Racing Thoughts

by ambion

Warmer and Brighter

The moon was never equal to the sun
What pony rightly said when day was done
That warmer was the night, brighter the stars
Most constant is the light, she’s always round
The moon shines on her own, there are no scars
And always, come the month can she be found!

Did ‘Once upon a time’ pass by so fast
That long ago the past had swallowed whole
Filial and hearty days, not meant to last
My smile glowed with your light, the moon was full.

But then below a higher calling came
Up went the castle of our sovereignty
Atop our heads distinctions soon were made
One crown a golden sight, the other, shade.

So that is where we stood, a princess each
So much for us to teach, still more to learn
But certain things must lay beyond my reach
Why push my lovely boulder up the hill?
Damnation much prefers us standing still
My green eyed monster could not stand to share
her sister with the world, it wasn't fair!

Instead I choose responsibility
The one who truly fell was truly me
So bitter is this medicine I have:
My happiness was never yours to give
away, or back to me, I cannot live
for love, parasitically, Celestia
please understand, it isn’t you, it’s me,
And I’ve let go of precepts long I’ve held
about your own infallibility
The sun itself is not immune to spots
That truth I found to ease my jealous soul
And once I even giggled at the thought:
You’re hiding imperfection flawlessly.

Please stay with me, and talk like once we would
Of pointless things that proved how well we knew
the other’s thoughts, so secretive the bond
of sisters: send me to that place again
inside, it’s warm, so bright the memory
where you and I spoke volumes silently
The flickers of our eyes were all we’d need
and clearly seen by only you and I...
that was all we’d need... that was all we’d need...

...

Celestia, you hesitate to speak?
Why must you consider all the ways
one might construe the consequence of words
it is absurd, that practicality
is so unlike the sister that I had
Itself betrays the means of etiquette
and it is mean, to set it up so that
some chasm, some facade must lay between.
If you would close those eyes, ‘tis not a blink
you think what thoughts expected you to think
and iced your mind: all smooth, polished; a rink!
As good a scene as any dream would cast:
A sterile plane of cold and dancing blades
It’s all a show put on for someone else!

How fondly can I live with my distrust
How much of me in me, or you in you?
The memories, they seem so far away
And well we know what distance really means
The centuries are fractions of my thoughts
while fractures still run rampant through my mind
(The parting gift my sisters left behind!)
Just rooting through the wreckage in this place
has brought me smiles and tears, each more than once
I oft recall your face, I see them both
I wonder where I stand between the two
When each of them are thinking they are you

We are sisters in this strife, you and I
not one of us alone completes the sky
And long ago we banished both of us
from one another’s sight, I must believe
that banishment has hurt you deeply too
(though you don’t show such outward signs of pain...)
I must believe that we are much the same
That what was done to me happened to you
as well, or otherwise, I’m still alone...

Celestia...

I’m wearier than ever did I know
Sleep has no rest, I do not want to live
this way, not anymore, I never did.
Can I come home now? I’ve been so long outside...
The stars are shining distant all around
My tracks disturb the dust without a sound

The snows before were never cold as this
It looked like you, I think, it looked the same
I try to make a snowball with my hoof
Isn’t that how children play this game?

Can I come home now, please? It’s getting late.
I think I’m lost, don’t recognize this place...
CeeCee, this isn’t funny anymore!

No...no... that was long ago.
No...it ended recently.

...

Goodnight then, Celestia, and fare thee well
Goodnight, and I will see you come the dawn
As we are fit to do, to move our two
Bodies through predetermined cycles.

No, I know my way. Yes, I will be fine.
Really, you should stay, I’m feeling better now.
You have your work to do, I understand

Do not worry, I will be no more disturbed
for my chambers are as silent as the moon
As gentle as the twinkling of stars
My blankets, soft as dust, will have me soon.

Author's Note:

Done much in the same stylings as Racing Thoughts. While I don't believe that Warmer and Brighter is equal to that, it is still a worthy piece in its own right (so I hope) What do you think?

Comments

[RandomString]

Wrote a response and then lost it to a mis-key. Attempt two: while I like a lot of the imagery here, and there's some good turns of phrase, I prefer Racing Thoughts. I felt that this poem didn't flow quite so well, and there were some grammatical acrobatics at the start that seemed unnecessary. I also had a hard time keeping up with both the rhyming structure and Luna, in places.

I'm not a great fan of poetry, to be honest, and I'm really not a very good critic, but you asked for feedback, so...

[ambion]

4723852

I definitely agree with you. From the get-go I always knew that I didn't know the subject as well here. Racing Thoughts is very much a romance, and all that entails, but W&B is...well, I've never really known. It's a bit more aimless, and I think it definitely shows. It could have gone through more editing, surely, but I'm not certain if that would have really gave it the sense of purpose and clarity it was lacking.

[PresentPerfect]

Not quite as good as Racing Thought, far better than Song of Homecomings. Two outta three ain't bad, so I guess I'll keep an eye on this here collection. :B

[ambion]

5223244 I really appreciate the review, and I'll definitely be picking through the concrit too. I haven't abandoned writing poetry, but I've not done anything else that really deserves to sit next to Racing Thoughts yet. Have to remember the 'yet'.

[ambion]

5406553

My my, you are a hard one to please. I appreciate the review all the same though. Thank you.