• Member Since 5th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

LyraAlluse


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There is just something about season five seems off to every pony. Fortunately, Detective Rarity is on the case and she won't stop until she gets to the bottom of what is going on.


This fan fiction was featured in the story section of Bejeweled Rarity! You can view it here.

It was also featured in the Bejeweled Rarity site blog. You can view the featured article here.

Thank you to Nataylor7 for the two features. I very much appreciate them.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 34 )

Wonderful little whimsical story. And right after the episode aired! :raritystarry::pinkiehappy:

Hilarious. I really enjoyed how you set out to have all the characters break the fourth wall, while still keeping the tone and characterizations very "in-show." Wonderful!

6443459 Thank you very much. I am happy that you enjoyed the story.

6443609 Thank you for the kind comment. I am glad that you enjoyed reading the story.

Oh wow, this is amazing. :rainbowlaugh:

And the best part? I wouldn't doubt if this is an actual conversation they'd have off-screen! It's perfect.

6443941 Well thanks. I am glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

6443814 Oh my...

I checked your home page, and you're a G-G-G-GIRL!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I'm scared! :fluttershbad:

6444362 Don't be scared. I don't bite. :P

6444407 He does...what now? I'm confused.

6444422

Bites. But at least he doesn't sparkle, so I'll let it pass with a stern warning.

6445335 Sparkly vampires scare me more than regular ones. 0_o

orp

I can't muster enough suspension of disbelief for this story. Just how on Earth, or wherever else, it took Rarity five seasons to figure out there are - gasp! shock! horror! - some inconsistencies in the show? Rarity of all ponies! She's the most inconsistently written character in the entire series. If anything, she'd be the first to notice things are off, long before even the first season ended.

6445436 I actually view Rarity as another character who breaks the fourth wall like Discord, Pinkie Pie, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna. Of course it would take her a little longer to figure things out because she more down to earth than say Discord or Pinkie Pie. So that is what gave me the idea for this fan fiction. :S

6445462 I am glad that I could confirm many of your head cannons. ^_-

6445502 I appreciate the kind comment. :)

I love it when characters other than Pinkie or Discord summon the all powerful Fo-Fo-Fo-Fourth-Wall-Breaker!!! :pinkiegasp:

Even if the wall breaking isn't inherently funny, I still find it enjoyable and brings a smile to my face everytime. :pinkiehappy:

6446393 It is always amusing to see characters interacting with the audience. :)

We'd Love To Have This On our Fansite Become an Admin or submit Here!~

Or Become an Admin~

6447322 Sure, you can share the story link if you like, but I would prefer to not have the whole story up. I would be more comfortable if people were redirected back to this link. If that is okay with you.

6447990
so i'll guess i'll just Add this story to story links
But Still,I need to use the information such as:Your First Name and last initial,The Genre's of the story,
The status and the rating
Are those ok to use?

6453934 Yep, you can definitely post all of those.

First Name and last initial: Emma D.

The Genres: Comedy, Random, Slice Of Life

The Status: Complete

Rating: Everyone

6453934 I gave you credit for the features in my story description. Thank you so much again for doing that. :)

6461515
Welcome and thanks for the credit,it will really Help Our Site Grow~!:heart:

6463824 You are quite welcome. :)

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Rarity Investigates Continuity
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 8.

Pros
1. You did a good job pointing out the canon inconsistencies. A lot of them, I never even noticed myself!
2. Despite the fourth-wall breaking, you still maintained good characterization of Pinkie, Rarity, and Discord.
3. I liked the ending, with Luna and Celestia writing the fanfiction. That was pretty funny!

Cons
1. You are sometimes a bit wordy, see below in the notes section.
2. A few minor grammar errors, see below.
3. Story is mostly dialogue, which can be funny, but there is room for improvement. I personally think it would be funnier if we actually got to see a few scenes from each episode where Rarity starts to slowly suspect that something is “up” with the world. Then, she can recount her tale to Discord and Pinkie. But it’s up to you :raritywink:

Notes Section
You tend to be a bit wordy in the first paragraph. In this section, the slashed out words could be removed and not detract from the scene.
Pinkie Pie asked Rarity to open the window with her magic. When Rarity pulled the shutter up with the blue aura of her unicorn spell, Pinkie Pie tossed out five muffins and the grey pony chased after them. Rarity closed the window using her powers once more and then raised an eyebrow at Pinkie Pie.

Slight human vs. Pony issue. Maybe say, “Rarity crossed her front legs” instead?
“Rarity uncrossed her arms”

Missing word.
“It would have taken longer that.”

Capitalize Pinkie.
“Before pinkie Pie or Rarity could react”

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: The Cake Chronicles. Even though the story is marked with an AU tag, I try to follow the canon of the show as closely as possible. So if your sharp eye catches anything that contradicts canon, please do let me know as you did in this story :twilightsmile:

6483098 I appreciate you taking the time to comment on and review this story.

I will look through and make the necessary edits when I have some extra time.

Thank you so much for the great feedback. I appreciate it,

I didn't know fourth-wall commentaries are a thing.

6493254 Neither did I until I wrote this. :derpytongue2:

Eat your heart out Toby Fox.

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