I always thought once "HE" was gone I'd be at peace. Then something happend. I saw my friends enter that white gate. Me? I somehow ended up in a world out of a childrens book. I thought this meant I wasn't excepted. But what happend to me there in Equestria was something I never expected. Friendship.
Poor marionette. At leaset purple guy's dead.
more please!
Kinda short but still good keep it up
6204060 Its my first story and I'm not good with details
Hey it's better then anything I could do
I'm a bit confused on the p.o.v buy things are... OK so far.
His name is spelt 'Bonnie'. Just so that you know.
It's a little fast-paced and confusing. Slow it down, flesh it out and add '_____'s POV' when the point of view changes.
6212076 Thanks for the advice
I see.....
6224587 Wellll this is awkward
6224591
Sleep well and keep your music box nearby......
6224594. Does the a 10 hour replay on it count?
6224596
*no response*
Im out of my box, I've broken the locks, and now I am able to roam free,
Get my revenge, I will not end, not until he is killed by me.....
6224598. BOO-YAH!!!!!
6224604
I hope that you know that means no....
6224601 * No response *
Good... Sleep tight....
6224609 You're a cool guy nice chatting with you.
It is good to see that I have someone to talk with right now.
6225839 Yeah nice to finally find someone with the same interests am I right?
6225845
Yes, you are correct.
6225851 Anndddd I can't think of anything to talk about. Type about? Type about!
best ever chapter omg
6228606 Really?
I have found your story! Long comments quartet shall live!!!
6234000 YES
Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan. That's all the advice I got.
6244162 .........wut
6224591 if you bring in the nightmare animatronics from FNAF 4, and let them be under Sombra's control. You can use them to prove that The Puppet is not a bad guy. How's that.
6254095 That is an awesome idea!!!
Dearest author, I do believe that you are missing a "Crossover" tag on your story
Otherwise though, story seems fine for now, I'll keep reading and see if you can keep my attention
6265153 thx there now.
The Puppets eyes are actually completely black, with exceptions of its jumpscare (where it has a pair of white pupils), the puppet cut scene in FNAF2 and as the Phantom Puppet
6265185 Yeah but I but in some sfm animations he has white eyes so I just decided to make it like that.
6265211 its a little short. But its good. Now they know what happens after midnight. Can't wait for them to scream when they see the nightmare animatronics, including Nightmare.
There are some typos in the last part. Change the all be to he.
Me: Foxy where`d you go?
*looks around*
Me: Oh, there you are!
Foxy: *eating crackers*
Were just stalking this story with a trail of crackers~ good story so far
and so 12 o` clock hit~
wait how do they know about six am?
6276415 they didn't know they just wait until six A.M
Beautiful.
Oh no. Not sombra. He cant at all be defeated by a crystal in the shape of a heart...
I wonder if Springtrap is going to appear.
Oh no, Sombra.
SOMBRA YOUS GONNA DIE BITCH. I bet 100 bits that the puppet will kill sombra
springtrap vs the puppet. who ill win?
The Puppet, obviously!
more please!
I thought you were going to use the nightmare animatronics. Why Springtrap, I know he's cool but why him?
oooohhhh hoo. ho hoo....... I BET 900 BITS THAT THE PUPPET WILL WIN AGINST SPRING FAP (not typo)
6316309 Who said I wouldn't use them?
Seems good for now, I'd suggest finding an editor or a pre-reader though, for grammar and such.
heh... "hello fellow classmates, for show and tell today, i am going to introduce you to mr puppet! hes a soul trapped in a puppet that murders people at night!" im sure that will go well....