TheFabulousRedheart
Joined 28th Apr, 2012 ·
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R-r-read later
Also, get an avatar, you'll get lots moar fans if they can remember your pic
need more of spike and fluttershy please
also nice job
...the end
made me lol
559946
I second this idea. Anywho, this was slendid.
Mfw anything futa
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1145_1316266688600_1.png
This was an interesting idea you had there! Also, your grammar was good, well done!
I liked the lead in at the start but the clop itself could have used a little more detail in intensity. The smaller reactions and feelings were skated over and there was a much larger focus on physical position rather than what each movement entailed for the characters.
Also, using their names consistently can be a draw back. You started a good portion of your paragraphs with just the name of a character for instance. This is a draw back as it makes sentence variety bland. Some examples of how you can say the same thing without using the characters name is:
Original:
"Her marefriend responded by slowly spreading her legs, giving Rarity access to her nether regions."
To something like:
"Her marefriend responded by slowly spreading her legs, allowing access to her nether regions."
Original:
"With a sly grin, Rarity placed a hoof on each one of Twilight's cheeks and slowly pressed them together. Twilight looked back with a sultry smirk, and then slowly raised her rear into the air."
To something like:
"With a sly grin, Rarity placed a hoof on each one of Twilight's cheeks and slowly pressed them together. This earned her a sultry smirk along with the flank under her hooves rising."
I didn't see any constructive criticism when I read this so I figured I'd offer some pointers. Keep it up!
560564 While I don't necessarily agree with the way you decided to change those sentences, I do with your general point about using more personalized description as opposed to a factual representation of the scene (hint hint, Reddy (can I call you that?
)). As I like to call it, characterizing your description. It makes sense like that in my mind, anyway.
The name thing is a good catch, by the way. (hint hint hint, Reddy
)
Other than that....
! Glad to see this come up. 
YAY
P.S. I in no way wanted to downgrade any of your criticisms, Genjen. Quite the contrary. Just wanted to put in my two cents.
561185
fim.413chan.net/art/src/133568703079.png
Hehe, s'all good.
561286 That image is amazing.
Dat ending!
u should do a story about spike and fluttershy like u did with twilight and rarity
I'm always a bit put out when I read something like this and it turns out that instead of being turned into a stallion, whichever pony it is just gains a penis
First i was like hmmmm
than i saw the ending and was all 
Really good clop, it's always nice to see Rarity x Twilight Sparkle.
It was rather short, the pre-clop scene was done very nicely, but the clop scene itself should have been longer. It would have been awesome if there was a 'round 2' between them, if you know what I mean.
Not to sound like a Mr.Grumpy-pants, but he missed alot of grammar and spelling errors. Perhaps he should re-screen it, you know, go thrugh with a fine toothed comb and really find everything.
Through**
564890 Hehehe I have something like that planned for later.
565741 You are right on the money forgiv. I really cut that scene a bit too short. Clop has been a major challenge for me, because I think I am attacking it the wrong way. I'm starting to realize now that the key to a good clop scene is to draw out the sensual moments and just not to just rely on blunt description. I promise my next one will be better, or I will do my best to make it better. Thank you so much for the watch.
Very nice one-shot.
yay a one shot dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png
Nice work :)
If you want to improve your clop you should really look up Applejinx, since he's the best at what he does (futa-clop and characterization).
Loved it, especially the cheek-slapping. But my favorite part was the ending, and not just for the image of Fluttershy being a dominatrix; if the two most important ponies in Spike's life are now together, there had better be compensation. Too many people ship Rarity without appearing to give a shit about Spike.
Looked at it again...
Still like it a lot!
Bondage Flutters is best Flutters!
Short and very sweet. Could perhaps use a little more fleshing out in spots.
Be wary of lavender unicorn syndrome.
Also, best name for an editor, ever.
You should make a story about our favorite dragon with a special license.