observer of dimensions
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- Fighters for The Right to Publish Stories Involving Characters of the Species Homo Sapiens and Against the Unequal Treatment of Fimfiction Users Through The Introduction of Gold Accounts and Against Any Other Changes To Fimfiction.net Made by Poultron1,223 stories ·466 members
Your Human and You-verse84 stories ·1,904 members
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treated my like one of
Change my to me.
Reaching the dresser I opened up one of the drawers and took out the only piece of clothing I was decided to wear that day, my shorts.
remove was or reword the end.
scraping pancakes of the frying pan
Should be off the frying pan.
"It is also a tall tale sign as to what he is
going to do."
Random line break.
left in time to she badge's fuzzy
see Badge
His talent , depicted
Remove the extra space before the comma.
It's good that the found his talent
remove the t in he.
Otherwise a decent start to a story I guess.
I think this story has a lot of potential, but it would benefit from an editor.
3994173 All of those problems are now fixed. Thank you for bring them to my attention.
3994173
I'm also guessing that should be "tell tale" instead of "tall tale".
An interesting take on things. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
OK, you got my attention. it has a lot of POTENTIAL.
Author, per the YHaU forum, you need to reference MadMax and all that in the description, as it is his universe.
Edit: Thanks :)
Has a lot of potential. Get an editor and make it great
Oh, dear. We just found the plot. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Well now. This is different.
I'm rather curious to see where this goes, since this isn't the all loving and accepting equestria everyone knows.
Ah, well, I don't think this will end well... or as we expect. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Loving the story itself, but it's kind of hard to read with all of the errors. You really should try to get an editor. If I had a computer, I'd volunteer in a heartbeat, but I'm limited to a mobile phone.
Hm, seems like a nice idea. I think I'd be liking it more if it weren't for the grammar and spelling/mistype errors. I advise that, after writing for a bit, you should go back and look at what you wrote and correct the mistakes you find.
Since he's always been around ponies, he shouldn't think it unusual for them to blush through their coats.
Humana... is not a good name for a pony, I fear. Or any character (regardless of story/universe) who isn't just some fan of humans who needed a role-playing name quick or something.
I already said a thing on spelling/grammar so I'll just point out one part:
Now, while people may think this is a fine and dandy way of expressing a lack of talking between characters, I feel that something explicitly stating the existence of a pause would be better. Perhaps something like "A few seconds passed in silence." or something might do. But hey y'know that's just my opinion.
These two things do not mesh.
Is there no one who will be an editor for this? It doesn't release real often.
Loving the story, but that grammar...
I'd do it, but there's no way I'm going to try to edit from a cell phone. -_-
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
4216242 The Mare on the moon is apart of Luke's dream.
It makes you wonder if he was a human baby from our world or if hes just the next step in equestrian human evolution, after all he shares many of the traits with the equestrian humans that we don't so either hes a hybrid between earth and equestrian humans or the humans there have been exposed to a mutation thats making them evolve into us... either way this won't end well if he IS a natural born equestian human, maybe one of his parents were from our world? would explain why hes only slightly exposed to things that would kill a normal human of their world.
I am also wondering if this is getting another chapter soon
4410349 Your question will be answered soon. I 'm working on the next ch I am a little more then halfway done with it.
4411732 Thats good to hear, thanks for letting me know
This is a really good story so far...
So a second intelligent human?
4443298 either that or one trained by a Pony Don [Think the Godfather]
Sick em luke
Oh, well, that sucks. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
gonna go make a guess and say that his father survived and is currently breading an army of smart humans to kill all pony kind and any other species that have hurt humans
So I was right that he's only half of the native humans... this shall be interesting since if he's any indication a human from our world throwing his genetics into the gene pool will result in intellegent humans and factor in natural evolution, reproduction, and the average life span of the native humans compared to ours... were looking at a planet of the humans in equestrias future that are smart enough to fight back in ways equestria won't be able to defend against. All it would take is the man from our world screwing as many women as possible and due to his extended life span compared to theirs the children grow up almost twice as fast as ours due to the mixed life expectancy making for the perfect army being literally born right under the ponies noses
4569176 resistance was futile.
I think that this is a really good story. It needs some editing, but that's no big surprise. You've got my attention!
Now that I have a computer, I'm probably going to edit this as best as I can. There's a few spots that I just plain can't understand, but I'll try to clean up the rest.
Edit: First chapter edited. I'm not a pro, but it's a bit better. I've noticed that the later chapters seem to have more errors than previous chapters. I wonder why?
I wonder if this will have Max show up in the future and if so how he's going to react to more intellegent humans that don't have the talking restriction he does.
4679309 not sure if I'll put him in. While I want this to be as canon as possible it is not. I will more or less leave it open enough to look like it could be canon but no defiant in story statements to conform that it is.
That was fun. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
I just realized something. A word in the title is spelled wrong. At least, I think it is. Whenever Ive heard or used the phrase it was always Therefore. But I could be wrong.
4929920
Yeah, I see it too. There are two misspellings I see: the "T" in "think" isn't capitalized and it is spelled "Therefore" (with appropriate grammar).
Heh nice try boys gonna have to try harder then that
IT LIVES!!!
3.bp.blogspot.com/_AC74IfSexeg/TCo2qAFmWOI/AAAAAAAAAAM/LyvsfC0jq78/s320/ItLives.jpg
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Idk, if there was a dog attack in the neighborhood why would people go around bear baiting some random dog into attacking? For one it puts in doubt the idea that humans were to blame.
Glad to see this back from the grave lol
6428319
Which means we might be looking at a "Planet of the Apes" scenario, how do you think that all went down in the movies?
An ape was intelligent and could think for himself, but got sick of his kind being mistreated so decided to fight back in any way possible. Im sure the intelligent humans in this fic are 'hybrids' of humans from our world that had kids with the ones from equestria, that's literally the only way to explain the middle ground between the two species since theres the fact that, if the equestrian humans just evolved there own intelligence it doen't explain the drastic changes in their genetics.
If they evolved the capacity for sentientce without any outside interference they would just be a normal equestrian humans with sentience, that include the life span and all the other weaknesses.
The fact theres other sentient humans, who would obviously be more resistant or immune to the standard equestrian species weaknesses and they are targeting ponies with hostile intent shows that a "Planet of the Humans" is VERY possible for this fics future and is the most likely route... if so, im looking forward to such an outcome
6447080
My problem with the scene is the actions of the bad poines makes little to no sense. Either they want to be needlessly cruel for cruelty sake, or they suspect him and wanted to test out their theory. Even if we assume that the ponies now suspect that humans are all hiding intellect it's a huge leap to assume it of all humans. It's more reasonable to assume that there was only one smart one and that a pony was responsible in some way rather than an uprising. There was no indication that this wasn't the work of some magical mishap gone wrong. Also there is the posibility that this was the kids biological parent that gave him intellect.
6447279 Never said it was all humans since most would still have animal intellect and it's pretty obvious that the only reason our main character is intelligent is due to his hybrid nature between an equestrain human and a terran human, the fact that the other human KNEW who Lukes father was and knew something about it points out that theres more intelligent ones and they are most likely in contact with each other. When it comes to fanfictions, coincedences don't really exist since every written detail is a plot device... this ones no exception.
The ponies that were 'testing him' hate him for some reason if that last scenes any indication and as we know hatred leads to more in fics like these... those ponies WILL be making a return in a future chapter, and they will bring quite a bit of troubling times for poor Luke in some way.
That much we can be sure of.
The only thing that im curious about is, will we see Luke go through something similar to what Ceasar did and come to the same conslusion Ceasar did? Ceasar was rasied as the son of a human, the only intelligent one of his kind who got thrown under the bus to the point he got subjected to hatred certain humans had for apes. At that point apes were "nothing but animals" in the same sense Lukes got in this fic, he was raised by ponies and feels like he belongs with them... he will never belong sadly, just as Ceasar didn't get to and we all know where the humans 'ape hatred' led to. The same kind of hatred Luke just experienced in this chapters end.
I foresee dark times for Luke since I see this building up to a dark point in his life if this plot build up is any indication... poor Luke
6447560
My problem isn't with the humans behavior, it's with how the ponies are acting. They arnt acting afraid of the human, they are either willfully cruel, or they actively dislike Luke. Since there is no indication that they know him it seems more like the former. Since if their actions are ment to cause an attack, they probably wanted to spread fear of humans. But if they were caught it would only serve to discredit the original attack.
MORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE tse2.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.suioiA51ZX-gdGc0Wvl04wEsDg&w=248&h=179&c=7&qlt=90&o=4&dpr=1.25&pid=1.7
Everybody over here commenting on story. Then you have me coming in with a reference notice. For those of you who are the uneducated in the ways of the lore of each bounty hunter in Star Wars, assassin bot IG-88 gains sentience and ponders if he is truly sentient. That is where the phrase “I think, therefore I am” comes from. Just thought to let y’all know.