Falcata vs. Minnie Milk - Winner: Falcata (by Default)
The Ponies you Meet when Making Milkshakes - by Falcata's Author
The cool summer’s day was bad for Minnie Milk and her café. The sole proprietor and employee of the recently bought business at the edge of the town market square was feeling the lack of heat, as she half-heartedly polished her milkshake glasses. Although Minnie offered a variety of treats, her talent, and thus her cafe’s speciality was in serving what critics had dubbed, “the best milkshakes of Equestria.” On a hot summer’s day, her milkshakes would have ponies lining up in droves, but today, nopony was here.
Groaning, Minnie placed her hooves at the side of her mouth and began adjust her dentures. They had an annoying habit of shifting at inopportune moments. So engrossed she was in trying to get them to fit though that she was caught off guard when the doorway bell tinkled.
A friendly smile sprang to Minnie’s features. “Welcome to Minnie Milk’s Café. What would you like to order?”
Only after did she finish her customary greeting did Minnie take in her customer’s appearance.
The customer was a mare, and a strange one at that. She had blue eyes and a golden-yellow coat. Her silver-grey mane was done up into a bun. She had clearly come from out of town, as she wore a red travelling cloak fastened with an old-looking bronze pin.
Strangely, the mare carried what looked like a rectangular shield fastened over her backpack, and despite the weight, she seemed to move comfortably. This was quite the feat considering she only had three legs. Where her customer’s left foreleg should be was a stump that ended shortly after the shoulder.
Then the mare spoke.
“A barrel of your finest wine, serving wench.”
Minnie Milk’s jaw dropped open.
“If you are too weak to fetch that barrel for me, wench, then all you have to do is ask and I will help,” said the strange mare, her eyebrow raised.
Minnie did not deal well with insults, and the implication that she needed to rely on anybody to run her business infuriated her.
“Excuse me! I can handle my own things! And we don’t sell wine here!” snapped Minnie. She expected to be answered by another rude reply, but the mare balked instead.
“I’m sorry. What drinks do you serve in this place?”
“Milkshakes, tea, and coffee,” said Minnie, watching the edge of the mare’s lip twitch.
“Um, no ale, beer, or mead?” the stranger’s eyes uneasily glanced left and right.
Minnie shook her head. “I’m afraid we do not serve those drinks, or any alcoholic beverages. I’d suggest you go to the nearby bar—”
“I can’t!”
Minnie frowned. “Why not?”
The mare sighed. “I got kicked out last night.” As Minnie’s eyes narrowed once more, the mare shook her head. “It was not my fault! A stallion was trying to forcefully proposition a mare, so I challenged him to single combat on the mare’s behalf. He fought like a coward, but the tavern owner threw us both out at the end.”
“Well you can’t just challenge ponies to fights. This isn’t the middle ages,” pointed out Minnie.
“Well, n-no...” spluttered the mare.
Minnie blinked. “And you do know a wench means the equivalent to… scarlet mare, right?”
The mare’s jaw fell agape. “You mean a… oh.” Groaning, the mare’s head dropped so low, it looked as if she wanted to bury it into the ground. Then, her head still bowed, she started to limp back out of the café.
“I’ll not bother you any longer.”
Though Minnie was quite perplexed by the actions of the stranger, she easily recognized the mare’s shambling walk, or in this case, limp. It was the walk of a pony who really just needed something to cheer them up.
Darting around her kitchen counter, Minnie caught up to the mare before she exited the door.
“Wait. You seem tired. Why don’t you sit down for a while?”
Her head shooting up, the stranger fixed Minnie with a look like that of a foal about to receive her Hearth’s Warming gifts early.
“Really?”
Minnie nodded. “Really. Come along now.” Pulling aside a chair, Minnie quickly darted off to fetched a menu. As she trotted back, she paused for a moment.
The mare had pulled off her cloak, and sat down, revealing her cutie mark: a red square shield, like the one she carried, crossed with an oddly curved sword. The thing that caught Minnie’s eye though was the sword the mare wore on her side.
The missing foreleg now made far more sense now.
“I don’t think I ever caught your name, by the way,” said Minnie as she placed the menu on the table.
“Falcata. For the sword in my cutie mark,” explained the mare as she examined the items on the menu intently.
“Well, Falcata, would you like to order anything?” asked Minnie.
The mare glanced at the menu. “It says that the signature drinks of your café are “milkshakes.” What are they?”
As Minnie wondered exactly what rock Falcata had been living in for the last few years, it dawned on her that she could be the first to explain to Falcata what her favourite drink was. A grin stretched across her face.
“A milkshake is a sweet beverage of crushed ice and milk, often flavoured with different fruits—or a sweetener like chocolate or caramel.”
“And making them is your special talent?” asked Falcata.
“Yes. I had a rather bad accident when I was younger.” Minnie tapped her dentures. “A cow kicked me in the face when I was milking her, knocking out my teeth. I had to get them all replaced.”
Falcata’s eyes widened, but Minnie waved her off. “For a while, I couldn’t chew anything, and so to make myself feel better, I made milkshakes. Next thing I knew, I found my cutie mark.” Minnie gestured to her café, her smile widening. “And I’ve never been happier!”
Falcata smiled. “I’m glad you found your calling from such sadness.” Turning back to the menu, Falcata pursed her lips. “I’d like to try the Rainbow Blitzer.”
“Excellent choice.” Minnie’s eyes twinkled. “It does have a bit of a kick though.”
“I’ve survived a powerful spell from an evil sorceress. I’m pretty sure I can endure a little kick,” said Falcata with a snort.
Minnie, despite trying to stop herself, found her eyes shooting to Falcata’s missing leg, something that the pegasus did not miss.
“If you get me that milkshake, I’ll tell you that story, but not before,” said Falcata with a smirk.
Minnie did her best to disguise her interest, but curiosity lent her speed as she rushed around her kitchen to make the shake. A few minutes later, she had placed a rainbow-striped milkshake, topped with frothy cream and some sliced strawberries, kiwis, pineapples, and mangos, onto the table. Minnie had designed the milkshake to be a visual experience as well as a culinary one; Falcata took a moment to simply look at the beverage before taking a tentative sip through the red and white straw.
Only when the glass was half-empty did Falcata finally pull her lips away from the straw.
“It’s so good!” she squealed. Immediately afterward, Falcata covered her mouth with her hoof, her cheeks a light red, much to Minnie’s amusement. “I’m sorry. We never had drinks like this back in…” Falcata coughed. “Well you can tell that I’m not from around here.”
“Oh yes,” said Minnie with a chuckle.
Falcata her eyes glancing at the table, Falcata sighed. “You won’t believe me, but I’m more than a thousand years from Equestria’s past.”
Minnie stared at Falcata for a moment, and promptly burst out laughing. But when Falcata groaned and buried her head in her only remaining forehoof, Minnie’s laughter trickled away.
“You were serious,” she said. Falcata, raising her head from her hoof, nodded. “How did you get here then?” asked Minnie.
“I was petrified.” At Minnie’s blink, Falcata pointed to her shield. “I was a pegasus legionary. Shortly after the tribes were unified, I was given an assignment to protect a unicorn spellcaster named Clover on his mission to track down and arrest the Witch of the Everfree Forest, a mad unicorn spellcaster.”
“Wait, Clover? As in ‘Clover the Clever’ from the Hearth’s Warming Tales?” interrupted Minnie.
“That’s what Princess Cadance told me.” Falcata then covered her mouth in a vain attempt to hide her snicker. “I’m not sure why they call him “the Clever.” He wasn’t the smartest of stallions after all.”
Minnie frowned, “Really?”
Glancing around, Falcata lowered her voice. “Really. The doofus couldn’t tell the difference between a daisy flower or poison joke. So one day, he makes what he thinks is a daisy sandwich, and the next thing he knows, he’s a mare for an entire day.”
The image of one of the most famous unicorn stallions in history being turned into a mare made Minnie burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. Falcata’s more raucous guffaw added to the din, and for a while the pair couldn’t sit straight.
Swallowing hard, Falcata managed to control her laughter enough to continue. “Anyway, we got along rather well as we hunted down this witch. He wasn’t as prissy as most unicorns are, and he had a pegasus’s sense of adventure. We scoured the Everfree Forest for nearly a month before we found her hole and attempted to arrest her.”
It was then that Falcata’s smile was replaced by a pained grimace, and her eyes became unfocused, as if she wasn’t really seeing what was in front of her. Concerned, Minnie hesitantly touched Falcata’s hoof.
The pegasus’s suddenly pulled her leg out of Minnie’s grasp and her wings flared up. Her eyes wide, Falcata shook her head as if waking from a dream.
“I’m sorry, where was I?”
“You had begun to fight the witch,” said Minnie softly.
Falcata nodded and swallowed. “Yeah. We underestimated her. She knew that we were coming. One of her spells headed straight for Clover and I dove into its path to try to stop it.” Wincing, Falcata pointed to her stump. “That’s how I lost my leg.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for—”
“Don’t be. I do not regret it. I saved his life after all,” said Falcata firmly, although Minnie didn’t miss the way Falcata massaged her stump.
“Okay,” said Minnie. It was not her place to pry after all.
“Clover ran then, dragging me with him. He may not have been the cleverest unicorn, but he was good at thinking on his hooves.” Falcata shook her head and snorted. “The doofus found a cockatrice and used it to petrify me. I was surprised, but I was gushing blood and he wanted to save my life,
“I think I get the picture,” croaked Minnie.The thought of the pony in front of her bleeding out from her stump made her sick to her stomach.
Falta shrugged. “I don’t know what happened after that, or why Clover never came back for me. Maybe the witch caught up to him and he lost me, but a thousand years later, Princess Cadance woke me up and patched me up. Apparently my statue had ended up in what you folks call a ‘mausoleum.’”
“You mean a ‘museum’?”
“Oh. Yes, that. Anyway, she then taught me a few things about Equestria as it is now, like how the bits work and such. But I wanted to travel Equestria, so she set me up with a… dispensation they called it. I got free bits, this shield, and this sword as part of it.”
With one hoof, Falcata drew her sword so quickly that by the time Minnie had realized there was a sharp pointy object closer her face, she was transfixed by the hypnotic gleam of the weapon as it glinted in the summer sun.
“Pretty, eh? Not as good as my own sword, but I lost that to the witch.” Falcata sheathed the blade and finished off her milkshake. Setting the glass down, she licked the froth off of her lips and smiled in satisfaction.
“So that’s how I ended up here, a thousand years in the future.”
Minnie didn’t quite know how to respond, but she couldn’t help but look at her customer with awestruck eyes.
“Wow. Kind of makes my cutie mark story seem a bit small,” Minnie said with a laugh.
“Maybe, but you found your happy ending and your talent after all,” said Falcata. She winced. “I’m still looking for mine.”
“And I’m sure you’ll find it on your travels, Falcata,” said Minnie, a small but sincere smile on her face.
Falcata returned that smile before she frowned and put her hoof to her chin. Minnie was about to ask what was wrong, when Falcata loosed a loud burp, followed by a satisfied sigh.
“Just to let you know for the future, burping is considered rude, so you’re supposed to cover your mouth,” said Minnie in an understanding but somewhat reproving tone.
Falcata blushed. “Oh, pardon me. Burping is—was polite back then. Shows that you think the food cooked or the drink brewed is good.” Pursing her lips for a moment, Falcata’s eyes swung back to the menu on the table.
“Can I have another one?” she asked, pointing to the Gobstone Gut Buster.
Minnie grinned. “Sure!”
They talked for a while: about various Equestrian mannerisms, current news, and on one of Minnie’s favorite topics, dental hygiene, which Minnie had picked up as a result of wearing dentures. When Falcata had to return to her room at the town inn, Minnie had waved her strange customer, away into the orange-lit streets before closing up shop.
The next day, Falcata had stopped over at Minnie’s in the morning to have breakfast. After saying goodbye, the pegasus had lofted into the sky, heading for the next town, while yelling to Minnie that she would be back someday.
Minnie had also waved Falcata off, though not for so long. She had quite a few morning regulars to take care of. Yet shortly after she grabbed the ingredients for another milkshake, Minnie stopped for a moment and grinned.
“I love my job!” Minnie declared to the street. Her regulars jumped and stared at her, but she paid no attention to that as she bounced to the next table to take their order. She had cheered up a pony and made a new friend with her milkshakes after all.
Stats
Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
1,079 users online
1,600,244 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
An excellent story! both characters were well written! I look forward to seeing more from Falcata and am a bit sad that Minnie will not be seen again. Good job authors!
6019403
Hey Foals. You liked it, eh?
Hmmm. Well, for me, the dialogue was a bit cringe worthy, mostly at the start though, and mostly from Falcata herself. Writing style and mechanics otherwise were good. Since this is a bye story it's not as big of a deal, for now, but for future rounds I'd suggest reading the dialogue parts out loud to get that 'feel' for the scene. It felt rough to me.
Course I'll admit I'm writing this at 6 am sooo
But, here's an example.
Falcata being from ye olden times, I don't quite hear her saying 'Yeah.' Though it's also probably fair to assume she's picking up modern idioms slowly.
It felt like I was just hearing the characters reading their personality sheets off to one another, in my opinion. It wasn't bad, per se, but it wasn't good.
Like, once Falcata sits down and they start talking, the story heads downhill. They just trade cutie mark stories without anything else added. For example, I would have liked to see more emotion come from Milk when she is talking about getting her jaw kicked out. I mean, think of how unbelievably painful that must have been. She's telling a story, and that's a rather important piece of it, so shouldn't there have been at least some character flair when describing the event instead of just a bland narrator's sentence?
Honestly, I think this would have made a better story:
Just picture a 1000-year-old warrior (when hygiene was but a myth) learning about teeth brushing.
*sigh*
Yep, it's this character.
6019403 Seeing you here makes me think either you or ZOMG is a part of this thing.
*makes 'I'm watching you' gesture with fingers*
Not bad, but I would have liked to see a bit more than just the pair of them swapping cutie mark stories.
Liked: Oh god, Falcata's dialogue was a hoot. :D
Disliked: WHY DID YOU MAKE HER ADJUST HER DENTURES OH MY GOD THAT WAS DISGUSTING D:
6040033 Didn't you notice the author wrote that she pushed her dentures from the outside of her mouth?
Oooooooooh, boy... This was... quite dreadful. Not the worst in the contest, but oh my, did it ever make me cringe. I'm not even sure what's the worst part. Between Falcata's gimmicky and contrived backstory, the stiff dialogue as these two just explain their pasts to one another, the unfunny comedy, and just... Falcata, man. Just Falcata.
I want to go into detail with my opinion on this, but I don't have the energy right now.
Welp, might as well admit that I am Minnie Milk, I suppose.
Turtle-ly ran out of time, bad planning, etc., plus I just couldn't get what I wanted to say to work (doesn't help when you're trying to do so mere hours before the deadline), hence my portion is absent.
once again.
Still, I thought Falcata's author did this not badly.