• Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

JohanssenJr


Comments ( 87 )

3741902 Thanks! If the steam keeps up there'll be only a few days downtime between chapters

...You have just made my day...

Comment posted by JohanssenJr deleted Jan 15th, 2014
Comment posted by JohanssenJr deleted Jan 15th, 2014

Love this story...

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Glad y'all like it. Thanks for reading it!

3741902 Thanks, there's definitely more in the pipes.

Nice, I wonder how Celestia will handle hundreds of highly trained and very smart humans showing up?

This has to be the greatest military fiction of all time. Already loving it, well written and detailed in places where it is needed and simple in places where it isn't. It feels genuine and more believable than most. You're giving J.R.Tolkin a run for his money here, dude. Keep writing and stay awesome.

Hey man, if you want someone do do a bit more detailed drawing of the weapons I can draw up some for you, I'd need a bit of a rough draft to see how you want it, but just from that image above I could draw you out something good within the week, time permiting.

4160324 Absolutely! Here is a link to original sized one:
http://johanssenjr.deviantart.com/art/Terran-Army-Ranger-WIP-436224572

If I ever find my doodle journal, I can send you all the work I've done so far.

4152047 Thanks, I wouldn't say I'm even close to likes of Tolkien and Griffin, who are quite idols for my writing here.

Hey man sorry its taking so long to get that drawing to you, I got everything but the sight read for transfer onto solid paper for shading(I do my initial drawing on lined then trace to solid), but I've had my NJROTCs AMI prep since last week, and me being an oficer has stacked more onto that plate, I should be able to upload it by the end of the week though

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Equus will presumbaly not last long against the destruction caused by the Covenant and the humans.
All the Humans have to do is to make the Covenant think that these ponies are some sort of human in origin.

4207640 lulululullululululullu celestial face when millions of drop pods fall from the sky and kill everything (. D: )

I like it and want more! :c why does writing take so long D:

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It's in the works, I promise. I've had to spend most of last week repairing damage to my roof from a falling tree and then I had Guard drill this weekend. So the free time I've had I just wanted to play a video game for an hour or so then go to bed.

Ok, and sorry to he.ar that about your roof :c (not my best expression of pity) (same for my use of pity)

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Nah, 's'all good. I got her fixed up with a bit (actually a lot, lol) of help.

New chapter up!

LOL, 69 likes. Its funny coz' its-err... yeah.:facehoof:

For some reason, this story is only visible to me when I go to the view all favorites tab.

Aside from some slight spelling mistakes, the fact that it's rushed doesn't really show... at least not to me.
You write good stuff, eagerly awaiting the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:
... Oh, and "She noted the various scares across his body."

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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy it.

And I'll go back and fix that error pronto! :twilightblush:

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I just added a mature tag to it. Something similar happened to me, I have it on my 'watch' list so I can find it easily and when I refreshed the page it went missing and I nearly shat a brick. It might be something along those lines? Let me know if that helps! And thanks for reading!

4477428 I suppose I'll find out the next time you update.

Anywho, I hope he puts the fear of human ingenuity into the pony princesses.
He did say he would answer their questions, might as well tell them about our bombs and weapons in the process. :pinkiecrazy:

Nice story, but please don't obviously rip off Halo's Covenant.

4478048 I can see where people will get a similarity because of the reptilian influence and the name. However, Coventry means 'ostracism.'

SPOILER ALERT:
I hope you like Nordic mythos. :pinkiehappy:

how are you?"
"Twenty five Terran standard years. Why?"

wait, what?

4483769 I'm glad you caught that! It's been fixed.

"Yes, I do. I think you're hear with ulterior motives.

judgement failure that wee as a leader

Just some spell checking.

Great story so far, longing for the next!

4483968 Yes, more fixes! Y'all is awesome!

I wonder if the Snakes (Slang for the aliens, right?) gets Equestria on their radar now.

is this refrencing halo cause it sounds like it

4485033 Except the UNSC had SPARTAN super-soldiers The Republic of Terra doesn't, all they've got are superior tactics

He sucked hi lips in
requested that I return at least on of his weapons
Spell check, time! These were the ones I caught.

D'aww... Mr Steiner has a fan! Love the sock detail by the way.

Might wanna carefully read over this for spelling errors. I noticed that in several places you forgot one or two letters in a word.

"The princess ordered us to return at least on of his weapons to him" for example.

Overall, though, this is pretty good, and the spelling complaints are minor and easily fixable.

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Thanks! Y'all rock! Those are the hardest errors to pick up for me. I miss a few even after all the proofreads I give it before I publish it! Y'all are massive help

And thanks for reading!

No she does not want you to study him Twi. Lose that train of thought before you become a nuisance.:ajbemused:
Yeah I have a few problems with Twilights thought process and state of mind at times. Mostly stemming from the Lesson Zero incident.

Nice chapter, there's some good interaction here. It balances out the action-packed parts to provide some balance.

Also, I personally didn't notice a single spelling error, this time around. :twilightsmile:

May must be the cutest bodyguard around!
Anyhow, I like the chapter but the toilet issue might have been a bit much though and doesn't add much, instead breaking the pacing a bit.
Anyhow, it's nice to see Steiner getting a friend there. Her innocence makes things a bit odd though, mostly because I can't really decide wether to classify her as the adopted little sister, friend with boundary issues or potential romantic interest, but I suppose that will clear up the more we see of her.
But over all a lovely chapter and, as always, looking forward to more.

A nice little chapter here, I'd definitely like to see more of May!

I think you've gotten her too involved to just be a passing side character at this point. But even if you didn't, I would still love to see more of May. I definitely see a close friend for Steiner in her.

And these humans are just any human,

"...these humans aren't just any..."

"Yes your highness's?" As she replied with a bow.

"'...your highnesses?'" (the plural for "highness" is "highnesses", no idea why none of the spelling checkers think it's correct)

"Well, according to their uniforms, two belong to ROT Army and the other two belong to the ROT Marines.

"...two belong to the ROT Army and the other..." (placed "the" between "to" and "ROT")

EDIT: As former US Army, being both polite and making the biggest understatement of all of human history, I would very much like to roast some marshmallows over the radioactive ashes of Equestria right now.

They were almost as susceptible as the Changelings." Said the doctor, with a hint of unease in her voice.

"'...as the Changelings,' said the doctor..." (period changed to a comma and "Said" became lower case)

to be truthful." Celestia responded with

"'...be truthful,' Celestia responded..." (period changed to a comma)

"Yes." Was the answer from the doctor.

"'Yes,' was the answer..." (period changed to a comma and "Was" became lower case)

"How do we know if humans can even dream?" Asked the doctor.

"'...even dream?' asked the doctor."

acquire some insight into them." Celestia said as

"'...insight into them,' Celestia said..." (period changed to a comma)

"One of the humans is coming out of his coma." The alabaster alicorn said rather gleefully.

"'...out of his coma,' the alabaster..." (period changed to a comma and "The" became lower case)

This is joyous news!" Was all she managed to exclaim

"'...joyous news!' was all she managed..." ("Was" became lower case)

"Yes, your highness?" He asked after bowing.

"'...your highness?' he asked after..." ("He" became lower case)

I wish to cancel Night Court." She said as she stood up

"'...cancel Night Court,' she said as she..." (period changed to a comma and "She" became lower case)

he will want to be here for this." She quipped back before using her hoof to open the soldier's left eye

"'...be here for this,' she quipped back before..." (period changed to a comma and "She" became lower case)

"Yes!" The doctor blurted excitedly

"'Yes!' the doctor blurted..." ("The" became lower case)

"Do you think humans dream" Luna asked.

"'...humans dream?' Luna asked." (missing punctuation)

his dreams if he is having any." Luna responded as she slowly approached

"'...is having any,' Luna responded..." (period changed to a comma)

I'm tired of correcting all of the errors. They continue thought almost every chapter I've read so far, even the rewritten ones. You need an editor who knows dialogue grammar. That's where around 90% of your errors are. It's almost every other line of dialogue contains the wrong punctuation and/or an incorrect capital letter. Here's a little "scene" that I use to remind myself of the proper grammar for dialogue:

"Alright then, let's start off with a basic, stated sentence with 'standard' dialogue grammar," I said.

"What about a question?" she asked.

"That's good, but don't forget the exclamation point!" he yelled.

"Don't forget," Jackson said, "that you can also split a sentence to increase emphasis."

"He's right." I nodded.

Stevenson said, "Yeah, a spoken line is treated like a dependent clause in sentence."

"However," Schaffer paused, before nodding. "It can also be treated as an independent clause when there are only two speakers, and it's a back and forth between the two."

I agreed. "Exactly, however, be sure to remind the reader who is speaking in extended conversations. Better to remind them too often, then to let the reader get confused and break immersion."

"Also key to remember, is that there should only be one person speaking per paragraph." He then shrugged, "Only jump to a new paragraph if it's a new speaker, or if there is a lot of action between the two lines of dialogue."

"Also, a period only is placed at the end of a clause of dialogue if the dialogue ends the sentence." I paused a moment before nodding. "Or if the next clause doesn't contain a verb of speaking, like 'said' or 'yelled'."

Can't remember where I picked it up (probably somewhere in elementary school, though I've most likely changed the names used over the years), but it helps.

Another major error is the use of shorthand for the ranks. Don't do that. Unless space is at a premium (think newspaper), the rank isn't the focus (think citation), or the character is reading a letter that contains the shorthand, spell out all ranks. If you want to have the person speak the short hand, like someone yelling out the letters L and T, spell it out phonetically as "El-Tee". Sure, it's annoying, but that's novel grammar for ya. Same thing goes for all numbers under one-hundred, spell 'em out (Example: "Charge #3!" should be "Charge number three!").

We'd like you to resist.

I don't think that came out right...

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