Eris was tormented, tortured and haunted by the memories of her closest friends and allies being torn apart by the Son of Oryx, Crota. Eris witnessed them slain and was powerless to stop the destruction of her mind and the twisted memories of her friends haunt her, the horrors never left her due to Crota seeking her out in vain. Years she spent hiding and gathering information about the darkness that lurked below while her friends bodies decayed in the dust.
Shin Malphur, a guardian, legend, friend, was one of the six that went down, except he suffered a much different fate then the others. He had lived, something even the Son of Oryx hadn't anticipated to be possible. However, he wasn't in the Solar System, no, he was somewhere that defies all human physics, a place called Equestria. War has followed in his path.
you don't need to know anything about Destiny to enjoy this fic, it may make a few things clearer but its not required.
What crime did he commit he was defending himself ??????
He progressed the encounter so that he was forced to defend himself, he could have just let it go.
5369917 oh makes sense
Shin Malphur, eh? It's always great to see others tying in Destiny's lore with their fics. Many don't understand that Destiny's poorly-executed story doesn't equate to bad lore.
I digress.
My only concern with this story is the amount of errors in spelling and a few choppy sentences, and that's all. Might I suggest running the story through a spellcheck, or getting a beta reader?
The action of the story is well-paced, as Destiny's gameplay warrants, though you could flesh out certain aspects of the battles a bit more.
Was this a reference to the Wizard from the moon?
If so, kudos.
My Exo Warlock and I are greatly offended.
5371111 lol! Yes I will run it through a spell checker, I had rushed the chapters and It obviously showed.
And I agree entirely with your point that destiny has almost no story line, which got me to do this.
P.S. You have to admit though, the people who play warlocks are usually the most cautious.
5371458
Damn stereotypes.
What is this a crossover of?
5372403 ...Destiny. I thought that was obvious?
What's with the ending? He didn't commit a crime, the guard tried to attack him just because of him calling him a mule and he retaliated, he shouldn't have to repay them at all.
5398393 Lol I explained this earlier, just go back to the first set of comments and you will find the answer. Also ending of that chapter or the last chapter 'ive completed?
Looks like the hive were more than a match for humanity but not in a million years they'll be for ponies cause of this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mU0WpVKKag Replace the Tirek with Crota getting wrecked and it's actually funny.
5472398 lol, maybe...but it isnt just the hive...
5472416 Bitch please dat rainbow destroys everything RAINBOW TASTING MONTAGE!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaBCw59DDVA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvtLOgCsK1A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7gGykBzO6I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io3Qa06sUxs Do what you want with those character images of MLP with one of the bosses of destiny
5472443 not for what I have planned!
Excellent first chapter though if I may not pick one thing, the beast they faced was Crota himself. Not his son. I think you meant son of Oryx (think that's how its spelled) if I'm wrong please feel free the let me know
5507532 no I had it right, but thanks for pointing that out just in case it was wrong. I hope you didn't stop reading on the first chapter, it was just the prologue after all.
Kinda confused now. From what I see in the game and in the Grimoire, Eris' ill-fated raid team consisted of her, Eriana-3, Toland the Shattered, Sai Mota, Omar Agah, and Vell Tarlowe. I don't think Shin Malphur was involved with the Hive at all. Shin Malphur was the original wielder of The Last Word, and the opponent of Dredgen Yor (and Thorn), and it wasn't made clear as to where or how Shin Malphur fell. Just throwing this out there, mate.
On the other hand, nice chapter.
5520829 Maybe shin would somehow get his way back to earth? Then he'd become infected with darkness when he finally gets there? I think the author didn't like some of the names and he didn't want too much copyright attack the size of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hv2QyEtwcHE. So he changed the names and only had a few main characters from destiny (Ghost... hold on a sec i forgot the others)
5520829 well actually I started writing this before the actual DLC came out, so I made up lore about it. Turns out that Bungie actually came up with names for the other five so my names were now false. Although I am bringing in one of the actual characters that Bungie made...not giving away which one.
Does Shin Malphur still posses the Last Word? I ask because he was the last known Guardian to hold it.
5611109 he does, but he can't use it.
5637953
The Queen doesn't hold any Mythical powers, she is just a figure head. As for the Fallen leaders and the fleets they are just one massive army with various leaders and tacticians, again, no Mythical powers. The Darkness (I believe anyway) Is what the three armies brought with them, the heart was just a focal point and not crucial to it. Also, the darkness is already being controlled by one of the Nine. As for the different Universes... I'm getting to that.
I believe it's actually Soul of Crota or Crota: Son of Oryx?
5806404
Woops...let me fix that.
I can't keep reading this.
You have everything moving too damn fast, you have spelling mistakes everywhere, and I just can't take it anymore.
Another note, this should be rated Teen, not Mature. I've written Teen stories with more gore than this, so what you have is unwarranted. Please grab an editor or two and go through. When you have done so, I will read through what you have at that point, and think of changing my downvote.
sorry about that but yes Oryx is spelled like that I know because I am a Destiny nerd as my name implies
yes that is how Oryx is spelled
5824760 Yeah... I wonder why nobody mention that cause it was a MAJOR error. Like bluescreen of death when You're about to finish a very hard game.
Excuse me but You flibbed the p upside down.
I'm here in 2015 and humans are still being assholes to each other!!! And before You ask yes I'm in the Destiny universe!
I believe You forgot somebody?
He acts non-violently, he is met with violence. He escapes peacefully and non-violent and attempts communication and is responded to with aggression and violence. Now, you have locked him up after learning that he is essentially a superhero. Then, you decide not to let him out despite learning that him being in the field is critical to the survival of his species. Finally, you claim that he must earn your trust!?
You are a bitch. The blood of anyone who dies because you refused to release him despite knowing how important he is soaks your hands/hooves/whatever and you should be held responsible. Because you knew it would result from your actions and did so anyway.
Because that horse tried to beat him to a pulp with his bare hooves.
Apparently, it is.
They must think he's some sort of nightmare moon.
8568329
Lol I agree.
Oh shit here come the guardians. I wonder how they will react.