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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting. As with the original version, I'm very much looking forward to the rest of this.
I just have one thing to point out: the first is Sombra's size. Having him be taller than even Celestia will cause problems later on. Specifically when it comes to sex. Unless he is depressingly poorly endowed, he will split her in half.
But who knows, maybe Fluttershy gets up to some things in that house of hers, so far away from town, and she's had plenty of practice so it won't be that bad. It's always the quiet ones, after all.
I like this reworked version. Hope to see the subsequent chapters coming soon.
6739037 Ah, it'll fit if you thrust hard enough. Just follow the formula of every hentai you've ever seen where the characters are ridiculously proportioned.
I like the cover and this chapter is so captivating.
6739180
Lol, seems legit. I see no reason for that not to work.
i.imgur.com/vyx1qDk.jpg
What happened to the other chapters?
6740028 It's coming. I added sections from the second chapter into this one. It seemed too short.
I can't wait to see the next chapter
when will there be more chapters
Wow. I like this.
Ahhh AJ, just as brave as I knew you'd be.
One Word...
DENIED!
EAT THAT!
"What are you looking at?" she forced herself to say.
Sombra regarded her half-hearted bravado with bored contempt. "Nothing," he replied coldly.
"Really?" Rainbow Dash spat back in attempt to maintain her dignity. "I could have sworn you were looking at me."
"As I have said," the king replied before he moved on. "Nothing."
I was expecting the story to come to an abrupt end as Dash sonic rainboomed Sombra's head off.
Ooh, this is good. I'm following this.
That's a burn!
Silly Twilight, thinking that she could outsmart Sombra with such a cheap tactic.
Ok it gonna be a good ship, I knew it! In fact, all of them can be a really good ship!!!
This disgusted me, but I like it. I think this can be called Sombra force himself upon fluttershy![:moustache:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/moustache.png)
You'd have to be insane yourself to even consider negotiating with a whacko like this.
Perhaps if Twilight acted more disgusted like her friends instead of blatantly putting herself out there, she would have disguised herself and intentions better. Instead of giving weight to Sombra's claim. I thought the princess of planning would know this. I was going to write it off as slight moment of bad character writing but then again, Twilight sometimes comes off as a bit too reassured of herself so such depiction is fair. I enjoyed the chapter.
6739037
oh mY GoSH 😆
8610061
I believe this is the meme you are looking for
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/339/808/122.png
Fluttershy x Sombra has always intreged me, sort of one of my three top crack ships (Rarity x Luna, and Twilight x Discord being the other two). I find the artwork of the Fluttershy x Sombra to be cute and hilarius, sort of a "Beauty and the Beast" vibe. Actually, I'm curious if this story has inspired some of those art works, or vice versa.
With that in mind...
8724732
I'm going to borrow this as well.
A very, very strong opening chapter. You established Sombra's presence very well, and set down the premise of your story very quickly, which is impressive. You've a strong talent and a good concept.
Your vocabulary is VERY strange compared to most writers on this site, however. Words like manse, and a few others that I can't quite search out, were odd sticking points in the text. I would expect Sombra's lexicon to be old and full of ill-used words, but not the descriptors. But, if that is how this story is laid out it will have a flavor all its own in that manner, I suppose.
I will eagerly read more.
Poor Fluttershy. She must be afraid beyond words.
I have some mixed feelings about this one, now that I've finally started. First, the idea of a villain demanding a bride is quite the timeless one. I really hope the story that follows will explain Sombra's motives and serve to flesh him out more. The amount of stories on this site that do flesh him out and have him as a consistent main character are still sadly pretty small.
I'm hoping to see this move more into romance than 'Oh my god, Fluttershy is going to have Stockholm's' because that is a huge problem I have with these types of stories. (On this site in particular, Bride of Discord is a good example.) So far, the interactions between Flutters and Sombra is interesting, but it's also creepy. That kind of stuff has me worried for poor Flutters, and for a story that's tagged as being a romance. Giving foundations to their relationship that are very Not Good result in romance that has some pretty freaksih undertones or overtones. Especially seeing that this story didn't come across as, well, rapey. I'm certainly going to keep reading, especially with the very nice prose you have, but if I do end up dropping it, that'd be why. (And I'd leave some feedback, too.)![:unsuresweetie:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/unsuresweetie.png)
One thing I did find a little unusual was not how just the main six only were 'offered' up, but the assumption/implication that all of them are heterosexual. The situation they were placed in makes it clear that if one was an orientation that conflicted with becoming the bride to a stallion (or, of course, already in a relationship) then they shouldn't have been offered up. Not mentioning it did seem weirder than having one of the ponies mention it, and since Twilight is trying to orchestrate things to some angle, having her collect this kind of information would be a very Twilight Thing to do. So... addressing it even a few lines would have been weirder than not addressing it at all. This isn't really a problem, just a bit of a nitpick.
9325190
I'm open to critiques and opinions both positive and negative, friend. I hope you enjoy. If not, then at least you picked up the story and gave it a try.
Side note: I loved bride of Discord, but this story wasn't inspired by it.
9325190
im not really sure why you got a downvote, this is an extremely fair critique and mirrors my opinion to some degree.
I'm less worried about the stockholm angle simply because in these stories it's less
"Lock her up in a basement until she depends on you" and more "Beauty and the beast" (Might be because I'm gay I dunno hetero relationships confuse me)
But yeah it's fair, however this sombra seems weirdly more caring than the original in a "my fucked up past makes me evil" sort of way.
I'm guessing its a reformation story
Yeah Sombra OP. lost interest
Geezer twilight dont get ahead of yourself.
Boom. Roasted.
bam! hooked