• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2013
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Never2muchpinkie


Just your average brony who enjoys writing stories.


T

A mysterious plague runs rampant in Ponyville. Many ponies are sick, and some have died. Attempts to find a cure are unsuccessful. Sweetie Belle can't think of anything to do to help her sister, until she remembers the one being least likely to want to help out: Discord

Discord is uninterested at first, until Sweetie Belle blabs in desperation that she knows where Rarity keeps her Element of Generosity. Now she has an impossible decision on her hooves.

Will Sweetie Belle truly put all of Equestria in danger to save Rarity's life, or will she be able to find another solution?

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 158 )

hm
i like this story
but i dont like the way you put discord here
he seems so evil :/
and IF Discord would be able to heal that illness
Celestia would have long asked him
i see no sense here xD

4932289 If you've seen the end of season 4 you should know that Discord can be tempted into doing wrong for the sake of freedom.

And just because there is a situation doesn't mean that Celestia will bring him out for every little thing. Discord would never accept that. Besides, putting someone who loves chaos into chaotic situations can be counter-productive, as they might find it too enjoyable. Besides, how many times do we see Celestia doing anything besides having Twilight handle every commotion that comes their way, hmmm?

Really, this Discord is a combination of canon and fanon. Season 4 finale Discord, as well as the one from a fanfic someone wrote called Discordant, where Discord, while trapped in his statue, is still capable of just enough power to telepathically communicate with others, and he slowly manipulates Scootaloo down the path to agreeing to work to free him by pretending to be her friend etc. The way he's written is so deliciously evil that you can't help but love it.

So yeah. No nice Discord in this fic. :pinkiecrazy:

Hmm. This is interesting. I'm particularly fond of Sweetie Belle and Discord interactions, and this isn't too bad. I'll give this a follow and see where it goes.

4932289 You're asking for a story featuring DISCORD to MAKE SENSE? Do you even hear yourself?

(Not interested in sad or tragedy, so I didn't read, author, sorry. I am neither endorsing nor defaming Nerfeh's comment. I merely saw something I wished to reply to. Good luck with the rest of this story!)

4932366 This one got off to a slow start. I'm picking up speed though. The next chapter is basically done. I kinda want to expand on the beginning. I think I rushed the beginning to get it out faster because I wanted to move on to the more exciting parts.

Keep in mind the tags though. Things are gonna go downhill and Sweetie Belle has to make her choice

4932376 i am probably the hugest discord fan EVER
and i know this no sense shit good enough
but thats not the point
why should he be like that now?

4932998 Maybe it will be clearer if I say this is the pre-alicornation Twilight period. It's set between "Keep Calm and Flutter on" and "Magical Mystery Cure," so jerky Discord is still in full effect.

Besides, the whole point of fanfics is that it doesn't have to strictly keep to established canon. (Cupcakes, anyone? Or Rainbow Factory? Or Cheerilee's Gargen, etc etc) As I wrote in my other comment this Discord is pretty much a mix of canon from the season 4 finale where he betrayed the group for the promise of more freedom and the fanon of a fanfic I read

Hmm. A fun little dilemma here. I am enjoying this so far. I hope this struggle is worthwhile and I hope Discord stays true to his word through and through. That's what makes his deceptions so great, when he keeps his word and gets his way. Thanks for writing, I'm looking forward to more.

4935843 I'm having a little writers block. The next chapter is close to being done, but the one after that is where I'm having difficulties. I know how I want the story to end, and I initially had everything planned out, but now I'm not so sure. I'm trying to decide what I want to do with Discord. Is he behind the plague? Is he just taking advantage of the situation to be rid of one of the Element bearers?

Then there's Sweetie Belle. When she finally makes up her mind does she give him a fake Element? The real one?

I can't seem to decide on a definitive path for the story to end on. I can't say what IS set in stone without majorly spoiling things, but I have some decisions to make. I'll just say that Sweetie matures a lot by story's end.

4936440 In my two and a half years of writing , I've never really encountered writers block. I've had times where I have had to sit down and really rethink about what each character wants in a situation, but the story will always proceed if you play each character to their goals. There's no need to rush things. I've written a novel-length Sweetie and Discord fic, and the best bit of advice I can give is to not rush it and let the characters do what they have to in order to try and achieve their goals, and to feel the full repercussions of their actions and have those actions change and shape them into their future selves.

Good luck. I look forward to seeing how Sweetie changes by the end of this.

4937430 I don't know how it is with you as a writer, but I never feel I myself write stories. When a brainwave hits for a new story It just starts playing in my mind like a movie reel, and I just sit back and enjoy the ride until it comes time to write it.

Initially the whole story was set out, and I knew what I wanted both characters to do, but now I"m hesitating. I guess it's not actually writer's block that's stopping me,as I know where I want the story to head. Its more about being influenced by reader opinion. I create stories both for the enjoyment of writing, and to entertain my readers. Now I'm having a conflict between my own idea's for the story, and trying to reader-please.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing. A comment from a user on one of my stories gave me a brainwave and caused me to write an extra chapter because I liked their idea, then I wound up writing a whole sequel because I couldn't let the idea go. It helped me create my first OC, who is Scootaloo's younger sister from her adoptive family, and has a bigger case of sister/hero worship than even Scoots had for Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo had been living with her grandma, who was the one who bought her the scooter she rides in the show. When her grandma died she was adopted by the family of a baby she saved as a thank you for saving their daughters life. When she got a new scooter because she outgrew it. The reader commented that Scootaloo should have given the old one to Rose Blossom. Then suddenly the family went from being just a plot device to show Scootaloo still had somewhere to live to her having real character and personality.

Check her out. Isn't she just adorable! http://kyuubinaruto18.deviantart.com/art/Rose-A-Cute-Filly-Point-Commission-By-Paul-450713580

JUST DO IT, FOR THE LOVE OF RARITY AND ALL THINGS GOOD, DO ITTTTTTT :raritycry:
Can't wait for the next chapter <3

:fluttercry: All of the sad faces :pinkiesad2:

:raritydespair: Such a good sister, such a hard choice, whyyyyyyyyy

I just want to thank you, Nerfstranger for your feedback, because this story is taking a turn I didn't initially plan for, and I think the story comes out better for it.

Initially my plan was for Discord to be tired of the friendship game like he was in Twilight's Kingdom , and was behind the plague as a covert way of getting rid of one of the Element bearers so he could take over Equestria, but it just doesn't fit with his character as a trickster. Dead ponies are ponies who can't "enjoy" your chaos, after all.

I had to shift things around from my initial plans with Sweetie Belle's decision and the story is going to come out longer because of it, but I think it flows better and will read better than my initial idea.

So again, thanks for the feedback and for helping me to improve my work. Comments and feedback are always appreciated. :heart::pinkiesmile:

Very interesting. I look forward to seeing how this will resolve. I'll leave a longer comment on the story for how I felt about it as a whole once it is done.

OHMYGAAAWD SO INTENSE O___O
I CAANT WAIT O_________O
but this is SOOOOO UNFAIR
GOOOD poor Discord maaaan

4947124 Poor Discord??? Well, they are planning on sealing him away so yeah, I guess. Glad you're enjoying it.

4947147

After all this, I'm actually expecting him to give them his speech about being a slave and throwing the Element back in their faces. Just to make a point.

The thing is, now that he's learned to respect the Elements.. they're powerless to stop him. He could have ended any of the Bearers at any time in any number of ways from subtle(poison) to blatant(sharks with fricken' lasers on their heads). The thing keeping him 'good' is.. friendship. And it baffles me how the Princess of Friendship is missing that simple fact and how giving him the cold shoulder is apparently alienating him.

Hell, he could just whip up an even better plague and kill five out of six if he wanted.

4947147 woaahh and he didnt even do something bad :/
he should tell them what he told sweetie then they would understand :(

Because you want an opinion, I'll give you mine: I wasn't too fond of this chapter. I think cutting away to Twilight's PoV pulled us away from Sweetie's struggle and will make it have less of an impact emotionally.

Things to consider:
-As for Twilight herself, I think she jumps to conclusions and draws the lines a little quickly when she's running on basically no sleep. This chapter, when she explains the situation to her friends, it runs the risk of boring readers simply because the readers already know what has happened with Sweetie Belle.
-I think Fluttershy would try to summon Discord right away to get an answer from him (which would make be neat effect for Sweetie Belle if she just handed over the element and then Discord pops over to the mane 6 due to the summoning spell, element in hand.)
-Fluttershy has an almost unflappable belief in Discord, I don't think she would agree to incarcerate him once again. More than anything, I think she would want to talk with Discord about this.and ask him about what has happened, question him, and appeal to his good side and morality, as a caring friend. If anypony would sympathize with his plight, it would be Fluttershy (the one who has promised that she never will use her element on him anyways).

I kind of feel as though this chapter would be greater to actually not be seen by the readers, and to have its actions there anyways in the background of the story while just following Sweetie's PoV, as I think this kind of dilutes the story from the type of story we were getting before. And that's my opinion. I may not be right, and I am often biased toward Sweetie Belle in many ways, but that's how I would have gone about it. Maybe you'll find this somewhat useful.

Whatever you do now, I wouldn't actually take the chapter back at all. Maybe tweak it a bit if you feel like it, but we've read it, so anything major would be detrimental, I think. Such is the joy of releasing chapters one by one, rather than once you've finished the whole story and looked it over a bit.

~SilentBelle

Weren't his relations with Fluttershy already a form of "leash" even without elements? Is there even a reason for them to panic?

4947717 It is a form of leash, yes, but it's backed up by the Elements. The point is that the Elements give him pause because he knows they have the power to imprison him. If his friendship with Fluttershy isn't enough to help him overcome his desire to be chaotic than the thought of being turned back to stone certainly will.

If Discord actually posesses one of the Elemtents it not only means they have no possibly means of stopping him if he turns on them, it also means they can't use them on any new threat that appears.

4947701 Kinda true, but at this time Discord would surely ignore the summons since he's already meeting with Sweetie Belle. She may not want to seal him away, but it would always be easy to release him again once they got the story from SB.

The problem with this chapter, again, comes from needing a way for the Mane 6 to know about the situation without Sweetie Belle actually telling them. In the original version of the story Discord WAS behind the plague, Sweetie Belle got him to admit it, and she had told the others about the deal so they heard his confession. Since I shifted away from pure evil Discord because of you and NerfStranger's comments I needed a different way of going about things.

Their panic is justified. Discord may enjoy his friendship with Fluttershy but as seen in Twilight's Kingdom he could throw it away at the thought of power. Without the leash of the Elements his power and ego could quickly go to his head and lead to disaster.

4948800 but in entire Season 4 he already was safe from Elements. And he shown that having a friend is more improtant than freedom. At least until Tirek replaced Fluttershy and offered him both.

I have a question if I may, if Twilight has been at the old castle this whole time how dose she know that everyone but Rarity was cured? or did I missunderstand that part. :unsuresweetie:

4950558 She leaves the castle for sustenance. She may have begun sleeping there but she doesn't stay there indefinitely. Sorry if I didn't make that more clear.

4949101
4947275
4945669
4947263
More and more complications. Silly me, thinking a story involving Discord would go smoothly. I usually have the whole story in mind when I begin writing it, but I kept shifting things because of my readers comments, trying to make Discord more Discord. I thought I had resolved my last issues, but now Discord is becoming too clever. He brings up some good points about how they're in the wrong and now I'm struggling how to keep the ending I want without derailing Discord's character to shoehorn it in.

Again I need to reevaluate the upcoming chapters I had in mind, and I get the feeling the resolution might not satisfy you. Certain things are set in stone and I don't want those to change, or the ending will be completely different from what I intended.

I'll keep striving to keep up the intensity and the entertainment as we head towards the climax. I hope you'll enjoy the story through to the end.

And because you, MadMaudlin, brought it up, I just want to clarify that Twilight isn't a princess in this story. She's not an alicorn. This is set between Discord's second releasing and Twilight's ascension, which is why they still have the Elements.

I feel like this is all a test Discord is setting up for his "friends" a trust exercise if you will.
Or, maybe it's insurance. Maybe he'll still be there friend, but he'll tuck away the element just for safekeeping anyway.

I can see either of these being plausible. And regardless of if he keeps the element or gives it back, I still feel that as long as he keeps his end of the deal this can be a happy (albeit uncomfortable for the 6 of them) situation.

Or you could surprise us, go grim/dark, and let Discord really be a manipulative jerk and take the element and resume the plague (plus some chaotically decorative landscaping)

This can go so many ways, and since this is set earlier in the show, he's not exactly cemented in a "reformed" or "still totally evil" fashion.

ANYWAY. Can't wait to see the next chapter, whatever may come.

Who is the villain in this story?
Obviously Discord is not evil here and just want to force others to trust him and make them remove their guns when talking with him. For me its a Sweetie Belle who is an antagonist in this story. She let her sister die because she so distrustful toward Discord as to even consider that he might not use to do evil? He even said that he wouldnt make troubles for Fluttershy. Fluttershy would probably make a deal without thinking and even with no ones life at stake. That what she did anyway in the show!:facehoof:

I can't comprehend what is driving characters to not trust Discord. They just pulling another Bridle Gossip but with Discord instead Zecora. Sweetie Belle would probably make a deal thinking that even if Elements are gone, Twilight and Alicorns would think something else to stop him. Her sisters life would be the first priority. Especially since death of Rarity would make the Elements useless!:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

4957586
Eh. I'm a huge Discord fan but I wouldn't trust him here either. This is right after his "reformation", so he's had very little time to be socialized and to learn boundaries. He's already collected a promise from Fluttershy that she won't use her Element, so the fact that he wants an Element this badly tells me that either he doesn't trust Fluttershy yet (in which case he's dangerous because he doesn't yet sincerely believe in her friendship) or he's planning to betray Fluttershy (in which case the problem is obvious.) The very fact that he's willing to take advantage of a situation where someone is dying to blackmail her sister into giving him what he wants, rather than doing the thing that would be compatible with a belief in friendship, which would be to heal Rarity anyway in order to earn trust so she would feel indebted to him and thus not want to use her Element, tells me he doesn't yet understand friendship well enough for anyone to rely on it to control him.

It's not like I don't understand why he wants insurance that he can't be turned to stone; from his perspective, he genuinely doesn't understand most of the reason why they had to do that (pretty sure that the turning to stone thing had a lot more to do with the disharmony than the chaos -- the chocolate rain wasn't nearly as big a deal as the reversing pony personalities and making them miserable), and thinks that what they did was totally unfair, and doesn't know what lines he's allowed to cross safely. But he already has a promise from the one pony who was willing to stick her neck out and offer him friendship. If he still doesn't feel safe, then he doesn't believe Fluttershy will protect him, and if he doesn't believe Fluttershy will protect him, why would anyone expect him to listen to her?

4957586 I'm pretty sure that after being mind-controlled, being thrown into a world of total chaos, having your friends try to kill you, and having your mental stability shattered, you won't trust the guy who did it. :ajbemused:

4957586 The thing about Discord is that he's so out there that you can never tell when he's being serious and when he's joking. He made it a game to break the mane 6 by talking, but when Fluttershy showed she was immune to his mental manipulation he got genuinely pissed and forced mind-control on her.

And that's part of the problem of why he's so difficult to trust. Let's say for a second Osama Bin Laden tried to make amends for all his terrorist acts. No matter how nice he was would you trust him with the nuclear launch codes? The very thought of him having the most powerful embodiement of friendship is going to give any of them pause.

Sweetie Belle understands that Rarity's death will cause them to become useless, but as is said they can always find a new wielder. If they give him the Element that opportunity is lost because he can do whatever he wants to it. The point Sweetie Belle broke on is that giving up the Element would brand her a traitor, possibly get her banished, and put a lifetime of guilt of Rarity, knowing what Sweetie Belle did, hence why Cheerilee was pushing her earlier on to really consider what she did before making a big mistake.

And as Alarajrogers said the fact that he's holding Rarity' life as a blackmail piece and that he just made Sweetie Belle into a mindless puppet in anger shows that he's not acting as a good friend should.

Discord is a tricky character to write. I've already revised things a couple times over from my original intentions because reader comments made me see I wasn't writing him well.

4957662 I love you right now! :heart::heart::yay:

I love it when my readers see deeper into a story than I do. Usually when I first come up with a story and get a brainwave it begins playing through my head like a movie from start to finish, and it basically remains unchanged as I write. This is really a new experience for me because I shifted my original intentions because of reader comments. Discord is a tricky character to write(what made me think a DISCORD story would be simple???), as I've noticed, so changing him around a little to make him more like his canon self makes the story better in my opinion. (Original version had him behind the plague as a subtle way of taking out one of the Element bearers to take over Equestria out of boredom. A reader comment about how he was coming out as too evil sounding made me change that because dead ponies can't enjoy chaos, so it wouldn't fit his character.)

There's only about three chapters left. The climax is coming up, then the aftermath and the birth. Really, I don't know how readers are going to react to what happens, but your interpretation of Discord and the story give me more confidence in my plans. I'm still a little nervous about things. I haven't been this worked up over reader comments since I think my first story on this site. This is a delicate balance of one of the most beloved antagonists of the show, so I'm feeling like I'm hanging by a tightrope. It's make or break it time, I guess. Whether the decision is popular or not the resolution of the story is the same as it was from the start.

4956897 Next chapter is out. All I have to say on the matter of what is to come is: Don't forget the tags. The story ends on a bittersweet note. Some bad things happen, but there's a hope for a brighter future.

4957662 I feel like we slowly step into OOC territory. This entire story SUPPOSE to replace the tree of harmony arc where ponies were forced to get rid of the elements and it wasn't such a big deal as it is now, with Discord acting like Satan. This is not alternate universe either. Im guessing that Fluttershy would not allow him to let Rarity die since they would stop being friends and i think they know that Discord would heal her in last second anyway. Or maybe they suspect that he can ressurect ponies. If he was truly not worthy of their trust then WHY wouldnt he just wreck chaos in KCaFO after he was safe from Fluttershy element? He was doing the same thing as he is doing with Sweetie Belle. Unless this is alternate Discord who doesn't care about friendship and only pretend to care in KCaFO there is little sense in it.

4958346 Well, you don't seem to agree with my portrayal of Discord and Sweetie Belle so let me try to explain things from my perspective. If I miss anything or you have more questions let me know and I'll try to explain things further. I think it's important to do this now since the climax is coming up in the next chapter.

It's partly about what characters know. In the show SB has never once MET Discord, so all she'd have to go on is what Rarity told her about him. And given their attitude in future episodes like Three's a Crowd, it shows that they're suspicious of his motives from the start, even if he isn't using his powers to do evil things. So in all likelihood Rarity wouldn't have any nice things to say about Discord, thus why Sweetie doesn't fully trust him. She only turned to him in desperation after all. So to say she's the antagonist is really going too far. What reason does she have to trust him? Even if Discord didn't go crazy once SB gave it to him that would still mean entrusting their super-weapon to a just turned good villain who broke her sister and all her friends. It could still mean large consequences, like banishment and guilt from Rarity. While she understands its sealing Rarity's fate the weight of her choice was too much for her, hence why she turned back from handing it over. Her conscience wouldn't let her do that.

Discord DOES still value Fluttrershy's friendship, but we see that he doesn't care for the rest of the mane 5 because of their attitudes toward him. Fluttershy will trust anything he says and believe the best in him, but the others are still distrustful of him, so he doesn't have much reason to care about them. As an immortal super-powerful agent of chaos who is just learning about friendship I'm sure he considers most lives beneath him, so if a few ponies die that's just the way it goes. If not from the plague the pony is just going to die another way through another means eventually. Fluttershy told him to stay away because of the plague but seemingly didn't consider the fact he might have been able to set things right, so at the time their friendship breaking up over Rarity dying wouldn't happen. He also has a giant ego. In his mind it could be, "Sure, Rarity may be gone, but you still have me, and that's enough." Remember the spell words to summon him? "Discord is my best friend in the whole world."

Discord is also one of those villains who almost always tells the truth, but can sometimes hide it behind sarcasm. He's a masterful manipulator, and Sweetie knows that. You say he's acting like Satan by offering Sweetie temptations, but really what he's after is, as he says, a world where harmony and chaos can coexist. Where compromises are made so they can coexist the same way other ponies do. Fluttershy may have promised not to use her Element against him, but he also knows how weak-willed she can be. Given enough pressure by her friends she might crack, so it's always a possibility he could be sealed away, while if he has possession of one of the Elements than he's guaranteed to be safe from their power.


You say that you can't understand why they're so distrustful of Discord, with SB refusing the deal and Twilight wanting to seal him away until they get the story from SB, but the rest of them don't HAVE a reason to trust him. He only just switched sides and the only pony he really cares about IS Fluttershy.

4958898
Okay, lets just see how it will be resolved before i start going full OBJECTION like Phoenix Wright :pinkiehappy::derpytongue2:

Oh so we got Discord going evil again. Now i get it. Whole story is the "what if" Discord thought about replacing the friendship idea with different spell.

Discord should have pulled out a little soap box to stand on there. :pinkiehappy:

Friendship is a CHOICE, not an obligation.

Umm.. But it's okay if it's an obligation for Discord? 'Be our friend and do what we want or we nuke your ass'.

involves fighting and arguments and hurt feelings. It’s overcoming those, facing your pride to apologize, and coming back into harmony with one another that really builds up a friendship. You’re just looking for the end result

So, when are they going to apologize for being douchebags? Rather than whipping out their elements and skipping straight to one of the available end results?

C'mon Dizzy, just turn 'em into fruit!

Good chapter, but I don't like how Pinkie and Applejack's dialogue is handled. Pinkie's speech seemed more in tune with Twilight, Rarity, or even Fluttershy.:applejackunsure: I have to give this chapter three sad Fluttershy's out of five. :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

4979950 Yeah. I struggle with chapters that involve lots of characters, because I feel like each character should at least say SOMETHING. I mainly stuck with Fluttershy and Twilight because they're the two who would have the most to say. Glad you enjoyed it.

4978835 Well... he doesn't really think he's doing evil. It's like a mix of later episodes. Three's a crowd, where he wonders what the rest of the gang have done for him, and Twilight's Kingdom, where he finds he can have the best of both worlds of chaos and friendship.

He's hurt that Fluttershy turned against him when Twilight was planning the same thing in mind controlling. He just wants both things, a little chaos and friends. Their hypocrisy and his speech will play a part in a later chapter.

4979305 Him pointing out their hypocrisy is intentional on my part, and it will play a part in a later chapter. The chapter title is about that very idea: Despite being reformed and trying to change all they can see is the old Discord, so he feels shunned. He's forced to rely on Fluttershy's kindness as she's the only one who gave him a chance. Now that even she is backing away from him and he's losing his one and only friend he feels desperate not to lose that.

Basically, they brought their worst fears and his actions on themselves by being so untrusting.


4980744 It....Was....PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It emotion, great dialogue, perfect character forms, and a GREAT DISCORD.
I mean, this could be and might be a side to him, and just because you
didn't make him happy and in friendship mode, does mean he is a bad discord.
You touched on extremely good points!.I love how you covered the elements.
5 star!!!!!.
So awsome:rainbowkiss:
Keep it up!!!!!!!
We shall see what cometh next in the far future.......:trixieshiftright:


4980744 It....Was....PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It had great emotion, great dialogue, perfect character forms, and a GREAT DISCORD.
I mean, this could be and might be a side to him, and just because you
didn't make him happy and in friendship mode, does mean he is a bad discord.
You touched on extremely good points!.I love how you covered the elements.
5 star!!!!!.
So awsome:rainbowkiss:
Keep it up!!!!!!!
We shall see what cometh next in the far future.......:trixieshiftright:

Well, I'm glad for that author's note. Otherwise I'd be slamming my head into the table over how they're still a bunch of blind, hypocritical idiots.

I love when the villian gets the fake one.
Glad this is not the end, whether or not rarity comes back, something
to end on a sweet note is nice. Plus, rarity is not really dead, in the show that is.
The sweetie part did make me cry though:fluttercry:
Keep it up!!!

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