Gerboise-Bleu
Joined 24th Oct, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Epic Quest · 15k words · 135 104 · 4.5k views
- BrightDawn · 3.7k words · 38 65 · 3.3k views
- Twipet · 57k words · 219 180 · 11k views
- Twipet · 22k words · 123 90 · 7k views
- TheOneEaredMare · 27k words · 76 44 · 3.7k views
- LewdChapter · 4.4k words · 117 171 · 12k views
- BrightDawn · 3.3k words · 32 54 · 2.4k views
- Twipet · 2.8k words · 152 110 · 13k views
Featured In9
Anthropomorphics7,626 stories ·5,017 members
The Dungeon1,262 stories ·1,738 members
Fall of Equestria144 stories ·1,862 members
Fetish Syndicate3,436 stories ·1,227 members
Bimbofication, Bimbos, and Sluts990 stories ·1,713 members
The Real Fall of Equestria Fan Group170 stories ·523 members
Male dominance221 stories ·227 members
*S*M*L3,300 stories ·13 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.131 seconds
Total duration
814 users online
1,162,709 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Quick tip: Put some space between each paragraph. Otherwise the whole thing is one huge wall of text, making it difficult to read.
Oh, and don't be discourage by the number of downvotes you're getting. That's par for the course for FoE-related works. I'm pretty sure half of them didn't read past the description before voting.
6690904
Yeah, hey, why is that anyway? Are there just some hardcore fans so devoted to the story that they don't want anyone messing it up?
6690920
6690909
What LunarSlayer said. There's lots of folks on FimFiction who vote like that, which really is a dick move. That's why the votes hardly matter at times. I've seen horrible Spike Stu stories that make my own mediocre writing look like Mark Twain, but since it's about Spike they still get several hundred upvotes.
A downvote without a concrete reason given is basically useless.
6690967
Honestly my take on all the down voting is that this is a problem this site created for itself. By preventing people from discussing and having groups that allow them to discuss there view points (Even if we don't like them). We have basically made them resort to spamming downvotes. That and this site probably shouldn't have downvotes anyway since its such an issue.
Anyway I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I think the staff preventing people from openly expressing their viewpoint was a huge mistake. I know that fans of FoE might not like the idea of people making an anti FoE group, but honestly it would probably lead to less persecution in the long run since coming from someone who ounce hated this I think part of the problem is they feel like they're being censored and that makes them hate it more.
Anyway that's just my two cents on this. Take it for what its worth.
It's a good start, though it does need some spaces between the paragraphs, plus the sex scenes could be fleshed out more. Are the next chapters going to be about Pipsqueak and Luna or stories about everyone else who grew up under the new regime?
A very good first chapter. As others have said you ned to seperate your paragraphs. Don't let the down votes get to you, people are trolls.
6691031
I don't know, actually. Let's say we had definite Anti-Groups freely allowed, wouldn't that just lead to organised votebombing? Stories getting linked there to be a free target? I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason such groups aren't allowed. Look at some of the more vicious review groups, they've been in big trouble when some of their members went out to harass the writers discussed.
The most effective way to curb this behaviour would be to link votes to comments. As in, you're not allowed to vote without commenting why. As it's now, you've even got encouraging comments getting downvoted by people unwilling to show who they are.
6692738
Well that's not a bad idea. Alternatively the voting system could also be altered so that when you vote on something the system will display the fact that you did. I'm part of a site called Red Light Ponyville that does that basically you click on a rating and it tell you who gave what rating. That would definitely eliminate the amenity issue with the current system.
The main reason that I suggested that preventing people from making such groups is a mistake is based on an old political adage. Namely that if people can't reach for the soapbox they'll reach for the ammo box, and in this case I feel it applies quite readily. I feel that by preventing people who disliked FoE from speaking their mind this site and the FoE group has to an extent radicalized them something that would not have happened if they had been allowed to from the get go.
In short I would argue that by doing this and by reacting punitively to negative comments the FoE community has only served to escalate the problem not mitigate it. Its also served to ostracize the sub fandom as well.
Anyway this is just my take on the issue based upon my understanding of human nature and history.
6693111
That's kind of blaming the victim, though. The very first stories put up on FimFiction were already downvoted to hell and back by people morally opposed to its content—back when the group was new.
Even if what the group did escalated the problem, the main issue was always people hating the story's content and downvoting without reading and without regard to literary quality. Even many Post-FoE/Anti-FoE stories gather disproportionally many downvotes just by being connected to the source material, and I've read more than one person say they'd like to censor all of it if they had the ability.
I can almost hear the star trek TNG theme music.
Well, I've had thoughts of my own for FoE fics like this, involving the future ponies... and this pairing in particular (though during Nightmare Night and maybe a slightly younger Pipsqueak, despite Fimfiction not allowing foalcon here anymore unless it's regular feral ponies, for whatever reason). And I see the Cake twins in the lineup... wonder if that means incest or just both together or separately? Though I dunno how much you've read altogether, if you plan on using a part of caribou culture from Bruised Apples I thought about, if I did one involving those two together... for your own, that is. But if the chapters are all of this length, I tend to doubt not...
Well, as for this chapter, it was... decent, but could be lots better. For one, the spacing as people've said, but mostly... I find the "conversion" to be somewhat meaningless, even if it's been 2 decades of rebellion from Luna and there were signs of her mental breakdown, as stated. But altogether, with the length and that it was just a few paragraphs... it just didn't feel real to me, despite my mostly still being into this (feel a little less strongly with the douchebag caribou from a recent chapter of one of the canon fics, even if I've long known them to not be good creatures when it comes to social etiquette). And I thought we might also see Diamond Tiara from being mentioned as a purple collar, but I suppose that'll be for another chapter... hopefully? Whether or not it involves her dad as her master... if any sort of incest takes place herein.
Anywho, nice little bit of sexiness, even if that also was a little... ahem, "quick". The second scene at least could've used a little more juicy bits to make it entertaining. I'll be tracking this story and seeing what else comes here, even if I probably can't predict all involve black collars turning into red/purple; much less what you have planned with the Mane 6 or CMC tag, if some don't just have them as cameos in glimpses of other ponies' futures.
Also, what's with the original date of this chapter being posted saying it was back in October (on any page besides on the chapter itself), but everything else (including comments) says it was just posted the other day? As that's kind of weird and I doubt this was posted back then, but hadn't been attached to a story or something else that explains it...
Edit: I also realize now, you did forget to add about Luna's wing binders being changed too from black to red, if that wasn't forgotten or just because Luna's an alicorn and might imply needing custom/bigger ones?
*Tracked* I've come to a mental aggreement and tracked this story... Not because I'm nice or anything
6693553
There will be no incest in this.
Okaaaaaaaaaaay... this chapter is alright, but I'm gonna have to knock it. Mind you, I'm not knocking it for what you said before for no incest at all in this fic, even if that is a fetish of mine. I'm knocking it, cause you managed to get the name of one pony wrong throughout, except in the beginning.
CARROT Cake? CARROT CAKE?! It's PUMPKIN Cake!
Seriously, how'd that get messed up when you used her name correct the first time, IMMEDIATELY in the beginning? 
If you instead meant Carrot as in their dad changed to a mare, then that'd be okay; but you never said it was, even if you also didn't say she was a unicorn like in the show. But even if it WAS, she'd still be a parent, not a sister... but I doubt it with the reference to their parents later on.
As for the chapter, I still think these could use a little length to them, even if not all stories are novel-length; but it does seem like for glimpses into ponies/characters in the future, they could be a bit more descriptive perhaps. Not that what's here isn't enough, but it just seems a little fast-paced to me, even if this isn't an "official" fic, I know. But for a female slavery-based Equestria, it still seems like more should be given, even if this is to be multiple chapters/as long as you keep having ideas. Still, this is the first fic of this kind I've seen, since I haven't done any myself nor seen anyone else post any. And the thing I was referring to before was that in Bruised Apples, it was mentioned how in caribou culture, twins of opposite genders are seen as an omen of something bad (a little vague, but I doubt it means in their society as much as for that family). So I didn't know if you were going to incorporate that, if no one but Pound would take Pumpkin for that reason or you've even read that fic... but I digress.
And in the first paragraph, you say "they" and "their daughter Pumpkin Cake" without ONCE referencing the Cakes' themselves, in the couple sentences before! I admit that saying "they" would no doubt reference the Cakes, but even if no one reading this is probably a newbie to the show/fandom, it still should be stated who "they" is. And when you say Pound wouldn't let anyone touch his sister outside business hours, you refer to him as "she". For a couple small errors I noticed throughout. Of course, you did fix the spacing issue from the first chapter, so that's a positive. But I do also find your references to the universe to be somewhat farfetched, such as Twilight teaching her own tricks to all mares she teaches and the continuously barren females unless they get a spell to make them receptive, but you're entitled to alter/do what you wish.
Mind you, I'm not ripping cause I've changed my mind about this story, but I do expect something with at least consistency to the characters being the same as from the show (in terms of name with their appearance being mentioned, if so). Still, despite the problems, I'll keep watching for these, but I hope they get more interesting. While I'm not expecting a masterpiece, I do hope to see something with uniqueness (like you've given) that's at least decent quality, like most of the other fics I've read set in this universe, canon or not.
Edit: added some things to be more clear about parts critiqued in my review, assuming you or anyone else looks back who's seen this already. And obviously, PLEASE fix those issues I mentioned, or at least the BIG one someone else stated with me here!
Carrot cake..... I mean, not knocking the chapter, it's still good, but please change the name, please???
6690904
To be Devil's advocate for a moment: what more is needed? I'd down vote "Deutschland Uber Alles : The next generation" as well. What's the difference between one fascist National Socialist cheerleader story and another? Votes are not just on quality but on content. Think of it like this: The power of the ballot is to express a stance even if it is not the winning one. The Fall has clearly won as no one is removing it. But much like boycotting a popular restaurant with a sign saying "KKK preferred as customers" the idea is to use software power pressure to affect the bottom line and change the way things are.
is Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara going to be in this? how bout Twist?
I liked this story. I hope you continue it one day.
Excuse author but is it okay if I use this in a future story perhaps?