• Member Since 21st Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2019

Barony


Nightmare Moon is best villain. Luna is best princess. Fluttershy is best pony. Need I say more?

T

Who is Red Dusk?

Red Dusk was a former "knight" of Nightmare Moon, actually a synthetic pony. His upbringing was an unholy combination of regular summoning magic and dark magic, to create a pony who would be stronger and sharper then the average soldier, and be the perfect weapon to attack Celestia with from the moon. His loyalty to the Princess of the Night was unparalleled, being the night's wrath, striking fear into the hearts of ponies. That is, for five hundred years, then his last year, his five hundred and first year was the end of his destructive reign, trapped in a shell of crystal until his uncovering shortly after Luna's release from the moon. Inside, he had thought over his life and by the time he was uncovered, 'bowed' to the will of both the Princess of the Day and the Princess of the Night. Thus begins his story.

Chapters (25)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 45 )
Comment posted by Barony deleted Mar 27th, 2016
Comment posted by Barony deleted Mar 27th, 2016

Well Ive lost my confidence in my very infantile ability to write literature, oh dear.

Currently on hiatusslow progress because of moving. When I get my comp back, I shall revise the chapters to allow for better story flow and to make it less...cheap.:twilightoops::moustache:

These emotes are so hilariously expressive.:trollestia::raritystarry::raritywink:

Do realize Im making this comment on my phone. Editing the fiction in an American school, as I have learned,would probably lead to my eternal embarrassment.

EDIT: I actually got bold enough to get on FIMfiction and learned I could keep myself hidden if I'm careful. Plus, it'll look like I'm working! :pinkiehappy:

Well, I will be working in and out, but y'know what I mean!

You respond to comments by moving your mouse over to the right hand side of the comment that you want to respond to and then clicking on the >> that appears. If Red Dusk was voiced, what would he sound like?

7216171 Thank you for the tip.

I haven't nailed down this detail but I imagine that he has a somewhat regular pitch voice that is alittle on the deep side. I havent decided if I should really add an accent.
Remember, this is something I havent nailed down, but I thank you for commenting and I beg that you answer this question.
How do you like The Red Dusk? I have actually been having some fun, if not some regret with the awkwardness of making up ideas, making this story and I'd appreciate to see if my work was not in vain.

Don't give up hope... I like it:scootangel:

7235766 Thank you for the support. :ajsmug:
Infact...

Here! Have a hug! :twilightsmile:

This is a very interesting story so far.

Added in a story picture and since I have nothing really pertaining to Red at the moment, I'll just keep it at the mare on the moon.

Credit to Atmospark on deviantart.
http://atmospark.deviantart.com/art/Mare-in-the-Moon-291497386

Just to know what type of technological situation the ponies are in, is the computer and old boxy thing from the year 2000, or is it a new one like office computers and custom built computers nowadays.

7652137 They are the old boxy ones, early 90s.

To elaborate, although there are things like that in Equestria and the world, internal combustion engines or atleast the concepts of large engines or motors running on fossil fuels or something else other than water, magic, or electricity have not been formally concocted. Military technology has not advanced as the Equestrians see little to no need for the updating of military technology in the face of the world they live in.

However, I would say that once internal combustion engines and better processes for production in factories are made in Equestria, aswell as breakthroughs in other aspects of technology, self propelled vehicles are a big possibility, and Equestria could become a definite superpower not because of its magical capabilities only, but as a mechanical power.

Sorry if this is too much. I just feel it'd be a good idea to add my thoughts on their technological situation in my fic since you seem interested.

I dont know whether to facepalm from red's abliviousness, or get the machete for those shitty nobles...


I honestly dont get the concept of nobility, why does being born to some rich fuck make you better than someone who actually contributes to the world?

7731947 I dunno, but that... That my friend is the world we live in.

7732000 i hate being confused, but not quite. Its a weird feeling, when i get confused its more like my brain wont fucking give up trying to puzzle out WHY no matter how distracting it is.


And that one has been confusing me for a while.

7732041 Well... I guess thats going to go on for a bit more for you, because I dunno, thats how the world works it seems.

Question, how do you like my fiction?

7732062 s'good. I like this one especially, except the whole "we love friendship and harmony, but only if you conform" shenanigans.

7732070 Are you saying that because Celestia's kind of attempt at reforming Red?

I am open to suggestions.

7732077 i mean the nobles, he isnt the exact picture of a perfect alicorn so therefore he is "inferior".

I just wish that people would realise that 500 years is a long fuckn time to comtemplate your shitty decisions.

Comment posted by Barony deleted Nov 20th, 2016

I don't know...
Another point that weaken the story for me is the two dimentional hate sink that is Blueblood.
Blueblood rarely get any character other than being a snobish noble with characteristics that everyone hate. And even if he does get some character, he would be a villian. And with stuff that should have gotten him stripped off of titles, lands and resources long ago before he could even be a villain.
Hadn't anyone noticed how gold-digging Rarity acted during the first season?
Why is it that being rude to someone that act like a selfish greedy bitch automaticly make one a bad guy?
Now I'm not really against making Blueblood an antagonist, but there are just so much of it (And most of them weren't even good characterization) that I'm honestly sick of it.
Kinda like how people jump onto the Celestia hating band-wagon.

TL;DR
The story caught my interest but it loses some points in making Blueblood the 2 dimensional snobish useless hate-sink. It also loses some points due to grammatical and spelling errors.
Otherwise, I'm still very interested in this story.

7745535 I welcome your criticism and thank you for commenting here.

I am a bit saddened by your losing of interest, however, as well as losing some points :twilightblush: (Must acquire currency!). I really hope you continue reading because all I can tell you is that Blueblood will not be much of a key component of the story. I do agree that I really went down the cliche route of Blueblood being an ass, but I kind of jumped on the bandwagon and I should feel ashamed of my lack of originality on that department.

7745557 Eh...It's not that bad. I will just cease reading when too much points were lost.
But the BIG factor is if the horse words can keep me interested as the horse story progress.
If I'm still interested in the horse words by the time my points reach 0, then I will continue reading it, the points will simply went negative and me being a bit cranky.

Edit: I'm a bit sleepy now so forgive me for some weirdnesses.

7745681 Gotta love dem horse words.

Also, sleep. Gotta be energized to get more of them horse words.

Please stick to one tense. It looks really sloppy, causes confusion, and indicates the story needs another pass through editing. Easy example of contradicting tense in its own sentence:

The door flings open and the guard at the door gets crashed into by the door

You start in present with "flings" and then go with past with "crashed". This is beyond just the awkwardness of the syntax of this sentence but that's besides the point I'm making. Either put everything in present or past. Most people just stick with past as it's a bit easier.

Edit: Also, apostrophes go inside of contractions, not just possessors. If I keep seeing "Im" instead of "I'm" it'll drive my perfectionist English nuts.

7752553 I see, I will edit through the story a bit better. Thank you for the comment, however.

Really interesting, you gained my attention the with the first Chapter.
I can't think of any reason not to fav and like it!

7823596 Daw shucks, thanks.

Enjoy reading, my good friend!

Does Red Dusk have a brown coat, and a red mane and eyes?

awesome story, ive enjoyed reading all 22 chapters so far!!!, i hope there's more chapters to come ??and hope that applebloom doesn't judge him to harshly, definetly looking forward for more chapters!.

8010687 Thanks! I appreciate the feedback!

To everyone reading, I encourage you to comment. It always brings a smile to my face when I see comments, and it also I beneficial to the story itself, feedback helps identify problems that I can iron out.

Thank you for your time!

You know one thing about this really pisses me off. Celestia was the one in the wrong the most for ignoring her sister all those years ago so she has no fucking right to give him "MERCY".

The ponies shouldn't know what the fucking fourth wall is celestia is not a goddess or omnipotent.

Celestia is going to be disappointed in Twilight after she does something REALLY stupid I can feel it.

8045479
"Your PAST sins FORBID you of the right to use the MERCY button"

Or something. On another note, how do you like the story so far?

whens the next chapter?, i hope red dust meets the cmc!!.

8095533 *Red Dusk.

Don't worry, I'm working on it.

I only read the first chapter and can already see something intrinsically wrong with this.

It's no leap of logic, it's just common sense.
Being possessed by darkness, (and being heavily drugged) is the exact equivalent of NOT BEING AT FAULT FOR ANYTHING!!!

The same goes for Luna, since she was clearly possessed by a malevolent spirit, she has absolutely no reason for making the Tantabus.

8303450
Well shit. Atleast you commented heh.

You keep going on about how hard it is to write these "akward" scenes but (and this might only be me) I feel that this is how it should be. This is a guy who has almost zero social skills and has lived alone for centuries, it is definitely going to be akward. Anyway I can't wait for the next chapter, keep it up! :pinkiehappy:

8447154
Thanks for the support! I'm working to try and pump out the next chapter but school has been getting in the way recently. Yet again, thank you!

Comment posted by Unconcerned deleted Jan 19th, 2018

Well this is an interesting chapter to say the least, the background it gives is nice, if vague.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!