reduced.

Great story here another fave but I don't think you have ever been shooting a bow or you just didn't want to stretch the story to much probably both right?

But instead of a handshake as you had intended, she pulls you in close to her and plants a firm yet passionate kiss on your lips. Your eyes widen in surprise as her arm wraps around behind you, keeping you pinned against her. The feeling of her breasts contained within her white top now being pressed against your chest begins to make a feeling down between your legs noticeable...
"Where do you think you're going?" Fluttershy asks in a playful tone. "The way I see it, I need to pay you back for all you've done for me."

Dang, it's always the quiet ones you have to look for...

*gets to the Sluttershy Out Of Freaking NOWHERE part of the story*

NOPE!

Sorry. Much as I love me some Sluttershy? This just came right the fuck out of NOWHERE and it's incredibly offputting.

I'm all for gratification porn and all, but there's a little thing called willing suspension of disbelief. The writer has to engage the reader in such a way that the reader can accept that the events within the story are in some way, shape, or form plausible given the reader's general knowledge and specific knowledge as related to the work.

This story? Fails suspension of disbelief. HARD.

I'm afraid I have to downvote this one for how badly handled Fluttershy is here.

Also, I've identified the main problem with this series as a whole: The entire concept of "instant sex as reward for one good deed" you've got going on here is just...ridiculous. Even by porn logic, it's hard to get past the fact that it doesn't really make sense.

Gotta be honest, I'm not entirely sure I want to read the rest of these now. There's just not really any payoff when it's the same cookie cutter sex with screaming swears pretty much each time and the horribly out-of-character characters plus the incessant Anonspam is a massive turn-off.

More general criticisms:

I've said it twice now and I'm going to say it again, and four more times after this: the "Anon" thing is STUPID. And confusing in a "series" of thematically related stories.

Same thing I said in the Rarity story about grammar fixes applies here.

7520508 Don't you think you're being a bit harsh? Yeah, the story has problems, but pointing them out is as simple as "Hey, this is a thing, could you fix that? Thanks." No need to go on about how you personally hate it or how God-awful it is.

Also, after this, the stories get a bit different for each. More than just the same sex scenes after a while. So don't let this one fool you. They get better from here.

Just felt the need to say something. Take it or leave it.

7523813

Don't you think you're being a bit harsh? Yeah, the story has problems, but pointing them out is as simple as "Hey, this is a thing, could you fix that? Thanks." No need to go on about how you personally hate it or how God-awful it is.

No, I don't think I'm being a bit harsh. I'm being honest.The entire point of the comments feature on FiMF is to post comments, criticism, and general reviews of the story. That's exactly what I did.

What the comments section is NOT for is complaining about people using it for its intended purpose. :raritywink:

7523985 I'm using them for their purpose, too. Commenting. Criticism is a two-way street. If you give it, be prepared to take it, even if it's for criticisms in and of themselves.

You're being honest. You know how else you can be honest?

"Hey, this is a thing, could you fix that? Thanks."

As you can see, points out the problem, asks for it to be corrected, and does so with no bluntness and more tact.

This might be a shock to many critics and reviewers out there, but reviews and criticisms do not have to be blunt. You can be honest without being unreasonable. It is entirely possible. :twilightsmile:

For this story I used Jace Nightmare Voorhees (yes his father is Jason from the Friday 13th series), mainly because of his archery skill.

GOod premise, bad pacing, smut was rushed:ajsleepy:

Why am I reading this stuff 5 in the morning...






Oh yeah... because nobody's wants to be my valentine's :)

7947509
Welcome to the club, my friend. And thank you for the follow.

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