• Member Since 21st May, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 5th, 2017

Probably Minion

I'm just a former writer who's now a full blown TF2 brony. I'm also the starting engineer on a highlander team that's gonna start competing next season. Feel free to add me on Steam. :D



This is basically sort of a sequel to "Rarity Takes Manehatten" in which Twilight returns to the other side of the portal and rejoins her friends in the human world right after school ended and they take trip to the best city in the world, Boston! :)
UPDATE WRITTEN ON FEBRUARY 15TH, 2015: Due to the fact that I'm getting negative criticism for various reasons, I'm planning to rewrite this story entirely from scratch. I apologize to anyone who was disappointed in the way this story came out for this was one of my first stories and I felt rushed to get the idea for this story put out there and I put almost no effort into writing it. I promise the new version of this story is gonna be longer, more detailed, and filled with the Mane 6, the CMC, (and possibly Sunset Shimmer) going to the numerous attractions Boston has to offer. Stay tuned for further updates. :) :derpytongue2:

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 11 )


Just curious...but would it not have been simpler (if not more Source Accurate) for this EqG-verse fan-fiction to be "Rarity Take Manhattan"...?

Comment posted by Probably Minion deleted Jun 16th, 2014

Although there's nothing wrong with the spelling or punctuation here (on the contrary, it surpasses many fics), I'd suggest that you add some meat to your sentences. Take the first chapter for example; you mention that Twilight has received a letter, but we don't get anything describing where she is, how she feels about the letter and so on. You've got the basic skeleton, e.g. what's happening, all you have to do now is put some flesh on those bones!

Also, the chapter sizes are far too small. You've taken seventeen chapters to say just over four thousand words- that's the average size of one chapter. Like I said, things need to be fleshed out.

Apart from that, you haven't done that bad a job. I'll give a like for a pretty decent first try.


I absolutely agree with airbournesquid on the word count.

Low word counts are a warning sign to potential readers. If the Author did not care enough to write, then why should a potential reader care enough to read?

Conversely, an Author that take the [time + effort] to write a healthy word count (2000+ words per chapter, as a general average), this naturally draws in potential readers. A high word count also allows the Author to hold their head high regardless of how the story is received; because even if the reader audience do not like the story itself, most will respect the Author's [time + effort] put into the story.

The grammar is a little of, but the story is pretty good. Perhaps a editor would help.


Agreed, the higher the word count the more likely you are too atract people. I remember seeing this when it first came out but word count steered me to a longer story.

To quote my Grandma every time she sees my brothers and I "Let's put some meat on those bones!"

A little disappointed... so much potential.

Fluttershy missed out on the New England Aquarium.

Duck Boat Tours, Quincy Market, the Esplanade, Faneuil Hall, Zuma (where they have an excuse to run into Sonata Dusk...), the National Archives, JFK Library, Copley Square Farmers Market (cider donuts), Dash getting her picture taken at the Boston Marathon finish line...

Sure, you went with some easily recognizable attractions, but...

Boston: First public library in the United States. First marathon race in the US. First subway system in the US. Had a flood of molasses almost a hundred years ago.

First university in the US? Harvard is across the river in Cambridge, as is M.I.T.

wait how did a letter even get to Equestria did they just shove it through the portal

too little needs a possible rewrite that has detail and not
blank goes to blank does blank then blank is blank about blank

why does ms jerk face think her garbage is some decent clothes
eat that dum dum

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