Where would you hide?
“And the small white crow swiftly jumped onto the branch,” Rainbow Dash spooked the five frightened mares facing her. “And what did it tell to the scared filly, all curled up in a corner of the frameless room?”
A long silence ensured, leaving to Rainbow enough time to cast a wicked smile on her features.
“What did it tell?” Pinkie asked, thrilled and scared at the time, wishing to know the end of the story.
“Where… are… my… eyeballs?” Rainbow spelled with a loud croak. “Have you seen my eyes?”
Rainbow burst into the sky and leaped on her friends in a mighty whistle. She stopped a second before the impact, screeching in the air. With her forced-bloodshot eyes she whispered with a creepy and slow raucous voice.
“Can I borrow...” She paused and screamed. “Yours!?”
Everypony jumped back, panting.
Rainbow intoned a noisy, raspy cackle that changed into laughter. With her hoof, she kicked into the fire that dwelled in the middle of the encampment, throwing embers in the air. Blinding her friends with a flash of firelight, Rainbow vanished, only to pop up behind Applejack. The cowpony trembled on her hooves when Rainbow slithered a few words into her eyes.
“Your eyes must be… delicious.” Rainbow condescended with delight.
“Oh stop it,” Applejack shuddered. “It’s not even scary.”
“Chicken!” Rainbow cackled.
As usual Pinkie Pie proved her ability to be on the two ends of the spectrum. From her stoic stupor, she jumped on her hooves and mimicked Rainbow in her toddling chicken stance. On their own, Fluttershy, Twilight and Rarity were holding each other, shivering. It took few seconds for them to get rid of the crispation running through their muscles.
They all blushed, shameful about being so suggestible. It was Rainbow’s stories after all, they had always been gore, grim dark and utterly terrifying. Yet…
“Your story is good Rainbow…” A new voice joined the circle around the campfire.
Everypony gave a small shout of surprise and fell from the logs they were sitting on. A laugh rose from behind a bush and Princess Luna’s head went out of the darkness. She turned her luminescent blue stare toward the gathering. She was magnificently horrific in her Nightmare Moon’s attire; all coated with night blue silk and black armour plates. On her stifle, her cutie mark was glowing a ghostly white. Its bright beams poured through the opening of her dress. At her hooves, a strange shadow was visible, wavering in spite of Luna steady position.
Princess Luna glanced at the Elements of Harmony and finally came to full sight. Her pitch-black mane waved in the air. Twilight’s eyes widened. When one of Luna’s locks touched a plant, the leaves withered until they were nothing but scorched or dried remains. What would it be with ponies? Or was it just an illusion that tricked gullible minds?
“However you keep repeating yourself, Rainbow Dash. And to be honest, it’s kinda boring,” the Princess teased, her mouth full of sweetie.
Luna was indeed chewing candies greedily. At her left forehoof was held tight a pumpkin-shaped box overflowing with sweets and delicatessens.
“Happy Nightmare Night,” Luna offered, showing off her booty. “Pipsqueak paid me a visit.”
Applejack raised her eyes to the sky and sighed loudly.
“Ah’m thinking ya shouldn’t use your reputation to squeeze gifts outta ponies,” she berated.
Luna chuckled. She crumbled into a wisp of smoke and snaked between everypony’s legs. She solidified right next to Applejack who nearly jumped out of fear. Casually, the Princess put her hoof on the Element of Honesty’s shoulder.
“There, there, there… Don’t be jealous,” Luna whispered before hoofing out some candies. “You wanna some.”
Twilight frowned at Luna’s strange behaviour. Amused, the Princess glued some peppermints on Applejack’s mane, one by one.
“How many candies have you eaten so far, Princess?” Twilight asked, hesitant.
“Meh…” Luna sniggered. “Must be like six or seven pounds… Or was it twelve? I didn’t count.”
The princess shrugged, bellyache was future Luna’s problem.
Put on the back burner, Rainbow Dash did not shy away from Luna’s critic. The cyan pony dashed between both Twilight and Luna. Stuck into the air, her wings flapping angrily, Rainbow faced the Princess with an angry glare. Their muzzles nearly touched.
“How can my stories be boring? Look!” Rainbow Dash countered, showing the still trembling hooves of Fluttershy. Dug deep beneath a bush, the poor pegasus was nearly indistinguishable. “See! My tales are frightening,” Rainbow bragged.
Luna repressed a giggle and smiled at the stubborn pegasus. It was a creepy grin that stayed in anypony’s mind, like a print on the retina after the bright and overwhelming flash of a lightning bolt. From nowhere, chortles echoed, likely summoned. Rarity, like all of her friends, gave afraid looks around, and when her stare came back on Luna, the Princess was not in her spot anymore. Rarity held back a gasp, betraying the fear tying a knot in her stomach. A drop of sweat ran on her face.
“What are you afraid of, Lady Rarity?” Luna croaked behind the unicorn.
The Princess’s two globular turquoise eyes appeared in the air, followed with her atrociously widened smile. Her features became clearer, and from her mouth grew two long whitish fangs. Her tongue travelled on her teeth before she gave a slimy kiss on Rarity’s cheek. The tiny unicorn tripped over her words.
“Are you afraid of the monster lurking in the neighbouring shadows?” Luna confided. “Or would you be even more afraid if there is nowhere to hide?
Luna puckered up with delight.
“I will tell you a scary story,” she broke in. “Not one those overused tales that are told again and again during sleepovers.”
Inquisitive, Luna stared at Rainbow. The pegasus pouted as she took the hint. Luna took a deep breath and eyed her audience, amused.
“Are you afraid of the dark?” Luna asked, neutral.
Few nods answered.
“Now, would you be afraid… of the light?”
A long silence followed as everypony cast strange faces at the Princess. She replied with smiled.
“Well, it seems that I shall tell you my preferred story ever.”
With her magic, Luna put right back on their logs Twilight and her friends. Then, she cleared her throat and as she walked around with the same unsettling smile, she started talking with a voice that was coming right out from the bowels of Tartarus.
“Dizzy, you wake up.
Queasy, your mind tries to put together the last scraps of memories that pounce in your numbed mind. You blink, multiple times and all you can see is whiteness. ‘Are you blind?’ you ask. No… You can see, but nothing is outlined… Nothing is shaped… Nothing is distinguishable. And with this inextinguishable thirst that dries your mouth since your awakening, you search for a landmark around you.
But, what can you find in a place absolutely blank… Empty of life and contours, deprived of sharp shapes and clearly drawn lines? You feel ill. You can’t tell from where the light comes from. You’re just bathing in it. It literally drips down your fur like a viscous liquid. It washes over you like a burning and irresistible bite. You want to scream, but no sound comes out of your lungs.
From this nowhere, you are assured that the light erased all the shadows and glimpses of dark that had dwelled here. And you feel terribly sick. Is it due to the fact that this area is deafening? That your pumping heart is the only beat that fills your ears? Or maybe is it the fact that, even trapped in this seemingly endless space of emptiness, you do not feel alone… but watched over like an insect encaged in a box?
Your hooves tremble. And little by little you feel this small unfathomable knot birthing in the deepest folds of your stomach. Yes, you are not alone at all. You know it. Your instinct tells you so. Eyes are riveted on you, unblinking, absolutely unwavering.
You swivel on your hooves. You can’t believe your guts. It cannot be possible.
There is nothing around you, just this bright light burning your retina and making your skin ache. So why is this craving of running away not vanishing? You cannot find a good answer.
You try to focus on your surroundings. But whatever assiduous your attempts are, you still can’t figure how shaped the landscape is. How far the ceiling may be. This cyclopean place of whiteness enshrouds you like a veil that plays with your senses… with your own mind. The forms are strangely formed, likely not Euclidian. You feel like you could walk on the walls if there were any… on the ceiling if there was really one. You make a hoofstep forward and you stumble. Why? You who are usually steady, why are you falling right now? At this moment. Your mind aches, your heart pains you. You feel despair growing quickly in your heart.
A tickling sensation grasps your hindhooves, lurking on your fur. Then it gains your hindlegs, crawls on your knee cap and reaches your groin.
You struggle, screaming in silence as every sound is instantly muffled in the light. The tickling becomes aching, the aching becomes burning.
You can’t see it, you can’t hear it, you can’t smell it, but… you can still feel it. Like a claw, running on your skin. Like an eye transfixing you. And it burns so much.
You want to flee, to run away and hide from it. And indeed you run but not even the clatter of your horseshoes reaches your ears. You give a look behind and you see nothing. But it’s there, you know it. All coated with light, it trots behind you. You can’t get rid of this feeling that a burning ember is biting your fur and skin.
It follows you wherever you go. You may turn, you may go back, and you may cringe on your hooves. But deep within your mind, you do know there is nowhere far enough to hide, nowhere far enough to go, nowhere far enough where to shrink and disappear.
It is really there, right behind you, its eyes focused on your back. And it doesn’t only watch you. It also pierces you, reads you and sees who you really are. You’re naked, burning to the bones while it is scanning what you are, who you are, what you want to be and what you’ll become. All of this only to realise with a sadistic thought how helpless you are.
And so you run. You try to away from it, this unfathomable thing that keeps chasing you beyond the thresholds, beyond the realms and beyond the folds of this strange overwhelmingly bright world and of your twisted mind.
You seek for somewhere to hide. But there is nowhere to go.
And exhausted, trembling, worn out, deprived of your own dignity and begging for a spot to keep you away from this bite, you understand that it is too late.
You cry so loudly. You whine so poorly and sob so pathetically. You’re a wreck of seared flesh. You can’t handle that stare consuming you. You are thrust into its light, forced to stand beneath its eyes. And this light wastes you, scorches every layer of protection you may hold against it until you’re nothing.
And in the end, the… thing, watching over you, tilts in your direction and says only these words, ‘I do know you now’. And the laughter resonating in your skull swallows you whole.”
Luna licked her lips in front of six stunned mares.
Screams bellowed into their air, bursting from behind the Elements of Harmony. They all shrieked and for a second time this night, they fell over their improvised chairs. Heart-beating, they looked behind. For each one of the Elements, a shadowbolt had sneaked in their back and waited for the right moment to shout out loud a brain-shattering scream.
Everypony was panting heavily. Fluttershy had fainted. Rarity was trembling, and while Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie Pie were backing from the Princess, shivering, Luna stood over Rainbow Dash. She narrowed the gap between their two pairs of eyes and with a voice coming right out from the underworld she whispered.
“Darkness is not scary Miss Dash. It is the absence of darkness that thou shall fear,” she toned, savouring every words she pronounced with her royal speech. “In thy mind, Darkness is the nest of death. But if there is only light, in which shadows will thou lurk when thou must hide?”
“From… Hiding from what?” Rainbow blabbered.
“From the monsters Light’s womb may carry!” Luna spelled with disdain.
Leaving the mystified ponies, Luna disappeared into a wisp of dark smoke with her faithful knights of the night. As Luna and her escorts flew away, the Elements of Harmony heard the creeping laugh of Nightmare Moon.
The echoes rang, for a long time.
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'Darkness
We live the Happiness in Darkness
This is the future and there's no return
To the land of Damnation'
Gothminister - Happiness in Darkness
3308215
So beautiful!
3308220 (NSFW)
operatorchan.org/vg/src/136543989268.gif
Helen Keller
Ragdoll Out
3308824
thanks for the comment
and for the fav', all my readers make my days!
3308825
Hey you're welcome. And thanks for the story it gave me a scare a little
3308837
Really?
Yay!
There's to sides to everything. Even comfort in the darkness and terror of the light...
3309358
eeyup!
My mind has been completely and utterly blown up, the ashes desintigrated.
THAT STORY WAS AWESOME!
3310336
Thanks for the kind comment!
3308222loooooooool
Definitely got the creepy factor, but I wasn't too scared. Maybe it needs to read to me.
and I'm not an editor.
Grammar mistakes? A few but I won't point them out since this isn't EQD
It was good! I like this Luna. She gets drunk off of candy and acts like a cheesy vampire.
3315929
Thank you for taking the time to read my OS.
I was fearing that Luna's behavior was not up to her "royal standards". The fact that she, yes you got exactly the word, got drunk off of sugar was the reason. But I was scared that people would judge me on that.
3315948
Thank you for pointing it out for me. I am going to enter!
3315952
You're welcome!
3310340anytime, bro. Anytime.
(read the reply button if you dont understand)
Well, not a bad story. It's certainly an interesting concept.
The only serious critique I have would be that your word choice is awkward in places, and your grammar needs some editing.
Good luck with your contest.
3318244
Thanks for the advice!
And now im going to become a Eosophob. (Eosophobia is a fear of dawn or daylight)
3319145
you're weeeelcome!
3319154
Sigh well at least i have a medical excuse now......
Enjoy your like and fave.
3319170
Thanks!
Review: Where would you hide?
I like the quirky intro.
I think, I would have like to seen some body language during Luna’s story. I’m curious: what is she doing, how are the others reacting to the story. with the second person narration, I feel like she would be rather animated. (Good use of second person here. Probably the only good use of it I have ever seen.)
[I’m at the halfway mark as I write this: I suspect Luna is recounting her first moments on the moon. Being a drama writer myself, I feel you’re missing moments to reflect on “present Luna” as she recants these memories. That said, I see the function of keeping us strictly in the story too; making us keep reading in order to find answers that might be given away otherwise.]
I like it. I like the idea you’re working with. I feel a little Lovecraft and Poe in your style. I’d encourage you to go read (or re-read them as I suspect you have read some already) something from each of them.
You have a solid style. I can find very little to pick at in your prose. Pacing and tension was your weak spot. I think if you focus on those you could be a very good horror writer.
You get the interesting idea award. I would really like to see you take the story Luna told, and really make a horror out of it.
3353041
Hi,
First, thanks for reading my work. I hope you’ll just read it completely before issuing a last review and grade for the contest.
Technically, it’s not a story about the first moment of Luna on the moon. If I shall sum up my “one-shot” idea, because it is not meant to be a longer story (It would be useless and unpleasant to read), it would be this:
This is the basic idea. It’s cocky I know and I may have failed my attempt to do so.
Pacing and tense are indeed among my weaknesses and I tend to blame it on not being a native speaker. However it’s just that I’m a bit lazy to take care of smoothing them.
I indeed read a lot Lovecraft but my intent was not summoning some Eldritch horrors to scare the reader. The goal is trying to give some chills to the reader while talking about the light. It’s an ordeal.
3355308
Having read all the stories and slept on it. I'm giving you second place. I also want to say how impressed I am that English is not your native language.
You have an interesting idea, and you present it poetically. I'm sorely tempted to use some of the imagery and concepts in a story of my own. (Art always gives me ideas for stories, and that's really the best compliment I can give anything.)
You mentioned that you didn't want to
, and I give you props for that. Real monsters are our own daemons. Not to mention that anticipation of a thing, is more powerful than the thing itself. Why do we fear the dark? Because we anticipate what is hiding from us. Why do we fear the light? Because we anticipate what other may see in us. (that's my take anyway)
You prose are solid, nothing I can comment on there. I feel like you are aware of your week spots in the narrative. Keep writing, keep reading. You'll get even better.
This was awesome! I'm glad I gave it a read, it was well worth it.
3371587
Thank you, and thanks for the fav'!
Now that is what I call a scary story.
3749258
Thanks!
I keep coming back to this story and re-reading it. It's just that awesome.
3929210
Thanks! :3
Is it wrong that her story makes me chuckle?
4050999
No, of course.
This story is a test and a project more than an attempt to fright the reader ;)
Now they'll be afraid of the darkness and the light. Hope you don't need them for any Equestria-saving stuff anytime soon.
I had to downvote this, pal. This "Luna" of yours is too OOC for my taste. Try another time.