Beyond Equestria's peaceful lands, the world is a chaotic and lethal place. Monsters, magical perils, and worse things yet pose threats to life and limb, and forgotten pieces of Equestria's past threaten greater harm yet.
When three unlikely stallions are hurled into this wilderness, they will have to endure a continent's worth of peril in their journey home. Threatened from every corner by dangers beyond anything they could have imagined, they will have to muster every scrap of resourcefulness and determination at their disposal to stand the slightest hope of seeing Equestria again.
With any luck, they might even survive each other.
Thanks due to Oberndorfer and TAB for proofreading.
Approved of by Twilight's Library and Luna's Fanfiction Library!
[img]http://s19.postimg.org/3kosco1df/Twilights_library.png[/img]
[img]http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png[/img]
Cover image from the gallery of the excellent cmaggot.
![http://s19.postimg.org/3kosco1df/Twilights_library.png[/img]](http://s19.postimg.org/3kosco1df/Twilights_library.png[/img]){kind=link}
![http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png[/img]](http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png[/img]){kind=link}
This story is great! Where are the other raving fans?! Bah! Great job. Seriously though, where are the screaming fans?
An actual update seemed the proper time to actually get down to reading your next story. Excuse me if I follow the story here rather than at FF.net, I'm rather more active here.
First of all, the premise, in its most fundamental sense, is something we've all seen before (It is, after all, the basic premise of the original), but that doesn't even begin to impede you from making this setting very much your own. In fact, I'd have to say the little bit of original flavor you inject by mirroring the show's premise confirms that you won't be throwing out the original setting in all but name, like some authors do (not that you would). I have to say, however, that your choices for character names is rather, how do I put it, unusual? Archaic? Rather more flowery than in canon. All authors have their conceits, and it's not even something I dislike, per say, just something that bears mentioning.
On a different note, what I've loved most of all about all of your stories and what I already love about this one is all of the worldbuilding you put into the settings you use. There is a palpable sense of history in this little Fort Nowhere you've made your main setting, and even in the introductory locations that will likely never come up again in-story, like Canterlot and the towns and cities that sit upon the distant horizon. your characters, too, are so far all fully realized and sufficiently different, especially the magnificently unlikeable Skewbald.
A note, while the use of 'farrier' for the medical practitioner profession is sensible and, frankly, a minor stroke of genius, considering, this is not explained in-story at the first or even the second scene where such information would be relevant. Some subtle confirmation before the office description makes this obvious would be helpful to readers, I think. Just my opinion.
Regardless, I really can't find any major changes or improvements you could make to this story. It's very good as-is, and I look forward to the continuation.
3706242 Thank you for the review - it's always good to hear what I could stand to improve or tweak (the farrier business could stand to do with a little bit of clarification, in retrospect), as well as what I'm apparently doing well. "Magnificently unlikeable" was exactly how I hoped Skewbald to come off.
Just a word of warning; best to not get too used to Fort Livery. The Call to Adventure is en-route, and it knows where the protagonists live.
Why aren't more people here? This is exiting!
An excerpt from a book about surviving in magical northern climates and informed by real-world polar exploration history is exactly what I wasn't expecting. Thank you.
I don't like trees that eat things...
Just a note, the, let's see, six people who have favorited this story are likely tracking its updates through the favorites function. When you submit a chapter, then rescind it to edit it and then resubmit it, the site rescinds the notification but doesn't regenerate it upon resubmission. I am saying this because I just found out this updated, and that is likely something you have done. Nothing wrong with that, just, you know, for future reference.
Anyway, it's nice to see you making up interesting creatures to populate Equestria's oddly literally-named magical menagerie. Like, a sedentary albatross? How does that even work? Does it just, I don't know, live in freefall and just constantly teleport back up? Anyway.
This chapter was a very well-executed "we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" chapter, and I look forward to more bewildering adventure in the next one.
3889509
I hear Madagascar's lovely this time of year. Nubia looks fun to visit as well.
3903885
Noted. I tried doing something very clever with the text's HTML, and FiMFiction rightfully punished me for my hubris. Clever things shall be avoided in future.
I'm envisioning an subspecies of albatross that looked at its airborne cousins, that saw their ocean-spanning glides and epic migrations, at their natural ability to travel great distances with a minimum of effort, and which thought to itself, "Bollocks to that, this world's magical, I can go one better." Svelte body shapes and functioning wings are a small price to pay for teleportation, I've always felt.
I wouldn't mind reading a guidebook by Literal Minded. It wouldn't be extremely useful, but it would surely make up for that in humorous potential.
Nice chapter, and good luck for the next one.
4476334
Well ... define 'useful'. Compare:
"3rd of June: Partway through the Godspine Range. Several casualties from an attack by lairsidhe while taking shelter in a cave. Supplies running low."
...with:
"3rd of June: Partway through the That's Right, More Effing Mountains Range. Attacked by Portmanteaus Of Every Nightmare You've Ever Had With An Apparent Taste For Porters while bedding down. Screw the North, seriously, screw it hard."
Every bit of information's critical in the wilds, you know.
an?
The comma after click might flow better as a period.
I find Skewbald Doul's name to be quite amusing. With how a pony's name predicts a talent or personality, it is understandable why he is such a jerk.
4537227
Much obliged! They've been accordingly fixed.
I'll admit to cheating a little with Skewbald's full name - 'Doul' isn't a word, and I'm not sure how it entered my head to begin with. It does have charming connotations of sour, dour, ghoul, and other suchlike upbeat things, for whatever that's worth.
Nightguards?
Your list might be better in parenthesis. Lists roll along smoother in the mind if all items are listed in the same matter. the "ever-ready farriers bag" item sticks out a bit. The "needle and thread" item can be listed as two separate items.
Instant?
4538801
Well-noticed, and cheers for the parenthesis advice. 'Nightguard' should be alright - it's intended to function as an irregular plural, referring to both individuals and groups within the institution.
4590681
Hope there was enough gritty slapstick carnage to satisfy.
Flatterer.
4590700
This is quite a great chapter! I find myself wondering why this fic doesn't have over five hundred upward thumbs.
4591947
Thanks! I suspect the presence of both OC main characters and the Dark tag (without it being a Fallout: Equestria sidestory) don't do a good job of selling it to potential new readers. No fault to them if that's simply not their preference - though if the site's functions ever expand to incorporate a 'Have story receive instant acclaim by all' button, I wouldn't object too much.
It's always good to be reminded that, no matter how beautiful the place these three wayward travelers find themselves may be, that place is quite passionately (or perhaps dispassionately) trying to kill them dead.
Thanks for the chapter.
4612793
This trope seems relevant.
It's only going to get better from here.
I couldn't find the word
online. Is this a misspelling of a word or is it a new word?
I understand that the misspellings of the crows words was meant to convey a cockney accent, but it was still quite jarring to read.
ash maybe?
I've noticed that the word ash was used a lot in a paragraph or two. maybe try a synonym like soot or something to break that.
4622715
Cheers for the ash heads-up. And Cormaer's a made-up word, being a corvidised version of Mormaer.
(yes, I make puns based on the titles of medieval nobility, please pity me)
I didn't catch any spelling mistakes in this one. You did have a slip of human phrase in the meeting
. While not fitting with the all pony meeting, it does flow better with the mood of the circumstances. I don't know if you want to change that or not.
4628850
It's been duly fixed.
Good catch!
4629539
Hit the big time, ma! Top of the world!
My first spam?
Ah, convalescence is still a sorrow until the pain has passed. It's nice to see a doctor who knows how to work outside the clinic. And Mr. Dour certainly gives some insight into the origin of Scewbald's... Scewbald-ness.
Thanks for the chap, chap.
4632817
I strive to chap chaps at my chaps until they're thoroughly ... chapified.
Glad to satisfy!
I'm not sure how I intended to end that sentence when I started it.
This story has been approved by Luna's Fanfiction Library fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/310/6/f/luna__s_stamp_of_approval_by_tiwake-d5k5epq.png
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/057/f/a/princess_luna_approved_by_ambris-d4r3ibw.png
Mention us in description?
4663896
Capital! Will do!
I didn't find any errors... this time.
I found the instructional reel to be hilarious.
I stumbled over this one. maybe try "Don't... go elsewhere."
I saw mention of manticores and hydras, but what would make this awesome, in my opinion, would be snow-leapords. somewhat similar to timber-wolves. you know, because of the frozen tundra and whatnot.
4719888
Much obliged! The passage has been modified to both be more readable and to incorporate snow-leopards. (Good catch there, I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it earlier.)
WOW, how did I not stumble across this sooner??
Great read, can't wait for more!!! .....There WILL be more, soon, right???
4849812
Glad you like it! More will follow soon enough, you have my word.
...Hang on, shouldn't you be off stabbing people in Braavos? You're the best character; don't shirk your vital stabbing duties on my account.
4850112 Yes, I should be, shouldn't I? *Wields Needle with a grin*
Just like always, you do an excellent job of describing exactly what it's like to be alone in the wilderness. Do you have some sort of personal experience in this area? I got an itch on my back just from your description of the creepy-crawlies there, and all that muck and grime made me feel like a shower.
Chevalier continues to be the big stubborn military man, Zephyr continues to be a bit of a worrywart, Skewbald continues to be somewhat off-putting, they all continue to be magnificently snarky, and the mysterious and ambiguously dangerous individual continues to be mysterious and ambiguously dangerous.
Thanks for writing, and may your muse never be silent.
4885724
Writing Achievement Unlocked: Made a reader wish to take a shower after reading. Good to put on a CV absent context, I think.
Glad you continue to approve! I'm glad to say I've got no comparable experience in the wilderness to Skewbald, Chevalier, and Zephyr - though I have occasionally had cause to plouter uphill through tall bracken and heather. (Oddly enough, it's coming downhill through it that's worse. Knowing where you're putting your feet is one of those crucial things.)
Not bad. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
I liked your portrayal of the Princesses in chapter 2. It is not often I see a story that can capture the weight of their position while still allowing them a little fun. Most stories stray towards the latter.
4892525
Thank you kindly! I'm glad it met the library's standards.
4893974
You are quite welcome
Hello! I found this story through Moonlight Palaver. Have a fave! Okay so wow! where do I begin. Your worldbuilding is lovely. I love the thoughtfulness you've given to the glimpses of the other nations (in this, the Corvids most directly) and the general geography and political arrangements between the various states and so forth. It adds a pleasant richness an real lived-in weight to everything. I will say that starting out so firmly in Skewbald's more verbose and exacting POV made the very first chapter a bit of a slog to get through, which may be off-putting to some readers. A tiny surprise was Blueblood's contribution to the privy council. That was lovely! I do so prefer when he's not a flat character with nothing to add. I enjoyed the exchange between the two Princesses and the hints of Some Horrible Danger which are intriguing and touched upon with enough frequency to keep it an interesting question, but not take it into something frustrating. I've likewise enjoyed the action and adventure aspect of this story. This has a rather Epic Scope and I am sad that this most excellent work doesn't have more hits!
I find I like your OCs. Skrewbald is a bit of a misanthropic (Misequuisic?) jerk. He's a slight bit offputting, but that makes when he eased up a teensy bit (under the influence, granted), all the more satisfying to read. That said, it's really hard to root for a character who is such an unrelenting jerk all the time - at least without adding some cracks in the jerktastic armor. Hopefully more of those will come soon. I like Chevalier and Zephyr and what they bring to the table. They're good characters so far and Chevalier especially has received a bit of solid background/backstory and focus. Of the three I think the least developed is Zephyr but there is plenty of adventure for him to become a more well-known entity.
Anyway I wanted to leave you with some thoughts and feedback, and if I could give you two-dozen more thumbs up, I totally would. Please keep going with this story!
5012494
Well, thank you very much! That sort of paragraph-long breakdown of what makes a story entertaining for you is, incidentally, one of the best things a writer can stumble across.
More development should unfold, of the world the characters, as well as the Unspecified Horrible Danger, as the story gets back into gear. Skewbald should also benefit from that as well. He's a bit of a risky main character for me because - as you point out - he's an umempathetic prick of the highest order, and I wouldn't be surprised if more readers had been immediately turned off by him. His development's a-coming, though. He might not enjoy the experience all that much.
Thank you again for reading and commenting.
No, you certainty aten't.
You're building up to something with all this Corvid history, don't you deny it. There's been one too many mentions for it to be flavor history.
The ghost ship story was nice and spooky without overstating anything. The parallels with Magellan are strong, although Tumbleweed's crew got off quite a bit worse. It's also nice to be reminded, sometimes, that modern society actually having an accurate idea of what's on the other side of the world is a fairly recent historical development, and that for most of history places you couldn't walk in a month or two were literally mythological.
In other news, the Ominous Presence What Portents Ominous Portents (Ominously) makes another ominous appearance, and our erstwhile heroes stumble upon something that has already ended in fire.
Thanks for writing, and I look forward to where you're going next.
5138351
...Maybe.
Cheers for your comments, and I'm glad it continues to entertain. The Magellan parallels were intentional, and I concur that his Equestrian equivalent fared significantly worse. Not even a nice cargo of spices out of the deal.
You mean, surely, that he didn't want to "plaster frog all over his frog"?
5161060
I see what you did there.
There's a Yo Dawg to be crafted out of that, I'm sure.
Who doesn't love litteral seas of fire, eh?
5165760
Who doesn't indeed. Only mad and suspect people, who I want nothing to do with.
It brings back memories of Mutual of Omaha's "The Wild Kingdom" We're the host stays safely in the studio, while the assistant is beat up on by all kinds of animals in the wild :)
5182479
Tormenting helpless assistants, especially the fictional sort, is great fun!
I have a feeling Skewbald is one of the three. Oh boy...