Meet Jonathan Star, a direct descendant of Regulus Star- Equestria's greatest wizard. After his father is moved to a new law firm in Canterlot, he transfers to The Equestria Academy of Magic, where he meets some pretty crazy students and staff and makes some interesting friends.
However, there's trouble afoot in The E.A.M. Students are disappearing with no explanation and as the looming threat of dark magic endangers the school, the teachers refuse to disclose information regarding the strange occurrences. Why? It's up to Jonathan and his friends to find out!
Note: When I thought up these characters, I imagined them in anime-style, but that's all up to the way you interpret my story! 
Chapters (8)
I don't see any character tag
6568157
Whoops! Thanks for pointing that out to me!
6568160 np
I liked how you made spike a combat trainer in this. nice job.
You used hair twice here. Instead of using 'hair' a second time, try using an alternative word.
Time for a round of Spot The Typo.
This sentence is very awkward.
Again, awkward sentence. Use fewer hyphens too.
Spot The Typo.
Why was she pointing reluctantly?
That's as much as I can do for now. P.M. me later and I can help you more. No offense, but this needs a little help, bro.
i noticed that your oc character Jonathan Star is two letters short from having the same name as the manga/anime character Jonathan Jostar
6571887
I'm a huge fan of the series, but that wasn't actually intentional, and it didn't come to mind when I was brainstorming. His name is meant to be a shortened version of Starswirl, just to make it a more believable name. That's actually pretty funny, thanks for pointing that out!
6571976 when I first saw the name I thought it said Jonathan Jostar
6572022
Yeah, I don't think I'll change the name because I suspect one can assume it's not him based on the tags, and by reading the first chapter.
6572022
Also, might I add, your profile pic is gorgeously manly.
6572059 thank you, you can find it on derpiboo.ru, just search up alex louis armstrong
6572266
Awesome, I'll check it out. Thanks for the like! Also, what are your first impressions regarding the first chapter?
I'm really liking this story so far.
6574282
Awesome, I'm glad to hear it! If I may ask, what did you enjoy about it?
keep up the good work!
6579893
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoy my work!
Honestly I'm really impressed so far. I personally was never a fan of the first person thing but you make it work well here.
The characters are well developed (Especially john), the writing flows relatively well and there is no sign of the broken speech and grammatical errors I saw in your first work this time around. I think one of the reasons for this is you are using original characters this time around where one of your issues was getting Fluttershy or Spike to sound like Fluttershy and Spike, while here you can create characters and paint in their details rather than just filling in the blanks.
As a side note it real does give off that 'anime inspired' feel that bleed into the characters, I actually pictured some of them in a more Hirohiko Araki style (More articulate muscles and dynamic shading) while reading which was a really good sign. All in all great job and definitely a marked improvement from some of your earlier work. Don't be discouraged by some of the criticism you've faced so far, from what i'm reading ere you're rapidly maturing into a very well round author. Take my advice, if your work is quality and it's something that you can be proud of then forget about the ratings and criticism.
Keep up the good work!
LateBronyWriter
6586884
Thank you, I've been waiting for some solid criticism and you delivered. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! I find it easier to create a narrative through an original character rather than a canon character because I put thought into my OC's and the voice I made for them. While I enjoy writing it from a canon character's perspective, there isn't that dynamic I get when I use the characters I've created. There aren't the pesky restraints of writing in the voice of a known character. I think you'll find that my work is best suited to be told in the voices of my own characters. Again, thank you for the criticism. I really do appreciate it!
6586958 Don't mention it! My only other concern is that it's difficult to follow initially because other than the whole 'magical academy' angel it is difficult to classify it as a MLP fanfic.
LateBronyWriter
6586998
Yeah, but I'll try and keep most of the lore (with a little flourish of course).
Wouldn't it be awesome if I received a reason as to why I got a dislike? Just a wish of mine. Thank you down vote fairy for lessening in my opinion of humanity!
Interesting so far.
6594708
Thank you, I'm glad you're interested.
Is this a human in Equestria story or a humanized ponies story?
6594932
Humanized ponies. Look at the words use to describe Headmistress Twilly Sparalk (Twilight Sparkle) in chapter one:
Her long hair was purple, her ruffled blouse was purple, and her high heels were purple. In fact, the only thing not purple about her was her magenta highlights and black denim jeans. She approached the center of the gathering with a walk that screamed 'I'm on a mission.'.
"Hey, Mura... who is that?" I lowered my head to her height as I kept staring at the woman.
I like the story and the characters. I hope to see more of you soon, cause I'm a little hyped on how the story is going to progress.
6596734
Awesome! I'm glad your excited! I'm excited to get writing!
Lovely chapter, and great to see Fluttershy being the nurse. I knew she would make a great nurse, with her personality and all. and lets not forget her amazing curves
I will see you in the next chapter Sorcerer!
Private Derpy signing out!
orig07.deviantart.net/b4a5/f/2013/167/9/c/yellow_quiet_nurse__eqg__by_pyruvate-d68u3kv.jpg
lol. the ping pong part was the best.
keep up the good work
6617238
Thanks! I hope you enjoy the next few chapters to come.
6617483 i cant wait to see them!
I inmediatly pictured him as Jonathan Joestar
6620390
Like I've said to a million people, I actually didn't know about JJBA until I first started the story after someone pointed it out to me. It cool though, it's an odd coincidence.
Ugggh!
Everybody has Fallout 4!!!!!
i tried getting fallout 4, but my computer only had a 4Gb ram and the game requires a 8 Gb ram
Awesome chapter, can't wait for the next one!
6673504
Thanks! Were you expecting Sweetie to be the leader of The Ten Elite?
6673655
Not exactly... Nice twist though! And the steel arms and legs, like he said.... Hardcore.
Can John use the homon.
6725487
Haha, yeah I get that a lot. His name is inspired by JJBA, but his character isn't like Jonathan Joestar at all. I get a laugh when people recognize his name.
Great chapter man
6730027
Why thank you! What did you enjoy about it, if I may ask?
6730070 the main reason is i can relate to some of the characters in some part like my friend got me to do boxing for a year and it was fun
6730197
Haha, awesome. Thanks for the support bro.
Kay 1st things first
if there isn't a fucking Mura x Johnathan in this I will scream forever
But jokes aside, great chapter and story development. Wish it would be longer, maybe 4K to 4.5 k words next chapter?
pssst make johnathan do something really fuckin cool that the school is amazed by kthx
6776836
Jonathan will have a few tricks up his sleeve, but nothing major. You just have to wait and see!
You know there are like no Harry Potter jokes in this or very little the i haven't noticed
6777311
I regularly try to avoid copying Harry Potter's story, but I'll probably crack a few jokes later in the series!