PonyPlasmaCore
Joined 19th May, 2014 ·
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PonyPlasmaCore · 3.7k words · 85 2 · 2.7k views
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Definetly needs some spelling work but was pretty good
pretty good
One thing that made this a little uncomfortable to read this was the incorrect way you used commas, for example;
This in particular highlights both examples of improper comma usage. with the question mark after 'hello', there is no point to the comma afterward because the question mark creates a break in the dialogue.
Let's say we removed the first question mark then, making the sentence look like this;
Here it is clearer to see my second point of call, when using commas, a space is only used after the word the comma is attached to, as I have demonstrated in this comment. Isolating your commas with spaces on both sides creates strange pauses and breaks the flow of writing.
My frustrations with your punctuation aside, I did like this, even if I had to struggle to make it past those dreaded pauses in flow.
Needs to gone over by an editor, no mispelled words as I could tell but wrong words, yes! Really though, it's pretty good
5185822 thanks for your opinion man , you're very welcome , but if you have read my another history you'll see that I'm not from USA , just a latinoamerican guy who knows a little english
Dude, you need a Proof-Reader. There are random words missing and added, the sentences are jumbled in certain areas, and I feel like you need to use the enter key more often. I have a feeling the story would Improve dramatically if you fixed all of these problems.
5186220 yeah i get that all the time , but not worry i'll practice more and find some Proof-readers as well
5186154
It's no problem, also I apologise if I made it seem like I thought you would be from the USA, I'm not even from there myself being Australian. I merely wanted to help by pointing out something that bugged me. English has been pretty much the only language I've ever used growing up though so I try to take pride in my fluency with it. Also, considering you make mark that you only know 'a little' English, you did a good job with actual word spelling. There are a lot of people who grew up with the language who don't use it nearly as well as you have here. So good on you for making the effort
Moar.
That's all I have to say.
5186280
Good to hear! Hopefully you get one soon, before the downvotes reach the 50s.
5186324 that's means a lot to me bro, here in Argentina no much people used to talk english just a few and the rest not even care
thank kou very much
5186327 another sequel soon just wait
5186324 sorry I mean "Thank You"
Needs a damn good polish to be readable my friend, I'd suggest getting an editor to sort it out.
Beyond that, what I could read seemed quite alright for a clopfic. Not bad.
I wouldn't mind going through this and correcting the language problems if you need someone to help you with it.
5189027 Really! gosh yes yes an another yes!
5189049
I'll need a copy to edit. Copy/paste the story into a Google doc or a PM. I'll correct it and send it back, then you can use that as the story.
Oh, and well done on hitting the 'Popular' tab with your first story.
5189315 I don't know how to do that , but you can save the history in your computer , i'll send you in a PM
5189359
I'll get it edited and sent back as soon as I can.
5189366 Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!
wait ,did i say Thank you?
Thank you
5189379
*Sigh* Just closed my tab by accident. Well, guess I'll have to start all over again.
5189515 Nooooooooooooooo!
well, take your time
Dat reference
5198204 Everybody wins!
Well fuck, I'm hard now. Where's that sexy pic of Luna I have...
5205481 do share!
(?
5205481
not rubbing one out while reading the story. Do you even literotica? Lol. Jk, but please share your lewd pic.
To the author, it is a great story man. Sequel when?
5209684 soon.
Love it
Good Story
Please please please let their be a sequel.
This cannot be the end of the story. Please make a sequel, PLEASE!!!???
So the princess is inviting him to a 3 way, but this time he will be prepare, oh please tell me you will.
I can so see him using some wipe cream in their teats and testing if as goddess they had milk
Thumbs for the win
this is most epic
It compliments German beer? I already like it
Blueberrys and salt... Ew :P good story now to the sequel.
You really need to learn punctuation and spelling.