• Member Since 6th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Sunday

litestardt


Born and raised in California. My current photo is of my OC Lightning Wolf Thx to DarkRider14 for doing it.

T
Chapters (20)
Comments ( 30 )

5749893
Thx my friend pick it out for me

You are right, you are terrible at summaries, For several reasons that summary gives me a "don't even try to read and run away" and many people might downvote it for it.
It has phrases: "Celestia's son", "exiled from Equestria", "a dark cult that plans to start are war and being back their dark lord from the died"(there is typo/error here), "six Elite men with him which two are the son of Celestia and his friend", "fall in love with one of the mane six".
It's like you tried to make a story that no one will even try to read. All generic, overused and stupid themes.
Now, for the actual story. I tried to read the prologue, ridiculous amounts of errors, typos and grammatical mistakes.
Everything is written in one-line style, there is little to no flow, story is bland and no emotions are detectable there.
The idea is nice. If executed a lot better, and with new summary it might be even decent story. But as it is, it really needs a general re-write.
I might actually try the next chapters, to see if there is anything better. But getting trough prologue is hard. I just believe in giving any story a chance, and it is only reason I actually tried this fic.



[EDIT]
After quickly skipping trough some other chapters, I noticed some improvement, It still is weird to read, but the mistakes are a lot less annoying. The story appears to be actually going, and there is some development. I think I will give this story a chance, and read it whole. We'll see what happens to it. You need an editor, a pre-reader, and a new summary. When I finish reading it, I might try to give the prologue some editing, so expect some messages for clarification. I can also think about new summary, but I am not so good in it myself.

5772705
Hey thanks for the offer and the reason why its one line is because I'm typing it on my phone and not my computer cause that's currently not working. Yeah at first I wanted to get the chapter out fast but now I'm actually looking for errors to my best ability and I do need to work on the summary. One my friends been trying to help me with it but he's not that good either.

5873411
It's a long Chapter I already told you that. Now stop complaining!!!! :twilightangry2:

WHERD THE DESC GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....ehh *says in fluttershys voice* yay

wow only 2 chapters and we allready hear bad words

"Oh shit I almost forgot about that we need to cancel that and let princess Cadance and prince Shining Armor know that we need them here right away." Said Celestia while panicking

JUST FUCK ALLREADY

ohhh they did fuck....YAY

WOOOHOOO MORE FUCKING

"I'm going to say hi to the former king." Said Shining

while your at it shinning could you get a sandwich for me too on the way back?

5883388
Haha love your comments and I'll make sure shining brings you one.

Lightning nod his head and laid back down. "Soon our master will return." Said Lightning as Rush walked out of his room.

ehhh uhhh wut?
:rainbowhuh::rainbowderp::twilightoops::unsuresweetie:

5883229 I like the enthusiasm my friend.

So the main characters are bad guys? Really?

Amazing story so far! I can't wait to read more and I mean it!!

Maybe a description? At least a shot summary would be nice ...

8159055
Yeah I've trying to get to it but with the final two weeks of classes for me. I've been busy with my film class.

Have you ever seen the movie Valentines Day? Its like a jubbling mess that no one is a/the main character. The movie pacing is too fast and can't decide who or what character to like. Now, have you ever played or watch/hear Zelda BOTW (Breath of the Wild)? Beginning of the game a short story and stright up open world and you have to figure out the story as you continue on with no background story at the start. That's what going on here mate. I'm no author bud, but read a crap ton of stories. The main titel of the story is Lighting Wolf. Should be "More" of him. This is just me but you're style should be less on adventure and fighting. Lending on more on romace, mystery. Mystery like detective wise, since hes a wolf an all that jazz. If you put rated M then be more graphic and more detail. I'm done, later mate.

Im so fuckin confused. Is Wolf and the gang evil? that wasn't really clear. Could you plz elaborate

8953096
Thats the point. It will be cleared up later in the story though

8953490
Oh ok. As long as the confusion is resolved soon. I was wonderin why shining was bieng a shady man

So the story is dead yes? Or is it getting a reboot?

9235944
It's not dead just been busy with my major and also been going back trying to fix the grammar mistakes but currently I'm having touble with the next chapter because I'm trying to keep each characters in tack but it's becoming difficult but I'm working on it.

Have you considered remaking this story?

9633988
I'm planning to continue it and also fix up the older chapters but right now I'm just really busy right now

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