• Member Since 15th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Jul 30th, 2018

The1975Dash


T

The girl in the story is just an average teenager and she feels like nothing is particularly special in her life. She has everything seemingly normal. She has friends and a loving family to top it off. However, she is bored with her current routine in her life to the point where she finds anything distracting as something to do.

The very night she gets back from babysitting her young cousin is the day that her boring routine will end. She dreams of the My Little Pony show she and her cousin were watching, she dreams of Equestria, she dreams of being in such a land with the mane six and all the others. However, when she wakes up, she finds out that some dreams should remain dreams. Maria finds herself in Equestria, although not in quite the way she would've first imagined.

I am looking for someone who would be willing to make the cover art for this story. Any interest in doing this, send me a pm and I will reply ASAP

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 83 )

well this is interesting.......

4244816 not sure whether that's good interesting or bad. Eh, I'll get on to it. Things will make more sense once a couple more chapters come out I guess.

Hmmm. I can't wait to see where exactly our heroine ended up in relation to the series timeline. I can just see the CMC forcefully inducting her into their club.

I like it. Maybe a bit fast with Aero living with Twilight. But I give it still a thumb up and wait for more^^

4287962 I thought about putting Aero in an orphanage, but there's been no mention of one in any of the shows.....not that I noticed anyway. But thanks anyway, I appreciate it very much ^_^ :twilightsmile:

4288587 The idea with an Orphange is actually really good. That would bring a bit more reality and slice of life in the Story. Aero would have to stay in the Orphange before she is "adopted" by one of the Main Six.

She had time to adjust to the world before she is thrown in the life of a Pony.

4288917 I guess I didn't put that in because there's not one mentioned, so I'd imagined that I would likely be shunned for using something that isn't in the show, but if you think it'll be better then I'll make some changes or even incorporate it into the story from here on in. Thanks :twilightsmile:

4288996 I think it would be awesome! I mean, The Changelings where never Mentioned in the show until they crushed the wedding. Or, The parents of the Apple siblings. just they are not mentioned, doesn't mean they are dead.

Please no. Why is this in muh group.

This is interesting enough that I'll keep an eye on it for a bit. She seems to be adapting a tad fast though considering she was ripped out of her previous life, but I guess it's still realistic as not everyone has to panic constantly about some strange changes.

4297570 thanks for the comment :twilightsmile: the next chapter kind if fixes that in a way. It'll be up within the next couple if hours actually.

Awesome work with the Orphange. Would be a bit strange when you could just adopt a foal you find in the woods. There just had to be some form of law for this.

Let's see if Twilight has what is needed to adopt little Aero.

This twitching from Joy Grove make me a bit skeptical...

I like to read about the feelings Aero has to go through. I can really feel with her. :fluttercry:

Nice Chapter and good words from Twilight. :twilightsmile:

Will she ever tell them the truth, though? That she hails from another world and is not really a pony? When is the drama bomb?!

4302231 You'll see my friend, you'll see, but this is just the beginning of the story, so there's a lot more drama than just that to come. The drama? I can't tell you yet :raritywink:

4302290 Was that reference to Despicable me? :heart: :heart:

Everything beyond this point should be considered constructive criticism, yes I'm aware that I write a ton. No offense should be taken from this.

Well, I'm noticing a trend here among the other ponies which is not natural psychological behaviour, that is, they're accepting Aero Crown like a normal pony, which she is not. They're not noticing all the strange quirks that comes with becoming a quadruped. (Only the crusaders have really done this, and only for led than a paragraph) E.G: when Aero nibbles on the veg in this chapter. Assuming that veg is considered delicious among ponies, that behaviour is abnormal. Yet no one addresses it, or yells at her about table manners (I assume that they'd have to be different manners with four legs) I recommend popping over the a fantastic story called "Oh to be Old again", and look at the reactions the main character gets from ponies. Ponies also seem to be way too relaxed and go with the flow, E.G: Rarity and Sweetie's dress. I would have liked to see more of that, which brings me to my next point: everything is moving WAY too fast. Try planning out the events for the chapter you're writing, and adding in other events like character development, or arguments. You already seem to do this, but the scenes never move location. E.G: Recess suddenly turns into going to canterlot time, with no transition. Don't be afraid to give travel details, what does the hall look like in your minds eye?

Other than that one discrepancy, this is a great story. Sound grammar (mostly), it looks like you have a plot planned out, characters seem to be pretty true to the show.
Keep up the good work, and don't be afraid to ask around for an editor! There are plenty free ones that get the job done fantastically.
Regards
-Skultux

4320791 Never have I been more happy to read criticism in my life, aha. I will take in what you said. Bank holiday is this weekend, so I have the time. I can see what you're talking about, especially with regards to the abnormal behaviour. I'll be sure to work on that bit. Thank you :heart:

I'm liking the comedy aspect of this story.:pinkiehappy:

4342138 Aha, I will be. I've got to make sure I pass my exams though. I don't wanna re take the whole year again whilst my friends are in their last year. Don't worry, I'll work on it. :heart:

4342295 :scootangel: I do try. I promise it'll be out before the start of June. It's just that these exams are particularly hard. Once they're over, you can expect the updates to be a bit faster.

A bit to often a wall of text to read but otherwise a awesome chapter. I would say that was a good start for Twilight. :twilightsmile:

4342154 Oh! You have exams? Good luck ith that^^ Maybe Twilight can help you :twilightsmile:

On the table was a tea set and around the table were three four seats

Just an extra word.

4343298 ah right. I'll be quick to get rid of it. Funny thing is I remember typing it

“No offence, we’re all the same, don’t worry Aero.” She beamed and then called her friends into a huddle. Something told me that I was the focus point of whatever they were discussing, and I wasn’t too sure if I liked that idea.

[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=FcR93IE0YKI]

She huffed and stomped on one of my hooves “Watch where you’re going blank flank!” Diamon Tiara snapped. “Some of us have to make sure that we can use our talents. So beat it!” she squawked and stomped off to the school. Sweetie Belle walked over to me, keeping her eyes on Diamond. “I can’t believe her. She turns up out of nowhere yesterday and then flies about as if she owns the town!” I heard her rant on to whoever was listening and stood up.

Okay, two things come to mind.:twilightangry2:

37.media.tumblr.com/4efd657ec30394ffe66251422c1609df/tumblr_mq6wui26XT1r3k1m8o1_500.png

derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/12/21/503112__safe_solo_fluttershy_animated_image+macro_reaction+image_hub+logo_angry_hubble_power+ponies.gif

4400187 you make me nervous.....I like you :pinkiesmile: :scootangel:

I chewed the cake some more and found the strength to swallow the crushed up inferno that was in my mouth; I could even feel the heat of it as the food slid down past my throat and down my oesophagus. It was slightly painful to say the least and I was still left with the burning feeling in my mouth, although it was starting to die down a bit. Once it faded I let my tongue loll out as I panted, letting the cool air try to calm down the fuss that my taste buds were screaming out.

At'sa spicy cup-a-cake!:rainbowwild:

This story has a great amount of potential :twilightsmile:

I love the storyline, how the characters are portrayed, how well things are described, (not too much, not too little), and how there's just a teensy bit of suspense. :pinkiegasp:
Our main protagonist is relatable because (as far as the beginning) we've all been there. :ajsmug: We have all had the point in our lives when we were thoroughy bored with our lives. :ajsleepy: but, even though she is given a chance for a new life, very possibly a better life, she is still plagued by thoughts of home and how worried everyone must be.

And... Pinkie Pie. :pinkiehappy: Sweet Celestia, i LOVED Pinkie Pie! :rainbowlaugh:

One thing that really ANNOYED me was Diamond Tiara. :twilightangry2: Don't get me wrong, in this case she was portrayed to a tee. She was perfectly in character. She was just as much of a bi- i mean, she was just as rude and unpleasant as you could expect her to be. :twilightsheepish:

I hope to see more of this story in the future. In the meantime...

ponyfac.es/content/faces/3877cad8.gif

4403339 Well thank you very much. I'll be sure to update soon. I'm mixing the writing in with the revision for my most intense exam week I'll probably ever have (apart from next year) :pinkiesmile: :twilightsmile: :heart:

Whats going on?

Oh no...

Cliffhanger!

Where's that button for the next chapter when you need it. :twilightblush: Was getting into the story and all of a sudden I hit the end of the chapter.

4557102 Hehe, sorry hun. I'm glad you're enjoying it enough for that though :pinkiesmile: I'll be sure to increase the amount of next chapter buttons in the future. I pinkie promise.

I had to assume it was just a natural reaction in a sort of ‘fight or flight’ response, which was far more literal in my current form.

[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=6ClsCR9BN8I]

when rewriting this chapter, you might want to consider changing your character's mane and pelt color. Black and red are overused.

Also, fainting is overused. Actual fainting is rare.

You need to update!!! I'm itching to read what happens next!

4944143 Really sorry about the wait....honest to Celestia I am.

4944216 No its fine!! I understand!! I get busy with school and other stuff myself!! Your story is awesome :) I'll totally keep reading! :)

4944276 I've just gotta keep chipping away at it and it'll be ready when I feel like it's good enough ^_^

I'm waiting for DT to like get into an accident where the fur on her flanks is permenately burned off so she's stuck as a blank flank...I know you probably won't do that, but i need to see that happen.

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