• Member Since 9th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen Mar 13th, 2021

Doukzor


do I exist? Do you exist? Maybe neither of us exist, but instead simply are. crackers.

Sequels1

T

Twilight awoke one day to a normal coffee break with her daily errands. Until she ran into a small colt...
A weird colt, claiming that he`s dead. And he sure looked it, too.

What will Twilight do with the poor depressed thing? Why does the foal seem so concealed on his past?

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 188 )
Comment posted by The Cryptic Cipher deleted Jul 31st, 2015
Comment posted by Doukzor deleted Jul 31st, 2015

6268279 I read through the first chapter, and the only pronouns for the filly were 'he' and 'him'.:scootangel:

What do you mean? Did I mess up Twilight? The last sentence of the chapter was about Twilight, saying 'she' kept it on. Her magic, fatigue... That was twilight.:twilightsmile:

To clear anything up- the filly is a he. I accidentally used filly in this and in the next chapter, but I meant to use colt.:applejackunsure:

(it`s nothing to cuss at me over. I`m only twelve):ajbemused:

Interesting. I think FNAF is a great crossover for MLP.

6268477 thank you. I always find the crossover a fun idea to think about~:twilightsmile:

6268382 Did I swear? I'm pretty sure I said DAMM not the s-word or f-word but still good story not going to thumb up or down yet.

~T.CC PS. I'm only 13 so what? :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

A small golden male filly walked up to them.
male filly
That would be a colt my dear sir :moustache:

~T.CC
(EDIT: just read your authors note)

They didn`t know you, but SURE knew them!".

They didn't know you, but you SURE knew them!".

~T.CC

6268519 Oh alright, heh sorry. But thank you for not disliking it yet!:pinkiehappy:

6268540 yeah... I face palmed as soon I realized that I had been calling my male colts fillies:facehoof:

6268561 Meh no point in disliking for such small mistakes that can be fixed.

~T.CC

6268605 I HAV C.D.O
Tank you~:rainbowkiss:
Do I even have to point it out.

~T.CC

Hmm . . . I think this story would be really great with some context! (Plus your grammar's pretty bad :applejackunsure:)

Like, why is there a random Fazbear's Pizzeria (which supposedly let Twilight know about humans?) in the middle of Ponyville?

I do recognize the name Travis from another fanfic though, so that's cool. :twilightsmile: But . . . I have no idea what's going on. Although I think it's pretty cool you're twelve and posting stories. That's great.

Loving this story so far! Only problem is se words are repeated sometimes.

6268768 She knew about humans already. You know... Equestria girls?:twilightsmile:

There`s a pony version of Freddy Fazbears Pizza in Equestria.:twilightsmile:

Sorry about the grammer. I`m still learning :twilightsheepish:

6268782 about that, can you point me out to a few mistakes? I`m not good at re-reading my own story, so I may need the help.:twilightblush:

6269222

*face palms* Wow, Equestria Girls. Right. :facehoof: I just try my best to ignore those movies amiright? :rainbowlaugh:

6269311 Yeah. :trollestia:But, you see now, right? As to why she knows about humans:twilightsmile:?

6269357

Yeah, yeah, I see. It just came off weird, so I guess my head didn't even think about the EQG movies.

Weren't we just talking about the next chapter?

6269954 Eyup!:scootangel:

I finished it about a few seconds after I think? :raritywink:

I`ll have the next chapter up tomorrow too! If my friend can give me a break...:twilightsheepish:

6269964

CHRIST ALL MIGHTY! HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO MAKE ALL THREE CHAPTERS?!?!

6268768 That fanfic you speak of, with Travis... Is what inspired this whole thing. Both of those stories!:pinkiecrazy:

Just missing the periods at the end of the dialogue. I'm leaving, Didn't even make through halfway before giving up.

Just by the way, if it's a male foal, it's a colt, not a filly. Interesting concept though, and they better beat up Springtrap.

6271226 yeah, I finally fixed that in the later chapters.:pinkiehappy:

6270043 Well, that`s all opinion, but thank you for trying it out:scootangel:

6271487
Yay!... you can edit and fix the earlier chapters.

6269984 ... I do not know. Maybe, um, a day? Or two days? Or... A few hours?:twilightsheepish:

I lost count~:trollestia:

6271508
Okay then, great! Don't forget the description, too~

6271513

WTF?!?! ITS GOOD AND NEARLY NO GRAMMAR ERRORS BUT YOU DID IT IN A FEW HOURS?!?!

6271525 yep. I normally have LOTS of grammar errors though. It must be magic:trollestia:

One little note:
Fillies are Girls, Colts are boys.
You might want to fix that.

6271598 I did in later chapters, but thank you. I`m going to fix that later

Huh. This is... interesting. I mean, it's a little rough. I think it's been stated before, but Filly refers to a foal/pony of the feminine sex. If you wish to refer to a male pony/foal, use colt for foals and stallion for adults.

I'm just... FNAF as a whole has left a sour taste in my mouth. It's great as a videogame, but as a basis for a fandom, ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... If the story is all speculatory, then the fandom is not solid to me. FNAF really is an "Eye of the beholder" type thing. What I think isn't what the guy three states over will think.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddddddd I'm gone. :applejackunsure: Sorry, but you definitely have something here. There are too many grammatical inconsistencies, the story going a little too fast for the subject matter (that being a suspense jumpscare-based videogames) and finally, the personality of the puppet.

FNAF is a game that keeps you on your toes. It makes you consistently on edge. This... does not make me feel that. If the personality of String Play was maybe a reflection of what the puppet was sort of meant to be. Does it mean he should be generous seeing how he hands out prizes/gifts? Not necessarily. If however he was woken up by a PURPLE being, I'd expect him to go berserk.

I BE BACK AND IM LATE FOR THE FIRST PARTY TO MAKE UP FOR IT THE ONLY MISTAKE I COULD FIND
He eyes were still in place though
Her or his they never cleared that up in the game

~T.CC

6271953 Being in shock on the waking up part can make you, more or less, relaxed. Well, not relaxed, but not aware of your surroundings much either. :raritywink:

I`m sorry you don`t like the story, but then again, that`s all opinion. I just think the audience I deliver to is different than what your looking for, which of course will happen no matter what:twilightsmile:

My grammar is off, yes, but that`s why my last three stories (this one included) have been practice stories.:twilightblush:

But thank you for at least reading this!:scootangel:

Comment posted by Doukzor deleted Aug 1st, 2015

6272067 Oh you meant Mangle!!! :twilightblush:

She`s a girl for my story~ I think I found the mistake. Yeah, she`s a girl. For me. With cheeks and stuff at least:twilightsmile:

I know this sounds CRAZY, but i`m (just attempting) seeing if this can even come close to being on the cover of FimFiction~ Just seeing, for the fun of it~:raritywink:

I support you all the way:twilightsmile:

6272279 Filly=female child pony, Colt=male child pony.

Just saying, you have a bit of mistake between those two:derpytongue2:

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