Old Ghosts
At the edge of Equestria, a cave sat at the bottom of a cliff.
The cave yawned open, a black gash into the craggy cliff-face. Vines framed it, clutching at the rock on either side. It was a quiet, verdant place at the utmost edge of the Everfree. Here, a pony could forget themselves, put away their worries, forsake Equestria for the sound of the wind whispering through tree branches. It was rare that a pony would find it, though. It wasn't a place that was advertised.
Celestia stared, unblinking, at the cave entrance. It rose before her, silent and still and extending into darkness.
"Princess Celestia?" came the voice of Captain Eyewall from behind her. "Shall I escort you inside?"
She glanced briefly to the pegasus captain, whose bearing betrayed nothing past his customary grimness. He stood by the chariot that had delivered them in an hour's hard flight from Canterlot, several other members of her own guard by his side. Their golden armour caught the rays from the midday sun, from where it hung still in the sky.
Let it hang there. She could afford to keep it still for a little while. She would need her attention elsewhere.
"No, captain. Have the Dayguard keep a simple perimeter watch. Should you need to find me for any reason, the guardian will recognise your insignia and let you through." Celestia noted her brusqueness of tone only too late, and hastily corrected herself. The Sun Princess should not be flustered or abrupt when nopony else had reason to expect her to be. The princess serving Equestria would be the creator of harmony, not the destroyer of it. That was the protocol, as yet iron-hard as the first day she'd resolved to it.
Amazing, how time and all the memories it could hold had a habit of rusting iron clean away. She gathered herself regardless, an effort that was all but reflexive.
Don't let them see your fury, whispered a little voice within her, like the crackle of flames in a hearth. Save it for him.
"Yes, Princess," said Eyewall. The captain's restlessness betrayed itself in only a brief glance towards the cave, a momentary hoof-scuff across the ground. The stallion was a professional. "Should we … expect to engage in any sort of rescue efforts?"
"No, captain," replied Celestia, turning her gaze from the cave's blackness and to her doughty soldiers with a brief flash of relief. "I know this place. I inherited it in past days, laid its present enchantments and foundations. No part of it is unknown to me. Remain on guard for threats from without, regardless. Better safe than sorry, wouldn't you agree?"
The captain hesitated for a moment before answering. "Yes, Princess. Are you sure you don't wish for an escort?"
"I'm sure, captain. There are reasons – several very good reasons – why I must do this alone." Celestia stepped slowly towards the entrance, breaking several minutes of rigid stillness at long last. "I may be a while. Do not grow alarmed."
She heard Eyewall's affirmative, heard the movements of her guards as they shifted into position. They had been a formality for her exit from Canterlot, for what her government had been assured was a brief visit by the princess to the Cheval Sea's Serpent King to formally appraise a close ally of recent events. The Serpent King had been long since appraised via letter, though, and Eyewall and his guards had been sworn to secrecy about their true destination.
Celestia stepped past the cave's entrance. The cold and stale air hit her like a hoof to the face, and a flurry of golden light around her horn conjured something she could navigate the dark and twisting passages within by.
She passed by an unheeded metal plaque set into the wall, the only acknowledgement this place would ever receive beyond her own knowledge and that of a few trusted others.
Herein lies Tartarus, read the lettering upon it. Entry to this guarded location is forbidden by order of Princess Celestia. Turn back on pain of death.
Celestia stepped into the vast cavern past the first few hundred winding steps from the entrance, and the guardian of the place was upon her in seconds.
"Get off, you affectionate lump," she said, a laugh escaping her despite the occasion as all three of Cerberus's heads attempted to cover her in slaver at once. "This isn't even slightly becoming, and I suspect you know that and don't care."
The three-headed, house-sized mastiff appeared not to give not the slightest damn about her blandishments, two heads continuing to sniff and lick her while the third barked with abundant joy. The sound echoed off the distant roof and walls.
"Luna's back, you know," said Celestia, letting emotion slip into her voice as she spoke. The joy of it was yet near, the occasion only yesterday, and the high of it ran still. It had been a chore to tear herself away from her sister and come here. She blinked away sudden inconvenient rainwater from above, and nuzzled one of the great dog's necks. "She'll be over here to spoil you and make a fuss as often as she can spare the time. Just you wait."
Either Cerberus recognised 'Luna' after all this time, or it had gotten the phonemes for 'dinner' jumbled up in its heads, or it had just started spontaneously happily baying for no particular reason. It was hard to tell.
It remained, as it had always done, the first and last defence of Tartarus. The first against unwitting intruders from outside, whom it would greet with a great deal of intimidating snarling and barking and minimal clouts with a door-sized paw. The last against any of Tartarus's potential escapees, whom it would deal with in a much less restrained manner.
"Here on business myself, though," murmured Celestia, pulling her face away from the dog's neck and briefly wiping her eyes dry, regaining her composure in spite of Cerberus's best efforts to destroy it. "Get off, I said. I'll play with you in a few minutes."
Cerberus's perennial deafness to instructions eventually compelled her to become airborne, just out of reach of Cerberus's pouncing. It bounded after her, three heads turning to track her, and set up a sorrowful three-way yipping as she flew past the furthest length the thick steel chain tethering Cerberus to the cavern's centre would allow.
"Please don't. Don't make me feel guilty now," sighed Celestia as she alighted at the chamber's far end, before another seemingly-insignificant tunnel leading further on. "Really, don't."
The runes carved around the floor, walls, and ceiling of the tunnel briefly flared a luminous blue as she stepped nearer. If Celestia passed through correctly, then she would gain access to the rest of Tartarus. If she missed a step, whether coming or going, then a battery of the worst warding-magics known to Equestria's magical science would flay her apart down to her atomic structure in one excruciating half-second.
Lucky then, all things considered, that she knew the magical key to be formed in her mind that would let her through. It had been Scorpan who'd taught her the way of it and granted her the place's wardenship, back in days where even her memory was starting to develop fuzz around the edges, and he'd apparently inherited it from Star Swirl himself. When and who it had all started with, Celestia had no idea. When and who it would end with, she didn't want to know.
She composed the key, accurate down to the smallest detail, and passed through the ward. And the one after that, And the four more after that.
Dark stone doors passed her by as she trotted, each one leading either to another stretch of secured corridor or to one of Tartarus's many inhabitants. More warding runes and enchanted carvings covered each one, bathing the tunnels in a soft blue light. On one, a central carving of what looked like a looming black tidal wave predominated. On another, what looked to be a constantly-spinning spiral with an eye at the centre. On another, a flame. On another, an empty circle.
Celestia turned left at one juncture, passing through the door to another corridor. A dripping thorn. A horned pony. A staring shadow in a door frame.
She turned right once more, and at the end of the short corridor ahead of her, there was a door with one more carving. A horn, wings sprouting from either side. It was the only one of its kind in this section of Tartarus.
Stepping slowly towards it, she cursed herself for her own hesitation. She was Princess Celestia, eternal and ever-sovereign. She would do what was best for her little ponies, she would do what was right, and though she saw most ends and knew with a sad and grim certainty the end that would come of this, that didn't take away her duty to see it done. She had to have hope.
Celestia unlocked and pulled open the door, stepped through into the blackness beyond, and closed it behind her.
Let there be light, she willed, and there was light. It was as bright and golden as a summer's day, radiating down from the low stone ceiling.
On the floor before her, a chained alicorn stirred.
It was a stallion, with a coat as black as the night sky. Bright silver spots were dappled lightly across his whole body, clustering more thickly around his head and back. His mane and tail were predominantly white, with luminous strands across a spectrum of colours woven throughout; red and orange, yellow and silvery blue. A mark of a gold-and silver star glinted on his flank, eight points protruding from it.
Iron chains thicker than his muscled forelimbs were wrapped around his legs and body, pinning his wings firmly against his side. A magical inhibitor with all the squat chunkiness and aesthetic appeal of a block of coal was jammed down around his horn, all the way to the base. Barely-glimpsed magical energies flowed around his head, informing the deep sleep he appeared to be in. The energies had thinned away since the moment Celestia opened the door, however, and the alicorn's body began to stir.
One eye flicked open, and a black-rimmed pupil of purest white stared straight at Celestia. The other slid open in time, and the expression on his face remained emotionless and cold.
Celestia spoke first. "Astralus," she said.
Astralus took several moments to respond, and when he spoke, it came out as a low rasp. "Celestia."
The Star Prince slowly started to rise to his feet, straining against the sheer weight of chains enveloping him. He looked directly to her once he had fully risen, his eye level an inch below Celestia's own. His expression contorted into a sneer. "So," he began, "How long has it been this time, dearest sister? A year? Two years? A decade?"
"One hundred and ninety years have passed since last we spoke."
An instant passed before Astralus's white pupils widened and his nostrils flared.
"ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY YEARS?"
"Yes. You needn't shout."
"And what could have possibly caused that delay?! Sheer stupidity? Pausing in your princessly duties to pursue a butterfly for two centuries? Did you forget where Tartarus was?"
"I refer you to my earlier comment regarding the need for shouting."
"You useless, maggot-riddled, empty-skulled BROOD-MARE!"
Celestia remained silent while the invective broke over her like water on a rock. Astralus frothed and raged within his chains. Let him.
"Would you believe that the affairs of Equestria kept me absent for that time, in spite of the pleasures offered by your company?" she eventually said acidly. "Many things have happened in Equestria since we last spoke. New bearers for the Elements have been found. The Crystal Empire's heir has re-awoken. Luna's imprisonment has ended, and she has returned to Equestria."
Astralus's voice fell away, and his gaze flicked from the floor to Celestia. "Well," he said, his tone low and venomous once more, "That makes sense. That makes perfect sense, all things considered."
"Does it?"
"Small wonder you'd wait so long, for fear of risking facing me once again by yourself. Better to wait for more alicorns, that they might be able to restrain me. Small wonder a weakling like you would wait."
"Weakling?" Celestia tried to curb the contempt for the alicorn before here, so pathetic that he was almost funny. "An odd accusation, considering I was the one who put you here."
"Aye. To keep me and the power I hold safely locked away! To prevent my disruptions to your fawning, cowardly plan."
"Luna is released at long last," repeated Celestia, driving past what promised to be another interminable period of raving. "I am prepared to offer you the same. To give you a chance to walk free in the world once more, to start rebuilding that which you tore down. There will be conditions, until Luna and I both can be assured of your future good conduct. The continued restraint of your magic, to a level not exceeding that of a competent unicorn. The binding of your wings. Your domain will not be immediately returned to you - "
"Hobble me, cripple me, keep the stars from me. What lovely terms."
"There is an alternative," said Celestia, past teeth that itched to be ground together, "Consent to a magically-binding geas, compelling you to not rebel, to harm nopony ever again. You will have your alicorn magic, your wings, your stars back again. But the penalty for violation would be inescapable, and would - "
"Hobble my free will. My word, this bargain escalates in desirability with every beat of my heart." Astralus's eyes narrowed, becoming mere monochrome slits. "Here is my offer. Release me as I am. Trust me to do what is best. Do not get in the way of that."
"You really do take me for an idiot." This time, Celestia ground her teeth, trying to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her skull that ordered her to forget every memory, abandon all hope for him, to simply burn this waste of oxygen and space off the face of Tartarus with all the fury the sun would grant her. "I remember the last time you walked unfettered."
"Oh, spare me your sanctimonious bleating about Seaddle. As if a few worthless mouths ever mattered."
"Nine thousand, three hundred, and forty-seven ponies," said Celestia quietly. Far too quietly. Far too restrainedly. "Two thousand and eight foals. I counted afterwards, once the smoke cleared and you were locked away here. I remember."
"Oh, I see. Still pretending that you care. Still blind to your own weakness. Craving the approval of your lovely little ponies, are we? Fretting over every impolite thought they might have against you, whimpering yourself to sleep over the prospect that they might not think you have their best interests at heart? Why do you bother? What a supremely pointless ploy."
"What a supremely revealing statement from you," said Celestia. Her voice was still as quiet as the eye of a storm, but a wearied undercurrent had set in. She had nobody to blame but herself for this pointless pain. She saw it coming before it ever occurred.
"We are GODS on this earth!" screamed Astralus, his eyes blazing white and his wings straining against his chains to be outspread. "We made ourselves gods, we clawed those teachings from Star Swirl's notes, we unravelled them, we made ourselves free! We should have anointed ourselves kings! Emperors! Not meek little princes and princesses, mincing around in the mud for the sake of meaningless little ponies. All they are, all they'll ever be, are spectators. Chattel. Tools in our grasp."
Magic comes alive in this world when an alicorn is born from the shell of a pony, Star Swirl's notes had read. It warps and weaves, and in its vast caprice it flips a coin for the alicorn in question. On one side, the alicorn is born intact. On the other, the alicorn is broken.
Once upon a time, Celestia recalled, there had been a white-coated earth pony filly who had pored over those same notes. And thanks be to whatever greater powers ruled in this world, she seemed to have come out intact. For the love of Equestria, let her remain so.
There had been a pegasus filly, indigo-coated and alive with life, who had come out of that coin flip cracked but still whole. Who had once surrendered herself to the Nightmare madness that haunted every alicorn, but who would heal in time. Celestia would permit no other outcome.
And there had been a black-coated and gentle unicorn colt as well. He had gone through that coin flip, and had come out the other side with a Nightmare made redundant by the ruins of his mind.
You couldn't heal that. You couldn't banish a Nightmare that had never been needed at all.
For that colt, Celestia felt an aching sorrow, and a pity that could never be soothed. But all it could do here was give fangs to her hatred for the beast before her.
"Luna was banished by the Elements, the Crystal Empire fell from our holdings, and you seemed set on your foalish course. I returned from the wilderness, gathered my host, and tried to remind you of the proper path. A gentle reminder and nothing more, and you cringed away from the promise of your own strength. You locked away your own brother, a bond forged in fire and Discord's ruin, just to appease the nonentities you serve. Pathetic."
The fire rose in Celestia.
Let him burn, it whispered. Nopony will see. Nopony will ever know. Luna will understand all too well. Burn him and leave his ashes to the darkness. Burn away the memories of the foals lying in pieces, and give them true justice.
Burn him, burn him, burn him, whispered the Nightmare at her hooves.
She tensed, every part of her horn itching with magic that begged to be released.
And then the image of the Sun Princess came like a wave to wash it away. Watching her sister adorned with a wreath by foals, watching Twilight Sparkle's boundless excitement at being chosen as Celestia's personal protege, watching a hundred generations of ponies live and die and love and remain safe and happy under her guidance – the Nightmare shrank back.
But not entirely.
Give me something, it whispered. Or there will be fire in your dreams.
Celestia breathed out, and her voice remained collected and steady.
"I see this was wasted effort," she said to no-pony in particular, Astralus's gaze flicking to her with a newfound intensity. "Maybe it always will be."
"You came here with a purpose," came his response. "Show some spine for the first time in your waste of a life and see it through. Try and put shackles on me. See how your ponies will whisper in corners. How they'll shrink from the monster returned from legend."
"I doubt they will," said Celestia. "I did what I had to to patch over the wounds." She leaned closer to Astralus, her magenta eyes glinting like cut diamonds. "They don't even remember you existed at all. May they remain happy and ignorant forever."
"You can't just leave me," rasped Astralus, a new edge in his tone.
"Can't I? I have that in my power at least," replied Celestia, turning away and stepping towards the door. "Goodbye, brother." She stepped through the doorway. Magic built around her horn to seal the enchantments once more. And her Nightmare got this much, for all that she wept at herself and it, for it was all that would keep her sane. All that would keep her the good princess against the demon in her heart.
The sleeping enchantment wasn't cast.
"No," said Astralus, and then, "No!" again at her back. "You came here to offer me freedom, so let me go! I'll take the shackles! Come back, Celestia! Celestia! Sister, don't leave me again, you offered me freedom, I'll take it, I'll take the shackles, don't leave me, PLEASE - !"
The door slammed shut.
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Hm. Standard-ish take, but still good. Good luck!
(This story makes me feel a bit awkward about my own story.
)
4549766
Thanks! Best of luck with your own entry as well. I'm sure it'll turn out grand, and we'll both receive the accolades and imperishable glory that are our rightful due.
Or something like that, anyway.
Whoa. Very well done. You went with a rather straightforward plot, but you did it very well. Thank you for this, and good luck in the contest.
4550064
Best of luck to you as well.
Thank you very much!
4552757
Thank you as always! Might have been inspired by a certain line in a certain book series regarding Targaryens and suchlike for that particular section.
...it's the sincerest form of flattery, honest.
Thanks for the read, liked the good old dark vs light conundrum of the soul. Often over used but awesome when done right, anyhow I ramble, good story and good luck in the comp
4562257
Thank you very much! A poke or two around Celestia's psyche was fun to play with and write about, as well the prospect of an alicorn picking up a metaphorical red lightsaber. The best of luck with your own entry.
4571923
I'll see your story-appropriate orchestral piece and raise you a not-story-appropriate but MLP-related operetta remix.
4572217
I call your bet and raise you both an semi-appropriate-and-definitly-mlp-related piece (and the part I mean to show is up to 1:08)
:
and a random but somewhat funny video I found while finding the previous one (Wilhelm's screams always crack me up no matter what ):
In the words of the partiot John paul JOnes, " I have not yet begun to fight" (one might of thought he would do so before his ship in pieces , but that's unrelated)
4572515
Prepare to be raised to the tune of a vaguely story-related and MLP-related piece.
I'll also see your random video full of Wilhelmy goodness and raise you a not even slightly story-related or MLP-related specimen of a genre known as 'acid croft.'
In the words of my own country's patriot, William Wallace, "I hae brocht ye to the ring, now see gif ye can dance." (Which was slightly undermined by him losing the following battle, but oh well.)
4572615
I see. I have greatly underestimated you, my frienemy! It is time to bring out the guns. The feels guns, to be specific:
And I shall meet your Celtic goodness with A Frenchmen singing a wonderful, traditional Irish parting song. In Barbershop. :
And it is no dishonor to lose, if you have given your best in the battle. The opponent's own skill and advantages make only your own more outstanding and applaud-worthy. (Unless you just are steamrolled. And then you have already failed the 1st tenet already stated)
4572909
Two can play at this gunfight, sir. In this case, my guns are joyful triumphalism guns rather than feels guns, but the same general principle applies, I think.
And whilst I heartily commend your acapella Frenchman and the song he's singing, I think two men doing wonderful things to a fiddle and accordion suffice as an answer.
Fear not, I am prepared to be magnanimous in victory and to respect you as the worthy opponent you were. Breaches of the Geneva Convention will be as minimal as possible.
4574283
camo.layervault.com/fc48a6bd543e52f397c7f76601b3802ae3a45017?path=&repo=&url=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FZIqkTd6.gif
But sir, I have one last gambit, and I intend to make my play.
To meet your wonderful Fiddle and the surprising rare accordion, I present one of the hardest songs I have ever sung (unfortunately, I have no video of my doing it, and these gents probably do it better anyway) :
And to meet the wonder you have allowed me to revel in, and laugh at, I present... an entire symphonic metal opera :
While I expect you to beat me, though I cannot at this time see how, I believe that losing to such a foe as you, would be more glorious than some of my victories.
and in my final words, I must acknowledge the fun I've had in this competition, and my surprise at how unrelated we've gone from this story. Since I haven't, I must speak a few words to bring it back to the start. Your story is well done. Greatly measured and paced, a refreshing look at Celestia, and the proof that an alicorn oc can be done, and done well (something that even I, a hie lover, thought would always be a bad trope). You sir, I am sure, are a guaranteed finalist if not the winner of the contest.
As it appears I sent a copy of the parting glass thought the mail, I decided to post the Christmas song here after reading your reply.:
4574689
Oh, you don't even fight slightly fair. That's not a second piece it's easy to compete with at all. This is the most I can venture as a direct riposte.
That by itself probably isn't nearly enough to help me win.
Luckily, I have this dude playing a guitar.
Thank you for the contest. And thank you further still for your comments on the story. May we cross musical swords again in some other unsuspecting comments section.
You know, it'd be pretty awesome to see a sequel to this where he does escape, takes back the stars... but has become so apathetic and drained about everything that he just doesn't care anymore.
They welcome him back "into the fold", so to speak, but his empty nonchalance turns out to be worse than any anger or negative feelings he had for them -- at least he recognized them on an emotional level when he hated them.
Finally, he gives up his immortality and "descends" as a mortal -- when he dies of age a few years later, far from Equestria, it's then that Celestia realizes his recent actions --and death-- hurt her more than any overt plot or attack he could have tried.
And that was his plan, his revenge.
4595646
Thank you for commenting! And that would be quite a good route to take things down if I ever decided to give this a follow-up. Something similarly low-key and pitched towards exploring the emotional turmoil they've wreaked upon one another, rather than any grand alicorn-on-alicorn battles. And if anything could batter him down to empty nonchalance, it's the situation he ends up in by the story's end.
4598223
Thank you! It's good to hear what I could have done to improve a story (the introduction might be a little large in comparison to what follows it, now I look upon it), and good to hear what people read into it. The notion of a pent-up dark side for Celestia herself was one I did want to explore, with Astralus serving as a means to bring it out.
I'll also plead guilty to a different take on Tartarus than the original Greek legends gave us, though I did take some inspiration from the show. Where the original Tartarus was essentially the deepest level of hell in the afterlife, the Tartarus presented in the show seems to be within walking distance of Ponyville and a place where it's vital Cerberus remains as a guardian to prevent assorted nastiness from spilling out. The interpretation of it being essentially a maximim-security supernatural prison followed on from there.
I like it. The events are simple, but they are powerful.
His is the classic case of a God-complex. Yet, the fact that it is stated the magic that ascended him broke him makes him a lot more tragic. I can say I felt contempt for him when he was ranting about his divine rights and all that, but...
It's strange. This alone was enough to make me truly pity him. It was that second I wanted her to offer him some kind of hope.
And Celestia's response made me fear her.
4624224
Thank you for commenting! And I'm glad that I was able to get that particular set of emotional responses from a reader - particularly the part where Celestia was briefly feared. Part of the idea I wanted to get across in the story was that she's seperated from Astralus by a knife's edge. The Nightmare in her own mind's never going to give her a moment's peace, and appeasing it can often look no different than becoming it.
This was alright, but I think it would have been better to have the Nightmare battering at Celestia more from the start, a sort of sinister companion to her that it wasn't entirely clear wasn't really there until the end.
It was an alright idea for a story, but it could have been better.
4639007
I get where you're coming from. Part of what I wanted to do with the story was explore Celestia's own potential Nightmare and the conflict between it and her ideal of her self. Looking back on the story, it could have benefitted from more of that being set up in the earlier sections, which could have been pulling more weight beyond 'Look at all the pretty Tartarus!'
Anything else you feel could have been improved upon?
Ice cold.
4639101
4639093
It never really grabbed me in the end; I kind of hovered on the edge of half-engagement, but I never really felt all that much tension.
The story is really ultimately about Celestia dealing with him, rather than him as a person, and as such her battling with her nightmare would have been more interesting because we're already invested in her and he is a lost cause, but she isn't giving up on him, even though she wants to free him on one hoof, and wants to utterly destroy him on the other. It didn't really engage me enough and the reveal of the nightmare later on didn't really work to maximize its impact; had it been something of a companion for her through her journey through Tartarus, it would have had more impact when we found out what exactly it was (or alternatively, knowing all along and then coming to realize how close she really is to the edge).
4639132
Probably too late to tweak things before a judge looks at it, assuming 4639101 isn't the drive-by comment type. Good things to consider for the next competition, though.
It's not often I get thoughtful and well-considered critique that really makes me think 'Huh, that would have improved matters much more.' Much obliged to you for it.
(I must be in the lead for some sort of videos-per-comment ratio or something like that for this story by now. There has to be some sort of medal in here somewhere.)
Normally, I strongly dislike stories that contain stereotypical bad o-c's... usually personified by the typical black and red male alicorn..... BUT
THIS STORY WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!
It was well written, and even though the OC was an alicorn he wasn't unbelievable or ridiculous. Also I really liked how you incorporated/showed/revealed the Nightmare/madness that haunts EVERY alicorn. I really liked that idea. :)
AND, I think you did really well with Celestia's view point.... and at the end, I almost felt bad for Astralus.
I think you did a pretty good job over all.
4809021
I had a blast writing it, and with playing around with the concepts you mention - an OC alicorn that isn't too terrible, the idea of each alicorn having their own Nightmare to bear.
Glad you liked it!
Alicorn OC that doesn't ruin the story. Not bad. Not bad at all. There was some great Celestia perspective in there, and the ending made me wince.
5010122
Glad you approve!
Wow, I really liked this story. I loved the world building, and the idea that Celestia has her own Nightmare she has to deal with. And the last few lines? Not putting him back to sleep and his desperation? Oh, I got chills
Well done!
5024246
I'm glad you approve!
I'll echo Titanium Dragon's comments and agree that the story would have benefited from better utilizing the Nightmare within Celestia.
That said, I still enjoyed the story. It was a good read, and I thought you did a great job with the alicorn OC.
5181457
Glad you approve, by and large.
Yeah, this was a good learning experience as a story. Celestia's own Nightmare was a plot element that deserved more attention and more bringing-to-the-fore than it got. If I was the rewriting sort (though I'm not) I'd definitely give it more attention.
A very good take on the origins of the 'Nightmare'.
A very good Celestia and a nice take on Cerberus.
Very few technical issues and no narrative ones as far as I'm concerned.
Good job.
5386567
Thank you very much!
To me, a fic is good when you can see it. When you can hear it. Reading the last lines of Astralus was the point when I knew this was a grand fic. His screaming and him begging for mercy rang in my ears. The doors shutting behind Celestia echoed in my head. The sight of a broken alicorn bound and helpless is fresh in my mind. Bravo! I enjoyed it.
Also, highlighting how much Nightmare exists in Celestia sent chills down me. We are all capable to be demons as well as angels.
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Glad to have conjured that sort of reaction towards Astralus and Celestia both.
Oh that's horrible, truly horrible. He at least had sleep to spend the years. Now he will remain awake through eternity. That way lies madness.
Its also opportunity for him though. In sleep he couldn't even attempt escape, being awake let's him plan and act.
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He's awake to plan and act, that's at least some manner of silver lining. Though in his helpless, bound state ... it may be a pretty thin one.
Whoa nelly, that ending really deserved the dark tag. Left all alone, in darkness, bound..... *shivers* Oy. Creepy as all get out. Really well written, but definitely gave me some chills ><
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It's somewhat twisted to take pride in inciting chills in another human being ... but at least it achieved the chilling effect I was hoping for. Thank you for reading it!
6013297 He must be destroyed. They all possess Nightmares. They are all dangerous. That which is dangerous must be destroyed. This is The Law. I am The Law made manifest. The Law is The Command. The Command must be obeyed. I shall obey the Command of the Law which is myself.
I will destroy them.
5582623 I think once you start hearing voices in your head, you seriously need to take yer damned meds!
*gives Celestia a heavy dose of olanzapine pamoate* That should take care of it! *side effects: may cause murder* Well shit..
6426048 so you took mah meds?!
6426091 You'll be fine! Just remember, they are all against you...
Have a nice day!
Very good story about one of the many monsters locked away in Tartarus.
Celestia's comment about the number of ponies and foals reminded me of The Doctor having counted the number of children on Gallifrey on the day he used The Moment.
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Glad you approve! Alcohol may be playing its part, but I can't remember whether or not this came out before the relevant episode. Either way, I'm a respectful homager or a shameless plagiarizer.
This seems to tie in with The End of the Day in a very loose sense which I enjoy. Does this character ever come up in any of your other stories? Noting that this was written earlier than Day I would like to know if he fits into that story in any way and how.