- Member Since 28th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 26th, 2016
CommanderOfTheNewLunarRe
i am a upcoming writer looking for helpful advice from the ponies here on FIMfiction. also Luna is best pony! :)))))
CommanderOfTheNewLunarRe
Joined 28th Sep, 2014 ·
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Okay i put the sex tag for later use
Also i know the chapter's are pretty short so please don't complain about it
The main character has the same name as the author... Totally not a self-insert.
No, totally not.
5860850
Maybe, instead of asking people to not make a perfectly valid complaint, you should think about instead just making your chapters longer.
And that's another thing: it's "chapters", not "chapter's".
chapter's = possessive = something belonging to a chapter =
chapters = plural = more than one chapter =
This is pretty much the perfect example of a badfic.
Well done. 8/8.
Alright well it is my OC and why i chose the name and i'm new at writing fanfic and Maybe i don't have time to write long ass chapters for you and don't correct my grammar because of the stupid Auto-correct. and maybe if you have problems you can go read something else i didn't ask if you nag i just want helpful advice not complete criticism
5869300
Learn how to use the reply button. Seriously, it's not hard.
Then maybe you shouldn't be writing until you have more time. And it's not like they have to be "long-ass" chapters; generally, the recommendation is about a thousand words per chapter minimum, instead of a thousand words being broken into two (or more) chapters. Also, that guideline can be broken by people who know what they're doing.
If you corrected it, I wouldn't have to.
Yeah, the auto-correct is what made you add in an extra apostrophe and leave out commas. Sure.
I'm not the one with problems; you are. And clearly I'm not the only one who sees it that way. Have you looked at the votes on this thing?
"Use the rules of grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitaliztion that you should have learned in elementary school." That's my advice to you, and it's the most helpful advice you're going to get. If I were giving you complete criticism, I'd be pointing out every one of your errors, and I'd be here all day doing that.
5869300
You realise you don't have to write one chapter in one sitting right? You can start a chapter, save it and come back later.
5869300
Long-ass chapters!?
I WRITE 1000 WORDS PER DAY ON AN EXTREMELY GOOD DAY.
AND 1000 WORDS IN TWO WEEKS FOR WHEN I DON'T HAVE IDEAS.
Look the 2cd chapter will be longer and the reason the first chapter is short is because its sort of an an intro. also about grammar i type fast and may just give up writing fanfics if none will tell me how i can make the story so far better and just go into animation. besides i don't usaully have time to write. but i guess being busy with High School doesn't matter as long as the fic is good huh? Any ways if you have any ideas on how to make the story so far better let me know and don't be a cunt about it please?
I thought by posting it here i would get FRIENDLY advice and be ACCEPTED but i guess i was wrong.
This story would be a lot better if we got to know the main character a little more.
5873138
Then why the hell is the second chapter barely 300 words when the first chapter is over 600? It's literally half the size of the first chapter. You're not getting better, you're getting worse.
You want advice? How about you ask for it nicely because nobody here owes you anything. I can tell you the problems this story has.
1) The OC is the same as your screen name. This is called a self-insert. Your easiest way of fixing this is to change your screen name. Trust me that this will help.
2) Your OC is a fucking Mary Sue. He's the son of royalty, is supposed to be very powerful and capable, yet blunders into a group of Changelings and is caught with almost contemptible ease. If he's as great as you said he was not a paragraph before, why is he now their prisoner? And, just like that, suddenly Chrysalis is in love with him.
3) Your dialogue is very unnatural. I always tell people to read out dialogue when they write it and see if they could hear somebody say it. When it comes off like comic book writing you need to change it.
4) POV change is unnecessary. As this is written in third person you don't need to have a POV change and announce that it's Chrysalis saying that bit at the end. That's why you write in third person to be able to tell the story and not have to tell it from one, or more, points of view.
5) There's no descriptions. It's just a series of, "this happened. Then this happened. Then this happened..." ad nauseum. Show us, using your words, what is happening. No need to go into an exposition dump. Just need to show what is going on when all this is going down.
5873138
Editing is a thing, dude