• Member Since 30th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 11th, 2019

Vanilla Mocha


I enjoy ponies. I enjoy coffee. I enjoy writing. So therefore, this pegasister enjoys FimFiction.

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Pinkie Pie comes home from court one day, and finds out someone has stolen her identity. No one tends to believe her until they see for themselves. She nicknames the impostor "Sneakie Pie". This story takes place after "Too Many Pinkie Pies". :pinkiehappy:

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 50 )

Hmmm, not bad. I kinda like it, continue... :twilightsmile:

Also,

In Pinkie's bedroom, to sounds were heard.

Error here.

VGI

Good enough premise. Wonder what happens next...

The court scene feels like it could be humorously exploited further, with funny interactions between the judge and 4th-wall breaking Pinkie Pie.

Overall, a good editor would be good for this story.

Thumbs up and tracking...

This is awesome:
1. "No reason. Just... sometimes people do things in their sleep. Like, once I ate the inventory." The blue mare replied.
"All of the inventory." Mr. Cake mumbled.


Possible errors and points of improvement:
1. As the mallet echoed through the room, the judge began speaking.
- FYI: A real judge's hammer is called a 'gavel.' Unless of course you are implying that Equestrian judges uses mallets instead of gavels.

2. Pinkie Pie being angry in court from the very start of the hearing seems a bit out of character to me. But, if you are not aiming for in-character, then good job.

3. "Yes. So is talking back to the judge, being a smart-alic..."
- smart aleck

4. ""It's the principal of the thing! Just because they think I was hyped up shouldn't mean it'll help out Ponyville."
- principal = as in principal of a school.
- principle = a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.

5. "The the last time, I didn't mean to!" Mrs. Cake said, feeling guilty.

6. In Pinkie's bedroom, to sounds were heard. First, the sound of scissors. Pink hair fell to the ground as little by little some was cut off. A phone ringing was also audible.
- In Pinkie's bedroom, two sounds were heard. First, the sound of scissors. Pink hair fell to the ground as little by little some was cut off. Second, a phone ringing.

7. "Oh- gotta go." The mare inside hung up the phone and sat it down.
- Personal opinion: "sat" doesn't sound right to me. Perhaps "put" or "placed"(?)

5577703 Thanks for pointing out my mistake. I'll be sure to fix that.

5577744 Thank you for pointing out my mistakes. I don't know anything about court, so the tips about that topic really helped me.

A bookshelf called "To Read Stories" Is not a fave.

5580418 I hate Clarence. Are you Clarence? Go die in a hole. JK!

5580418 If you really want me to, I'll edit my comment. Or delete it.

5580442 I was just playing... sorry...
but i really do hate clarence.

I like the Ponyville Court system, and the fact that Pinkie seems to think going 48 hours without sweets is worse than prison.

5580819 Yeah, I couldn't go that long either. I'm like Pinkie when it comes to food.

I like it so far, I'll do the cover art, that way it's different and not pony creator..

5581062 I'd really appreciate that! Thank you! And I am glad you like my story! :pinkiehappy:

5581069 I'm working on it now.

5581073 Great! Thank you again! :pinkiehappy::pinkiesmile::pinkiehappy:

Oh no! The fake Pinkie's getting away! Go get 'er, real Pinkie! :pinkiegasp:

Anyways, I'm gonna follow this story to see where this goes. :pinkiehappy:

5581077 I'm still working on it. I'm making it cute kinda chibi ponies, not like BBBFF style, chibier and cuter. It's similar to the current, just not, pony creator.

VGI

5580232 No prob.

You now have me intrigued. Well done!

5583229 Thank you! I am glad you liked it.

5581455 OK, that'll work. Thank you again!

5583894 No prob. It's kinda hard to get the detail and cuteness of chibi ponies though.

5584096 I won't, don't worry. I have cookies. All is good with cookies.

5584222 Yeeeeees! Cookies are amazing!

This is good Keep it up girl. By the way Im not a rapist.

I like it.
Sorry the cover art is a bit delayed. I will try and get it done as quick as possible. it's just hard to get chibi eyes.

5588053 It's ok. Thank you again!!! :pinkiehappy:

Not bad, but Pinkie seems a little TOO angry here. Just my opinion though, story's good. :twilightsmile:

Hmm, if the real Pinkie has the Hammerspace ability, can Sneakie do the same thing, too? And can Sneakie pull off various fourth wall shenanigans as well? I would like to see both Pinkie and Sneakie do a little contest to see who is the real one. I would imagine that it would be like trying to find out the real Merlee from Super Paper Mario.

Hmm, this is interesting. I wonder what Pinkie will do with her Nightmare Night costume?

Wait. Maybe it will be used to identify the real Pinkie if another pony were to find Pinkie and Sneakie next to each other.

5588053 I hope I'm not bothering you or anything, but do you know when the art will be done? I'm just curious. :twilightsheepish: :twilightsmile:

Seems like Sneakie's one step ahead of Pinkie. She's gonna have to find a way to outsmart the imposter.

And so, the day is saved. Thanks to, the New Sneakie. :pinkiecrazy: Or I mean, the Real Pinkie! :pinkiehappy: Switching identity after "giving up" was such a clever idea. You go, Pinkie!

Oooh! I like. I don't get the crossover part, though.

5713787 it's basically the MLP version of a Dan Vs. episode called Dan vs. Dan.

So, one of the clones survived, huh? She should've called her 'Stinkie Pie' lol! :rainbowlaugh:

Hah! I knew it! Pinkie has a plan! ^^

Shoot, Stinky- I mean Sneaky- outsmarted Pinky! So what next?

ha, Very clever! :rainbowlaugh: Once again, the day is saved thanks to PINKIE! :rainbowlaugh: really GOOD STORY, LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE!

7346736 I thought of that :P

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