• Member Since 15th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Wednesday

HeatseekerX51


IT'S OKAY TO BE MECHANICAL.

Sequels1

T
Source

A thousand years ago, King Sombra was vanquished, taking the Crystal Empire with him. His brother prince Æclypse was exiled by Celestia for refusing to fight his own flesh and blood, damning their kingdom to the mists of history. In the present day, after learning of the return of the Crystal Empire, and the ascension of a new princess, a mysterious stallion named Wanderlust comes to Ponyville, oddly curious about the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Strange occurrences in the Everfree Forest give way to a devious enemy returned with a lust for revenge. The fate of Equestria hangs in the balance as a new era of peril and powerful villains descend on them all.
|Wanderlust image by Faith-Wolff

In case you still haven't figured yet, this story disregards some canon material.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 60 )

>Oooo i cant wait for the next chapter, but why cant i like this story?

And I am seriously curious about Æclypse relationship with Celestia and Luna, that is the best part with this story.

The size of the chapter is fine for me, if it were longer then i would't have the time to read it :applejackunsure:

If you removed the black letters from the chapter image and inserted as notation linking to the picture and/or gave Faithy a mention, I think it work just fine :)

6715040 Sound advice from a man of science. :twilightsmile:

Love this story a lot! The lore of it is amazing and mysterious, it's like Skyrim in a way.

By the way what inspired you to write the lore for the story?


So since there are villages that were from Thule, could there be hope to bring the nation back again? Oh wait that's a huge spoiler! :derpytongue2:

6738524

Glad you like the story so far PP, thanks for commenting. With the older Thule stuff, there is a Skyrim flavor, little bit Tolkien.

What inspired me? Well I had a character in mind, but wasn't sure what to do with him, he went through a few different personality types before I started to bring his legend together. A big part of the inspiration came from a few Metallica songs, like the 'Unforgicen' trilogy, 'Master of Puppets', and 'Fuel". And I was always interested in the history of Equestria, since we know the geopolitical landscape used to be much different back then. Modern Equestria is a peaceful matriarchal empire, I started to wonder about how it's past could have been different.

Thule has been abandoned for nearly a thousand 'pony years', and its descendants dispersed all across Equestria. So it's not like there's ponies around who have fond memories of it, and we saw how memories of the Crystal Empire were virtually unknown, even to a well studied pony like Twilight. But if the kingdom were resurrected somehow, it'd probably be a client state to Equestria, though it's re-population would be a very interesting process.

OOO Next time on unforgiven, im dying of curiosity of who this old friend is!

7019896 Thanks for taking a look. And that is a cool-ass fu***ng avatar by the way.

7019922 ~uses hoof to make mane bounce~ Well, thank you! :rainbowkiss:

With my heart nearly beating out of my chest and mortal terror for the Prince gripping me, I watched on in numbness as Æclypse responded in kind on his hind legs, and screamed back saying- “
“-candy!”

That made me jump! :rainbowlaugh:

And if the ponies of Thule dispersed far and wide in Equestria, then what happened to the memories of these archaic deities among the descendants?

I think the answer is easy Twilight. The stories are still being told but in the towns of were Thole was and maybe near the border to.


By the way I'm confused. How does Celestia have Authority to banish Wanderlust? She doesn't rule their kingdom... Unless the parents agreed to it?

7110836
While Thule was virtually autonomous, it was still technically under Equestrian Rule. Though unlike the southern lands, it wasn't as destabilized by Discord's reign. Remember Equestria was partly founded by migrants from Thule, and the other tribes. So there wasn't all that much separation when the Alicorns came to rule. Plus, Celestia and Luna are demi-gods in the minds of Thulian unicorns, so if they say someone has to go, then that is the will of the gods.

It'll be explored more in the future. Thanks for reading:derpytongue2:

7111160 Ok that's what i thought. And your welcome! :twilightsheepish:

It's really sad Luna is suffering like this... I always wonder why can't she just leave? She can start new life of going out into the world and see were destiny leads.

7111587

I've wondered about that too.

and so has Celestia...

7111646 Maybe... Celestia planned this whole time! To rule Equestria all on her own and kick the sister out. :pinkiegasp: :pinkiecrazy:

MUCH OF THE EEPS~!
if they so much as scratch my darling I'MMA KILL 'EM

aahhh i love this so far~!

7347312
Well I hope I did you guys some justice, I'm sorry I couldn't resist the Twilight reference. And I hope you keep checking out the story G.H.

Ooo he fucked up good, but seriously he should have known better than trying to hurt something with the appearance for a little colt.

Please that no one in the Everfree is dying right?

7383233

You'll just have to find out in the next chapter! :derpytongue2:

That was so awesome! I can't wait for more.

Hmm I hope not that Celestia wasn't in love with Thole to? I know you did the hit for the comic, but would be interesting.

We'll have to to wait than.

7392545
Glad you liked it.
And yes, the comic hint was a nod to the mirror series where Celestia meets the good Sombra.

7392720 Awesome. Celestia is really selfish... She really did damage to Luna's love life and as well what happen with Thole.

She should have had let Luna go and be happy in the Kingdom of Thole. She wasn't happy in Equestria at all.

It could have prevented the Nightmare moon event, but sadly nope...

I wonder when they find out he is still live, what we'll the relationship be for the sisters & him? That I'm looking forward.

7393243
I will neither confirm nor deny anything that even comes close to spoiling. I'm just an evil troll like that.

I don't know where you are in the world, but a good real-life example for Celestia, would be President Abraham Lincoln during the American Civil War. His primary focus was keeping the integrity of the Union. Slaves, economies, and civil rights be damned.

Well the comic story of Sombras redemption be in the story?

7768031 Chrysalis smiles at your dismay!

Fascinating story you have going here, HeatseekerX51, as I find the portrayal of Thule as this mystical land and time period commoners should never discuss interesting; obviously the Princess of Friendship was barred off from looking further into the forgotten society, going to show it is classified even amongst Equestria's top ranks. While the readers know what happened to Thule, it makes things all the more exciting knowing that the characters (Twilight and Spike) will gradually find out on their own. Nice set up you have here, and good prose as well. I look forward to reading more.

8040597 Thanks for checking it out! Hope you like the rest of the story as it progresses.

Just finished binge-reading the story from chapter 1 to 12 and I have to say a few things.

1. This is severely underappreciated. The plot is extremely well thought out and the characters are written beautifully. This deserves a feature, definitely.

2. I like the implementation of multi-media, especially stuff like Paleo's descriptive imagery.

3. I love me some long novels, and this story is l o n g. The slow pacing is great to read on a quiet afternoon listening to some slow music or the music provided. I could see this as a YT Audiobook honestly.

4. I have a love/hate relationship with the 1000 year ancient subplot, but it is well done and definitely should be commended. I also like how despite all presumptions point to Wanderlust being an immortal Æclypse, it has be second-guessing myself, then THIRD-guessing myself because of other factors in Wander's complex character.

Now for some negatives:

1. C l i f f h a n g e r s. They are just plain infuriating and honestly don't provide much to the experience other than denied satisfaction.

2. The placement of the subplots, flashbacks, etc. Is a bit jarring for me. Combined with the FFFFFFFFFF-cliffhangers, it makes me want to skip major parts of the story so I can continue the plot that's in progress. It's not even that the other things aren't interesting, because they are! But... just... CLIFFHANGERS.

The story is a good one. Definitely worthy of favourite and a big phat +1. But the story has it's fair share of infuriating components, semi-frustating, albeit cleverly done and absolutely necessary, audience inclusion that makes it quite a wonder to read.

I hope you do continue this story in the future, Heatseeker, I am most certainly impressed and satisfied.

8483254
Firstly I'd just like to say thank you, for not sending your avatar to consume my soul! And also thank you for the binge reading! I take that as a point of pride.

1) I'm certainly glad you think so well of my work! The plot came to me, when I was trying to think of a story that I could write for FiMFiction. Believe it or not, I considered writing MLP fan fiction to be the last barrier before I would consider myself a brony. "I like the show, but I'm not gonna reduce myself to writing my own stories about it like some weirdo!" [10 minutes later] "Damn..."

2) Since this story would not exist without the many, many musical influences, I couldn't, not have musical scenes in this. Plus the show does it anyway. And like I mentioned, Paleo is a cameo spot for an internet buddy of mine, it was just an extra bonus that he had a character sheet already.

3) Yeah, the style of this story is different from my other stuff, and it took me a while to get comfortable with it. As you noticed, it didn't start out with 10,000+ word chapters, it just kinda evolved into that. I just make sure I hit all the plot points I have for the given chapter, and however long it is, is whatever. I have thought about doing something like releasing audio chapters, but I know it would be an excruciating process for me.
PotU has turned out longer than I originally envisioned. And it seems with the longer marination time and general 'figuring out', that the 3 (count 'em 3) sequels will be even longer when finished. I am so stoked to get closer to working on the 1st sequel, I really think it'll be epic.
Also, I would recommend a nice red wine, like a Moscato, or a Lambrusco for a quite afternoon read.

4) Yeah, I know what you mean, Equestria was really the hot spot 1,000 years ago. But all the parts for a great premise was already there, simply no need to reinvent the wheel on this one.
lol, happy to keep you guessing! I've always been concerned about how Wanderlust is coming off, I've wanted to avoid the trope of making my OC too capable, which really haunted me in the early chapters.

The negatives-
1) That's fair. I perhaps did not realize I was going too heavy on the cliffhanger device. Though, JSYK, with only a few chapters left for PotU, I'm not seeing a need for another cliffhanger ending. Except of course for the epilogue. But I will bear this in mind going forward.

2) You know what? I have been in that exact same spot, where I'm skipping past some flashback plotline or secondary, just so I can get back to 'the good stuff'. And I really do appreciate that the whole 'pirate flashback' plot really breaks away from the main. And that's why I make sure not to make it about the swashbuckling and piracy stuff, but rather about why this part of his life is important. Believe me, I knew from the start how much a difference it was from the present day plot, but it is part of this story. Nothing is mentioned that is not important.
Otherwise, it'd be in the "Tales of the Unforgiven" lineup.

Well thanks again for following the story, and giving it the vote of confidence. I will seriously consider your critiques, and look for ways to improve them going forward.
I am actually working through part 13 currently, I feel so guilty to my story for neglecting it for so long! But I had to divert my efforts for a few months into finishing my Godzilla|Marvel Saga opening story, which was a gluttonous behemoth in its own right. So part 13 should be out probably sometime before the end of November, depending on how fast I can work through the remaining plot points. About 1/3rd of the way through now, so not too bad.

I am honored that you have enjoyed my story thusfar.

8484187

I'm not seeing a need for another cliffhanger ending.

ci.memecdn.com/9689472.jpg

 a few chapters left

:raritydespair:

In all seriousness, I probably should mention the following:

I am most certainly NOT a good book critic.
The closest I can be is that I am doing English in one of my classes, but that's about it. I appreciate that you are taking what I said to heart, my friend.

Wishing you the best of luck and hope you enjoy writing these last few chapters!

8485931

 a few chapters left

:raritydespair:

Aw, you got nothing to worry about, remember, "Path" is only the 1st of 4 parts. And don't worry about being some pretentious hipster Yelp reviewer, you're the one reading the thing, so criticize whatever you want.

just on the description alone, is it saying that the brother of Sombra is the villain of the story because he refused to fight his brother? because if that is the case then jeez, those ponies are heartless assholes

8767181
Then I encourage you to read the story so far (obviously I would...) as I make things fairly nuanced. Or at least I like to think so. :derpytongue2:

8768158
very well, I shall give in to your shameless self promoting

Wonderful name for a Kingdom!

I’m so excited to hear you have a sequel! I’m so sad that to read the next part of AEclypse and his family.

9900858
I appreciate the enthusiasm! The sequel has had 4 years to come together, a huge difference with Path, which had maybe a couple weeks. So hopefully it'll write a lot better, I think it's a really solid story.

9949428
Something like that. The 2nd part is written and will be under review for the next few days which helps give part 1 some time to breath.

9961278
"And frolicked in the autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee"

Login or register to comment