The life of the human version of the mane six, from a few weeks after the defeat of the Dazzlings to their graduation and doing something they weren't supposed to do. Mostly told in the point of view of Sunset Shimmer.
Chapters (1)
LotusRaven
Joined 25th Nov, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lynchristina · 2k words · 36 2 · 1.7k views
- Revan · 14k words · 45 12 · 2.5k views
- MissSparklePony1 · 2.1k words · 41 4 · 2.4k views
- StupidPrivate913 · 3.1k words · 42 2 · 3.5k views
- Shadowmane PX-41 · 132k words · 69 9 · 3k views
- EmeraldSkies · 24k words · 46 3 · 3.6k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.092 seconds
Total duration
800 users online
652,228 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What is the crossover tag for?
>>gcwg57
I had an idea earlier but scrapped it and forgot to remove the tag.
Rookie mistake number one. You should never put a tag like this in your story. You do not need to tell the reader whose perspective the story is told from. You need to show them in the narrative. Which you've done. Take this eyesore out.
The Equestria Girls world IS NOT EARTH. I've said this time and again and I'll keep saying it again and again: real-world country names and the like do not belong in this setting.
that's
you're
Okay, couple of different problems here. I'll address the grammatical problem first:
Numbers below one hundred should always be spelled out in narrative.
So this SHOULD be "one hour, two to three".
Now, on to the other problem:
Ignoring the fact that the teacher wouldn't be telling Sunset how long her detention is and when it is, because that's typically an administrative thing, the school day generally lasts until about 3:30pm or so. So...her detention would NOT be from two to three, because she'd be in some other class.
Sunset Shimmer, who is still the first-person POV character--so why'd you suddenly switch to third person in mid-paragraph?
Wow, you didn't just steal that idea from me, you pretty much stole it word for word. Nice!
than
And that's a line of dialogue lifted directly from the show...
More plagiarism, except you added a few more ponies to the picture.
High schools don't have recess.
Other than Sunset Shimmer having the journal confiscated by a teacher, there's not one original idea in this.
5365918
Thanks but I didn't steal anything from anyone, coincidents. I can change it if you want. That sudden 3rd person was an accident I'll change it soon. And I have absolutely zero idea about American education system. The place I live is completely different, I'm like 12 sooo yeah.
5365947 Yeah, you really should change this. Because you can call it coincidence if you want, but it's just too similar...I'm sorry, but I can't see it as anything but plagiarism.
5365947 Where are you from?
Also I don't mind it being in the real world. I like the story over all and wait for more.
5366456
ok i'll change it but give me a while, I'm currently a bit busy but I pinkie promise I'll change it soon
Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
5368456
I'm from Singapore. Glad you like the story. Writing Chapter 2
5368546 Congratulations! You're the first brony I've come across, that's from Singapore.
If Sunset don't know about Columbus. Then, you all can stop think that she will know about the famous conquistadors like Cortes and the Pizarro Brothers. But the Sirens aka the Dazzlings may know about Cortes.
5365918
Actually. I've had many, MANY READERS tell me again and AGAIN that I SHOULD just this!
5365918
While that is certainly popular fanon, there has been nothing within the two movies themselves besides the odd coloring of the characters to suggest that this COULDN'T be an Earth. I'd say either is possible and acceptable.
5365918
So?
Oookay. Now I'm beginning to make sense. But seriously? Someone ADOPTED your idea for how the link book works? I'd be HAPPY if I knew. But there is a difference between LAZINESS and INSPIRATION. If someone just copy and pasted it, then it's not inspiration.
I knew a guy who changed the ending paragraph of something, and then just changed the by line to a several page work, and then claimed it as theirs, then LIED about it when asked more than once, THAT is stealing.
Wait a minute I think I have seen a paragraph very similar to this in another story. Just trying to find which one I saw it in
5398740
This one?
5457093
: Eeyup thats the one
Bro, great story so far! Reminds me of me this awesome story I wrote. Keep up the good work! :)
Equestria Girls: Rarity Takes Boston
5365918 If you're trying to provide constructive criticism (which I prefer to believe you are), it needs to be more constructive. Being a grammar-vulture is fine - goodness knows I do it - but that's less than 20% of your comment. Some tips for next time you feel like criticising narrative features:
Never? There are published books that do this. The Animorphs series (which I kinda like) has a few slightly thicker volumes, entitled Megamorphs, which switch POVs each chapter (the normal ones pick one and stick to it), and they tell you which character they're switching to.
I don't recall this being specified in canon. Also, hang onto that "not Earth" - I'll come back to it.
Less "should always", more "should generally, to prevent breaking the reader's flow". There's a difference.
Drawing from your personal experience is fine, but it doesn't necessarily apply to things you didn't personally experience. Down here in Australia, high schools definitely do have recess, unless I was just hallucinating on a regular basis (which I doubt: everyone else went along with it); it wasn't much to speak of (sometimes as short as 20 minutes, which is barely time to accomplish anything as far as I'm concerned), but it existed. Who says Canterlot High doesn't have recess? I don't think canon does (although I could be wrong there). Who says their lunchtime doesn't include 2pm to 3pm? I don't think canon does (although I could be wrong there too). Or maybe EQG is a world of slackers and the school day finishes at 2pm. "Generally" != "always". (My sister's school day finishes at 3:05pm or so.)
You seem to be assuming in those two critiques that Canterlot High is bound to exactly the same structure as a United States high school. The existence of the cafeteria supports this assumption (they're definitely not a feature worldwide), but doesn't prove it. More importantly, in your own words:
Either this is Earth or it isn't. No middle ground there. Pick one and stick to it.
The problem with this is...? We're dealing with the same characters, in the same context; why wouldn't they say the same things?
Finally:
Here's a diff of the juicy bits:
[code]
-"Hello girls!" Shouted a familiar voice that belonged to none other then Rarity, who was with Fluttershy and Applejack. They found a table a sat down at it, they all went to take their food, except Sunset Shimmer, who took out the book she used to write to Princess Twilight. It was nicknamed the 'text-book'.
+Sunset Shimmer looked around at her friends, her eyes softening and her smile widening. Looking down at the book which lay open in front of her, she put pen to page.
Dear Princess Twilight,
- Hope you are well in Equestria. Just got detention, never a fun thing... We are really missing you here. Maybe you can go through the portal again to visit us one day. This book is great when I need advice or when I just want to talk. Do you think it can send photos?
+It's hard to believe it's been six weeks since you were here. Things have changed a lot since you left. I don't even know where to start.
-Your Friend
+For one thing, most of the school has forgiven me for the way I used to be. I'm still making amends for all the bullying and the ill will I spread, not to mention the whole demon and enslavement thing, but...with the help of my friends, I'm really turning things around.
+
+The Rainbooms are super popular! We're getting lots of attention. There's MP3s and online videos of our music going around all over Canterlot. Rainbow Dash made a big fuss over having another guitarist in the band, but we worked it out—she plays lead, I play accompaniment, and on some songs we play dual lead, or I even get to play lead. I can rock a mean solo!
+
+We're writing more and more songs where each of us can take over on lead vocals. Even Fluttershy has a song she sings lead on...except she won't sing it in front of anybody but us yet. She doesn't like being out in front of the band.
+
+Vinyl Scratch has joined the band permanently, by the way. And our little group of friends, too...she's sitting with us in the cafeteria even as I write this. It's a good thing we have her, because none of us can do what she does!
+
+We all miss you a lot. I know you're busy in Equestria, but don't forget to visit us when you have the time.
+
+Write back soon and tell us all about your adventures in Equestria.
+
+Your friend,
Sunset Shimmer
-I took a photo we took together and stuck it in. I closed it and opened it once again and flipped to that same page, and the photo was gone! It had been sent. "It worked guys! I can send photos through the text-book!"
+Sunset slid a photo out from beneath the journal. It showed the entire group gathered in the music room, posing with their instruments. Seven happy friends, enjoying doing something they all loved. With a smile, she placed it in the journal, then closed it. The cover of the journal glowed faintly. She picked up the book and shook it; nothing fell out. "It worked!" she cried happily.
(1) I'm aware a bunch of text is invisible off the right side; copy it into Notepad if it's that important.
(2) That's hardly word-for-word; in my humble opinion, it's different enough to show that even if it started as copypasta, some thought was put into it. What 5376690 said, too.
(3) Oh no. Someone thought your idea was great enough to use. Now it will live on! THE HORROR!
[gif of flower ponies fainting]
5365918
On that part where you say that school ends on 3:30pm/ 15:30 pm
My school is finished different times, different days btw.
but I had days where I'm finished 13:00 (1 pm) or 14:20 (2:20pm.)
Sometimes even earlier.
But it is creepy that she knows the time when Sunsets lessons end.
(*cough cough* stalker *cough*)