Of Hanging Shelves

by RavensDagger

Hanging Shelves

It was summertime in Equestria, and the scorching rays of the sun fell down upon the land. Nopony could be seen outside, for everypony was taking refuge within their houses and trying to beat the heat. The Apple family had decided to take a days rest from farming, and rest inside their home; Fluttershy was taking care of her pets, trying to keep them cool; Rarity was in her bedroom, making a new dress; Pinkie Pie was baking some of her world renown cupcakes in cold blue frosting, so as to try to forget the heat; the Cutie Mark Crusaders were with Zecora, so as to get under the shade of the trees and see what new strange concoction she had just brewed; Even Rainbow Dash could not be seen outside, she was taking refuge within a cold, forlorn cloud.

This was what the other ponies were doing in their spare time, yet one particular pony should be noted above all the others.

This pony’s name was Twilight Sparkle.

In Twilight’s house, a slight slamming could be heard from outside. Inside, one could see the shaking body of Twilight trying ever so violently to push into her new toy. Twilight was standing on her forehooves and slamming her entire body on the wall, where her newest distraction happened to be.

“Come on!” she cried. “Get in there!”

With a deep groan Twilight Sparkle leaned forward, putting all of her weight into hammering the object of her affection. Tilting her head back as she pressed further in; she would give it her best and let anypony be damned if they mocked her physical ability. He hips bucked as she grinded herself on the object.

Huffing, she pulled back before nailing it again; horn glowing as it grasped the handle. Her breathing began to quicken with each thrust she placed on the object. With a forehoof, she wiped her brow; her friends were right, this was much harder than she thought. Maybe it was to be expected for her first time?

She moved in a swaying motion, so as to not make it lose its place where she wanted it to be. Sweat began to pour down her back, inching along the edges of her lavender flanks and glistening in the morning rays. She paid no heed to it as she gave it another deep blow. Finally it went all the way in, threatening to break the hard wood that was on it.

Her throat was becoming dry and sore. She could really use some juice, and she was going to get some sooner rather than later! The faster she finished this off the faster she would get some! She groaned on just thinking of all the juice in her mouth, and tried with all her might to end the task at hoof.

Pressing forward on the object once more she felt it give into her. She smiled with satisfaction, now that she knew what it felt like it would be much easier to end the job. She position herself so that she could pound harder on the object and finish it up. The object creaked a bit from the weight, yet she knew it paid no mind to it.

Standing, she carefully aimed down on the pair of pink lips; sticking out her tongue in concentration. One last hard blow before it was over, she knew. Best to end it now.

With one last moan she swung her entire body forward, rushing in to end it. With a loud shattering bang, accompanied with a howl of pain, Twilight finished. Her heart raced, and she felt blood rush inside her. She looked down to see that she had cut her hoof a bit and moaned in slight pain mixed with the ecstasy of relief.

Panting, she let herself fall backwards onto the libraries cool floor where she lay for a while nursing her forehoof. Tears stung the edges of her eyes until finally, with a sigh, the pain left. The cut still throbbed, yet, she reminded herself, it would be a good reminder on what she had just done for a time. Just then, Twilight heard the voice of her assistant.

“Twilight?” asked Spike from the next room over, his voice muffled by the thick door. “Are you okay?”

Quickly getting on her hooves, Twilight placed herself between the entrance and her little pet project. It would be more than just a little embarrassing if he saw this. “I’m fine Spike,” she said with a slight warble. “No need to come here!” She cringed as she heard the pitter prattle of his little clawed feet. “No, no, no; not yet!” she squealed as she ran forwards towards the entrance.

Just as she was within range of the door it swung open, revealing her number one assistant wearing an apron and carrying a tray with two long cups and a pitcher filled with juice and tinkling pieces of ice. “I heard all sorts of weird banging and screaming in here I thought maybe you ne-” Spike froze in mid-sentence as he looked at her hoof, his eyes widened considerably. “Twilight, are you okay?”

Tears glistened out of the corners of her eyes. “I know, I messed it up, didn’t I? Oh, I should have asked for help, or at least consult a few more manuals... Mr Inky at the hardware store gave me some tip but...” She caressed her injured hoof, which was scratched slightly and stinging from sweat.

Spike, upon seeing her distress, gently put down the tray and walked over to her and gave her a small comforting hug. “Oh Twilight, it’s alright. We’ll just bandge it up later and it’ll be fine... what were you doing to hurt yourself anyway? All we have here are books...” he tried to look behind her but she simply side stepped, wincing as her hoof made contact with the ground.

“Twilight. What are you hiding?” Spike gave her his most determined and stubborn look until, finally, she relented and stepped aside.

“I can explain!” she said, cringing.

Spike took a few steps towards the object. “It’s a... shelf, right?” he asked.

“It’s horrible, isn’t it?”

“No, no,” Spike said, trying to calm Twilight. “It’s actually quite nice!” Spike looked at the shelf, they were a few hoof-lengths taller than Twilight. At the top a big engraved pair of lips gave the looker a good idea as to what kind of books they were meant to hold. The actual shelves were a little crooked, and some of the nails were in haphazardly, but overall it looked fairly sturdy. “I am sure nopony is good at it their first time...” he coughed and searched for words. “And it is a really nice shelf,” he declared.

“Really? You think so?”

“Of course I do! I am sure Rarity will be real happy, she always loved those sap stories! Heck, you might even get the others, beside Applejack and Rainbow Dash of course, to like it!”

Scooping up the little dragon in her hooves Twilight gave him a firm hug. “Thanks Spike, I needed that.” She sat the slightly red Spike on the ground. “Now I noticed you brought something to drink... how about we sit down and relax. It’s so warm today; I am sweating all over!”

Spike sniffled lightly. “Yeah, I can smell it...” he muttered under his breath.

“What was that Spike?” asked Twilight while pouring the cold juice into the two cups using her magic.

The dragon blushed and pretended to examine her dirty work. “I- um... really like the-- um-- lips?”

“Oh those!” said Twilight as she floated one of the two filled cups over to spike. She trotted over to the engraved lips that adorned the top of her new shelves. “I found that at the hardware store. I thought it would go well since this is going to be for the romance section and such things like that.”

“Oh, alright.” Spike leaned in and inspected the very pink shelves while Twilight began experimenting with book placements. Gingerly touching one side so as to see if it would immediately bend itself out of shape. It did, and Spike had to quickly push it back into place before Twilight saw. He coughed a bit and scooted towards the exit. “Whelp, call me if you need a hoof!” he said before shutting the door behind him with a light thump.

Twilight let out a sigh before brushing away some hair that had stuck to her forehead. “Whew, that could have easily lead to some misunderstandings!” She looked to the bookshelf, which was slightly hanging to the left, and blushed a light velvet blush. “Oh yes... it could’ve been a terrible misunderstanding!”

T̷̳̥̼̪͍̺̝̯͔̞̞͇̅̒̓ͯ̽ͯ̄́ͪ̇͢͢͝ͅẖ̶̯͍͖͈̟͔̻̬̼̑ͬ͋̑͒̋ͨ͝͝ͅē̛̈ͤ̾̒͒ͩ͏̡̯͎̣̝͔̝̝͔̲̖̩͇̙̥͓̺̦̀͢ ̢̼̣̼̯̥̗̪͕̻̭̖̫̟͑ͪ̅ͭ̐̒̽̿̐̓ͮ̎̎͟E̛̘̤̝͈̺̩͙̦͔ͧ̓̂̓̐͘͟n̤̬͇̻̪͚̪̲̯̙̣͐ͬ̂ͬ̇ͩ̌͗̆͂̎̚͜͟ͅḋ̸̡̢̧͈̬͖͚̏̍̓̓ͣͮ̍͜

---

Clopfic practice, as well as suspense humour.

A pseudo-clopfic brought to you in part by RavensDagger and Bearycool. We hope you enjoy the new bookshelf that Twilight created!

Note: Don’t even think about shipping the bookshelf!

Sincerely,
RavensDagger and Bearycool

Comments

[Iambrony]

What.
the
fuck?
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd18/tailsfanatic/My%20Little%20Pony/reaction/131630825592.png
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd18/tailsfanatic/My%20Little%20Pony/reaction/W3HSd.jpg
i746.photobucket.com/albums/xx109/MisterSquid/whatthefuckamireading.jpg
i1126.photobucket.com/albums/l609/Reginart-Renart/ScootalooWTFAmIReading.gif
Favorite, I just love this.

[ADrunkChangeling]

Not bad. The punchline drags a bit though, in a good trollclopfic the story only lasts about two or three scentences after the actual subject matter is revealed. There are a couple spelling mistakes there, but otherwise quite good.

[Lord-Sparda]

WTF MAN?!?!?! YOU JUST GAVE ME A KICK TO THE FACE!!!
This book + My eyes + Twist in the middle = MINDFUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!

[Exiledwolf]

My face at the beginning:
My face at the end:

[nemryn]

Man, if you're going to do a story like this, you really shouldn't give it away in the title.

Also: too late, Twilight x Bookshelf OTP

[hyourei]

C'est magnifique!

[RavensDagger]

353398
Excellant, Incroyable, parfait! D'autre mots qui veut dire bon!

Yeah, this was slapped together by me and my editor (Bearycool) in roughtly 45 minutes last night. We were both tired of editing a rather long sad fic that I wrote... This is what happens when you put two tired, creative, ponies on a Docs file, at 2am...

[RaptorCalloftheShadows]

...And then the glue Twilight used on part of it erupted out, splattering a white sticky mess everywhere, some of it dribbling down the lips...

:3 Heehee.

[Disco Knight]

353258

what he said

[IronPuddinG]

lolwut.com/layout/lolwut.jpg

[emberghost]

353258 no, Trixiexpinecone OTP

[Rainbow lover]

t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSZP6kuegNq2svUlAW7wpDM7-32rJXVaQ85tIv4pJ-f4nPPVYi7

[Bearycool]

Yeah, we had too much fun with this.

[RavensDagger]

Anypony wish to suggest a better name?

[Baby Boo]

354135
"The Romance Shelf"?

[nemryn]

353927
OTP all the ponies!

[emberghost]

355237 twidashrarshyjacklestunamactaviscratchbonyrapiderpoovesballgatescootabellebloomtiaraspoonsnistailsxiesmithburnhearthoitypantslisbellhoopscherlineike is your OTP?

[Bearycool]

Sure, just OTP everything!

[cherrycustard]

Me gusta.

[Ether Echoes]

353776
Gasp!
The Biting Pear of Salamanca appears again!
http://ursulav.deviantart.com/art/The-Biting-Pear-of-Salamanca-29677500

[Bearycool]

377254

So that's where that meme came from....

[Eustatian Wings]

So, I figured I'd finally read this before calling it a night.

>Clopfic practice, as well as suspense humour.

Win on the second count.

Incredible fail on the second. Yes, there's a lot of clopfic that revolves around presenting the mechanics of the deed, often with the impression that it's supposed to be so (*eugh*) rough. There are also a lot of HiE stories about somebrony who's life is shit until suddenlyponies. Both are well-justified stereotypes of their genre.

If you really want to write the stuff, you need the elements of good-natured fun, intimacy, showing touch, emotion, and credibility. Or something like that. I recommend analyzing the clop chapter of Fo:E. Especially pay attention to how Pacce describes (or doesn't!) pony squishy bits, and the role of dialog in setting the mood. You're doing it almost completely wrong.

Anyway, back to more SGW before I get too tired and stupid.

[Inferno demon Dash]

I....I thought this was going to be Spike/Twilight........what the BUCK AM I READING!!!!!! Good job...I think......I'm going to go lay down now.

[The Fields of Ice]

Me: ...

[Riz]

353408

Umm...can you explain to me of what did I just read ?

[KnoFear]

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0izv6Ott71qzty9b.jpg
What. The fuck.

[RavensDagger]

1356277
I don't know.

[Medlimakar]

Not the weirdest thing I've read... I think. It's right up there with Pinkie Watches Paint Dry for sure.

[Connor085]

da....fuck?

[deletingthisaccount]

Love it!