It was early Saturday afternoon, and ponies and a few non-ponies were trickling into the town hall. Twilight was pacing nervously because that's what she does, but she was quite happy to see the writing samples she had sent out were horrendous enough to actually convince ponies (and non-ponies) to show up. The fact that nopony (or non-pony she again reminded herself) wants to disobey a princess might have also had a hoof in the high attendance. Fortunately, Super Trampoline lived in Ponyville and didn't seem to know too many individuals outside of the village, so travel was not a disincentive for many. All in all, things were going smoothly. She was Twilight Sparkle, she was a princess, and she was NOT going to buck this up!
She did however, as a door got ripped off its hinges, question her decision to invite the hydra. Oh well. The creature didn't seem to be eating anypo-- anyone. She wondered whether some of her other more curious invites would show up: A diamond dog representative, Queen Crysalis, and King Sombra among others.
She looked at the clock: 2:01. As much as it pained her to not start on time, she knew lesser people were not as chronologically well-adjusted as she, and she snorted in impatience. And waited. And waited. And waited.
Darnit, it was 2:05. MORE than enough waiting. It was time to address these ponies people who were definitely not all ponies.
She stepped up to the microphone she had borrowed from Vinyl Scratch, and addressed the crowd:
"Ladies and Gentlestallions, I'm sure you all know why you are here already, so let's get right to business. We should form a plan of action, but first, as is the proper thing to do, I should take roll...
In my headcannon, the word "people" is used to refer to ponies and non-ponies collectively.
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NOOOOO it's starting
And I'm suck in jail for trying to kill Rarity
3488121 Why would you do that you horrible person?
3488147 I don't have a choice
It's my job to kill all the ponies in Ponyville
I don't want to
I have to
3488183
images.wikia.com/mk/images/2/25/Anchorman_well_that_escalated_quickly_966.jpg
3488363 I know right
But can you get me out of jail
3488426 How are you even writing this? Did you sneak some parchment and quills in?
3488438 I have a mini laptop that wasn't taken when they put me here (they don't know what it dose)
It's also where I keep the names of my targets (those who I must kill)
3488457 How did you get a laptop into Equestria? Is there dimension portal somewhere somepony forgot to close?...
3488482 Well I work for a government (not saying witch one) they found a way to Equestria but the princesses did not like us so the government sent me and a some others into Equestria to "talk things out" but we were really sent there to kill them the princesses found out and killed everyone but me (I hid under some dead bodes) and now my job is to kill whoever the government tells me to (everyone in Ponyville)
3488540 Dude, you're freaking me out.
3488548 Hay I'm just telling you what happened
3488572 Right, so um, what jail are you in?
3488587 Ponyville jail cell 179
If you can find my shotgun give it to me so I can get back to work
3488616 Why would I give a shotgun back to a pony killing psychopath?
3488754 Look I like killing ponies as much as you do
But I have a job to do
And I'm way behind (by now half the town should be dead and I've only killed two ponies)
3489154 Yeah, I'm gonna have to deny that request. Who did you say you work for?
3489159 A government
And It's not your choice I have more guns then that one
3489178 yeah, I'm going to have to call Luna out here so she can walk your dreams and shiz, cause you are insane in the membrane.
3489159 3489178 If you can't tell us who you're working for, can you at least tell us what kind of contract you have? I don't know we might be more sympathetic if I knew they were holding your kid sister hostage or something. Just saying...
3489298
Well this story has officially more chapters than likes... pity.
~Leonzilla
3489317 Well ok here is why I have to kill
The government I "work for" do not like bronies
Why they have a portal to Equestria and what happened with the princesses is unknown to me
But when I was told I could go to Equestria (yes I am a brony) I jumped at the chance
After the princesses killed everyone else (who were bronies as well)
the government what I had to do and if I didn't they kill my family and friends
And now I wait in this jail for the princesses to kill me to
3491149
That sounds rough. My advice, request asylum, feign death, go home, initiate rescue operation. But that is assuming that death is not considered a failure condition for your operation. That probably depends on who hired you, if its your home country or a Euro-Zone nation then you probably have a better chance. Good luck with that by the way.
3491183 YA that can't happen
You see killing in Equestria is NOT allowed and if you do you get death
So can you free me?
3491259 You really think the Princesses killed your friends? Are you sure they didn't just banish them or something?
3491357 No the Princesses didn't kill my friends (but they did kill the other bronies I was sent with)