• Member Since 30th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 23rd, 2015

Mystery Mare42


I am a detective who goes on several cases with different assistants and here are my adventures. (feel free to skip the first chapter if you want) Most of the characters mentioned belong to thier respective owners. I write my stories using RP's

Chapters (21)
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Comments ( 10 )

:ajbemused:I don't plan on sounding too critical here, but there are about fifteen errors in your first paragraph alone. Normally, I'd try to tough this story out, but there are 15,000+ words in this chapter. I don't have that kind of endurance, nor that kind of devotion.
:applejackunsure:I'm sorry, sugarcube, but I'll need to pass on this story.

You might want to use the [hr] tag to make a horizontal line between sections. You might also want to, well, not put 15,741 words in a single chapter.

I'm sorry, the cover looked interesting... but I'm going to have to agree with TheAssumingMage, I couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. Maybe a bit of advice: if you want to throw out a 15,000 word story in one chapter, at least make the first few paragraphs as good as possible to pull people in.

Ok, I'm going to be as nice as possible :pinkiehappy:
Firstly, you need to use apostrophes. If you don't use them, it makes you look childish and lazy. I'm not saying you are, but it gives you that image.
Also, make sure to use capitals where they are required.
For example:

"I usually don’t but i like to make sure I’m ready"

Finally, putting 15,000 words in one chapter makes it more difficult to pull the reader in. If you're just starting to write, and you haven't quite got that knack of getting people hooked into your story, it's best to keep them short and sweet, and maybe put a cliffhanger at the end.
If you need help proofreading, there are lots of people out there who could give you a hand.

If you want to keep writing these chapters, you have to at least get rid of the errors by spotting them. You might need an editor. :twilightsmile:

Ich mag nicht so viel , dass ich nicht möchte sogar sagen, es in Englisch zu tun.

I'm gonna go strait to the fact :
"Awesome story.
"Great stuff.
"Good plot.


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