It is said that 2000 years ago, a powerful alicorn stallion once ruled all Equestria with an Iron Hoof. However, his twin daughters Celestia and Luna sealed him away with the power of the seven Elements of Harmony, artifacts that were older than Equestria itself. Now, most ponies don't even believe that story to be true, even though the Eclipse Extravaganza is held every 50 years on the supposed anniversary of the event. But, when Janice Dazzle, personal student to the Princesses, comes to Ponyville to help prepare for the upcoming festival, Strange things occur that get them to believe.
Chapters (16)
Hm... I'm intrigued. I shall be tracking this.
6768876 Thank you for being the first to comment on this! It means a lot to me!
6768878
No problem!
Alright, while the concept doesn't appeal to me, I know it will to some others and I'd like to offer some helpful criticism, if you will.
First of all, when someone is about to talk, you don't preface it with a colon. You want to preface it with either a comma or a period in almost all cases, depending on how the sentence before it ended. I'll give you an example to help you out.
You also seem to have an issue with formatting. You should always place spaces between separate paragraphs, and they shouldn't run as long as one of yours does (which ran for 14 lines), unless you're a very experienced writer that knows how to make that work well. Your grammar is fine, so there's not much to say there, but I do think that getting a proofreader/editor would be a good idea, as you said in your author's note.
If you are looking for someone to edit your story then I suggest you join the editor and proofreader group to ask for help.
Anyway, I'm tracking this story.
6769269 Thanks for the advice! I'll keep that in mind!
6769334 Thanks for your interest in this story! I'll try to have it live up to expctations!
Greetings, citizen. I have taken note of thy desire for honest thoughts and opinions concerning this story, and as such I shall endeavor to give them unto thee after my court endeth for the day. Until then, I bid thee farewell
6785635 I thank thee for thine consideration! It pleases me so.
This is part of a series of fanfics, right?
7018770 Yes, but this is only the first in the series. I haven't started working on the second installment yet, though. But there is an alternate version of this story under the Author or Simmilar tabs if your interested in this Multiverse I'm attempting to build. Also, I made a group for it and its offshoots. I'm the only member at this point, however.
Is this part of the group's story ?
8077695 No, hence why there is no "Anthro" tag. It's part of a group I made some time ago, called The Eclipse Multiverse.
Well that's a nice loophole in the rules you found
9482736
Thanks
9482794
I'll give it a read to be a fair judge but ideally I would of liked you to enter a new story
After reading a couple chapters and give in the fact that this is one of your older stories my score for it is 5/10 it has not aged well and feels fairly generic. Not to mention it has little to do with hybrids
9482844
None of my newer stories are finished yet. There is like one other I have that is finished that has hybrids in it, and it's almost as old.
9484519
Ideally it would be more original then a remake of the show
9484526
The problem with it is that it's not exactly stand-alone. It's a sequel to somebody else's story, and it's also a crossover. It's also not the only sequel to that story, either. It relies too much on the structure of the other fics to be understood.
9484799
Okay do this make a brand new story and if you can the word count by the deadline you are golden
9484809
A new one, huh? Let's see... 3K words... needs to be a complete story... by the end of March, if I remember correctly... the hybrid stuff has to be the focus... Trouble is, what should the premise be?Hmm...
9486188
Anything so long as it's focused on the hybrid
9486232
I think I've got one. It's a backstory that I've been meaning to explore for a while now. I won't explain more here just in case anyone tries to take the idea.
9486246
K