I can be both a positive sunflower and a cynical f**k. It depends which life I am living. (Formerly known as Riffmaster)
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On a trip for a picnic, the gang find a cave on the outskirts of Ponyville. Revealed to be Emerald Cave, it has thought to have been abandoned for centuries ever since miners found a different mining deposit.
Well, they were wrong.
Takes place shortly after Season 4 finale.
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'twas a good story. A bit heavy with the descriptions in some parts where there shouldn't have been, though.
Reading this aloud, it sounds a bit repetitive. You can replace some of the repeated words with pronouns. Otherwise, it's a nice bit of description! In general, I think you might find it helpful to read out your lines to yourself so that you can get a sense of the flow.
"There" refers to the plural rocks, so the structure should be "There are probably tons of them!".
You've got a solid grasp of characterization, by the way. Keep that up.
4447893
Sorry, I was stuck in epic fantasy mode while I was writing this. Folk metal playing in the background didn't help either.
4448358
I'm glad that I got characterization down. That's where I often falter in my stories, so it's nice to know that I got that down.
Be honest with me, though. Is there any other errors that I missed?
4450196 Looked over it again, didn't see anything immediately apparent...
(Although I did notice that your description kinda spoils the ending, unless that's what you were going for.
)
4450196
Battle Of Evermore
Good story, has potential. Wondering where you plan to go with it.