• Member Since 20th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2016


Comments ( 71 )

Hmmm, interesting! Guess we'll need to fire up the 'ole corrupting FiM adventures thread!

Twilight new she had to heed the call.

Thought I should point this out.

Wouldn't that indicate that at least some portion of the world would be destroyed by situations the Mane Six faced? I am imagining that the new rules lack an altruistic drive. This seems like a curious literary experiment, but those happen now and again.

4663066 dunno nightmare moon would be enslaved, as there has already been a mention of the elements.
discord probably wouldn't escape as that's the CMC's fault :facehoof:. no love to steal so chrysalis attack would be useless. sombra already has a slave empire, don't think he'll mind the new management.

funny enough without all the love and tolerance it seems equestria is a lot more save :unsuresweetie:

actualy this is good finaly some one who continues the story


Discord actually would be released by the extreme disuinity of a harsh and authoritarian regime. I'm actually surprised they aren't buried in snow; Windigos should love all the hate and disuinity. Chrysalis actually would invade. With slaves incapable of escaping they could foribly siphon out all the emotion they wanted. And I forgot another one: Tirek. Tirek absorbs magic. With slaves, they can be drained. It was harmony that defeated him, and only purified harmony from the tree of Harmony. He could suck the magic from the king without any interruption.

Wow. Equestria is ultra-screwed.

I have NOT read this yet... BUT the premise sounds UNBELIEVABLY interesting...

4664450 well either way they're ultra-screwed anyway within the FoE setting.
oh well doesn't really matter what we make of it the writer will probably give a suitably perverted explaination :pinkiecrazy:


It's true. But a compounded negative is hardly an improvement.

And who cares about a perverted explanation? How about a sensible one?


So are (for example) "Expecting Exile" and "Daring and Ahuizotl's Tropical Life." Both have sensibly-explained backstories and are elaborate while Being sexually explicit.

It's tragic that most have come to accept that, as a genre, "clop" is syonymous with "cheap."

4674361 Okay it's pointless clop then. Really though is it really a big deal if it may or may not have a good plot?


Strangely enough, yes. I've spoken with more than my fair share of folks who find that a good plot makes clop better. It becomes something a cut above, and thus superior. It transcends cheapness. It also means there are no nagging "Wait a minute... that's ludicrous" thoughts. That frees up the mind to enjoy the sexuality. To be more clear,Arthur Schopenhauer's retort comes in here. After discussing philosophers who ignored physical blows he imagined an audience saying, "Yes, but these men were philosophers." His retort was "And you are fools, eh? Precisely." It doesn't take a genius to prefer sensible clop.

Just a couple of inconsistencies:

-If Twilight's horn was lost before she took the Entrance Exam, then why would she take it at all? And presumably, Rainbow lost her wings before that point, so she couldn't do the Sonic Rainboom either.

The story round the egg will get clearer when I get to the retelling her cutie mark story to the cmc. lets just say she doesn't have to be taking the exam to be with the egg.

About Rainbow that's explained a little in the next chapter.

Careful, lots of typos and some tense changes this chapter.

“Welcome to everlasting nigh-,” The strange mare stopped in mid sentence as she now just noticed the crowd of naked mares fornicating stallions and strange reindeer like creatures. “What the fuck?”

Lol :pinkiehappy:
Also, ya there are alot of errors. Like seriously man, edit this shit.

What kind of errors? I usually spend alot of time rereading and listing through text to speach until all my sentences sound right. But I've allway be bad at punctuation.

This is most retarded version of Element gathering I have ever seen. Good god.

Really... really this what you come up with. They are corrupted as all fuck and the Elements work...:ajsleepy:

Instead of purifying them of the 'tainted' magic, it works either way. Rainbow Dash is hardly loyal period in this one as she is trying to leave at a drop of a hat so I have no clue how the Element works for her. I would have read it if the Elements fought back and slowly cleanse Equestria while learning Friendship in this sicko world, but once again I am disappointed with how people love this world.

Man... fuck this story and all stories promoting its existence.

And yes, I don't care if you are offended or cry to someone about my opinion about it.

If you get your rocks off on it, good for you.


Yeah, every time I write that word I keep thinking of something like The Flash's Speed Froce,

I'm kinda thinking that the tirek episode is going to do a lot of damage.

First off, I loathe FoE. There, it's said. It's porn that tries to be a real story and completely fails on that point... I could go for hours elaborating why. Then, there's the whole "rape/slavery/mind control" thing that I hate even more.

There, that's said.

Second, this story is fun. As in, hilariously bad to read. The bits of backstory and information delivered throughout the narrative are awkward at best and suicide worthy at worst. Typos are everywhere and the formatting could use botox, surgery and implants.
Or one of these fucking magic collars.

Third, what 4700244 said.

Downvoted, called the cops and your mom.
And the UN, not that they would do anything.

So would they have to rebirth the elements after everytime they use them?


Debating that, or may have them carved into something like the crystal cock. lol dildos of harmony! Maybe both and have the dildos impregnate them and have them be birthed out again as eggs. When given the choice of what the do with something when I'm writing I usually choose both:twilightsmile:

... hmmm while its close to my idea.. its diff enough not to be thievery.
so... not bad. I guess.

What do you mean devolved into a beast. Is fleetfoot a purple collar or an actual animal.

She was turned equine, in a world of anthros. Its a charcter concept I did in a FoE role play once and went off really well.

I may do a story about that chacter I RP'ed at some point.

You said Applebloom was in a pod tree whatever... Damn dude you need an editor. All the friggen mistakes...

yes, thats not a mistask, it's been stated she was released. But all of that happened befor Spike and Twilight came since she was seen in the first chapter.

Comment posted by Don Cannoli deleted Oct 11th, 2014

Well if it all happened before the mlp fim setting, then spike wouldn't exist and for that instance neither would twilight as an element of harmony, just another slightly more intelligent bimbo slave if even that since she wouldn't even know how to read or write.:facehoof:

It's actually relieving to see a FoE fic written in a fashion that reflects the entire concept aptly. Desperately needs and editor, too much pointless violence and bipolar characters that do a great job empathising just how little effort was put into their creation and story planning. It's a testament to just how much the universe depends on expensive commissions from talented artists for continued existence while the fending off the tidal wave of dislikes by demanding to be held in the same standards of decency defending a compilation of the worst elements of sub-human kind.

Yeah, I tried pushing through to see if this would improve, but it's basically unreadable.

I want to make it clear that I'm not downvoting this for being a Fall of Equestria story but because it's a bad story, in my opinion.

The moral: Learn English, at least if your supposed to be a author? :T

The last picture was of the Alicorn in the nude, her horn was gone and wings in socks.

Weren't the wings of Alicorns and Pegasi inside some sort of hard casing?

The story was interesting, but there are way too many spelling mistakes and grammar errors, and also the narrative is convoluted.
I suggest that you either make a more careful review of your work before posting, or get another person to pre-read it for you.

The idea is good but it is very badly executed. The narrative seems lazy and the description is lacking. Not to mention all the spelling and grammar mistakes. Needs a lot of work.

The description of the Nariphon's process of reproduction and development was too poorly worded and when I finished reading it I wasn't sure what t o make of it all.

All I want to say, while I do enjoy a good clopfic, you should invest at least 10 - 20 mins into proofreading each chapter. Sometimes, good grammar and spell checks go a long way. Also, check and see if you can't invest in a proofreader. Seriously, you could use it to make this story seem readable to others.

Either way, enjoyed the FoE parody.

what the fuck is a nariphon !?

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