I like it and want more! :c why does writing take so long D:

They were almost as susceptible as the Changelings." Said the doctor, with a hint of unease in her voice.

"'...as the Changelings,' said the doctor..." (period changed to a comma and "Said" became lower case)

to be truthful." Celestia responded with

"'...be truthful,' Celestia responded..." (period changed to a comma)

"Yes." Was the answer from the doctor.

"'Yes,' was the answer..." (period changed to a comma and "Was" became lower case)

"How do we know if humans can even dream?" Asked the doctor.

"'...even dream?' asked the doctor."

acquire some insight into them." Celestia said as

"'...insight into them,' Celestia said..." (period changed to a comma)

"One of the humans is coming out of his coma." The alabaster alicorn said rather gleefully.

"'...out of his coma,' the alabaster..." (period changed to a comma and "The" became lower case)

This is joyous news!" Was all she managed to exclaim

"'...joyous news!' was all she managed..." ("Was" became lower case)

"Yes, your highness?" He asked after bowing.

"'...your highness?' he asked after..." ("He" became lower case)

I wish to cancel Night Court." She said as she stood up

"'...cancel Night Court,' she said as she..." (period changed to a comma and "She" became lower case)

he will want to be here for this." She quipped back before using her hoof to open the soldier's left eye

"'...be here for this,' she quipped back before..." (period changed to a comma and "She" became lower case)

"Yes!" The doctor blurted excitedly

"'Yes!' the doctor blurted..." ("The" became lower case)

"Do you think humans dream" Luna asked.

"'...humans dream?' Luna asked." (missing punctuation)

his dreams if he is having any." Luna responded as she slowly approached

"'...is having any,' Luna responded..." (period changed to a comma)

I'm tired of correcting all of the errors. They continue thought almost every chapter I've read so far, even the rewritten ones. You need an editor who knows dialogue grammar. That's where around 90% of your errors are. It's almost every other line of dialogue contains the wrong punctuation and/or an incorrect capital letter. Here's a little "scene" that I use to remind myself of the proper grammar for dialogue:

"Alright then, let's start off with a basic, stated sentence with 'standard' dialogue grammar," I said.

"What about a question?" she asked.

"That's good, but don't forget the exclamation point!" he yelled.

"Don't forget," Jackson said, "that you can also split a sentence to increase emphasis."

"He's right." I nodded.

Stevenson said, "Yeah, a spoken line is treated like a dependent clause in sentence."

"However," Schaffer paused, before nodding. "It can also be treated as an independent clause when there are only two speakers, and it's a back and forth between the two."

I agreed. "Exactly, however, be sure to remind the reader who is speaking in extended conversations. Better to remind them too often, then to let the reader get confused and break immersion."

"Also key to remember, is that there should only be one person speaking per paragraph." He then shrugged, "Only jump to a new paragraph if it's a new speaker, or if there is a lot of action between the two lines of dialogue."

"Also, a period only is placed at the end of a clause of dialogue if the dialogue ends the sentence." I paused a moment before nodding. "Or if the next clause doesn't contain a verb of speaking, like 'said' or 'yelled'."

Can't remember where I picked it up (probably somewhere in elementary school, though I've most likely changed the names used over the years), but it helps.

Another major error is the use of shorthand for the ranks. Don't do that. Unless space is at a premium (think newspaper), the rank isn't the focus (think citation), or the character is reading a letter that contains the shorthand, spell out all ranks. If you want to have the person speak the short hand, like someone yelling out the letters L and T, spell it out phonetically as "El-Tee". Sure, it's annoying, but that's novel grammar for ya. Same thing goes for all numbers under one-hundred, spell 'em out (Example: "Charge #3!" should be "Charge number three!").