• Member Since 11th Aug, 2013
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SpitFlame


A writer should be like fine wine: get better with age.

Sequels1

T

Seeking redemption, Corvo—a problematic mastermind—helps save Equestria from threats which far surpass the limits of Celestia and Luna; but it all becomes much more difficult than they could ever imagine, escalating into a hopeless, war-like mental chess match.

The comment section below is a spoiler-fest. Ye be warned!

►Fan art right here, done by The Sexy Assistant
►Pre-reader: Bootsy Slickmane

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 146 )

yay!:yay:
Keep up the work i really love this :pinkiehappy:

Keep up the awesome stories. :twilightsmile:

3561587>>3561927
Haha, thank you so much. I will, don't worry! :unsuresweetie:

Comment posted by brony laughsatme deleted Apr 11th, 2014

It looks pretty cool so far. There were a few capitalization errors, but it was still good:ajsmug:

4214884
Okay, it's all edited and good to go.

My god.... Can it be? After all this time? INSTA-FAVE!

I hope corvo just doesn't let the ponies beat him up when hes just trying to seek redemption

What happened to this story?
You got really far into it, and then all of those chapters have been deleted, this is confusinng

corvo seems a bit...less op

4332993
This story will be focusing on Corvo's mental and emotional side, more than his physical one.
4332601
The story wasn't satisfying, and thus, was re-done – in a much cleaner and worded fashion.
4332420
Do not worry. Corvo will be a badass, and he just got beatin up in the beginning to prove a point. He's not gonna let it happen again.

Where have you been man? we were waiting for this story to get updated!But, I say it was worth it.Keep up the good work!

its been a while... the story has lost some of its sheen from that, its a like/fave but not a strong one

THESE DAMN PONIES DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT CORVOS BEEN THROUGH if luna would of shot me with a laser i would of been like OH HELL no and Id bitch slap her to next week

and so the badassery begins...
they will finally know the true power of corvo, how he can stop time instead of managing it, send gusts of wind through his hands, turn his fell enemies into dust, etc.
oh and their reactions seem normal but are frustrating, i wouldn't be surprised if corvo asked dashie for a sparring match, just for a reason to beat up up, in 10 seconds flat...

Comment posted by LieutenantLeafeon deleted May 22nd, 2014

4429280
Corvo is from Dunwall—a very British-like place set in the 19th century. He also used to be the body guard of the Empress, so therefore, I imagine he'd be used to greeting famous people.

English men back then with prestige such as Corvo's would always be formal. I'm just trying to be realistic with our fellow assassin.

I love this story:pinkiehappy: Also, I think that one of the ponies will go too far and say something about Corvo. That he likes to kill people/ponies and he gets pissed and angrily explain to them the shit he's gone through.

LOVE THE STORY CAN'T WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT CHAPTER

Windigos you drunks... go home.

Risk and wrist have thier spelling switched

4569843 And where the heck have you been, mate? Haven't heard from you in a while!

4588158
Nothing, really. I'd say things like improving my writing, but nothing much else.

F U LUNA CORVO IS AWESOME

You would've thought Luna would be more forgiving of one with evil in their hear seeing as she spent A THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS ON THE MOON!

while he finds these runes, he should be able to access new powers or weapons

4642970
Oh, you bet he will. The powers I'm going to give him will be completely original, and, to add more fun, I'm going to make his new powers scientific.:pinkiehappy:

4643151 for my personal opinion, i would recommend a power that includes throwing his sword into the ground and cause the plague in a small area (it looks awesome in my head)

I noticed a few minor grammar errors (which I promptly lost track of their locations...), but other than that... it's good so far...

Hello, there. I just recently joined the Authors Helping Authors group, and I'm working my way through the introductory list. I came across yours, and here I am. I'll try to offer as much of my opinion as I can.

I've just finished reading the first chapter, and the wording is... odd. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Victorian, perhaps? That might be what you were going for. I've never played the Dishonored game, so perhaps this is your method of linking the two universes together. It's an interesting choice for writing your descriptions and the like, lending itself to some marvelous scenery, but when it comes to speech between ponies it gives me a moment's pause. For example:

"Come, Twilight," she said. "We should be off. Tell me about any problems which are exclusive to you."

It just sounds like a very odd sentence coming from Celestia, and somewhat out of character. As if it only makes sense for her to be saying that while wearing a tophat and monocle, and it draws me out of the pony world for a bit. Again, more than likely a stylistic decision on your part, but to me personally it detracts somewhat from the pony aspect of the story.

Other than that, you do have fantastically vivid descriptions, you can set a scene like no other, and you've got quite the lengthy lexicon. There were a few words in there that I had to look up a description for, and I consider myself well read. I'm ever a fan of obscure terminology, but it could potentially lead to a story being difficult to read and intimidating to audiences.

Last note, you have a powerful attention to hyphens in compounds, especially modifiers. That's rare to see these days. Proper hyphen usage scares me, as I know I'll never be able to get it right. I am in awe.

I'll see if I can work my way through the rest of the story soon. So much to read, so little time.

Thanks for writing,

-Hack

4807404
Thanks a whole, Hack. It's been a while since I've received such a positive review, so I greatly appreciate what you have done here. I shall keep your advice in check—that's something I always get—how the ponies' dialogue can sometimes feel too 1800s. Of course, I plan to fix this soon.

I'm flattered that you like my descriptions, especially my prose. I sometimes think back to Tolkien for inspiration.

I really hope you enjoy reading through the story. And again, thanks for your opinions.

4807860 I always loved how much Tolkien's characters ended up singing. They'd fit right in with our musical ponies. Imagine Bilbo and Pinkie belting out the old walking song as they head off on an adventure. YEEEEES.

4427519 yeah, no...bich slapping Luna will do you no good...a bad idea

4928866 Then I would Warfstache punch her :D

"Wouldn't it be better if you stayed back there?" Pinkie said.
"Can't you see nopony wants you?"
She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out.


...pretty sure pinkie would never say something so rude. You make pinkie seem like a bully.

Why is Rainbow Dash such an arse hole?

Please don't tell me Corvo will loose his powers. Please

4939090
Yep, you're right on the money... well, sort of, anyway. Different things will happen throughout this fic, and Corvo slowly losing his powers will play a big symbolic role here. But no need for worry; it won't be as bad as you think.

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