Rachis Barbule vs. Obvious Question - Winner: Rachis Barbule (by Vote)
Rachis Barbule vs. Obvious Question - by Rachis Barbule's Author
“Mark my words, my lord butler, it shan’t be too long before the master is up to his ears in debt to these hawks he calls ‘associates.’ I tell you I live in constant fear these days that my paychecks will peter out and die on a whimper, like one of my poor tomato plants in this dreadful cold.”
“I grant you that fear, Miss Trowell, but mine is rather based on past evidence: that our incomes will die rather more like a drowning goldfish.”
The ancient theater hall rattled with the roaring laughter of four hundred and ninety-nine Canterlot unicorns, as the stage lights faded and the two actors trotted offstage for the intermission. The hall was capable of seating twice as large an audience, but for a matinee performance of last week’s satiric folly, five hundred was a good turnout.
The five-hundredth unicorn, a grey stallion named Obvious Question, wearing a dark formal business suit, didn’t get the joke, and he said so as soon as the laughing died down enough that he could be heard.
“I don’t get it,” he complained as the curtains closed, to no one in particular. “Goldfish don’t drown. That would be stupid.”
The only pony who heard him was the brown stallion in a tailored grey tuxedo who sat next to him, a stylist by the name of Rachis Barbule. Once he had wiped the tears from his eyes, Rachis leaned over to his neighbor to make himself heard over the noise of the jostling audience. “It’s a jab at Higher Learning’s goldfish story.”
“Higher Learning?” Obvious Question repeated. “Who’s that? It’s not a name I’ve heard yet in the play.”
Rachis Barbule blinked at him. “Well of course not. It’s all good fun until you say their name out loud. Then we’re just being mean. Not to mention, of course, all the legal trouble that would come with using a good citizen’s name and likeness without permission.”
Obvious Question pursed his lips at the stage as a stallion in a white vest and top hat slipped through the curtains to step into a spotlight. The audience cheered and stomped enthusiastically, and he grinned and waved a hoof in return. Obvious frowned and opened his playbill. “Wasn’t this supposed to be an intermission?” he asked himself.
Rachis answered anyway. “It is. You can leave the theater now if you want to. I’m staying here, though. Wouldn’t miss this for anything.” The stallion on the stage began speaking to the crowd, drawing an occasional laugh. A thought suddenly occurred to Rachis and he looked at his neighbor in concern. “Is this your first time here?”
Obvious Question slouched in his seat and scowled at the theater in general, as if it had promised him something and then cheated him out of it. “It’s not my first play, but it’s definitely the strangest.”
Rachis raised his head up and nodded slowly, still frowning. His worry was confirmed. “So this is your first Folly,” he said.
“Is that why the jokes aren’t funny and there’s a guy talking to us during the intermission?”
Rachis grimaced and turned to answer the question, but he stopped when he noticed several dozen ponies in the audience around them turn in their seats to face the two of them. Obvious Question looked around in annoyed bemusement, but Rachis looked up to the stallion on the stage, who was pointing a hoof at them and smiling expectantly. Rachis’s stomach froze and his ears fell flat. He knew what was happening.
Obvious, however, had no clue. “What’s going on? Did I offend everyone or something?”
The stallion on stage beckoned with his outstretched hoof. “Come on, you two! No need to be shy! Well, I guess there might be, but just ignore that feeling!” The audience laughed, and Rachis fought down the beginnings of panic.
He stood up from his seat and used a hoof to pull his companion up with him. “Come on, he’s talking to us!”
Obvious was not happy about being pulled out of his seat, or about being the center of attention of a theater hall. “What are you doing?” he hissed at Rachis, trying to sit back down.
“The writer called us up! You’re making a scene! Come on!”
Obvious looked up to the stage, and finally gave in to the encouragements of the stallion Rachis called ‘the writer.’ The writer beamed and stomped his hooves in applause, followed by the stomping of the rest of the ponies in the hal. “There you go! Get on up here!”
Rachis and Obvious shuffled their way past the other theatergoers in their row to get to the aisle. “What’s going on?” Obvious asked Rachis.
Rachis smiled in gratitude to a large mare who did her best to pull herself out of their way. “That’s–” the two of them stumbled out into the aisle, and Rachis turned to Obvious with an apologetic grimace. “Sorry, no time to explain.”
The writer led the audience in applause as his two volunteers made their way on to the stage, then stopped. The stomping lingered on for a moment, then died down just as Obvious caught back up to Rachis, leaning over to whisper in his ear. “You tell me what’s going on, or so help me, I will trip you right now.”
The four hundred and ninety-nine Canterlot socialites in the audience roared with laughter, and Obvious froze in horror as he heard his “whisper” echo around the room. Rachis halted as well in mid-step, wincing painfully and scrunching his face.
The writer was brimming with mirth. “Gotta love those sound-amplifying enchantments, right? You two are my volunteers for my intermission address. I would say it’s the best part of the evening, but this is all improv and the rest I spent hours and hours slaving over.” The audience laughed and he lit his horn and floated three wooden chairs over to him from offstage, gesturing for his volunteers to sit down. Rachis pursed his lips and didn’t look up as he took his seat, and Obvious trembled and blushed furiously, looking at something only he could see.
“So,” said the writer from his chair, cutting off the last lingering laughs from the audience, “Why don’t you introduce yourselves for us?”
Neither Rachis nor Obvious were eager to speak first, or at all. After a moment of them exchanging glances with each other, the writer made the decision for them. “Why don’t you go first, with the grey mane,” he suggested, gesturing to Obvious Question, whose eyes went even wider. He waved a hoof dismissively at the crowd. “Just pretend they aren’t here. Just you and me.” His horn lit up again, and everything outside the stage seemed to fade out of Obvious’s vision. The writer winked at him, and Obvious began to feel a little more confident.
“My name’s Obvious Question. What’s yours?” The sound of more laughter reached Obvious’s ears, but it seemed to come from a great distance. He looked around in confusion.
The writer chuckled a bit himself. “I think I can guess what your talent is. Like I said before, and like it says on the playbill, and on the sign outside…” He smiled sidelong in the direction the audience had been, and there was more distant laughter. Rachis shrank further into his seat, but Obvious just looked at the writer intently. “My name is Makepiece. What do you think of my play so far?” Rachis forgot all pretence and buried his face in his hooves. Neither of his companions on the stage paid him any mind, but the audience, beyond the perception of the three of them, did, and leaned forward to hear what he was so afraid of.
“Your play? Did you write it or direct it?”
Makepiece looked away and smiled again. “Both. Do you like it?”
“Not really, it’s really weird and doesn’t make much sense.”
A distant sound reached them, like four hundred and ninety-nine ponies saying “oooh” all at once in the next building over. Makepiece pouted dramatically, and was rewarded with more laughter. “Ouch,” he said, triggering even more laughter. “You really don’t like it? Well please, share with me what I can do to improve it!” Rachis shifted in his seat again.
“Well,” Obvious began, all of his earlier intimidation forgotten, “half of the jokes weren’t funny at all. I don’t know why everyone laughed so much.”
Makepiece tilted his head. “Really?” he asked. “Which ones? Can you give me some examples?”
“Like that last one,” Obvious said, glancing offstage to indicate the actors who had played the two servants right before the intermission. “Why would a drowning goldfish be any funnier than a dying tomato plant? The only difference is that a goldfish can’t really drown, but it’s not that much funnier than a plant dying to be worth making the last joke about it.”
The very faintest hint of booing could just be heard on the stage through Makepiece’s soundproofing enchantment. Makepiece himself raised a hoof towards where he knew the audience was to quiet them down, and then pursed his lips at Obvious. “You put me in a difficult position here, Mister Question. Theater etiquette prevents me from explaining that particular joke to you more fully, but I can assure you there’s a bit more to it than what you said.”
“Mister Makepiece?” Rachis interrupted, raising a hoof. The writer nodded and waved a hoof for him to speak. Rachis gave a nervous glance to where the audience had been a minute ago, then took a deep breath. “Obvious was just telling me before we came up here that this is his first Folly. He doesn’t know what it’s about.”
Obvious looked at him in confusion. “What? Of course I know what the play’s about. Why wouldn’t I?”
Rachis and Makepiece exchanged a quick glance, then turned back to Obvious Question. “Alright then, what’s it about?” Makepiece asked. “Without names, of course,” he added with a smile and a wink to the audience.
“No names?” Obvious shrugged. “Okay. It’s about a professor with a gambling problem. And no one likes him.” The hidden audience burst into laughter again, and Rachis laughed with them.
Makepiece grinned widely. “Remind you of anyone? And don’t say their name! He might be in the building! Oops!” He raised a hoof to cover his mouth and turned theatrically to the audience with wide eyes as they laughed even more. He leaned forward and shushed conspiratorily.
He turned back to Obvious Question with a smile, but Obvious was staring at him through narrowed eyes. A moment passed, and some chuckles came from the audience. Finally Obvious said something. “Is there something I’m not getting here?” The dam broke and the audience roared with laughter again.
Makepiece choked on a laugh and shook his head with mirth. “As a short answer, Obvious Question, yes, there is. We’re running out of time for the intermission, though, so let’s move on to our other volunteer. What’s your name, sir?”
Rachis introduced himself, wiping a tear from his eye. “Rachis Barbule. And I love the play so far.”
Makepiece nodded deeply. “That’s a relief. I was afraid for a moment there.”
Rachis smiled with him. “Yeah, I once took a class from a certain unnamed professor at Celestia’s, so I’m loving this.” His words were met with enthusiastic cheering and applause from the unseen audience.
“I’m so confused,” Obvious Question commented, causing more laughter.
“Don’t worry, Mister Question. I’m sure after the play is over Mister Barbule here can sit down with you and explain everything.”
“Definitely, you should come down to the salon. You deserve a free manecut.” Rachis raised a hoof and flicked one of Obvious’s unruly bangs. “Not to mention how much you need one.” More chuckles from the crowd.
“Oh, you’re a stylist?” Makepiece asked in interest as Obvious patted down his bangs defensively.
Rachis nodded. “To pay the bills, mostly. I’m really a preenist.”
“No kidding,” Obvious said. The crowd burst out laughing again.
“Come again?” Makepiece asked through his chuckling.
Rachis smiled patiently. “I clean and style pegasus wings. I’m the only preenist in Canterlot.”
“Oh I know that’s not true,” Obvious said with a smile to the audience, who returned his amusement with more laughter. He seemed to be loving this as much as they were.
Makepiece rolled his eyes and shook his head. “So while you’ve got our attention here, since you’ve been so supportive of my play–” he turned in his seat and looked pointedly at Obvious, who recoiled and frowned. “Why don’t you plug your business for us? Where can we find you?”
Rachis’s face lit up. “Thank you!” He turned to where he knew the audience was. “Come down to Gillette and Barbule, on Beta and Elysium above Newton and Mulberry Law Firm! Our primary focus is stallions’ manes, coats, and tails, but we are also the premiere preening salon in Equestria, as voted by Primary and Covert wing care magazine two years running! Come in for a trim yourself, and tell all the pegasi you know about us!”
Rachis looked back at Makepiece, who turned back to the audience. “Well, the actors are getting antsy, so–”
“Hang on,” Obvious Question interrupted, looking at Rachis in puzzlement.
“Yes, Obvious?” Makepiece asked, looking nervously offstage.
“You’re a unicorn,” Obvious stated, nodding at Rachis.
Rachis turned slowly to regard him, blinking at him with a straight face. “Yes.” The audience laughed and Makepiece bit his lip.
Obvious blinked back, his expression frozen in deep thought. “But… your talent is taking care of pegasus wings? How in Equestria did you end up with a talent like that as a unicorn?”
Makepiece frowned in thought. “He raises a good point, Rachis. Now I’m curious. I’d love to hear your Cutie Mark story, if you’re willing to share.” The audience cheered.
Rachis raised his eyebrows and pointedly looked away from the wall of nothingness that was cheering. “Oh believe me, you would, but I’d be too afraid of next week’s show involving a certain unnamed wing stylist, if you know what I mean. I’ve already gotten my share of the public spotlight here, thank you very much. Sorry, I’m not telling my story now.”
Makepiece and Obvious Question both slumped in disappointment, but the writer shrugged it off. “Oh well, we’re out of time anyway. Thank you, Obvious Question and Rachis Barbule. I think this has been the most interesting intermission I’ve been a part of for a long time. But hey, it is only an intermission after all! We still have half a play to enjoy! Or not enjoy, as the case may be. Let the show go on!”
Makepiece rushed offstage to thunderous applause, and Rachis and Obvious went back to their seats still the object of everyone’s attention. Obvious Question still didn’t get any of the jokes in the second act, but afterward the two of them were swarmed by Canterlot elite, who gleefully explained the idea of a satiric folly to Obvious, who didn’t much appreciate knowing.
Over the next few months business boomed for both of them as word spread, and though the Follies never performed a play with a wing stylist or a straightforward unicorn as the protagonists, every script Makepiece wrote after that night featured a very familiar comedic duo as recurring cameo characters. They were crowd favorites, and the two actors who played them went on to do their own travelling vaudeville show years later. Rachis and Obvious both received VIP tickets to Makepiece’s next play, but neither of them ever attended the Follies again.
Obvious Question never took Rachis Barbule up on his offer of a free haircut.
Let's Get down to Business - by Obvious Question's Author
C'mon, Rachis. Today is going to be great! This consultant I hired is going to make our business really take off. My friend Lilly in Ponyville used him when they set up their flower shop, and they're doing really well!"
"I don't see why we need a consultant, Gillette. We can get our business up and running by ourselves. Besides, he'll probably just laugh at us like everypony else," I grumble.
"Rachis Barbule," she says, lifting my downturned muzzle with her wing, "I'm not laughing at you. Hay, you've managed to convince me to get in on this venture with you. That has to count for something, right?"
"I guess you're right," I reply with a soft chuckle as she takes her wing back, and I feel a bit calmer.
"All that said, I've heard this guy is a tough customer. If you can sell this idea to him, you could sell mud to an earth pony. In other words," she says with a wink and a grin, "we'll be ready for business.
"Now go out there, and work your magic!" she says as she flicks my horn with a midnight blue wing.
"He's not here yet."
"Not here yet?" she says incredulously as she rises to the ceiling of my office. "But the meeting was scheduled to start ten minutes ago! Are you sure you haven't been keeping him waiting?"
"Well, nopony has buzzed the doorspell, so I don't think he's here yet. Besides, you know how Canterlot morning hoof traffic is. Didn't you say he was from Ponyville? He probably hasn't seen streets this crowded before."
"Ok. I guess you ground pounders have to have some excuse for never getting anyplace on time," she says as she alights to the side of the door to the storefront. "Even so, you should probably be out there for when he actually does show up. Wouldn't want to give Obvious Question a bad first impression, right?"
"Right." I let out a nervous chuckle as I walk through the door to the front room of what will become my salon. Our salon. "Wish me luck!"
"You won't need it, but good luck anyway!"
I see a flick of her powder blue tail as she closes the door behind me to continue going through paperwork. Nopony ever said getting a business started in Canterlot would be easy. I'm glad to have somepony like her her on my side.
A few minutes later, a gray stallion with a short and shaggy, nearly black mane and bright, neon-green eyes. My eyes linger a little uncomfortably on his sharp little... stub of a horn, and then snap to his cutie mark: one of those question mark exclamation point thingies in a circle in the same eye-searing green as his eyes. I feel a buzz in my horn as he passes through the door, confirming that the doorspell I bought actually works.
'Relax, Rachis. Just be friendly, show him you know your stuff and take his advice to heart, and everything is going to be just fine.'
"Hi, I'm Rachis Barbule! Would you happen to be Obvious Question?"
"Ah yes, the obvious question," he says, giving a quiet chuckle. "I am he. Terribly sorry I'm late. Traffic was—”
"Say no more," I interject. "I know better than a lot of ponies how hard it is to keep a schedule in a strange place."
"Thank you. Now that we're both here, why don't we get down to business? Do you have some sort of office we could meet in?"
"Right this way, sir."
Since Gillette is in my office scaling Mt. Paperwork, bless her soul, I take him to her office instead. We'd only just moved in here to start our business, so it's still bare aside from a standing desk with a photo of Gillette with her parents resting on it.
"So, Mr. Barbule," he says as we take our positions on either side of the desk. "Shall we begin?"
"Sure!" the tan unicorn behind the desk replies. "Where should we start?"
Not a bad question. Heh. Thankfully, I have a ready answer.
"I find, when somepony is setting out to start a business, it helps me to help them if I know who they are and what they want to do. You would be surprised how often ponies forget that part. So, Rachis Barbule, what is your special talent?"
He turns a little to display his flank, saying, "I got my cutie mark for preening pegasus wings. I've even come up with a few spells to help me with caring for feathers. My brother always joked that I should have been born with a pair of wings instead of a horn, but then I wouldn't be nearly as good at caring for those magnificent appendages as I am."
"Ok. Now that I know a little about who you are, what do you want? What is it you're trying to do with this business?"
He thinks for a minute before replying. That's promising: It implies he cares what the answer is. It also implies he's going to give me a philosophical answer, but I can work with that.
"There are a couple of things that I really love: beauty, and pegasi. I love to see beautiful things, and the way a pegasus soars through the skies, the way their wings work... I can't think of a more beautiful thing in the world. If I can enhance a pony's beauty, even my own, then I leap at the chance."
He clearly believes in what he's saying. I mean, he keeps his coat and mane exceptionally shiny and well-coiffed, even for a Canterlot unicorn. The stallion is a walking advertisement for his skills.
"And that is why I'm opening a pegasus beauty salon!"
Ah yes, this is the part of my job that I hate. It's just about the most important part of it, though. If you let a pony keep their head up in the clouds while their hooves are still on the ground, they're going to trip and fall, hard.
And he looks so hopeful, too.
I turn to the nearest window and walk towards it.
"Take a look through this window, Mr. Barbule. It has a wonderful view of Canterlot."
"Ok..." he says as he walks up beside me.
"This is prime real-estate. A view like this can't come cheap."
"We do pay through the nose for this place, but it's got to be a great place to do business. I'm sure our customers will appreciate the location, too."
"About those customers. Tell me, Rachis, how many pegasi do you see out this window?"
"I don't see any out there, but that doesn't mean there aren't any around," he replies, a little nervously. "My partner had to come from somewhere, right?"
I shake my head and ask again. "Have you seen enough winged customers in this city of unicorns to pay for this wonderful view?"
His jaw opens, as if to supply an answer, but instead he deflates like a captive, untied balloon. Idealists always come down the hardest. I feel like I just bucked a puppy in the face. Well, I'd best not let up now...
"I hope you consider my questions, Mr. Barbule. I do want to see your business succeed. See you tomorrow," Obvious Question says as he leaves the building, tripping the doorspell on the way out.
I trudge back into my office to find a softly humming Gillette still hock-deep in paperwork, but a lot more of it is signed and filled-out now.
"Well, at least one of us is having a good day," I grumble.
"Oh. Hey, Rachis! I take it things with the consultant didn't fly so smooth?"
"You could say that, I guess." I plop myself down in a pile of filled-out but still disorganized paperwork. There's just something relaxing about the printed page.
Gillette smirks at me and my antics. "So, he shot you down?"
"Yes, but it's the way he did it. I want to hate him for it, but all he did was just... just..."
"Ask obvious questions?"
"Yeah. The kinds of questions I really should have been asking myself the whole time. Questions like 'How are we going to pay for this place if we only cater to pegasi?' Have you ever realized just how few pegasi live in Canterlot?"
"Idunno," she says while shrugging her wings, "I kinda like being the only one around who can fly."
I facehoof, and continue to wallow in paper.
"But yeah, I'd been kinda wondering about that myself."
"Well, I hadn't, and now I feel very, very dumb for that."
"Y'know, I'm pretty sure that consultant didn't just come here to tear you down and trample your dreams. What else did you two talk about?"
I spend a few minutes going over our conversation with her.
"Remember that question, about how we could make money while serving just pegasi?" she asks, after having digested the conversation for a couple minutes.
"Hard not to. What about it?"
"I think that the answer's in the question."
She looks around for a bit before finding what she's looking for, and waves me over as she walks up to the full-length mirror I keep in my office. What? A stallion has to look good in this business!
"What do you see here?" she asks, pointing at the mirror with a wing.
"It's a mirror," I deadpan.
"Ok, I flew right into that hillside. What do you see in the mirror?"
"The kind of fool who doesn't think plans through very well?"
"No, I'm looking for something a little more superficial. Pretend that stallion in the mirror is somepony else. What does he look like?"
I take a good, honest, evaluating look at that stallion in the mirror, and I like what I see.
"I see a dark tan unicorn with a brown mane streaked with gray. His mane is expertly styled, and his coat is so fine you could polish semi-precious stones on it. I wonder who does his grooming."
"Who indeed," she says with a knowing grin.
"So... The answer's in the question, huh?"
"Yep."
"Gillette, do I tell you often enough how much of a genius you are?"
"Nope."
"Well, you're a genius."
'This really is a lovely part of Canterlot where they have their prospective salon,' I think to myself. 'It's a shame that stallion probably hates me now for crushing his dreams. He definitely was not taking those doses of reality well.
'I do hope he can still benefit from my consultation,' I continue to think as I let myself in to their storefront. 'He clearly has potential. If only I can get him to see it the right way...'
Ok, I'm inside with Rachis Barbule, and he's not looking at me like I ate all of his pudding in front of him. In fact, he's smiling. Is he... happy to see me?"
"Hi, Obvious Question! It took some time, and some nudging from my partner Gillette, but I finally came up with an answer to your question about how we were going to make money while serving just pegasi in a city of unicorns."
This is unexpected. Color me intrigued.
"Really? What is it?"
"It's simple, really: We don't!" he shouts confusingly gleefully.
"Wait, what? So you're just giving up?!"
That isn't the direction I'd hoped things would take at all.
"No no no no no," he says, applying forehoof to face. "What I mean to say is we were setting our sights too narrow before, and were selling ourselves short in the process. We're still going to be serving pegasi, but we'll be serving other ponies, too. Specifically, stallions. There may not be many pegasi here in Canterlot, but there are just as many stallions here as anywhere else. Hay, maybe even a little more than in most places. And if there's something different about Canterlot stallions, it's that they always want to look their best.
"If you hadn't asked me those 'obvious questions,' I might never have figured that out in time. Thanks!"
I'm so glad to hear him say that, to hear that I'd done what I came to do and everything was going to to work out right. I'm so happy, I could just— Aww, why the hay not!
I glomp him hard.
"Hey, Questy, watch the mane. It took me a full ten minutes to make it look this good!"
"Oops, sorry."
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RACHIS BARBULE AUTHOR VOTE
I quite enjoyed the characterization of Obvious Questions in this piece. The on in Obvious' fic just seemed like stallion. Not really very interesting.
Also the word glomp was used.
There is no greater shame.
OBS GO UP TO THE COUNTER AND GET ME A CHICKEN SANDWICH AND SOME WAFFLE FRIES
Rachis Barbule's Author
This might be the closest one so far. I actually changed my vote after some thought. In fact, can I just pass on this one, Obs? Nullify my vote? See if you actually read these comments? I love both characters, and I like both stories. Rachis's was funny and did a great job with Obvious Question, but The Question's did a great job with Rachis and Gillette and weaving Obvious into their origin story. And though I liked the second story's emotion better, I do think Obvious himself was a bit blank in it. He asked enough obvious questions to justify his name, but there wasn't really enough personality to differentiate him from any other consultant. Also, I'd rather see more stories about Rachis than Obvious. The "obvious question" thing would get old.
TL;DR:
tendocom.com/sites/default/files/view/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mountain-of-content_jan12.jpg
Obvious Question's Author
Rachis Barbule's Author made Obvious Question a tad over-logical. Just because someone specializes in asking obvious questions doesn't mean they have to be so straight-forward and dead-pan. I imagined him as a bit happier if he really wanted to make ponies lives run better. Rachis Barbule also seems to not take great pride in what he does when asked by Makepiece about his career.
Obvious Question's Author puts both characters in a good situation to showcase their lives, which I feel was well done.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Strong characterization, but I didn't entirely click with the straight-man routine, though it had some good dialogue which helped. Rachis beats out Obvious' because in Rachis', they were both equally the focus. In Obvious' story, there was not enough Obvious. If I had read it without knowing who'd written it, I'd have assumed Rachis' Author had because of the focus on Rachis. It wasn't bad, though.
Rachis Barbule's Author
So damned close. So, so close.
Rachis Barbule's Author
I really, really, really like Obvious Question more as a character, especially in Rachis's story, but that's just the thing - Rachis did him better. Rachis's story had a more interesting set-up with the play intermission, had a great secondary character in the form of the author, had some light humour that sort of poked fun at Obvious himself which got a few chuckles out of me, and I think it had better editing as well.
I mean, seriously, either spell it with two capital letters "OK" or use the word "Okay". Of all the ways you could write it, "Ok" looks the laziest of the lot.
Obvious Question's author
Now this is an ironic chapter. It seems that Rachis's author wrote a better Obvious Question, while Obvious's author wrote a better Rachis Barbule. If this weren't all anonymous, I'd guess that the two authors had swapped stories in order to prank us.
That said, this one was a close one. It's a shame that these two authors met up in the first bracket. I'd love to have been able to see the stories each wrote as they rose through the tournament, but now I'll only get to read about one of them.
As for the actual stories:
The first one is definitely funnier by a large margin. It was really entertaining, but I didn't really see much of a connection between Rachis's character and his character sheet, aside from some incidental details. He seemed a lot more confident than I was expecting, for one thing. That said, I would totally have voted for this one just from how much it made me laugh, had I not read the second story.
The second story had heart. I found myself caring about Rachis and wanting him to succeed. Also, I found the story so immersive that I caught myself reading it out loud. Does that happen to anyone else sometimes? Obvious Question, though, did feel a little flat compared to the rest of the cast, so that's a point against this author.
This was a tough decision, but I went with Obvious Question's author.
Rachis Barbule's Author
I like that Obvious was also oblivious... honestly, it was amusing as well as a clever way to have a Watson of sorts expose the characters after their personalities had been established a bit.
Obvious Question's author
Again, the fact that I'm not giving the win to the first story's really fun story and brilliant use of Obvious Question's obvious questions is an absolute tragedy. But the win has to go to the second story's perfect use of both character sheets.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Rachis Barbule's Author
I really wasn't a fan of either story, but the second story had a very generic OC with the name Obvious Question, and that's ultimately what's making me pick the first story over the second.
Rachis Barbule's Author vote
I loved Barbule's fic, although I still don't understand his name... And I can't help but feel as if he could have done more to relate it to the MLP universe. Maybe make the jokes in the Folly have to do with characters from the show? That would be amusing.
Barbule wins. Who would have guessed with a name like that?
Rachis Barbule's Author
Some odd things came into play here.
First off, I found myself recognizing that both stories seem to get a lot of Rachis's characterization/history out via a literal introduction, and that both also seem to let Obvious Question's quirks come out more naturally—just through observing how he acts. The big difference is that Obvious Question's author framed this all in a very standard sort of plot, while Rachis Barbule's author presented them in a fairly nonstandard (and pretty much entirely unexpected) scenario. Despite this, the Rachis entry felt just as strong in the characterization department if not moreso, so in that sense it's a choice between a safe plot that makes sense for the characters or a more difficult plot that doesn't necessarily follow from the characters' backgrounds but was definitely successfully executed despite it. I went with the latter, even if I feel as though the matter of Obvious Question's backstory coming out in its author's own entry whereas it didn't in Rachis Barbule's author's could be said to be a stain on the win.
Another odd factor wound up being the nature of each author's take on Obvious Question. I was a little bit worried about that character when I first read its sheet—I thought it was a something of a silly concept, in that for his profession/"talent" to make sense, he would have to be "smarter" than everyone else he works with (because if people aren't asking "obvious questions" then either the questions aren't actually obvious or the people are probably less rational than the lone guy who does ask), and that's a breeding ground for smugness. And here I see that Rachis Barbule's author was probably thinking in a similar vein, as his portrayal of Obvious Question is satirical (which very much fits the core of the plot of his/her piece, and I'm assuming that's purposeful). Obvious Question's own author, though, pretty much did what I feared: in that entry, Rachis Barbule was downgraded to an idealistic fool despite that not actually being implied to me by his sheet, and there came Obvious Question, strolling up and asking questions (ones which, mind you, side character Gillette had apparently "been kinda wondering about … [her]self") and saving the day with the judicious application of his oh so much more rational mind. Frankly, I felt a bit insulted on behalf of Rachis Barbule's author.
Mind you, it was a smart decision on the part of Obvious Question's author to place the story chronologically before Rachis Barbule was successful (as outlined in the sheet), because it would've made sense at no other point. Regardless, it comes off to me like a contrivance to give Obvious Question an obvious question to ask, and if that character proceeded to later rounds, I picture a good deal more of that being in our futures.
That being said, I wouldn't think of basing this decision on which character I like better (I've already had to go against that metric with other entries, even). I feel as though Rachis Barbule's take showed a higher level of competence and came out as more interesting and justifiably (if only because it worked for me in the end) daring, and that's why I'm voting to move that author forward.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Everyone has said this was close, but the innovative use of the theatre folly setting managed to nudge Rachis's author's entry up a notch in my opinion. That being said Obvious Question's entry had some really good use of the OCs
Rachis Barbule's Author
I was annoyed by the fact that Obvious Question's author's story could have been improved simply by proofreading. I think I would have liked it a lot more, had it been edited.
But what I should be pointing out (I guess) is the characterization, and I think Obvious Question's author paid attention to the essential structure of each character.
Rachis Barbule's author, on the other hand, made me laugh, but Obvious Question was characterized very flatly. I found myself torn between liking and disliking the story because of these.
It was difficult to decide, but Rachis Barbule's author takes the cake on this one because his story was entertaining, while I did not very much enjoy Obvious Question's author's piece.
Obvious Question's Author
Two good stories that I feel do an equally good job showcasing the characters. However, while Rachis Barbule's Author chose to use a less obvious way of getting the characters together, I feel like the folly was not the best way to fully explore their interactions due to the interruptions of the crowd and the host. In addition, I liked the progression in Obvious Question's Author's story; there was more character development, and actual problem to solve (which was solved), and a more satisfying resolution.
Part of the problem may be that I am not familiar with the concept of a folly. It seems to be a but of a cross between the modern 'roast,' modern satirical political stuff like The Onion, and older satires like parts of The Divine Comedy. Would someone familiar with the concept please enlighten the rest of us?
RACHIS BARBULE AUTHOR
This one was close, but I loved the use of Obvious Question in Rachis's piece. Both stories were good, but Rachis's was well composed and, above all, funny.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Rachis Barbule's Author
Preenist
I haven't been quoting bits of text before, but this--this is the kind of thing which makes your story stand out. It's just brilliantly written. Nice and solid, good worldbuilding fit in naturally, and a nice summary at the end, too.
Obvious Question's Author
The narrative voice was kind of weird but daring--I like that. You weren't the only one to switch perspectives, but you were the only one to do it in first person, which is always risky. It worked for me, though--I never got confused about who was talking. It's a nice, solid SoL. It felt a bit rushed at the end, and I can't help but wonder if it could really shine if it were twice the length.
Rachis Barbule's Author Vote
Very interesting premise, awesome job.
Rachis Barbule's author
Both stories are really good and are quite creative in their use of the characters. They did have a few problems, however. For such a lighthearted story, the final paragraph of Rachis's story was such a downer ending that left me with a bad impression of the story. Obvious Question's story probably would have been a stronger if it had stuck to one viewpoint rather than jumping between first-person narrators. In particular it would have been nice to see the gears in Rachis's head turning as he realizes the fatal flaw in his business plan. It's a tough choice, but my vote goes to the first story because I found it a more entertaining read with stronger characterization.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Reasons are unneeded at this point.
Side Note: Obvious Question reminds me so much of myself it isn't even funny.
OBVIOUS QUESTION’S AUTHOR
Rachis Barbule vs. Obvious Question
Liked: That you skipped Rachis giving his CM story. That would have been transparent as heck and ruined a clever way to get two characters into the spotlight.
Disliked: Obvious comes off as autistic, which was uncomfortable, as I had to identify with him since I don’t know what a satiric folly is, either. :/ I mean, been there, done that, don’t really want to relive it.
Let’s Get Down to Business
Liked: Rachis and Gillette’s banter was fun.
Disliked: Switching POV in the middle of a conversation? It was off-putting (took a while to figure out if it’d happened or not), plus it doesn’t seem to have any purpose.
RACHIS BARBULE'S AUTHOR
I'm probably reading way too far into it, but I got a serious meta vibe from the first story here that I can't help but admire purely on a conceptual level. The second story did a solid enough job getting the basics right for both characters, but the word "basic" could just as well sum up the whole thing, and the perspective switches combined with first-person narration don't end up working that well. (Since the author has been deservedly shamed by other commenters for using the word "glomp", I'll refrain from taking the stick for my turn with that dead horse.)
With the first story, though, it really felt like the author was writing a little about the difficulty of the contest itself in addition the characters featured within. Even if I just completely pulled that out of my ass somehow and no one's tongue was wedged in anyone's cheek, it's a much more creative choice of narrative, so it gets the nod from me on that account too.
Rachis Barbule's Author
This one was a much closer call than I anticipated. Both stories have their strengths and weaknesses, and weighing the two against each other was pretty tough. In Rachis's story, I like that both characters are played more subtly than in the second one—you get a feel for their personalities without being told point blank what they are. The dialogue and prose all flowed very smoothly, too. My main issue is how contrived the setting was. You managed to sell it quite well, but there definitely could've been a better setup for these two ponies to meet.
In fact, I think Obvious Question's author had the better setup. It's the execution where it falls flat for me. The writing isn't as smooth as in the first story, and the dialogue feels more forced. That said, the characters are showcased more. You made clear their personalities in a pretty natural way, and your pacing was quite nice too. Plus the idea of integrating Obvious Question into Rachis Barbule's backstory (rather than having them meet after the histories presented in their character sheets) was really clever.
Like I said, very close call. I think my vote probably would've gone to Obvious Question's author if the story had some more polish, but I have to vote for someone, so there it is.
Rachis Barbule's Author
He may have a rather dumb name, but whoever's behind him has command of things. I liked the treatment it gives to both characters, putting them on more even footing, plus starting off with a good hook. That said, I noticed a lot of repetitive prose in its construction which I hope they take heed of further down the line.
Rachis Barbule's Author
Both of these were fine stories, but I feel like Rachis's story was slightly better. It put both characters in an unusual situation and had them work off one another well. Quesion's story was nice, but it really didn't have any thrust to me. It was certainly clever to have them meet for a consultation, but it just didn't feel as interesting. On top of that, a lot of Question's story dealt with Rachis's relationship with Gillette; it's not a bad idea, but it kept Rachis and Obvious from interacting as much. Either way, both stories were well done and I wish both authors the best.
Rachis Barbule's Author
I just don't Obvious Question. At all. At least in Rachis Barbule's story he was more tolerable and the story overall was better than its opponent.
Rachis Barbule's Author
My only real complaint about this one is that the ending felt a little too abrupt. Otherwise, it was a solid, enjoyable story.