Caps Lock vs. Loosestrife - Winner: Caps Lock (by Vote)
Caps Lock vs. Loosestrife - by Caps Lock's Author
Though it was late in the evening, there was still a decent amount of bustle left in the train station.
“Wait! Wait, please! I’m supposed to be on that train!”
A panting, slightly sweaty mare slid to a halt just before running right into the train conductor stallion. Her pink mane was disheveled, and her light grey coat streaked with sweat from her run across four blocks. The saddlebags she wore were now only half secured, leaving them to rest over her cutie mark—a keyboard’s exclamation key—where the bags had slid to.
“I— Am I too late?” The mare panted, leaning over far enough to nearly be resting her head on the concrete, but not stopping the panicked dancing of her hooves.
The aged stallion’s bushy eyebrows raised in alarm at the sudden presence of the mare, whose hooves moved faster than he could track.
“O-Oh, uh— well no. You’re just in—”
"Terrific! Augh, I can't believe I got lost in my own town. Caps Lock, you are such a ditz." Caps thunked a hoof against her head as she brushed past the conductor, still panting slightly from her mad dash. “Thanks mister!”
She heard a grumbley reply of some sort and was more than satisfied with just that. Right now, she just wanted a seat to collapse into.
The inside of the train was cramped, but being on the small side she and had little difficulty trotting down the narrow aisle through the passenger car. Now that she was onboard and all set, she found a seat near the middle and sat down with a heavy sigh. "Phew, made it..."
With the critical nature of her return trip to Hoofington, and the urgency of her being on this particular train ride out of the city, it was a breath of fresh air to no longer be responsible for how quickly she got to where she needed going.
Caps laid her head back, eyes closed, until her breathing finally slowed. Her messy pink mane was tangled about her horn and resting against her face, which she subconsciously fixed lazily with her magic.
"Wow, I really thought I wasn't going to make it time." She glanced up, chuckling in relief, and took a cursory look around the car. She blinked in surprise at what she saw, namely that it was all but barren of other ponies. "Huh, wow, I got the place to myself."
Caps turned her head, jerking to a stop as she spotted a lone other pony in the car across the aisle from herself. In her defense, the stranger had been terribly hard to spot, given the dark brown cloak that they wore, blending them in with the car's wood paneling.
Upon closer inspection she was a mare, seemed to have quite the intimidating size, and had a peculiar air about her.
Caps murmured to herself, studying the individual. "Huh, well, I almost have the place to myself." She looked up and down at the stranger, who seemed to be an earth pony, though she wondered if there could be wings hiding under her wide cloak. She stared a good minute on accident, only to jump when a perturbed look was suddenly passed back at her.
"Can I help you?" the other mare asked tersely.
"Eep!" Caps squeaked in surprise. "No! No no no. Ehheh, sorry, I was staring, I guess? My bad." She laughed some more and gave a sheepish wave of a hoof. "It's, uh, just that it looks like we have the whole car to ourselves, so I guess I kind of noticed that and..."
The other mare had been slowly raising an eyebrow, until Caps finally trailed off.
"Verily." The other mare turned away, her unreadable look never shifting.
Caps cleared her throat and turned to stare forward again. Yikes. She's super uptight. Reminds me of my boss. She snuck another quick look across the aisle at the mare. Kind of looks like him, too... Heh, ooh, good thing you didn't say that out loud, Caps. Geez. What was with that accent though?
It took Caps a moment to realize it, but there was an unsettling feeling that had fallen on the train compartment. She patted her hooves rhythmically in her lap in an effort to shake the feeling, but it still lasted right up until the train began moving, an the conductor appeared in the door.
Despite being inside of the train, the loud clacking from outside could be clearly heard throughout the cars, giving the air itself a sharp rhythm as it began to move.
"Tickets please." The old stallion held out a hoof to the mare across the aisle first.
“Of course, engine master,” the other mare answered.
Caps raised her blinked at that. Still, she held out her own ticket readily, only to catch sight of the strange mare's even stranger cutie mark while her cloak was moved out of the way; it was one of the most beautiful marks she'd ever seen, and the oddest. There was a sword, which looked super weird, and some kind of flower, which looked super tasty. Together, they made a pretty unique sight.
An almost audible click sound rattled through Caps' head, and she made a face of understanding, eyes widened. Oooooh, she's a cosplayer! It all makes sense, that accent, the fake fantasy cutie mark... yup, I'll bet she's way into adventure books. A grin split her face, then slowly she slid from her window seat to the aisle seat. After that, she leaned out into the aisle itself.
"Hi."
The other mare's ears visibly stood up through her cloak, and ever so slowly she turned around from the window to look at Caps.
The strange mare’s blank stare and plum colored features were shadowed by her hood. "Yes...?" she murmured. Even better, her thick, old timey accent stayed intact along with her character's 'personality'.
Wow. She is good! Caps grinned more. "My name's Caps Lock!" She held out her hoof for a shake, or a hoofbump, whatever was good. "I was just curious if you were into swords and stories? Maybe you're big into the game scene for the new—"
"Please, stop speaking to me." The other mare wrinkled her brow deeply, a light frown on her muzzle. "I'm not... in the mood."
Caps blinked. "Oh." She slid back to her original spot in a flash, watching as the other mare faced away. "Huh, was it my breath?" she whispered.
I wonder what that look was for? She’s, preeetty scary. She didn’t look that upset, but her eyes were wicked. With a shrug, Caps pulled her bag around to her front and began to dig around for something to keep her entertained. So, is she just a foreigner? I could've sworn that was a 'ye olden time' accent. Ah, whatever. "Ah hah! Come to momma."
Caps giggled in anticipation as she pulled out her pride and joy, and imported, jail-house broken Joyboy Color, with a custom magic supply—its warranty was quite voided, but technically they weren't sold on shelves yet, anyway.
"Yesss." The game cartridge that her magic picked out and slid into the back of the hoof-held game device was one of her favorites.
The jingle of the the games company played just before two jagged looking polygonal swords swung out of the black ether of the screen, showering the floor with sparks.
Caps quickly lost herself in the game after loading her save file. Monsters screamed, enemy soldiers died, and she completely lost herself to a world of fantastic violence the likes of which most ponies from her generation and prior not only scoffed at, but were downright afraid of.
"Miss, excuse me."
Caps' ears twitched, certain she'd heard something.
Seriously, what the hay? Can't those old fogies understand it's just a game? If there wasn't so much resistance to change, the technology we have available to us could be—
"Miss... Cups? I wanted to apolo—"
"WAH!" Caps jumped as something moved, dangerously close, in the corner of her eye. Once she calmed down, she realized it was Miss Grumpy-mare. "Oh my gosh, sorry, sorry, you startled me, and I had at least three double-shot espressos today."
The other mare, whoever she was, had a lost look on her face. Her cloak was pulled back, though, so it could be seen now at least. Her mane was a light beige, and cut short with natural looking curls.
"I... see. Well, Miss, I apologize for startling you. As well, I wished to apologize for being short before. I am not very... 'in my element' in public, I believe it is called. I typically prefer to be left alone."
Caps blew her lips out and shrugged. "Hey, it's okay! I figured maybe you were just having a rough day. Oh, hey, and you called me Miss Cups. It's Caps, actually! Like on a keyboard? Or a buttonboard, if you're a purist. Pft, those guys are ridiculous though, amiright? And don't get me started on those ponies that insist it be called a hoofboard, like we don't already call a dozen other things that. That’s what I do, by the way, I work at a game studio. What about you?"
Caps chuckled at the various topics she'd brought up, but did actually remember to pause before going on further. Buuuut… the lost look that had been on the strange mare's face seemed to return, and with a vengeance.
The silence only broke itself once Caps remembered something she'd rudely forgotten. "Oh, and what's your name?"
“Loosestrife,” she answered simply. The other mare’s back seemed to straighten even further, if that were possible. “And I do not have employment right now.”
Caps almost felt like she was shrinking under the other pony’s gaze, which was starting to remind her of a really serious actor from an action film or something. This mare is awesome, she thought, and giddily answered, “Cooool. Oh, uh, not the joblessness, though. But you’re name is epic, Loosestrife.” She giggled, then coughed and forced herself to chill out a little.
“I see. Well, you are a lively one, Miss Caps.” Loose began to relax further back, as if to end the conversation there, only to stop and turn back from the window. “Earlier, you said that you… shot something called an Especto? That made you this... alert? I have never heard of such a beast. As I understand it, monsters are not so common these days. I mean… around the cities.”
Caps stared a moment, until a smile cracked her muzzle, and she burst out with a laugh. "Haah, good one. Especto, hehe." Her flaugh petered out when a scowl returned her way. "Uhm, sorry, I think I'm missing something. Or were you serious?"
Loose turned away, pulling her cloak close. “Nevermind.”
“Woah, wait, I’m sorry.” Caps slid back into the aisle seat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I just thought you heard me okay.”
The other mare glanced at her from the corner of her eye, but just for a moment. “It is fine,” she answered.
Caps Lock scratched a hoof through her hair. What is her deal? At first she’d thought she was grumpy, then hard of hearing, now she just wasn’t sure. Hm, she looks kind of old and tired, so maybe…
She waited a moment more for Loosestrife—which really was an awesome name, that obviously came from awesome parents—to continue the conversation. When she didn’t, her Joyboy came out once again to play.
“What is that?”
Caps almost jumped out of her skin again.
“Hello who what!?” She whirled to faced the stranger mare. “Hi there!” she greeted anew.
“Hello…” Loosestrife raised another eyebrow. There almost seemed to be a sign of a smirk, as well, but it was gone before it could be confirmed. “I am curious. Is… Is that the sound of battle coming from that thing you’re holding?”
Cap raised an eyebrow over at the other mare then looked down at her game. “Ohhh, you mean my Joyboy? Hah, yeah, I’m playing Battlemare : Knightsworn. Ever play it?”
“A knight? Play it? I’m not even sure what it is, to be honest with you.” The other mare’s voice and body language remained terse, but there were a few small chinks in her demeanor now that were definitely evident.
Caps Lock grinned encouragingly, fully intending to take advantage of what she saw. Excellent, another pony to corrupt to the side of modern entertainment! She leaned out into the aisle and nodded down to her handheld. “Mind if I sit next to you and show it off? I’d be happy to tell you all about it.”
There was a good ten second silence, but, eventually, Loosestrife gave a nod.
“I would… not mind that.”
Caps giggled. “That’s the spirit. Okay, so I’m guessing you’re new to games. This one’s simple, it’s a fighting game cross with some fantasy rpg elements. RPG meaning Roleplaying, now this is how you—”
Caps was fairly certain she had completely lost Loosestrife at several intervals, but once she got the other mare up to speed with the fighting basics, she’d gotten a lot more into the spirit of the game.
“Your blood will soak the earth crimson, foals!” Loosestrife cackled as she hammered away at the Joyboy’s attack button. “Your empire will be but dust for daring to stand before the Earth Ponies!”
Caps chuckled to herself. “It’s a good thing we have the car to ourselves. Yeah, the Earth Ponies in this game are totally the best race to pick. Having that higher stamina gauge really helps you maintain your battle momentum, as well as re-engage the troops.”
Loosestrife nodded along, despite not taking one ounce of attention from her dominating performance on the game. “You speak wise words, Miss Caps. You would have made an insightful tactician, I think.”
Caps Lock tittered into her hoof. “Me? Nooo. Besides, we haven’t had a real war in centuries near Equestria. Which is why I like these games so much, but nooo, most ponies think they’re awful. I’m actually surprised someone your age that never even knew about games seems to like them!”
Loosestrife paused in her battle frenzy to look over. “My age?” She punctuated her words by raising an eyebrow sharply.
“Oh, heh, I-I didn’t mean anything by it. I—” Caps cracked a smile, and was about to crack under the pressure too, until a surprising expression—and rather scary looking—smile appeared on the other mare’s muzzle.
“I am jesting.” Loosestrife chuckled—a gravelly sound that was almost painful to the ears—and patted Caps on the back. “I think I like you.”
Caps Lock oofed loudly under the treatment from the other mare. “G-Great! haha… hey, so I saw that you have a sword over there.” She pointed to a tall object leaning against the wall, under the window. She hadn’t recognized what it was at first, but was almost certain after some study.
Loosestrife stopped fast from returning to the game. “It is.” She said her reply simply, almost coldly, as if wary of the question.
Caps grinned. “Hey, don’t worry, I’m a collector, too. I won’t rat you out to anypony. It’s stupid that they outlaw those things in most cities.”
Loosestrife visibly relaxed at that, though she maintained her outer look of wariness. “I see. Why do you ask, then? Are you not a ‘computer pony’ as you told me? Or do your talents extend past these amusing games?”
Caps’ grin grew a bit. “Well, I was just wondering… if you know how to use that sword?”
Loose’s expression shifted to mild confusion. “I do,” she answered hesitantly.
“Niiice.” Caps giggled in anticipation. “Ever hear of Movement Capture? Because… my studio reaaally needs somepony good to fill the job for our next fighting game. Are you interested?”
Lines - by Loosestrife's Author
It was lines that defined the modern world. Painted lines separated one arbitrary lane of asphalt concourse from the other. The sharp lines of skyscrapers, Manehattan's great forest of concrete, glass and steel, provided earth pony and unicorn alike a taste of pegasus life. Most of all, no matter where one went in a modern city, one would inevitably find oneself standing in line.
But Loosestrife's usual morning line for coffee was absent on this day. Somepony meant to repair or maintain the lines of the skyscraper rising above Java Joe's had dropped a long metal platform onto the humble coffee shop's awning. Debris was strewn up and down the sidewalk, the area cordoned off and declared unsafe for ponies lacking hardened hats. Lines creased Loosestrife's face as she stared into the carnage.
Nopony a thousand years ago had heard of coffee. The earth ponies' homeland was too far north to trade with the zebras and donkeys of more tropic climes. But of all the frivolities of this noisy, fast-paced, high-energy, ridiculous modern world, it was coffee Loosestrife had found most agreeable. It made the morning sun shine brighter. It gave her the drive to see the day through when the line-defined modern world spun too fast for her. It warmed and soothed her in the night.
But it seemed her enjoyment of coffee went beyond simple desire. The more she stared at the coffee shop, the more she realized she did not want coffee. She needed it. Now.
Glowering at Java Joe's, however, was not speeding the removal of the wreckage. Also, her back right was twitching in a most bothersome manner, not something that happened previously. The scent of freshly brewed, likely soon to be wasted coffee floated from the store, enticing her like a siren's song.
Perhaps such comparison is apt. Methinks I have been bewitched by this brew. This morning groweth more irritating than any hath right to be.
Faced with the impassable yellow line separating her from her needs and lacking alternatives, she staggered off down the sidewalk.
There were no easy methods to become un-lost in a city. Street signs helpfully showed where one was, but were meaningless when one had no idea where one wished to go. Her self-recriminations for not taking time to to learn the city's routes were broken by a perky greeting.
"Good morning, madam! Can I interest you in a technological revolution?"
If there was one thing Loosestrife did not miss alongside her morning coffee, it was the chance to stand in line with the Tartarus known as other ponies. Bad enough that pegasus and unicorn alike frequented an upstanding earth pony establishment like Java Joe's. Mustn't deny harmony, the dulcet voice of Princess Celestia remonstrated her, unbidden. That she must be expected to interact with the odd pony who actually enjoyed waiting in a line was beyond the pale. Such cheer was inexcusable at this hour. Her back right nagged at her.
Cheerful ponies standing in front of boutiques might know where to find coffee.
"Nay." She turned to see a grey horn emerging from pink-striped curls—Stars above, why do single colors not satisfy ponies of this age?—and tilted her head down. "I require only that thou directest me to the nearest establishment whereat I may purchase freshly brewed coffee."
The unicorn blinked at her for less time than ponies tended to when first meeting her. "Well, Java Joe's is just a block thattaway, miss." The unicorn pointed back the way Loosestrife had come.
She frowned. "Had I not travelled from that direction, knave, I'd not have asked thee."
The unicorn's mouth worked soundlessly for a moment, before she said, "Weeeeell, we usually have a pot brewing in the early morning. But I can't offer any unless you're interested in a technological revolutioooon!"
The singsong lilt in the unicorn's voice set Loosestrife's eye twitching in time with her leg. Typical of unicorns to be so cunning. "Then for the moment, I am."
"Great! Just follow me inside, miss..."
"Loosestrife."
"Nice to meet you, Loosestrife! I'm Caps Lock. Gosh, I love your dress. SCA fan?"
Neither offering nor asking for explanations was the best way to weather these conversations. "Aye."
"Cool!" Caps Lock hop-skipped and chuckled. "I figured, with how you talk. Totally nailing the Princess Luna, by the way. Anyhow, welcome to Personal Pony Computing!"
There were not many Manehattan boutiques Loosestrife deigned to visit, thus she had no way of knowing whether the extreme brightness of the interior was normal. The walls were flat white, the counters of polished, light wood. Everything was too neat, too straight-lined, too bright. She was squinting by the time they stopped before a high counter set to one side. Caps Lock lit her horn, placing a small paper cup beneath a tiny coffee maker. A few moments later, Loosestrife held a steaming cup whose scent made her heart soar.
"There's your coffee! Trust me, I know the feeling." She winked. "Now you just stand there and enjoy your morning caffeine kick, while I tell you all about the amazing features of the all-new PPC!"
The coffee was terrible. Nevertheless, drinking it made weathering the unicorn's animated prattle a not insurmountable task. Loosestrife did try to pay attention—it was only fair—but Caps Lock lost her both through fast talking and the innumerable list of erudite features. Also, she wondered what 'caffeine' was and what it had to do with kicking.
Still, it seemed any coffee, regardless of the taste, was adequate for making her feel like a real mare again.
"Hold," she said, draining the cup and setting it on the counter. "I'll wager thy contraption seemeth impressive, but pray tell, what doth it do?"
"Why, anything at all, really!" Caps Lock said, not missing a beat. "I'll admit, it's about as far from creative anachronisms as a pony can get, but you could always keep track of—" The unicorn glanced at something over Loosestrife's shoulder. "—your sword swings per minute! While you, ah, train, I'm sure!"
Though obviously out of her depth, Caps Lock recovered with aplomb. "Of course, its primary applications are geared towards business, finance, stock trading... You'll never miss a weather report! What do you do, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Do?"
"As a career, your job. When you're not..." The unicorn waved a hoof at her.
"'Tis of no import." Loosestrife cleared her throat. "Thy coffee, though tasting of hoof pickings after a day's march, hath invigorated me. The mare of words passeth into dotage, leaving daughter action to carry her sword." She straightened herself, watching down the end of her nose as the unicorn took a tiny step backward.
If there was any sign the unicorns had been victorious over their cousin tribes sometime in the past, it was the cold, hard bit. Dead and buried was the time of creating for the good of the tribe; colder still, the days of uneasy intertribal barter. Loosestrife had made a point to familiarize herself with the modern monetary economy and to provide her own way once she had, though the inherent worth of the bit sometimes eluded her. But she had been offered a royal stipend before settling in Manehattan and knew how much she had to pay monthly for rent, and those sufficed as bellwethers.
"Tell me, merchant, what price dost thou ask for this contraption?"
Caps Lock smiled. "Well, right now, we're having a startup special. Two-ninety-nine gets you the basic model, a year of warranty, 24 hour support through our customer service hotline, and a pack of our magifiber cleaning cloths!"
"Wait." Loosestrife's eyes flicked left and right as she sorted through the dross, cutting to the heart of the unicorn's statement. "Two hundred ninety-nine? Bits?"
"Aye." Caps Lock did a double-take. "Uh, I mean yes."
Lest I face harmony's wrath in mortal form, I shall not address thee as 'conniving needlehead'. Loosestrife turned on her heel and strode for the door, fast as her shaking legs could take her.
"Wait!" The unicorn's hooves pounded the floor behind her. "If I said something to upset you, ma'am, I apologize! Don't go!"
"Thou didst take me for but an earth pony simpleton the moment thou clapped'st eyes upon me!"
Caps Lock held the PPC in her magic as she tried to catch up. "I-I-I promise, I didn't mean any—"
"Trust unicorns to act without honor. Would that I had slain enough of thy ancestors on the field of battle to forestall this outrage!" Loosestrife reached the door, surging out into the bustle of the day, the unicorn hot on her heels.
"You're angry and confused, I understand." Caps Lock was obviously battling to keep her tone level. "I could throw in a durable carry case, no charge! An extra six months on the warranty? I'll personally clean your—"
Loosestrife's ear twitched at a sound from above. Acting without thought, she snatched the PPC from Caps Lock's magic. In the same fluid motion, she pressed the unicorn's head down with her other hoof and swung the computer in an arc over their heads. Its screen smacked into a tin pail, tipping it and spilling water across the sidewalk before them. With the clatter of metal against pavement, the modern world resumed its usual pace.
"Aah!" Caps Lock shouted into the concrete.
"Sweet Celestia, Rail!" shouted a voice above them. "You nearly killed somepony!"
A pegasus in a grey uniform appeared before them, apology in his smile and words spilling from his mouth like water over a fall.
"Sorry, ladies. New guy, y'know how it is." He scooped up the pail and rocketed back into the air, shouting, "Luna's fetlocks, Rail, that's twice already this morning, and if you can't..."
His voice trailed off, leaving only the wet sidewalk as evidence of any happenstance. Passersby gave them a wide berth, not a few eyes turning skyward.
Letting out a breath, Loosestrife turned to the unicorn beside her. Though cowering and shaking, she appeared otherwise unharmed.
"I apologize," Loosestrife said, her voice low, "if I have caused thee injury."
"N-n-no," Caps Lock said, unable to stand for her quivering knees. "I th-think you s-saved my l-l-life!"
"Aye, well." Loosestrife cleared her throat. "I shall apologize instead for my words earlier. They were spoken in a fit of pique and undeserved by thee."
"D-d-don't mention it."
Loosestrife remembered the computer, still clutched in her hoof. "I shall not, nor speak further of this morn, if thou wish'st it so." Turning it over, she noted the soft brush lines of the metal casing, which likewise appeared unscathed by the event. Her eyes lit up.
"By my grandsire's beard! Fair Cap o' the Loch, thou didst not mention this device was durable!" She held it up, knocking it with her hoof. "After so strong a blow, it yet hath nary a scratch upon the pretty side! With proper strapping, 'twould serve as a fine buckler! Hmm, or perhaps I could use it to prop open the door to my balcony..."
"Y-you can have it," Caps Lock said, a wan smile on her face. "Take it, n-no charge. I don't think I'll be..." She swallowed, her face taking a slight green hue. "Be s-selling that one. Excuse me!" She disappeared back into the boutique, slamming the door behind her.
Loosestrife peered in the window after her, but it was rather too reflective for her to see anything. She frowned at her reflection, turned, and placed her new doorstop in her saddlebag. It was quite the bargain, obtaining a thing so valuable at no charge; her good fortune, indeed. The pattern of lines across the black, shiny side would make it a suitable decoration for her home.
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Here we go!
>99,111 words
welp
Loosestrife's author
Hm... difficult. Story-wise, I liked Caps Lock's one better, but as for working with the characters, I think that Loosestrife's one did a better job of that.
So, Loosestrife's author has my vote.
I do recommend to people that they shouldn't try to start from the beginning when casting votes, if only so as to make sure that as many entries get votes on them as possible.
6017353
If I don't go through them in order, that'd almost be like admitting that I'm not going to read them all. I have procrastinated enough, Obs! I am going to power through all of these, and my self-delusion and overconfidence is going to help me to do it!
Caps Lock's Author.
Startin' at the bottom and moving up. I'm going to vote for the better story every time.
Caps Lock's story was charming, immersive, and quirky. It didn't explore Loosestrife very much, but what was there was engaging and believable and worked for the story.
Loosestrife's story kind of played Caps Lock too close to the book and had a Deus Ex ending. The plot was also a bit too conventional; it felt like an elaboration on the "Princess Luna vs. Modern Technology" trope.
Caps Lock's story also had more character development. The relationship of the characters actually organically grew over the course of the story.
Caps Lock's author
I'll be honest, I wasn't very fond of Loosestrife's character from the sheet, but I like what was done here, once we see her explored a bit more. Both stories were pretty solid in different ways. I liked looking into Loosestrife's mind in the second one, but I felt the interaction was better in the first. Caps Lock's author portrayed both the characters in a way that would interest me to see again both of them, where the second story felt like two complete extremes meeting together, but not really finding balance.
6017645
Take a screenshot, boys and girls, because this is one of the few times I will ever go off about "cultural appropriation." This character actually makes me angry. But I'll get to that.
Caps Lock's Author
6018039
One of those inconsequential morons that feel special downvoting everything.
6018050
Mizuko is the worst character in the master list.
6018171
I downvoted your comment just so I could feel special.
It didn't work. I just feel like an a
hole.
6018221
You sure about that? Pretty sure I saw one character in there somewhere who had three personalities or something. If Mizuko is the worst, she has strong competition.
LOOSESTRIFE AUTHOR VOTE
I liked this one more. Loose felt far more the fish out of water and I enjoyed the charming, sort of skeevy Caps interpretation. It just tickled my fancy.
THE GRACE OF THE LORD OBS BE WITH ALL. AMEN.
6018629 Thanks man. I will. I will even post it under my actual account.
Caps Lock's Author
I'll second what Honeycomb said 6017718
I felt like Caps Lock had a better story in that there was character development and progression. Loosestrife's felt more like a scene plucked from a story, while Caps Lock's felt like a complete short story. I think Loosestrife's author nailed the old-timey, fish out of water shtick, and I appreciate that, but that, I think, has a more limited appeal. It's a specific gimmick, and isn't for everyone. Loosestrife used it better, but I actually like that Caps Lock minimized it so that it doesn't distract from the story.
6018934 Do you want me to PM it to you as well?
6018978
I've seen bigger word counts under lesser days to commit. This is nothing.
6018978 Then this is a perfect time to REMIND EVERYONE TO NOT GO IN ORDER FROM FIRST TO LAST UNLESS YOU KNOW YOU WILL GET TO THEM ALL!
6018997 i did it
now to drink a lot
6018685
33.media.tumblr.com/279fb8cdc0106c81aa043d62323008a6/tumblr_nakn244B731tv0602o1_500.jpg
What I kept seeing in my head.
Caps Lock's author
It was just a more enjoyable little self-contained slice, with a neat introduction. One thing I liked was that at the end you're almost hoping for a second chapter and/or sequel.
Caps Lock's author
Though, I think that Loosestrife is actually a pretty neat OC. Making an out-of-time OC gives really good opportunity for clever interaction. And the matchup couldn't have been better.
6018997
It does cut down on the word count if you don't read all the default winners.
6019206
In which case people end up being ignored by no fault of their own.
Which can't be helped, I guess, bit it's a real shame.
6019212 Sometimes you have to stand up, be a man and say "EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE".
6019216
The price of a free victory, I s'ppose.
6019284
Fair enough. Just checking in case.
6019206 But then the default winners kind of get sad if you don't read them and give them feedback
.
Caps Lock's Author
A true testament to the power of video games to bridge the gaps between even the most dissimilar of ponies! In all seriousness, I liked that Caps Lock's Author's version left room for more opportunities for the two to interact further in the future, and by proxy, in future rounds.
Caps Lock's Author
This was a toughie. Both were technically sound stories with a focus on the authors own OC's, but I have to give it to Caps Lock's authors because his entry was a smidge better.
In terms of interesting OCs. On the character sheet, Loose Strife was far more interesting. I'm a sucker for Equestrian History, but when Caps Locks's author wrote Caps Lock, he managed to make what appeared to be a generic hyperactive techie actually have quite a bit of depth without using too much introspectiveness.
That is what ultimately pushed Caps Lock's author's entry to victory in my opinion. While getting into Loose Strife's head is good and it establishes her character, the OC slamjam contest is based on how well the authors can use their and their opponent's OCs, and on that criteria, Caps Lock's author is able to develop a far more interesting relationship between Caps Lock and Loose Strife over RTS/RPG gaming. Loose Strife's entry spends the better part inside the author's OC's head, and when Caps Lock appears, she's used more as a minor character in what appears to be Loose Strife's story rather than an equal, and hence, Caps Lock's potential as a character is squandered.
THAT BEING SAID! Caps Lock's author should seriously watch out, because I nearly gave it to Loose Strife if not for the above reasoning, and a few other factors. After carefully analyzing the character compendium, I belive Caps Lock's author took a few liberties with Loose Strife's characterization sheet. It says specifically for Loose Strife that:
Loose Strife in Caps Lock's author's entry is cold and unfriendly, but where's the prejudice? Admittedly it is implied (and very nicely done as well) in the entry that Loose Strife sees Caps Lock as perhaps a more war-like unicorn because of her RTS/RPG obsession, as expressed by the "tactician" comment/compliment by Loose Strife. That being said, Loose Strife's character IMO trods very close to OOC, but not out, as I do think Caps Lock's author does enough to imply that curiosity gets the better of Loose Strife. Still, its a very near thing.
6019546
I criticise if I have something to say, but not every story really needs it. If there's something worth critiquing, I'll probably point it out.
6019570 Fair enough, I just hope my story is one of them (sighs).
Loosestrife's Author vote
Aside from being vastly better written on a technical level, Loosestrife's story took advantage of the characters in a much better way. Also, I want to see how Loosestrife interacts with other characters in future rounds.
6020791
Someone has to be. Both authors worked hard, and while I understand one is superior to the other in some way, both require encouragement in some form, so that neither author loses their desire to continue to create.
Why are there so many wins by default?
6021137 because people couldn't finish I imagine
6021269
Let me clarify that for this round (Foxglove v. Lucky Stars) I didn't like either of the stories. Therefore, as a tiebreaker, I went by which of the OCs I thought would work better in later rounds.
Also note that those criteria should be present for the 'ideal' vote. It's not necessarily a requirement.
6021303 the author did use the words "transmutation circle "
6021292
I can understand using it as a tiebreaker on some level, though I still think doing so is making a fairly arbitrary decision. I'd rather see the best author win instead of the person that came up with the coolest-sounding OC, so I would have abstained in that case. Do what you gotta do, though, and thanks for the clarification.
Caps Lock's Author
Out of the ones I have read so far, this has been the hardest for me to pick.
Hey, boys and girls!
I have started writing comments on all of the character sheets. Here is the first part.
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/489873/welcome-to-the-jam
6021663
Seems like you haven't much liked any of them.
6021707 I'm going to Puerto Rico for a week. Can't promise I'll be able to be online then. I'm getting a headstart on my next entry now (you know, assuming I advance after this one), and there are still a ton of other entries to read through and vote on before I leave. Not to mention real life stuff. I'm busy.
I have posted another set of comments on the character sheets. I'm posting it in parts, both to give myself the luxury of writing it in parts, and to have it in medium sized chunks instead of one horrifying monolith of a thing.
Caps Lock's author
Both stories are good, but the first story felt like both characters were essential to the story, whereas the second entry was more a story about Loosestrife in which Caps Lock happens to appear. I did really like the idea of Loose strife using the computer as a shield, though.
6017353
In the future, I'd suggest adding an extra chapter after the last pair of stories so that random comments and replies made from the story homepage don't clog up the final chapter's voting page.
Caps Lock's Author
I'll begin by saying this: I found Loosestrife's story to be of much better writing quality and enjoyed it more than Caps Lock's. I'm a sucker for realistic approaches to situations and there were a few things that Loosestrife did very well in that regard.
Notably, this sounds like a Luna VS Modern World story because it basically IS, so props to both authors for highlighting that, although "Lines" made that (incredibly immense, mind you) divide much clearer. Next, I absolutely LOVED the Intro to "Lines" and I found its writing overall to be superior. Finally, the characters were more akin to how they would normally behave according to their descriptions in "Lines": they're from such opposite worlds that it would be naturally impossible for the two to readily interact on their first encounter, not to mention that Caps Lock has a hard time making friends to begin with and Loosestrife dislikes her right off the bat because of her prejudices. That nothing happens between them is perfectly natural, understandable and realistic.
That last point is also why I have to hand it to Caps Lock's author.
The whole purpose of this contest is to create character interaction, or at least develop the characters. Stories are MEANT to stretch realism and belief to make things work in unlikely ways: that's part of what makes them good stories. So while "Caps Lock VS Loosestrife" lacked realism (putting characters on some form of transport does work, although it's a very easy way to put them together), and nearly had an OOC Loosestrife, it also had much more significant character interaction. And it was achieved in a plausible way, which, for fiction, is just fine.
I sort of want to encourage Caps Lock's author to do their best to try and understand their opponent's character better, but simultaneously, I want to applaud them for making anything work between these particular two at all.
Great job from the both of you! I look forward to reading more of either of your stuff in future rounds!
- Cyanhyde
How would people feel about an "after-party" informal writing event, where eliminated contestants pair up and write just for fun?