Quick tip: Put some space between each paragraph. Otherwise the whole thing is one huge wall of text, making it difficult to read.

Oh, and don't be discourage by the number of downvotes you're getting. That's par for the course for FoE-related works. I'm pretty sure half of them didn't read past the description before voting.

6690904
Yeah, hey, why is that anyway? Are there just some hardcore fans so devoted to the story that they don't want anyone messing it up?

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6690909
What LunarSlayer said. There's lots of folks on FimFiction who vote like that, which really is a dick move. That's why the votes hardly matter at times. I've seen horrible Spike Stu stories that make my own mediocre writing look like Mark Twain, but since it's about Spike they still get several hundred upvotes.

A downvote without a concrete reason given is basically useless.

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Honestly my take on all the down voting is that this is a problem this site created for itself. By preventing people from discussing and having groups that allow them to discuss there view points (Even if we don't like them). We have basically made them resort to spamming downvotes. That and this site probably shouldn't have downvotes anyway since its such an issue.

Anyway I know this isn't going to be a popular opinion, but I think the staff preventing people from openly expressing their viewpoint was a huge mistake. I know that fans of FoE might not like the idea of people making an anti FoE group, but honestly it would probably lead to less persecution in the long run since coming from someone who ounce hated this I think part of the problem is they feel like they're being censored and that makes them hate it more.

Anyway that's just my two cents on this. Take it for what its worth.

It's a good start, though it does need some spaces between the paragraphs, plus the sex scenes could be fleshed out more. Are the next chapters going to be about Pipsqueak and Luna or stories about everyone else who grew up under the new regime?

A very good first chapter. As others have said you ned to seperate your paragraphs. Don't let the down votes get to you, people are trolls.

6691031
I don't know, actually. Let's say we had definite Anti-Groups freely allowed, wouldn't that just lead to organised votebombing? Stories getting linked there to be a free target? I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason such groups aren't allowed. Look at some of the more vicious review groups, they've been in big trouble when some of their members went out to harass the writers discussed.

The most effective way to curb this behaviour would be to link votes to comments. As in, you're not allowed to vote without commenting why. As it's now, you've even got encouraging comments getting downvoted by people unwilling to show who they are.

6692738
Well that's not a bad idea. Alternatively the voting system could also be altered so that when you vote on something the system will display the fact that you did. I'm part of a site called Red Light Ponyville that does that basically you click on a rating and it tell you who gave what rating. That would definitely eliminate the amenity issue with the current system.

The main reason that I suggested that preventing people from making such groups is a mistake is based on an old political adage. Namely that if people can't reach for the soapbox they'll reach for the ammo box, and in this case I feel it applies quite readily. I feel that by preventing people who disliked FoE from speaking their mind this site and the FoE group has to an extent radicalized them something that would not have happened if they had been allowed to from the get go.

In short I would argue that by doing this and by reacting punitively to negative comments the FoE community has only served to escalate the problem not mitigate it. Its also served to ostracize the sub fandom as well.

Anyway this is just my take on the issue based upon my understanding of human nature and history.

6693111
That's kind of blaming the victim, though. The very first stories put up on FimFiction were already downvoted to hell and back by people morally opposed to its content—back when the group was new.

Even if what the group did escalated the problem, the main issue was always people hating the story's content and downvoting without reading and without regard to literary quality. Even many Post-FoE/Anti-FoE stories gather disproportionally many downvotes just by being connected to the source material, and I've read more than one person say they'd like to censor all of it if they had the ability.

I can almost hear the star trek TNG theme music.

Well, I've had thoughts of my own for FoE fics like this, involving the future ponies... and this pairing in particular (though during Nightmare Night and maybe a slightly younger Pipsqueak, despite Fimfiction not allowing foalcon here anymore unless it's regular feral ponies, for whatever reason). And I see the Cake twins in the lineup... wonder if that means incest or just both together or separately? Though I dunno how much you've read altogether, if you plan on using a part of caribou culture from Bruised Apples I thought about, if I did one involving those two together... for your own, that is. But if the chapters are all of this length, I tend to doubt not...

Well, as for this chapter, it was... decent, but could be lots better. For one, the spacing as people've said, but mostly... I find the "conversion" to be somewhat meaningless, even if it's been 2 decades of rebellion from Luna and there were signs of her mental breakdown, as stated. But altogether, with the length and that it was just a few paragraphs... it just didn't feel real to me, despite my mostly still being into this (feel a little less strongly with the douchebag caribou from a recent chapter of one of the canon fics, even if I've long known them to not be good creatures when it comes to social etiquette). And I thought we might also see Diamond Tiara from being mentioned as a purple collar, but I suppose that'll be for another chapter... hopefully? Whether or not it involves her dad as her master... if any sort of incest takes place herein.

Anywho, nice little bit of sexiness, even if that also was a little... ahem, "quick". The second scene at least could've used a little more juicy bits to make it entertaining. I'll be tracking this story and seeing what else comes here, even if I probably can't predict all involve black collars turning into red/purple; much less what you have planned with the Mane 6 or CMC tag, if some don't just have them as cameos in glimpses of other ponies' futures.

Also, what's with the original date of this chapter being posted saying it was back in October (on any page besides on the chapter itself), but everything else (including comments) says it was just posted the other day? As that's kind of weird and I doubt this was posted back then, but hadn't been attached to a story or something else that explains it...

Edit: I also realize now, you did forget to add about Luna's wing binders being changed too from black to red, if that wasn't forgotten or just because Luna's an alicorn and might imply needing custom/bigger ones?

*Tracked* I've come to a mental aggreement and tracked this story... Not because I'm nice or anything

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There will be no incest in this.