It's a shame that I only get to read this story 6 months after I first saw it up and hell, was it trippy. Don't get me wrong here, I call a story trippy when it feels like taking me for a long trip to trancelvania and back, after which I often find myself in a lack of words or completely stunned. And you, sir, had me hooked real bad.

There are a few points I want to break down and discuss tho:

First of all, that Astral Projection reference get me real excited since I myself used to spend all my freetime studying how to astral project, though failed everytime I tried I still take great interest in AP, unfortunately I can't get the terms and states stated in this story since my AP source comes from websites in another languagte.

Second, is this story dead? It would still be one hell of a story even if you just leave it as it is: Soarin's choice in the end really drove me to tears considering how much he weighed his golden captain over anything else. And it's pretty sad at the same time to witness the valiant fall one by one: first Trixie, then Flash, nobody knows if poor spitty will get blown up in the next few chapters :/

(Just blowing off some soarinfire steam again, heck why am I so infatuated with these two?)

7234435 Astral projection is something I too have studied and attempted to learn to do. Unfortunately, the only two times where I have doe so was when I was very ill, completely unexpected, and rather short in duration. I will learn to do so someday.

The story is not dead. Two more chapters need to be released before the story will be completed. Sadly, life events have temporarily killed my muse, reducing me to only being able to focus on editing, in hopes of recessitating the murdered muse.

And there is a sequel planned for this story. Many familiar faces will be returning, and they will find out what the cost of war on a grand scale really is.

7234481 Funny. From my limited knowledge astral projection has something to do with drugs or some called the 80s rave culture, among which there's actually a band named astral projection and I've had several trips with their music so far. How do you get in touch with astral projection btw? I assume your mind slipped off your body when you were very ill and you craved for that ever since? Just guessing haha.

Eagerly waiting for the next two chapters!

7235736 Thats pretty much how it happened, and I have tried using relaxation techniques to allow me to slip out again

It's driving me crazy.
i.ytimg.com/vi/yerwwZWXtdQ/maxresdefault.jpg

I'm gonna keep tracking this; you've got a great premise, a good cast, and you've done excellent work with Trixie and Flash in particular, creating excellent personalities and backstories for them both.

But I'm sorry to say, Biker, this story needs a lot of work. Here are a few things that I would suggest:

1. Don't describe everything. For example, when you mentioned that Spitfire had been trained in CPR, also known as cardiopulmonary resuscitation, that's not necessary for you to tell us that: most people know what CPR is. Describing everything makes it feel less like a story and more like a documentary.

2. Show us the story, don't tell us the story. Using dialogue and character reactions and movement is the best way to flesh out a story, not through simply narrating everything. For example, when you introduce Trixie as a character, have her speak and introduce herself for us, telling the reader how she got there and why she got there (i.e. she could have a conversation with Flash about why they're both there) is much better than just narrating how she got there.

3. Don't introduce characters or plot devices out of the blue. Like with Swifteye at the last chapter. Just introducing him at that moment isn't enough: it makes him feel like a deus ex machina when he just pop and appears out of nowhere, even though he was supposed to be there the whole time. Introducing characters like that beforehand works much better.

There's also a few things I'm confused about, namely why Flash got to go on the mission even though he was supposedly assigned to the brig.

Also, why bother having the griffons go to all the trouble of shackling the rest of the ponies if they were just going to kill them? Seems much more frugal to just kill them straight off.

And as much as I like what you did with Flash, I'm never going to forgive you for killing him. But that's by the by.

Still, I really do like this story. It has a lot of potential, and I'd love to work with you on revising it or with coming up with new ideas!

8294093
I see. Thanks.

7548650
Thank god someone that think flash sentry was wrong! You earn my trust!

I'm gonna go cry again