• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

TheSlorg


* EQD Blogpony * Best Author nominee: 2013 Pony Awards * Twelve time featured writer on Equestria Daily * Panelist: Ponycon AU 2014/2015, Salvagecon, and Alicon 2018/2019.

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Source

Featured on Equestria Daily.

It is late night in Ponyville. Most of the town's ponies are asleep.

A light has been left on at the Sweet Apple Acres farmhouse. Inside, Applejack paces throughout her home, unable to rest.

Tonight, her life will forever change.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 15 )

You twisted that ending real nice. Loved it.

6477455 Thank you very much for reading. :twilightsmile:

I wasn't sure exactly where this train was headed but I stayed on board all the way to feelsville.

I really liked the song at the end. Despite it being really sad.

Oh, it's the manfiestation of mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-3730531-1-bPiuvZd.png

...Bad joke to brigthen up the mood.

What? No! I-I'm not crying! It's just the rain, I s-swear... :fluttershbad:

Oh Slorg why must you break my heart so :ajsleepy::applecry::eeyup:

Ma & Pa is that you?:applejackunsure:
:unsuresweetie: I made them breakfast :twilightoops::raritystarry::rainbowhuh::pinkiegasp::flutterrage:
:applecry: Sweetie Belle!

Even though I knew what was going on by about the seventh paragraph, I'm glad I read it. You executed it very well. The end felt a little rushed – I was surprised AJ went from grief to big sister so quickly given the circumstances – but other than that, there was great atmosphere throughout. Nicely done.

Man, this is feels attack extreme. Well done, specially with such a heavy subject. *applause*

I confess this feels rather formulaic. There so many short, feelsy fics which follow this same structure: telling us very little at the beginning to force uncertainty, and then rushing to reveal what's going on at the end. It's gotten to the point of feeling forced and almost cheap for me.

6787539 Can you offer up some suggestions on how it can be improved?

We're going on the sixth year of pony fiction. If you've been reading since the beginning, I imagine you've seen just about everything. Every once in a blue moon I'll see a truly unique story get written, or I'll endeavor to write one of my own. For the most part, however, "It's been done before."

What were you expecting out of this story? I'm truly interested to hear. It has the Sad tag on it, so having a twist at the end isn't all that much of a surprise. You can see there is a small word count, so you also go into it knowing that a conclusion must be reached quickly.

It's formulaic for a reason. The small word count plus the sad tag means there is a need for a swift hit to the feels before the ultimate resolution. There is little room for variation here.

If these kinds of stories are getting stale for you, it may be time to give them a pass. I can see that you did not leave a down vote, and I appreciate that. You've done precisely what I would do in your situation: no votes, but leave a comment explaining how I felt about the story. If you do know of a way for this story to be improved (besides making it longer, as I wanted a short story this time), please let me know. I'm always looking for ways to improve, and I'm certainly open to any unique ideas for stories.

Cheers,
Slorgy

6787698 Simple. This sort of story works best when there's more time to let it sink in. Slow the pace down a bit.

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